


Brokes, Pennsylvania: Alex Johnson

by HK44



Series: Brokes, Pennsylvania [11]
Category: Original Work
Genre: A SHITTON OF SWEARING, Accounting, Agender Character, Anxiety, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Bigender Character, Bisexual Character, Canon Non-Binary Character, Character Death, Everyone Is Gay, Fantasy, Fighting, Footnotes, Magic, Male-Female Friendship, Multi, Original Character Death(s), Original Characters - Freeform, Original work - Freeform, Pagan Gods, Paganism, Panic Attacks, Queerplatonic Relationships, Serious Injuries, Swearing, Swords, THERE IS NO ACTUAL RAPE IN THIS BTW, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, a bunch of gay ass kids doing gay ass stuff, and there are also gods and shit, author cannot tag for shit but they try, author had an idea and rolled with it, author loves footnotes, except for peter who is straight but asexual, minor rape mention, so badly the bone snaps through the skin, so he still queer in a way, such as having your arm broken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 06:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 107,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6843175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HK44/pseuds/HK44
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex Johnson is a teenager whose greatest feats to date are coming out as bigender, successfully pretending he is anything but gay to get under the skin of a close friend and being the world’s biggest math nerd. He has no impressive skills (unless you call being able to do calculus in your head impressive) and isn’t what you’d expect in a person who was given the great honor of controlling all and every god that has and does exist. It’s such a shame he doesn’t really want to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I got any facts wrong, especially with the gods and/or their myths, please feel free to tell me and I will change it, so long as it doesn't interfere with the storyline. If it does alter the storyline in some way, I will make a separate note of that.
> 
> I do not want to insult anyone's religious beliefs.
> 
> Thank you.

Hi. Thanks for coming.

 

**Yeah, well, stories are kinda my thing and you promised yours would be interesting so. I came.**

 

Great. So, um, anything I should do or say beforehand or, uh…

 

**Just start.**

 

Okay then. Well, I’ll start at the beginning then.

 

**That would be preferable.**

           

Right. Well, uh, my name is Alex Johnson. At the start of this story, I was fifteen. Fifteen and completely normal.

Naturally, that... changed.

The week everything in my life went to weirdness, I was prepping for winter break.  By prepping, I mean, going on early morning jogs so I can eat as much Christmas ham without worrying about gaining too much weight. I don’t enjoy my friends’ post-Christmas workout routine. It involves a lot of screaming.

Mostly on my end.

 So I was jogging back to my apartment building. I like jogging. It’s nice. The slow burn of my muscles working is more relaxing than painful. I stooped over a few blocks away, my apartment building in view. Panting, I glanced up at the sky and tried to find a pattern in the stars, replaying a myth in my mind as I found one. Ursa Major. The Great Bear. Navajo.

The Changing Bear Maiden.

Coyote[1] wished to marry a maiden and take her as his wife. She denied him this, stating that the man that was to be her husband must be able to be killed four times. He hid his heart and other vital organs before coming back. She killed him four times yet he did not die. Their agreement was binding and so he took her as his wife.

At her behest, her brothers took Coyote out hunting with them. At the edge of a canyon, Coyote had become trapped and was soon killed by those who had been denied the right to marry his wife before as he didn’t hide his vital organs this time.

Once her brothers came back, she pestered them about her husband and when they told her what happened, she accused them of killing him as they had not approved of him before. Coyote had shown her his magic and given some of his power. With the knowledge he gave her, she hid her organs and became a bear. The sharpness of her new teeth and claws struck six of her brothers dead.

Her youngest brother survived and fought her back. He shot her hidden heart and she died. He brought his brothers back to life and they flew into the sky as stars.

Seven bright stars for seven dead boys. Neat.

That story always weirded me out a bit though. And is probably one of the many reasons I’m kinda scared of women as group.

Humming, I jogged back to the building. Bouncing back and forth on my heels, I pulled out my keys, pushing open the door to the lobby. Wind brushed by my ear like the breath of something living.

“Alex.”

I blinked and turned around. “Hello?”

Nothing and no one was there. I frowned and brushed it off as part of my imagination, giving a final sweeping glance around the block just in case. A sharp blast of wind froze my fingers. My keys clattered to the ground. Grunting, I squatted, reaching for my keys. Another blast of wind blew them halfway across the sidewalk. Briefly, I wondered why my luck sucked so much while I jogged over to them, trying (and failing) to ignore the painful cold stabs of wind that pressed against my cheek.

Grabbing my keys, I pushed off the ground and glanced up, ready to turn around when I caught sight of a person, standing a few feet away from me. They had bright red eyes that practically glowed in the darkness. I choked on my own spit, mind flooded with monsters and demons and possibly a girl that could turn into a bear and kill me.

Wind pretty much froze my eyes until I squeezed them shut. When I opened them, they weren’t there and I was standing on a cold sidewalk in a pair of gray sweats alone, heart hammering in my chest.

“Hallucinations,” I mumbled, walking back to the front door and pushing through into the warm. “I’m tired and hallucinating. Morning, Grayson.”

My neighbor, Grayson Jones, a veteran from World War Two who thinks every so often that Nazis will invade the building and subsequently guards the front door to be safe, grunted awake from his nap. He squinted then handed me a styrofoam cup of hot chocolate. “Keep up the good work, soldier,” he snapped, lifting up his umbrella like a gun. “I’ll keep watch for now.”

I saluted him with my cup. “Your replacement will be down in a few hours, Lt. Grayson, sir.”

He grunted and shifted his umbrella, blearily squinting through the glass doors. I unlocked the doors and pressed up for the elevator, sipping at my hot chocolate. Grayson may not be all there but he makes damn good hot chocolate when he wants to.

Good ol’ Frank Sinatra played almost silently. I watched the numbers pass until they fell on seven and the elevator slowed to a stop. I shuffled down to my door, unlocking it and stepping through.

My apartment is small, and by small, I mean, small. It’s a two bedroom, one bathroom, one kitchen kind of apartment. Except, we don’t have hallways and the only way to get to the bedrooms is through the bathroom. Honestly, this is the one apartment in the entire building where the design was not well thought out.

You open our door from the building hallway and enter our kitchen. Our kitchen is like a hallway but bigger. We have a fold-up table and five fold-up chairs stored besides the fridge. Because our kitchen is so long we have more counter space and cupboards than needed. We make due. We have a television on the counter by the fridge, our DVDs and DVD player stored in three of the lower cupboards. Raincoats and umbrellas are neatly stored in two of the cupboards over and the rest of the lower cabinets are filled with books.

If you stand in front of the stove and turn 180 degrees, you will be standing in front of the bathroom door. Through the bathroom, you have four options. One, use the bathroom. Two, go through the door on the right which leads to my bedroom. Three, go to through the door on the left which leads to my parents’ bedroom. Four, turn around and go back to the kitchen.

My apartment is small.

It’s not a joke.

This morning, I walked into the regular scene of my father making breakfast.

My dad, clad in his bright red pajamas, waved enthusiastically before flipping his omelette into the air. His graying hair looked brushed, though I knew it wasn’t and he hadn’t yet shaved the growing stubble on his face. Leaning against the window, his pale complexion seemed paler by comparison to the dark background. He looked like a marshmallow, white and pudgy.

“Morning, loving child o’ mine,” he chirped.

“Hey, Dad.” I headed off to my bedroom. “Grayson’s giving out hot chocolate again.”

“Awesome! Hey!” He tugged on my shoulder, gesturing to his extra omelette batter. “You want onions in yours?”

I thought about it. “Mushrooms, peppers, cheese. No onions.”

“No onions. I swear you get that from your mother. No onions,” he snorted while I rolled my eyes, grinning all the while.

“Doubtful,” I said.

His lips twitched and he ruffled up my hair before letting me leave. I walked into the bathroom. The bathroom is separated with a large curtain so you can’t see anyone if they’re bathing or using the toilet when you come in and go from room to room. At this point, the curtain was drawn and the room was filled with loud country music blaring over the sound of my mom using the bathroom.

“MORNING, MOM!”

The music stopped. I drew the curtain back, smiling at my mom who was now wearily washing her hands, glaring at the mirror, brown eyes narrowed, looking like she wanted to kill someone. Her bushy brown hair was flushed out like a lion’s mane around her head, darkening her already dark skin in large encompassing shadows. She wore my dad’s old college sweatshirt and a pair of green pants. I dangled my arms over her shoulders and grinned wider at her darkening face.

“Morning, Mom,” I repeated, albeit quieter now.

“Heard you the first time, Alex,” she said, squinting at me through the mirror. “It’s too early to deal with human greetings right now. Need coffee”

I kissed the top of her head. “Love you too.”

She groaned, head banging against the mirror. My mom’s never been much of a morning person. Not unless she’s got the day off from work and can sleep in.

I slipped through the door into my bedroom and stripped out of my sweat clothes. Piling clean underwear, a mastectomy bra, a green shirt and a pair of jeans into my arms, I walked back into the bathroom to shower, pulling the curtain shut.

Showered, shaved, tucked myself in as I pulled on my underwear so I wouldn’t be standing stark naked and got down to work. My bra fell loosely against my chest. Padding it up with my breasts forms that I fished out from one of the drawers, I turned to the side and admired myself before tugging my shirt over the top of my head.

I squeezed into my pair of skinny jeans then pulled out my personal bag of makeup. Light pink lipstick, a dab of blush on my pretty, pretty cheeks and then I pulled back and gave myself a once over, combing my fingers through my short hair. As you can see, I have blonde hair. I considered changing the colour later that day then shrugged and packed away my things.

Dramatically, I pushed open the door to the kitchen. My bag hit the ground. Striking a pose, fluttering my eyes and trying to be as gorgeous as possible, I asked, “How do I look?”

My dad tapped his chin, trying for a mystical monk type of gaze. “Womanly.”

“You look fine,” my mom amended, pushing my plate closer to me. “You always do.” She took a long drink of coffee.

“Awesome.” I sat down and with the grace and poise of a graceful and womanly female, I shoved my toast into my mouth. “Shanks fo’ da foo’ Da’.”

“Don’t eat with your mouth open,” my mom reminded. She smacked me on the head and I choked a little bit, gagging on a crumb lodged in windpipe. She ignored me and took another sip of her coffee.

I coughed it up and swallowed it back down with a grimace. “I appreciate the reminder, Mom.”

She just drank her coffee and nodded.

Heat wafted up from my plate, redirecting my attention to my omelette. The first bite of my omelette warmed my tongue with an explosion of taste. Cheese melted in my mouth, sliding against pieces of mushroom and pepper. The egg part was nice and fluffy. My father’s culinary skill was most definitely a gift from the gods.

Nodding approval, I cut up another slice and dumped it on another plate in the center of our tiny table. My mom stripped some of her toast, placing it on the plate while my dad squeezed a dab of ketchup next to the piece of omelette. My mom lit a flame under the plate. We closed our eyes silently for a few seconds, praying whatever, while the food burned before digging back into our own plates.

A burnt offering of toast, a piece of an omelette and some ketchup for our gods.

My family is, well, _pagan_ in the regards that we believe in every god. My mom’s pretty strict about it. My dad has some leeway since he was lucky enough to spend the first twenty-seven years of his life growing up as an agnostic and then marry a woman who doesn’t care if he follows her beliefs or not but as I have been raised into this, I am expected to know everything.

And by everything, I mean, everything.

Who was Zeus’s[2] second wife? A Titan by the name of Themis[3].

Why is Marvel’s interpretation of Thor[4] wrong? Thor actually is depicted as having red hair, a beard and his hammer can only be wielded by those of great strength, not worthiness. He also has to wear these iron gloves and belt just to pick up his hammer. But he’s still pretty cool either way.

Wha-

 

**Wouldn’t you be poly-religious or pantheistic or something?**

 

Oh, well, I thought that’s what I was too but we don’t follow the religions. Just the gods. And all of them. I mean, we do Christmas, but for the sole purpose of giving presents and eating ham. God’s not exactly one of favourites anyway. Besides, most religions or beliefs don’t really _seem_ to coincide with each other from the little that I’ve researched.  But yeah, you could consider us basically pagans

Don’t get me wrong. Believe in whatever you want and ignore what you don’t want to believe in and I’d be cool with it. All the gods are cool. Even God with a capital G. It’s just really annoying to have to remember each and every one of them and what they did and who their kids were, etc, etc and then, on top of that, remember holidays, fasting days and so on and so on and so on.

It’s especially annoying since I get nervous that the more crazy ones will come down and murder me in the middle of the night for forgetting them. And they’re all pretty crazy to be perfectly honest so I really have no other option than to remember all of them. After five, ten years of memorization and prayers and reading, it’s all practically engraved into my brain.

I couldn’t give it up if I tried.

Not. At. _All._

Besides, pantheism, or panentheism, is the belief that the earth is totally alice and that it’s God so it doesn’t really correspond to our whole all-the-gods-exist shtick, even though it sounds like it should and sort of rolls into it. If you get what, I mean.

 

**Kinda.**

 

Right, well, uh…

Rubbing my face, I crinkled my nose at the smell of burning food, which is not as pleasant as one might think. “Please remember to turn on the fan this time,” I said. My chair scraped loudly against the floor and bumped up against the wall. “I gotta go. Jackson’s probably still passed out in his bed and Kali hates it when we’re late and it IS pushing seven thirty.”

“Righty-o.” My dad saluted me with his cup of orange juice. “See ya when you get home, Alex.”

I grabbed my bag, heaved it onto my shoulder and stumbled backwards. “Bye, Mom.”

“Coffee.”

“Love you too!” I yelled as I darted out the door.

The elevator was crowded so I jogged down the stairs and past Grayson, who was snoring away in his chair. I tapped him on the shoulder.

“Grayson, it’s seven twenty-eight. You should probably head off to bed now.”

He grunted and waved me off. “Yessir,” he mumbled. He weighed heavy in my hands as he tugged on my sleeves. “Hand me my walking stick.” I gave him his umbrella. It functions as many things for him. I don’t question it. “Thank you-” He gave me a once over “-m’girl. You’ll be promoted in no time.”

“Thank you, sir.” I saluted him. “‘Preciate it.”

He made some sort of noise, pushed off of me and hobbled along, waving. I grinned and jogged out the doors, heading up to the bus stop.

I won’t bore you with the details of my twenty-five minute bus ride to school because that’s just stupid. Instead, I’ll be even stupider and bore you with details about my school. Fear not for there shan’t be many.

 

**Do you often talk like that?**

 

No. I don’t why I just did. Heh. Sorry.

Anyway! My school is, well, a, um, private boarding school I got in on scholarship and I signed up for the scholarship because two of my best friends were going there. My other best friend, Nick Hamazaki, is at an all girls boarding school for the deaf several cities outside of Brokes.

My friends, Jackson and Kali, the two who go there with me, begged for me come join them because they didn’t want me to become “lonely”. Well, actually, beg makes them sound desperate.

They _made_ me sign up for the scholarship, prepped me for my interview and I’m pretty sure they threatened the principal with bodily harm afterwards. I may never know.

They’re worrying like that.

Jackson Hadad is a happy-go-lucky, I-will-kill-you-if-you-piss-me-off kind of guy. He was born in Egypt but he’s lived in Brokes since he was eight so his accent’s kinda faded but it gets stronger whenever he gets into something. He’s got clear olive skin, black hair with streaks of purple in it and pretty blue eyes that make most people stutter and blush upon meeting him for the first time, and occasionally several times after. He’s my height, though he’ll insist he’s taller if you point it out. He is highly attractive and he _will_ make you question your sexuality and/or romanticism.

Kali Arya, named after the Hindu goddess Kali[5], is much taller than us, and she doesn’t have to wear heels to be so. She’s Indian so she has really smooth light brown skin and dark brown eyes. Her hair is black and long, always pulled back into a tight ponytail or bun. Like Jackson, she’s really attractive and will _also_ make you question your sexuality and/or romanticism.

Unlike the goddess she’s named after, who can be really scary violent at times, Kali is a self-proclaimed pacifist - read: she’s just as violent as Jackson but more contained. As a gag Christmas gift two years ago, I had two charms custom made for her. One is a severed demon head and the other is a bloodied sword. The goddess Kali is often depicted holding both of these and _my_ Kali seemed to like the gift well enough. She wears the bracelet and charms all the time.

They’re both assholes but they’re my assholes so I love them anyway.

Jackson, however, is a _huge_ asshole in the morning because he refuses to get up. Ever. So by the time I get to school, I, more often than not, head up to his dorm room to wake him up and get him ready for the day. If he’s, for some miraculous reason, awake when I get there, then I just go to class while he complains behind me that mornings are dumb and should be illegal and bumps into every wall we pass.

I unlocked the door to his dorm with a copy of his key I had made back in freshman year and slipped inside. Jackson was still strewn out over his bed, gripping tight to his blankets. My bag hit the ground with a thump. My watch read seven fifty-nine. Classes started at eight thirty sharp.

I swore. “Okay, Jackson. Time to get up.”

He rolled over and whined.

Grabbing his arms, I heaved him into my arms and started shuffling to the bathroom as fast as I possibly could.  He groaned and tried to roll over, legs dragging on the floor while he moaned, “ _Sleeep_.”

“Nope.” I dropped him on the tile, pondering the best way to get rid of his clothes while he curled into a ball and squeezed his eyes shut. After his clothes were off, I heaved him into the shower. “I swear to Tu Er Shen[6], you will never have another relationship ever if you get aroused while I’m bathing you.”

“Be gay[7],” he whispered. “Be gay.”

“Nope.” Water hit his body yet all he did was mumble and roll over. I searched for soap. “Totally straight, my man.”

“Be bi[8].”

I soaped up a washcloth and pressed it against his back, biting back a grin. “Nope. Hetero[9] ‘til the end of my life. Accept it.”

“Never.”

Bathing a half-asleep teenager is surprisingly easy in all honesty. Jackson just mutters and does whatever I tell him when he’s like this. I could probably take over the world just by harnessing that ability but I wouldn’t know what to do with the world if I did and I’d end up just giving it to my mom or Kali or Nick or all three of them and that wouldn’t… it wouldn’t- well, it just would not end good.

I turned off the water. The air was hot and steamy so I turned on the fan. “Up we go.” My watch read eight o’seven. I grunted and managed to pull him into a standing position while I dried him off. He stood with his arms out, head lolled backwards, and whined.

“ _Sleeeeeeeeeep_ ,” he moaned.

“Nope. _Clooooothes_.” He slumped against my back. I swore again. “Why are you so effing heavy?”

“Pintsized weakling,” he muttered, sleepily.

“Ass. We’re the same height.”

“Never,” he muttered sleepily against my spine. “‘m taller.”

I plopped him on his bed and grabbed whatever I could find. He looked at me through squinted eyes as I helped him into his clothes. He zeroed in on my breasts.

His lips curled and he glanced up at my face. “Girl today?”

“Yeah.” I took a step back. “Perfect. You look wonderful. Let’s go before Kali decides kill to us. It IS _pushing_ eight thirty.”

The door broke down. I jumped like seven feet in the air while Jackson’s head rolled back and he groaned. Kali stood there in all her glory, hands on hips, looking utterly unimpressed with the two of us. “You are going to be late.”

“Stop doing that!” Jackson snapped. “I can’t keep paying for the door! It’s money I could be using to pay for male strippers.”

“You do not need male strippers,” Kali said. She handed me my bag and threw Jackson’s at his chest.

He swung his on his back and headed out of the room. “I know. They’re for Alex.”

I blinked. Kali threw her arm over my shoulders and we walked out together, sharing a quiet grin with each other as Jackson trailed sleepily behind us. “But I don’t want male strippers. Female, yes. Male, no. I’m not gay. We just went through this for like the hundredth and seventy-ninth time this year,” I complained, lying through my teeth because I am actually and truly biromantic[10] heteroflexible[11].

Yeah, it goes against my rules about honesty but I was going to tell him when he turned sixteen. And the fact of the matter is, he probably already knew. And also his face looks hilarious when it gets all annoyed and dramatic whenever I insist I’m straight. It’s totally worth breaking my rule for.

“You say you’d be heteroflexible!” Jackson called out, disappearing around a corner.

“For Sebastian Stan.” I winked at Kali. “Anyone with vision would be gay for him.”

Kali hummed in agreement, grinning wide. “He is a nice specimen of the male body.”

“Nice thighs,” I agreed.

“ _Sexy thighs!_ ” Jackson yelled. “SEE YOU LOVELIES IN GYM!”

“BYE!” we yelled as we turned and walked to math.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [1] A Navajo god
> 
> [2] Greek god of the sky and king of Olympus
> 
> [3] Greek Titaness and personification of divine order and law, among other things
> 
> [4] Norse god of thunder
> 
> [5] Hindu goddess of death, war, time and change, among other things. In some tellings, she is a ferocious manifestation, or aspect, of the goddess Parvarti.
> 
> [6] Tu Er Shen is a Chinese deity of love and sex between homosexual men
> 
> [7] Meaning homosexual, a sexuality where the person feels sexually attracted to the same gender or the same gender as they were designated at birth
> 
> [8] Meaning bisexual, a sexuality where the person feels sexually attracted to two genders, commonly considered to be attraction to only males and females
> 
> [9] Meaning heterosexual, a sexuality where the person feels sexually attracted to the opposite gender or the opposite gender that they were designated at birth
> 
> [10] A romanticism in which a person is romantically attracted to two genders, commonly considered to be only males and females
> 
> [11] A romanticism and/or sexuality in which a person is romantically/sexually attracted to the opposite gender but finds themselves attracted to the same gender occasionally. In Alex’s case, it is only in reference to sexual attraction


	2. Chapter 2

At the end of the week, everyone burst out of school in booming conversations about Christmas vacation and the load of holiday homework the teachers had dumped on us. Rubbing my hands together, I shuffled down the sidewalk, Kali and Jackson flanked by my side. We were playing ten-for-ten bang, a game Jackson came up with where we basically say who we’d have sex with if given the chance on a scale of one to ten.

It’s fun.

“Okay,” Jackson said. He tapped his forefinger to his chin. “What about Sherlock Holmes?”

“Which version?” Kali asked.

“The movie one with the Iron Man guy in it.”

I thought about it. Envisioning the wild hair and shadowed face, I made a face and said, “Six-for-ten.”

“Three,” Kali chirped, pulling me off to the side as a car zoomed past. “I do not like his accent.”

“It’s okay.” I sidestepped a bush. “I don’t like the lack of self-care. Cleanliness is important.”

“Says the kid who doesn’t shave.” Jackson leaned heavily on my back, arms tight around my stomach.

My nails dug into his arms. “I shave the necessary areas. Armpits. Face. Genitals.”

Kali laughed, melodic and long. “Girls shave their legs, Ēlēksa.”

“And you don’t have any facial hair to begin with.” Jackson squeezed me tight, chuckling into my ear, hair tickling my face.

I flicked Jackson’s arms and huffed. “Not all girls shave their legs and I do too _have_ facial hair. You’ve just never seen me with it because I don’t like facial hair so I always shave it off.” Another lie.

“Uh huh.” His tone was teasing. “You’re really bad at lying, Alex.”

“Yeah, I know,” I grumbled. I really want facial hair. A beard is like my dream.

We sauntered along in a comfortable silence, me at the lead, Jackson in the middle, clinging on to me like a leech, and Kali at the end.

“Anne Hathaway,” Jackson said, getting back into the game.

“TEN-FOR-TEN BANG!” I yelled, pumping my fist into the air, narrowly missing Jackson’s chin. “She’s got a pretty face and I love her in movies. Have you see her acting? It’s flawless! She’s brilliant perfection in a human body of elegance.”

Jackson snorted. “ _Right_. Kals?”

“Ten-for-ten bang,” Kali agreed. She stepped into place next to me by the bus stop. “I quite like her breasts.”

Jackson screwed up his face. “Ugh. Breasts. Gross. What about… Oh, the bus!”

“The Bus? I’m afraid I don’t know them.” The bus pulled up to us and I stepped inside, flashing my bus pass to the driver. “Are they a rapper? Singer? Highly attractive interpretative dancer?”

“Shut up, moron,” Jackson laughed, cuffing me lightly on the back of my head.  

“I gotta stop off at my house first, before we go-” I waved my hand around. “-wherever it is you guys are dragging me off to this time.” I narrowed my eyes at Jackson, who grabbed the pole nearest to us while the bus chugged along the road. “If it’s another date with a burly guy named Joe, I’m going to throw something at you and it’s going to ruin your pretty face.”

He fluttered his eyes. “Aw. You think I’m pretty?”

“You’re gorgeous.” I nudged Kali. “But you’re prettier, Kals.”

She laughed and flipped her hair over her shoulder, eyeing me with a smoldering gaze, her eyes half-lidded. “Why thank you, Ēlēksa.”

Heat flushed my face. I swallowed thickly, looking away from her. “Why do you guys keep doing that?” I couldn’t keep the whine out of my voice, no matter how hard I tried.

They just laughed and Jackson reached over to ruffle up my hair.

“Never, Ēlēksa. It is too much fun.” She grabbed my chin, pulling my face back around so she could tap my nose. “You get so red.”

“I change my mind. You’re…” I stumbled over my words, unable to call her anything less than pretty. “Damnit.”

“It would not have worked anyway,” Kali said. “You are a terrible liar.”

“I’m a great liar!” I protested.

She smiled at me pityingly because she knew just as well as I did that I’m not a very good liar. “You must keep telling yourself that, Alex. Now what about Dev Patel?”

* * *

 

Jackson and Kali lingered by my door while I shuffled around my bedroom. My room is like the kitchen. Slightly larger than your average hallway but not by much. It’s a heck of a lot shorter than the kitchen too.

My bed is pull-out couch placed in the back of the room. My desk is a fold-up table which I keep tucked behind my dresser which is the first thing you see when you walk in. I have a window in my room. It’s between my bed and dresser. I have a small bookcase opposite the window and then a couple boxes filled with old papers, DVDs, my laptop, games, etc, below the window.

On top of the bookcase, I have a shrine that I change every month, depicting different groups of gods, Chinese, Greek, Mesopotamian, Aztec, Yoruba, etc, etc. Surrounding the shrines, I usually keep these idols, tiny statuettes, of each god. If I don’t have one, because some idols of certain gods are hard to come by, I usually just handwrite their name in calligraphy and keep it on a pedestal.

I love my bedroom. It’s simple, easy to clean and the statuettes of gods staring down at me are actually really comforting.

Jackson ran a hand through his hair and frowned. Keeping a good distance away from my shrine, as he always did because the “tiny people freak me out, Alex”, he purposely stared out the window and said, “I don’t know how you can live in a room this small.”

I rolled my eyes and threw my bag on the couch. “I think all the matters is that I can, Jackson.”

Kali looked at my selection of books as she always did whenever she came over. She pulled out one about Hindu myths and opened it up to the same section she always did: the one on Kali. “I think it is quaint,” she said, snapping the book closed and pushing it back into place on the shelf

“It’s small and tiny and like five feet from your parents’ bedroom!” He gave me a lost look. “How do you do things at night?”

“Headphones and this.” I pulled out my white noise machine, waving it around. “White noise machine,” I explained. “Just turn it on and no one can hear anything unless they open the door.” I shoved it back under my bed and muttered, “But it’s not like I’m doing anything anyway.”

Jackson winked and pressed his chest to my back, pulling me close. His breath was hot and trailed over my cheek. “I’ll do you if you ask _real_ nice.” He licked my cheek, hands trailing downwards.

Flailing, I jerked away and dove into Kali’s arms, while she laughed. Jackson keeled over, clutching his stomach, face bright red.

“Stop doing that!” I shouted, flushing a deep and darker red as I realized that my face was shoved up against Kali’s chest. More specifically, her breasts. Stumbling backwards, I landed in a pile on my couch and hid under the blankets. “You’re both assholes! Get out!”

“Sorry, Alex, but I had to.” Jackson pulled my blankets off and squeezed my pouting face. “Couldn’t resist.”

I pouted more. “You’re an ass and I hate you.”

“I have a great ass, thanks for noticing, and, no, you love me.”

“That too,” I grunted, pushing up and grabbing my jacket. “Okay. Let’s go.”

We marched out through the bathroom to the kitchen - where I left a quick note for my parents on the counter because I’m not an idiot and my dad would’ve called me endlessly if I didn’t - down the elevator to the lobby and out through the front doors. They gripped my hands, swinging our arms back and forth.

I leaned into Kali’s side slightly. “So where are you two dragging me off to?”

Kali smiled, voice muffled slightly by the large scarf she wore around her mouth. “We are taking you to a new coffee shop that opened up a few blocks down from here. It sells highly delicious milkshakes. Then we are to see Saving Mr. Banks.”

Jackson shot her a look.  Annoyed, he said, “We’re seeing the Hobbit, Kals. Orlando Bloom, my future husband, will be in it, if you forgot, and I want to see him.”

As Jackson sashayed ahead, Kali and I giggled. Jackson had a long list of future husbands, most of whom were married and/or straight. I doubted Orlando Bloom was anywhere near the top of that list though.

Kali linked our arms together. I grinned. “So what flavours do they have? This best milkshake place?”

“They have all the regular ones, as well as these new, quite delicious ones. My favourite is marshmallow.” She grinned. “It is gooey and sweet.” She nodded. “You must remind me to make Nick try it when they[12] come home. You must also try orange explosion.”

She pulled the door open and I stepped inside the warm store behind Jackson. It smelled like sweets. People talked loudly, children giggling with one another, faces smeared by whipped cream. The store was a bright, happy comparison to the gloominess outside.

I pulled off my jacket, loosening the buttons of my shirt. I fiddled with my gloves, tugging them off with my teeth as we took our place in line behind Jackson. Kali sighed contentedly. She smiled and bumped our elbows together. “I feel very relaxed today.”

“Who wouldn’t?” Jackson rubbed his hands together and blew on them. “School is over. Three weeks of pure fun without my roommates? I’ll be able to play gay porn without having to mute the sound! And have all the sex!”

Several parents sent him dirty looks but he ignored them. Jackson’s never really been one for discretion. It’s a really lovely quality in him. Kali bit hit her lip and pushed us up forward, failing to stifle her laugh.

 I laughed too. “All the sex?”

“All the _gay_ sex,” he said. He turned to the cashier. “One large chocolate supreme milkshake and a coke. The girl’s paying. We’ll be over there.” He pointed to a vacant table, blew the cashier a kiss before walking away. The cashier blushed and tapped in the order.

“It’s amazing how he can do that to anybody,” I noted. I stepped up to the counter. “Um, marshmallow milkshake. Small.”

“He meant large,” Kali corrected, narrowing her eyes at me, a smirk playing at her lips. “Do not argue with me. Go.” She shooed me off.

Arguments at the tip of my tongue expired. Kali was a stubborn mule. I knew that. It would be pointless to argue with her. Sighing, I grumbled under my breath and walked over to Jackson, flopping into a chair. I told him what she did.

He rolled his eyes. “Stop being a baby. They’re only like a hundred fifty-two calories in a large. You’re not gonna gain any weight.”

“But I wanna stay attractive for the womans,” I moaned, gesturing to my beautiful bod.

Kali clipped me on the side of the head with her purse as she sat down. “The word is women, Ēlēksa. Your personality is intriguing. Anyone with interest in you will still like you even if gain a hundred fifty-two calories.”

Jackson’s warm hand slid over my thigh. His eyes looked me over, a thoughtful smirk on his face. He licked his lips. “Oh, I still like you _a lot._ ”

“Stop doing that!” I smacked his hand. “I’m. Not. Gay.” My lips twitched at the lie. “We keep going through this. Are you even listening to me anymore?”

He just grinned cheekily and smooched my cheek. “Love ya too, buddy.”

“That’s not even remotely close to what I said!” I hissed in a rush.

Kali laughed and kissed my other cheek. “I love you too, Ēlēksa. Now shush.”

“I hate you both. No love. Irrevocable hate.” They rolled their eyes. “I stick around for the free food.”

“Oh no. How terrible. A friend is mooching off my wealth. That is _sooo_ horrible.” Jackson muttered as he doodled on a napkin. “Now what do you think about my beautiful artistry?”

He handed us the napkin. On it was a brilliant graphic pen sketch of two guys going at it. Very detailed, penises nicely done, shading good.

“It is beautiful,” Kali said, snapping a picture of it with her phone

“Lovely,” I remarked, crumpling the napkin into a ball before he could give it to a little kid.

Jackson grinned and popped a lollipop into his mouth. “Hey. Magic show.” He jerked his head over to a tiny stage, where a young kid was setting up.

I glanced up at them and shook my head. “Fire show, more likely.”

The kid was probably eight or nine. They had a black shirt on and dark gray camo pants, hair slicked back, sunglasses on even though we were inside. They bowed dramatically to the growing crowd of little children and parents. They cleared their throat, gave one last bow before the show began.

Fire stretched from the tips of their fingers down to their shoulders then up into the air, swirling around like pinwheels. We watched the kid turn the fire into dragons, sending them sparking and flaming around the room. Everyone cheered. The dragons exploded into the ceiling, fire raining down on us and then collecting into a giant pool before it could hit anyone’s skin, spreading out into flowers that danced in the air.

This is normal. I’ve seen a grown man fall from a twenty-story building and walk away without a scratch. A tenant in my apartment building can read minds. It’s common knowledge that the Knights, the richest couple in the city, run a school, X-Men style. It’s why believing in all the gods isn’t really all that bad or weird because, well, everything else is weird here too..

This is Brokes. We’re too nice to out our people to the entire world. Some say it’s a side effect from being so close to Canada. Other think that maybe it’s just ‘cause we’re just so used to it, it’d be weird if they all disappeared because the world can’t handle a few “mutants”. I dunno. But as I watched the kid entertain people with his fire act, I couldn’t help but grin. This is Brokes, Pennsylvania.

Welcome to our world.

Our waitress smiled as she brought over our orders, glancing over at Kali appreciatively then at Jackson just as appreciative. Her eyes glazed over me then she snapped her look back and made an appreciative sexual gesture with her mouth before turning back to Kali. I flushed, pleased with my adorable self. She handed Jackson a piece of paper before marching away.

After Jackson looked the paper over, he handed it to Kali. “I have to act gayer.”

Laughing, I choked on my milkshake. “You what?”

“Be gayer. I have to be gayer.” He rubbed his face and dragged his fingers down his cheeks, pulling the skin under his eyes further downwards. “She gave me her _number_. Have I not been acting gay enough? Do I look straight? Do I need to start wearing pink? I don’t like pink!”

He seriously looked upset at this. I stared at him, not really sure of what to do because, geez, Jackson. I mean, to be gay, all you have to do is like the same gender. Or at least like the same gender you were designated at birth with. She gave him her number because she found him attractive. Why couldn’t he just see the compliment in that?

“Relax, Jackson.” Kali patted his arm, soothingly. “The important question here is does she appear to be into girls as well?”

“How is that the important question, Kals? She gave me her number! I’m not straight.” Next thing I know he’s leaning into my side and glaring at me. “You need to be gayer.”

Horrified, I spluttered and choked on my milkshake again. “I- what?”

Annoyed, he pressed his palms to the table and leaned in close, talking loud. “Gayer. If you’re gayer, no one can ever mistake me for straight again.”

I stared at him more, eyes half lidded, wishing Nick were there because they would smack sense into him. “Jackson, that makes no sense.”

He ignored me and turned his gaze to Kali, who looked amused by this whole thing. “Kals, we can’t be friends with you anymore. I’m sorry but you’re an attractive female which probably makes people think I’m straight by default and I can’t have that.”

She snorted and stuck a whipped cream covered finger in her mouth. “I think society makes people think you are straight by default. Now answer my question. Do you think she is interested in females?”

Jackson took a long sip from his cup, eying the girl for a few seconds before nodding. “Yeah. Little bit. Come on strong, show off some. She’ll probably go for it.”

“Excellent. I will be right back.” Kali skipped off.

A burst of fire crackled over my head, slipping back to the kid in a circle around us.  They bowed deeply, teeth flashing white, grin large and happy, as their dragons dissipated into thin air. People cheered loudly, whistling and clapping.

And then, as I was sucking down my milkshake, scanning the crowd, I saw him.

He was standing near the stage, slumped against the wall, not really paying attention to anything, eyes glazed over, black hair falling on his face, lips pressed together tightly. He had really nice lips. From a distance, they were really the only thing I could see vividly, bright red and slick, like he was wearing cherry lip gloss or something.

My eye twitched and I swallowed. “I’m gay.”

It took Jackson a few minutes of staring at me before he could finally reply. “Uh, I’m sorry, Alex. I think I heard you wrong. What?”

“I’m gay.” I glanced back at the guy, still leaning against the wall, drinking from his cup. “Or rather heteroflexible. Definitely biromantic ‘cause you know. Don’t wanna have sex with guys. Maybe kiss ‘em, hold hands, do other non-sexual stuff.”

“What? _What?_ ” Jackson glanced around the room, hair whipping around wildly. “Who the- who changed your mind? Where is he?” He grabbed me by the collar of shirt. “ _Show me the hunk, Alex_.”

“He’s over there.” I gestured with a sharp jerk of my head. “By the stage.”

Jackson’s eyes widened. “Nice lips! Wouldn’t mind them wrapped around my-”

“Jackson!” I hissed. Heat pooled in my face. “Shut up!”

“Right, right. Probably shouldn’t talk about your future husband like that.” He smirked and drank from his cup, snapping a picture of my flustered face while I spluttered.

“Why are you all red, Ēlēksa?” Kali slipped back into her chair, grinning like a madwoman.

Before I could say exactly why I was red, Jackson slapped a hand over my mouth and said, “I have seen Alex’s future, Kals.” Jackson slid an arm around her shoulders. “It is filled with gay sex.”

I shoved his hand away and snapped, turning even more red, “Jackson!”

“Intriguing,” Kali chuckled. “Who?”

Jackson went back to his phone. “Guy by the stage.”

She raised her eyes, twisted her body in her chair and looked him over. “You could do better.” Her glass pressed to her lips while she hummed. “But he has nice lips.” She took a sip.

“I know, right?” Jackson muttered. “But she’s right, Al. You could do better. Maybe someone smaller. And you know what? I have the perfect-”

Now it was my turn to slap my hand over his mouth. “No. I don’t want to go on dates with your weird friends,” I said, glowering at him as I dropped my hand. “Not after Joe.”

“What was wrong with Joe?” Jackson protested. “He was a teddy bear!”

“Yeah. The type of teddy bears that come with cameras in the eyes. He was a pervert! He kept trying to grope me and spied on me when I was in the bathroom.” I took a sip of my milkshake. It was so good and cold my toes curled. “I’m pretty sure he was part of the _five percent_.”

 

**Five percent? What’s that?**

 

Oh, the five percent is this small group of people in Brokes that are racist, sexist, transphobic and/or homophobic and other bad stuff. It’s not really five percent anymore, I don’t think. More like zero point two percent. Maybe even zero point zero two percent.

 

**Ah.**

 

Yeah. We hate them.

Brokes is actually a very progressive place. We’re very big on equality and such, making sure that everyone knows that they’re all equal to each other. Which I think is the reason a lot people don’t want to move here because the sheer progressiveness freaks them out a bit. They might also think that it’s a ruse. Like southern hospitality.

Jackson blinked then looked back to his phone. “Well, damn. Unfriending him.”

I choked on my milkshake for the third time that afternoon. “Unfriending him?”

“Well, I don’t have a lot of time for other people when I’m trying so damn hard to get you set up.” He slid his phone into his pocket. “Besides, I only made a Facebook to get dates but then they all turned into losers.”

“So you dumped them on me?”

“No way!” He rolled his shoulders. “Kali did research on them _then_ I dumped them on you.” He grinned and swallowed down his chocolate supreme while I stared him, mouth gaping. “Anyway, movie’s starting soon. I checked. We should go now. Hopefully your future husband will be here later.”

He wiped off a chocolate mustache with the back of his hand and pushed my chin up. “Mouth closed, Allie, my _dah-ling_. You’ll catch flies.”

He tapped my nose, heading off and pushing the doors open for us. Kali tugged on my arm. When I didn’t move, she rolled her eyes and tugged me up.

“You should stop being a baby,” she said, bumping our shoulders together once we were outside.

“A baby?” I stopped walking. “I could’ve been killed! Pervert Joe could’ve raped me! Same with Crazy Dave! And Insane Jerry!”

They grabbed me by the arms and continued to tug me along to the movie theater, nodding at all the right times while I complained about Jackson’s terrible matchmaking skills and all the horrible dates he’d put me on.

 

 **He does** **that often, I’m guessing?**

 

Since I was ten. It’s been a lovely experience thus far.

The theater was overflowing with people, excited kids happy to be on their break, parents celebrating good grades, when we arrived but Jackson, using his amazing powers of flirtation, managed to snag tickets off a group of kids. He smiled wide as he came over, flashing perfect teeth at the people ahead of us so we could move easily up the snack line.  A few minutes later we were maneuvering around crowds and groups to find our theater.

“I would rather see Saving Mr. Banks,” Kali muttered, handing Jackson his bucket of popcorn as we stopped to let a straggle of little kids excitedly bounce past.

“My future husband is not in Saving Mr. Banks. He’s in The Hobbit, Kals.” He shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth, talking through it. “Shat’s she shonly shreason shwhy Ish shit shrough shat-” He swallowed. “-nerdapalooza.”

Offended, I said, “The Hobbit isn’t for nerds. I like it.”

He and Kali both sent me a collective look that said, _And you’re a nerd, Alex._

“I am not a nerd!” I protested but it was weak because I am. Kinda. Only with math really. And some physics. English and everything else can jump up off a cliff. Actually, English can jump off a cliff, die and then burn in the Fields of Punishment[13] along with the asshole thought it should be a subject. Or Tartarus[14]. Either one.

They both nodded in mock agreement, uninterested in my protests.

Jackson stepped into the theater seven, glancing from our tickets to the aisle seats. “You’re studying college level math and you know the names of literally every god that has ever even been considered of existing, Allie. I think that classifies nerdhood a little bit.” He slid down one of the aisle and stretched into a seat.

Sighing, I rubbed my eyes. “First of all, they do all exist, Jackson. Whether you think it’s stupid and Supernatural-y, they do all exist to me. Second, I know them because I have to because it ties in with the first reason.”

“It is strange, though, Ēlēksa.” Kali plopped into the aisle seat, pulling her knees to her chest to let me pass through. “Why would you want to go through all the learning for beings that could possibly not exist?”

“Nobody can prove that they don’t, Kals.”

“It could be looked at as cultural appropriation though.”

I swallowed. “It’s not. I mean, if it was, I’d-” I kicked the ground. I hated with the gods-don’t-exist-you’re-being-stupid discussion got to this point. I never understood why they cared so much about what I chose to believe. It wasn’t like I was inconveniencing them.

Sighing deeply, I said, “Look, if it’s cultural appropriation to believe in all the gods, know about them in intimate detail and study their myths for the sole intent of believing then Christianity must be the most culturally appropriated religion in the world. Greek myths too.”

Jackson scrunched up his face. “Guess you got a point.”

He looked me over then leaned his head backwards. Kali did the same. After their eye contact discussion, Kali squeezed my hand. “We are sorry about disbelieving your beliefs.”

“It’s alright,” I mumbled, staring at the screen.

“We’ll buy ya some dessert after the movie-”

“-and you may refresh my memory about who my ancestors would have worshipped.”

They both held up their hands, hopefully. I high-fived them, smiling lightly.

I guess, the best point of our friendship is that we may not agree with everything the other person believes, says or does but we don’t stress it. Unless it’s dangerous and we _always_ apologize when one of us goes too far.

We’ve been best friends since we were eight and Jackson dumped his chocolate milk on me because I thought Kali was a guy. Neither one of us would ruin it just because I believe in gods and they don’t.  That’s just stupid. I respect their beliefs that no god exists, they respect mine that they all do and we have a functioning relationship where I end up getting cake once every two months because they want to discuss something that hurts my feelings once every two months.

I see nothing wrong with this.

I did, however, see something wrong with a sixty-year old lady standing by the restroom doors, arms crossed, grumpy face on full. “Hey, is that Ms. Keeper?”

Ms. Keeper was a sixty-year old substitute teacher who often complained about her back and hated children. Back when she used to just be a regular teacher, she taught history and spent most of my freshmen year giving me the evil eye and “accidentally” hitting me things like the stapler and markers. She subbed in for a gym class once, refused to listen to me telling her I had algophobia, which is an intense and abnormal fear of pain that allows me from having to participate in certain activities during gym, and forced me to play dodgeball instead of letting me go hang out on the treadmill like I normally did. I spent the rest of the day in a ball on the nurse’s floor while my parents tried to coax me down from a panic attack over the phone.

As you can probably tell, I’m not the biggest fan of Ms. Keeper.

I squinted. “You know, I think that is Ms. Keeper.”

The lights started to dim. Jackson and Kali looked over to her, Jackson squinting, Kali frowning.

“Maybe she’s a Hobbit’s fan,” Jackson said , pulling back. For a minute, he and Kali had another eye-contact discussion that I ignored as the advertisements started to play. He stood up suddenly. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

I stared at him. “What? Now? Your future husband could be coming on soon.”

“Peeing is more important than a guy I may or may not marry sometime in the future.” Jackson pushed past my and Kali’s legs, running down to the restroom like the world was on fire, or maybe just his pee was.

“Well, that was weird.” I settled into my seat, plunging my hand into my bucket of popcorn. “He never misses a chance to possibly see hot men on a large screen.”

Kali grunted in agreement, fingers twitching, leg tapping.

“You okay?” I asked, frowning.

She nodded. “Yes, Alex. I am of perfect health. Pay attention to the movie. It is for nerds.” She took a sip of her soda.

“It’s not _just_ for nerds,” I muttered as I turned to the screen and wished the advertisements would hurry up so I could get to my ‘nerd’ movie.

Just as the advertisements ended and the movie was just starting, Jackson came back, panting, eyes wide. “We have to go,” he hissed grabbing my arm and trying to drag me out of the aisle. “We have to go now.”

“B-but the movie-”

He yanked me. “I’ll pay for a private screening.”

While I spluttered loudly in indignation, several people yelled at me to shut up as Kali practically pushed me to the doors that led out of the theater. Between her pushing, Jackson dragging and the people screaming at me to “shut up or die”, I was feeling very manhandled and not in a good way.

They dragged me out into the street. Kali eyed the sidewalks and every passing person like they were monsters ready to eat us alive. I scowled and pushed them away, stumbling.

Despite the fact that I was really annoyed and a little pissed, I still found it in myself to calmly ask, “What the _motherfucking hell_ , guys?”

Jackson swallowed. He didn’t pay attention to me. “Kali, I don’t know where she went. We tussled but she vanished. Skin-jumped some Special and disappeared before I could grab her.”

“What are you talking about, Jackson?” I took a step back, balling my fists. My eyes narrowed. “Don’t tell me you made me skip the movie because you got high again.”

“Alex, could you just-” He pressed his fingers to his lips and pulled them across in a zipping motion.

I gaped at him. He and Kali stepped closer to each other, voices hushed, discussing something in one of the few languages I didn’t know. I recognized my name a couple times so they were probably talking in Hindi. Talking about me in Hindi.

Me.

That made me feel good.

“What are- what are you guys talking about? Jackson, if you’re high again, I don’t care. I _never_ care. We’ll take you to a place to sober out. We can chill at my place. Watch Brokeback Mountain if you want,” I offered.

They blinked up at me as though they were just remembering I was still standing there. A pang burst in my chest, spreading odd discord throughout my body For a moment I didn’t understand the feeling, this weird curling ache in my stomach, cold and slimy, and then it hit me.

I was feeling left out.

I had never felt left out. Even when they went off to do their own stuff, even when they cancelled suddenly for no reason, even when we couldn’t hang out for days on end, weeks straight, I didn’t feel left out. I had Nick, I had Katelynn, to an extent, I had my family. And besides, they always came back. They always tried to include me.

Always.

Except now. Now they were purposely ignoring me.

Kali stiffened as Jackson bumped her arm and gave tiny gestures towards me. Next thing I know, she’s coming at me, arms raised and hands clawed, stiff and moving swiftly. My eyes widened and my body reacted before my brain did.

My fist didn’t ache when it fell from her face and I blame that on the copious amount of adrenaline that pounded through my body right then and there. She just kept coming though, like the fact that I had just punched her didn’t even register. Her eyes flashed red for second. My flight-or-fight response kicked in and I was gone, Jackson screaming from behind for me to stop.

There was a buzzing sound in my head, I remember. I don’t know what it was, maybe the adrenaline or my own fear, but it was so loud and constant that it was the only thing I could hear. Not my breathing, not the cars beeping as I ran across the street, not Jackson yelling, not Kali’s footsteps pounding behind me.

Nothing.

Just a loud buzzing sound, rumbling in my head.

My vision blurred and I stumbled into an alley. I turned around, searching for an exit, considering attempting to jump the ten foot wall that blocked it into a dead end, still high on adrenaline.

“Hey!” I turned. The woman talking had a broad smile, eyes spread out a little crazy like. “You Alex Johnson?”

“YES!” I shrieked. Once again, adrenaline.

She vanished. A click and something solid pressed to the back of my head. Fear jumped into my throat. “Perfect!”

“DUCK!” Jackson yelled, running for me with a purple bat in his hands.

I ducked and he swung, a whistling sound followed by the sound of wood cracking and a body hitting the pavement. He grabbed me roughly.

“We have to go now!” he yelled.

Kali appeared behind him, throwing me over her shoulder while they pelted down the sidewalk, me, still high on adrenaline, wondering what the hell was going on. People looked oddly at us as we streamed by and I imagined what they must be seeing: an insanely attractive boy yelling, “Get the fuck out of the way!” at the top of his lungs and a tall Indian girl with a fat blonde kid strung out on her shoulder following him at top speed.

Kali yelled to Jackson, “I called in a favour to Savitr[15]. He is going to make it dark.”

And just like that the sun started to set rather quickly, the sky turning orange to red to purple to black in seconds. I stared at the sky in confusion, replying Kali’s words in my head. Savitr, I thought. God of sunsets. A part of me was slightly pleased she knew his name. Another part of me was highly confused as to why an atheist would ask a favor from a god.

Once the sky was dark and pitched with stars, someone yelled from their car, “Robert, stop screwing with the weather!”

Like I said, only in Brokes could weird stuff like this happen and no one be confused by it. Well, Brokes and maybe New York. Apparently superheroes and supervillains like to chill there.

Blurs of colours, voices, nightmarish things edged at the back of my mind, screaming for me to succumb to them. We changed directions suddenly, slipping into a quiet slip of the city, only a few people scattered about. I almost fell off of Kali’s shoulder with the change, squawking. Jackson’s breath was heavy. He stooped over and gasped. I flopped on Kali’s shoulder and stared at the ground, extremely confused and wonderfully lost.

Kali watched him for a moment then said, “We have to get to the school.”

Jackson shook his head. “ _You_ have to get to the school.” There was a heavy emphasis on the ‘you’ part.

The adrenaline was wearing off. My brain was going crazy, trying to make connections and patterns where there were none. “What are you guys talking about? DID YOU PUT DRUGS IN MY DRINK AGAIN?”

“Shut up!” they yelled.

I shut up, silently fuming because we talked about this. I don’t mind drugs so long as I know about them beforehand. ‘Cause otherwise I think I’m going crazy and I don’t particularly like _that._

Kali began again. “We have to-”

“No. _You_ have to.” He ducked under a branch. “Kals, I can fight her off but if I come rearing in there with Alex on my back, they won’t believe me. I’m not like you. You have to bring him in.”

She was quiet, except for her panting, for a moment. “Fine,” she said, finally. “I bring him in. You fight her off.”

“Fight who off?” I asked.

Someone, or something, behind us screamed out my name. It was high pitched and blood curdling. Every hair on my body stood up. A chill ran down my spine and my mouth went dry.

Jackson shoved us down another sidewalk, swearing rapidly. Kali tumbled over out of surprise, sending me flying off of her shoulder. He grabbed me before I could crash into anything. “Come on!”

I was being carried princess-style this time, arms clinging around Jackson’s neck while I peered over his shoulder, a little nervous now because it really seemed like someone was trying to kill us and it wasn’t a result of hallucinations via drugs in my system.

“Guys! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?” I yelled.

“A monster,” Kali explained efficiently, “wants to kill you and devour your flesh.”

My blood ran cold. “Come again?”

“Really?” Jackson shifted me until I was clinging around him, my chest to his back, legs around his waist. “This is Brokes.”

“Yeah, well, mechanical bulls running into the city makes more sense than a monster wanting to kill me. Brokes is X-Men weird, not Supernatural weird.” I frowned as a thought flittered through my mind. Once the thought settled in my head panic flared in my chest. Was this divine wrath? Did I forget someone’s name and now they were punishing me? I began babbling apologies to all of them, mumbling at top speed.

The woman, monster if you’d like, appeared, standing a few feet from where we were running to, cutting me off with her sudden and haunting appearance. Her hair whipped around in a non-existent breeze. She smiled and her mouth spread so wide across her face it couldn’t have been real. From the distance, I heard bones crack. Jackson swore, stuttering to a stop. Kali ripped me off Jackson’s back and she took off running with me in tow.

“I despise not fighting,” she grunted.

“Sounds complicated.” I jumped over a short wall and skittered down the sidewalk. “We can talk about it later.”

I really don’t remember when but between the panic and running, supplied by the fact that we left Jackson behind to face what I had thought was a psychopath, and all the adrenaline pumping through my veins so fast I was lightheaded, made my mind and imagination run wild and then I was pulling myself away from Kali like she’d burnt me, cradling my hand while I stumbled backwards, feeling betrayed, though I don’t really remember why.

My body moved before I even knew what I was doing. Hands firmly plants on her chest, I shoved her hard enough to make her fall then burst into a sprint across the street, adrenaline re-emerging. She yelled at me, I don’t know what. I just hightailed it outta there. Three minutes later and I was on a bus, headed home, heart pounding, fear crippling, trying to control whatever breath I could while my legs bounced up and down in panic and agitation. I must’ve looked like an ADHD kid off their medication.

My mind came up with multiple theories but the one I picked to believe was that Jackson and Kali had picked a hitwoman to come and kill me. It made a lot of sense at the time. By the time I made it to my apartment, the sky was returning to an orange hue, my breathing had been stabilized and I’d come down from my high.

Grayson was standing at the front door. I brushed past him, focused on one place. My body was too antsy to take the elevator so I took the stairs, skipping steps and going fast. I tripped like five times.

My parents jumped when I slammed the door open, exclaiming loudly, “We have to leave the country.”

My mom blinked, lost. “Come again?”

The door clicked shut. “Leave the country, change our names, the whole shebang. We could go to South America! I could brush up on my Spanish.” I strolled to my bedroom, leaving the bathroom door wide open. “Or my Portuguese!”

My dad stood up, muting the TV. “Alex, is something wrong?”

I laughed nervously and shouted from my bedroom, “MY FRIENDS WANT TO KILL ME!” Then I muttered stupidly to myself, “Wait. Does that make them my ex-friends? Frenemies, maybe?”

My dad stood in the doorway of my bedroom. “Alex?”

“Yeah, Dad?” I clasped my hands together, wondering why the in the name of Jarilo[16], he wasn’t packing and figuring out a fake name.

He crossed his arms and frowned. “What happened?”

“My friends tried to kill me.” While he stared in confusion, I turned and started grabbing random article of clothing and throwing them to the ground, explaining. “So we have to flee the country. I’m thinking about going back to Scott. Maybe we should go to France instead. I mean, French I’m not good at. German, Japanese, Spa-”

“Alex.” My mom’s voice was clear and loud. I stopped moving. “What are you doing?”

“Packing. Why aren’t you guys packing? You should be packing. We have to flee the country. We’re going France. French.” I heaved a few of my clothes into my arms and dumped them into the box that held my laptop. “One of you guys should get a French name.”

My dad grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around, holding me still. His fingers clutched my face. Eye to eye, we stared at one another. “Alex. I need details.”

“Jackson and Kali hired a hitwoman to shoot me in the head near Parel’s Park. You’re my parents therefore you are responsible for me so we all have to flee the country because I don’t want to die being shot in the head. I want to die on my own terms,” I said, slowly. “We’re going to France. Your new name is Jacques LeBleu.” I pointed to my mom. “Your name will be Scarlett LeBleu. I’m going back to Scott.”

Pushing past them into the kitchen, I rummaged through the drawers. My parents reassembled themselves around me, my dad pushing a chair underneath my legs until I plopped down, my mom tugging on her jacket, biting her lip.

“Alex,” she started. She pressed her hands to my shoulders and squeezed. “We are going to talk to your friends. Your actions are not rational.”

“Mom, the best way to react in this situation is by panic,” I explained. “Tons of panic.”

 “Panic?” She closed her eyes, rubbing the bridge of her nose under her glasses. “That is feeling an excessive amount of anxiety and fear which causes wild behaviour as a result of unthinking.”

“This is not a time for logic and Webster definitions!” I grabbed five spoons and shoved them into my box. “WE NEED TO PACK!”

My dad said, “Breathe.”

I breathed. Over and over again until my heartbeat was a lot calmer and my body didn’t feel so on edge. “Dad-”

“Are you high?”

I shook my head.

“Any drugs in your system?”

I shook my head again, gripping my box hard.

“Are you drunk?”

I shook my head once more, tired of the questions, the edge of my box digging into my skin.

“Do we need to do math questions?”

“ _No, Dad._ ”

“Alright. Then we’re going to meet your friends, like your mother said.” He pulled on his jacket and grabbed his keys. “We can discuss stuff with them. Clear the air.”

I dropped my box of stuff on the counter. “Can we at least bring our passports and stuff?” Desperation peeled in my voice.

“Fine.” My mom squatted and grabbed the passports from one of the drawers. “Here.” I pressed them to my chest. She smiled and squeezed my hand tight. “Better?”

I nodded again. The passports sat snugly in my pocket. I tried to relax.

“Alright, family bonding going wonderful, I see. Time to make friendship bonding go just as well.” My dad smoothed his hair down, opened the door and stepped out, stopping short, a tiny forced smile suddenly on his face. “Uh, Alex?” He pointed forward. “Is- is that the hitwoman?”

My blood ran cold.

Peeking around the doorway, under his arm, I nodded because the woman was standing there. She was standing there with a gun, and it was pointed at my face, under my dad’s arm, and my body froze and all I could think was that I should have packed faster. I should have packed faster because if I did we would have been out of the country by now, talking and picking up French in France and living life peacefully as Jacques, Scarlett and Scott LeBleu.

 

**You’d only been home for like ten minutes.**

 

I was panicking. There was a gun pointed in my direction. Do you really think I was focusing on the intricacies of whether I could’ve actually been out of the country in ten minutes or not?

 

**I suppose not.**

 

Yeah, but there she was, looking crazy with a gun and it was pointed at my face and I was panicking again. I had gone stiff. My parents, for some inane reason, were acting calm. My mom, I got. My dad, not so much. This was a man who threw his wallet at a guy he thought was robbing him then burst into tears for assuming.

“Anna,” my dad hissed. “Take Alex. Preferably now, please.”

My mom pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll kill you if you don’t live, Charles.”

“She learns humor just as I’m going to die,” my dad muttered. His hands tightened into fists and the walls began to shudder.

My mom grabbed my arm and yanked me back into the apartment, slamming the door shut. “Alex, you still with me?”

My eye twitched. She took that as a yes. Without warning, she shoved a tablet into my mouth. It was thick, hard to swallow, and tasted like corn. Once I downed it though, my body relaxed and my head cleared up a little. I didn’t feel as terrified as I was. Instead, enjoyment spread through my body like a fire. Everything was kinda hazy with happiness and I was still stiff though. She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the bathroom just as my dad flew through the front door. The now broken door slammed into the refrigerator and clanged loud. My dad let out a yell of pain.

I woke up.

“Dad!” Even with him crashing into a table and moaning as blood slid down his face, I still felt happy. What the hell did my mom feed me?

“‘m fine,” he slurred, pushing up and stumbling forward. He wiped a trickle of blood from his mouth. “Go.” Then his eyes glazed over and he fell into Latin with ease, with familiarity. “ _Sugere_.”

_Rise._

The walls-

 

**Wait, you know Latin?**

 

Look, it’s really hard to make a story cool and fast-paced when you keep interrupting. And yes, I know Latin. I know a lot of stuff most people don’t. Latin, Ancient Greek, how to read Egyptian hieroglyphics. All the other dead languages. It’s all very annoying and very cool.

           

**Okay. You can go back to the story now.**

 

Thank you. Um, where was- oh right.

The walls shook harder and my mom slammed the bathroom door shut just as these apparitions broke through the walls around us. She covered me with her body. The ghosts screamed loudly. A bulb broke, shattering glass around us. The air dropped to freezing and kept dropping as the ghosts swirled around the room, screeching. They passed through my body and my breath slammed out of me, cold.

Through the door, I heard my dad yell, “ _Venit_ **17]**!”

All the ghosts shrieked and flooded through the door. Warmth hit my system like I’d been thrown into the sun. I didn’t have a chance to bask in it. My mom yanked me into her bedroom, grabbed a staff from under her bed and tapped the patch of wall by their dresser hard. The wall shimmered blue as a circle appeared. The apartment parking lot was inside of it, shimmering rainbow colours as though we were looking at it through a bubble.

I gaped at it, confused. “What the-”

“No questions, Alex,” my mom chirped, yanking me closer to the wall. Her eyes were stony. “Time to go.”

“Wha-”

She shoved me through without warning.

Going through the portal was like diving into a pool of molasses. Slimy substance coated my body. My lungs burned for oxygen and everything was dark. Passing through it felt like an eternity, though when we popped out, the portal disappearing behind us, melting back into the wall, my watch read that it had only been a few seconds.

I didn’t have a chance to breathe before my mom was dragging me over to our car.  She hopped into the passenger’s seat, staff held between her legs.

“I can’t drive!” She leaned over and started the car, revving the engine. “ _You can’t drive!_ ”

“I know,” she snapped testily. “Your dad will. Get in.” When I just stared at her, she glowered at me, face dark, eyes pissed. “Get in. _Now_.”

I got in.

For the few minutes that we sat in the car in silence, I studied the staff she was holding because it was much easier to study it rather than try to figure out what the hell was going on.

It was dark gray, made in the shape of a rectangle, thin and long, about the length of her leg, with curved edges. There were hieroglyphs engraved beside the edges, at the top and near the bottom. The writing was too small for me to read all of it but I caught the one at the top. It read ‘Warrior’. At the top was a hand clutching a crystal, red and bright, pulsing with power.

Swallowing, I sat back. Panic pounded in my chest, neurons firing insanely all over the place, yet strangely I felt at peace. Silently, I asked myself WWND. What Would Nick Do? Well, Nick would probably punch the panic and then use their deafness as an excuse to not listen to me while I yelled at them that we should flee.

I was considering making a run for it just as my dad burst into the car, shooting us out of the parking spot, out of the underground parking lot and into the barrage of nighttime traffic.

“Seatbelt,” my mom and I chorused, clearly focused on the important things at hand.

“Right,” he grunted, driving straight into a partly empty road while he tried to pull his seatbelt on with his teeth. “So, fleeing the country, huh? Let’s go do that now.”

“We’re not fleeing the country,” my mom deadpanned. “We’re going to go meet up with Jackson and Kali, remember?”

“They’re the ones that are trying to kill me!” I squawked because, yes, I still believed that was one hundred percent true.

“No, they’re not.” She offered no other explanation than that and I accepted it because she’s my mother and she’s never lied to me before.

My dad swerved the car around suddenly, eyes wide, body tense. I yelled, flying across the backseat, my seatbelt choking me. My mom pulled out a half made scarf from under her seat and started finishing it, unfazed. I swear, all the Designated Female at Birth people I know aren’t fazed by anything. Well, except my dad.

Glancing through the back window, I saw nothing. “Dad?” I looked at him. “You okay?”

“He’s fine, Alex,” my mom said to me. To my dad, she said, “It was an illusion, Charles.” My mom patted my dad’s arm. “Relax.”

“Right.” He made another U-turn and pushed back into traffic, visibly shaken. “Illusion.”

Clasping my hands together, I sat back. “I don’t understand what’s going on. Mom, what did you feed me? I’m feeling very calm and it’s unsettling. Or it would be unsettling if I could stop being calm.”

“Happy Pills. Capital H, capital P.” She held up her scarf and frowned. “I think I’m doing this wrong. Charles, you explain. I have to fix this.”

Eyes frantic, my dad glanced at me through the rearview mirror. “Yeah, um, I’m not good at explaining things.”

I stared at him. “You’re a teacher!”

My dad screwed up his face. “You know very well that I’m only good at explaining things I want to explain. History is one of those things.”

“So does that mean I don’t get an explanation?”

“Uh, yes. It does. Ask your friends when we get there.” He tapped the steering wheel. “I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.” I pulled my legs to my chest, tapping my knees, bobbing my head to invisible music while my dad continued tapping the steering wheel. “Okay.”

The drive to Parel’s Park was lengthy at best. My nerves flared as my dad pulled into the parking lot. I tried to stay down low, discretely searching for my friends through my window. Jackson pulled me out of the car before it even stopped, started screaming and mimed strangling me. Kali, on the other hand, grabbed the collar of my shirt and yanked me up to her height, my feet dangling off the ground.

“Do not _ever_ run away from me again,” she said, or rather hissed, before placing me back on the ground softly so my heels wouldn’t sting.

“Yes, ma’am. Understood to the highest degree,” I chirped. “So, um-” I glanced at my dad who nodded and gestured for me to continue. “-did you guys hire a hitwoman to kill me?”

“No, you moron!” Jackson snapped, shaking his claws hands at my face. “If we wanted to kill you, _we’d do it ourselves!_ ”

That didn’t make me feel any better.

“I’d slap you so hard if it wasn’t for your stupid fear of pain,” he grumbled, tugging me into his arms. Kali slid behind and they hugged me hard. “You’re so stupid,” he breathed, sniffling.

“You are extremely stupid,” Kali agreed.

“Nick says I’m a panicked genius,” I disagreed and they laughed quietly.

“Nick’s an idiot then,” Jackson said. He pulled away and fake-punched my shoulder, grinning small.

Kali kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand. I swung our arms, breathing in deep, relaxing a little bit. Ease slid through my spine, spreading heated calm through my skin, relaxing me. Happy Pills had nothing on my friends.

You know, when I’m not assuming they’re trying to kill me but that only happened once so it doesn’t count.

The car horn beeped insistently. “Hurry up, Alex! Grab your friends and let’s go!” my dad yelled.

Jackson frowned, top lip dragging over his bottom. I pushed my hair back. They squashed me into the middle of the backseat between them, both holding my hands. Kali leaned into my shoulder. Sleepiness descended over me like a blanket. I snuggled into my seat.

“I assume we are going to the school,” Kali said, patting my hand soothingly.

I leaned into Kali and yawned. “ _Whaahhhhh_ school?”

My mom held up her scarf, admiring the yarn. It was a mix of green and black yarn. I love green. She seemed to be almost finished with it. Without looking at me, she said, “A school for special people.”

I leaned further into Kali, eyes fluttering, while Jackson cleared his throat. “Listen up, Al, ‘cause this is important,” he started. “Now-”

“Does anyone else feel really tired?” I interrupted, yawning widely.

There was the buzzing sound again and the world shifted black. I tumbled over into Kali’s lap, blazing warmth crashing over into me like a wave. Jackson’s shouting echoed into my ears as I passed out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [12] Nick uses they/them pronouns
> 
> [13] The Fields of Punishment is a place in the Greek underworld where soul who wreaked havoc on the world are sent to receive eternal punishment and suffering.
> 
> [14] A place in the Greek underworld where the wicked received divine punishment for crimes against Olympus. Tartarus is also considered a primordial deity
> 
> [15] Savitr is the Hindu god of sunsets.
> 
> [16] Slavic god of spring and fertility
> 
> [17] Venit is Latin for come, I think. I don't actually know any Latin so this could all be wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

I don’t normally dream a lot and when I do, lately it’s just been a ton of gay sex.

I blame Jackson.

This time, though, it was a nightmare. I hate nightmares.

Blackness covered everything. There were no walls, or floors or ceilings. Just complete and utter darkness, stretching far and wide, swamping everything. Rubbing my eyes, I squinted into the dark, trying hard to see some kind of light. My breathing quickened. Nothing. Just darkness. I began to panic, chest tightening, body tensing.

Liquid began trickling from somewhere behind me then in front of me then everywhere. Water pooled against my feet, thick and heavy. The stench of rust filled the air. The water rose higher and higher. I stumbled forward, trying to get out of the water. It was too heavy, too thick. My arms and legs felted weighted down by the consistency. It was too thick to be water.

Screaming, I struggled as it rose my neck. Light flashed and I saw it. Not water. Blood. I was struggling in a pool of blood. Something was in front of me. When it was dark, all I could hear was my breathing, heavy, accompanied by tiny gasps.

Hands grabbed my ankles and yanked me under. I struggled. It was too dark to see and there was no air to breathe. I gasped, swallowing in blood, choking on it, breathing in more. My chest felt like it was ripping from the inside out. The taste of rust coated my tongue.

Then there was another flash of light and a monster smiled down at me, wide grin plastered on such a dark face. Bright shining eyes gleamed at me. Sharp teeth made themselves apparent as the creature spread its grin wider.

Desperate, I pushed up. Coughing out blood, I screeched, choking. The monster raised its body out. Its skin was blood. A sharp nail stabbed through my leg and I fell back down into the pool, choking, gasping.

Dying.

Jerking up, I tightened my grip on something hard and gasped cool, sweet air, taking the scenery around me

Trees.

Lots of trees zooming past in a blur.

Panting, I looked around then down. I was on Kali’s back. She was running up through woods, barefoot, and moving fast. I tightened my grip on her.

“-ckson!” she was shouting. “He’s awake!”

“Kali, what’s going on?” I mumbled into her shoulder, trying hard to blink awake. The smell of blood lingered in my head and I felt tainted. The back of my throat tasted like rust. I could still feel the blood on my skin, drowning me. A phantom pain curled in my leg.

Jackson jumped down from a tree and ran with us. “Okay! Quick run through, Alex. I’m a god. Kali’s a goddess. We’re being chased by the DreamKeeper. Immortal monster. Nearly impossible to kill. Wants to eat you alive. Caused you to fall asleep. Tried to kill you in your sleep.” He paused, ducking under a branch. “Also, your mom’s a Warrior of Magic and your dad’s a Warrior of Death.”

That woke me up. “ _WHAT?_ ”

“I JUST WENT THROUGH IT!” he screamed back. “KALS! ON YOUR LEFT!”

To the right and through a cluster of trees, I saw a car driving up a road. Kali ducked under branches and hopped over overgrown roots, moving through the snow so fast it wasn’t human. My mind flitted back to what Jackson said about her being a goddess. It slipped my mind as a pile of wet leaves grazed my face.

Once we came into sight of the car, I saw my dad at the wheel. My mom calmly kept knitting, barely sparing a glance for anything that was going on. The car was speeding, like at the speed of flippin’ light, yet Kali managed to keep pace with it as though keeping pace with a speeding car was something all people should’ve mastered by fifteen. My dad shouted something and my mom looked up at us. She tapped her staff. The door to the back seat slammed open.

Before I realized what was going to happen, Kali heaved me off her back and threw me forward, jumping into the backseat after I, screaming, fell into the car. She landed on me, her chest to my chest, my head slamming against the other door and there was this intense sensation of pain that was so agonizing, I blacked for another few minutes.

When I came to for the second time that day, Jackson was in the car. I was laid out along his and Kali’s legs, the back of my head throbbing. The back window was missing. There was a dark shadow tromping after us, way faster than the car was moving.

“Guys, why is the back window missing?” I asked, because this was it. This was my mind going crazy and I needed to keep sane and this was how I was keeping sane. By focusing on the non-important things like the fact that the back window was just a gaping hole with pointed fragments of shattered glass left behind. I took my rising panic to also mean the Happy Pills were wearing off.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

My dad glanced behind his shoulder real quick. “Oh, that was your mother.”

I nodded repeatedly like a human bobblehead. Right, because my mom was a mage, or witch, or something magical and could blow the back window out with a spell or something which she probably did with her staff to save my life or her life or someone’s life because there was a monster out there that was chasing us all that wanted to eat us - preferably me - alive.

I didn’t want to be eaten alive. That sounded painful. Since I fear pain more than the average person, I wanted to avoid that. I wanted to avoid it so very much.

Kali stroked my face. “How are you doing, Ēlēksa?

“My head hurts and you’re a goddess,” I breathed. “You’re my best friend and you’re a goddess. Oh my gods, I told you how much I fear you. I told a goddess how much I feared her. Oh my gods, I pushed you. Thor’s hammer, I pushed a goddess.” Whimpering, I curled into a ball. “I pushed a goddess who can go into crazy bloodlust rampages.”

“I am not going to hurt you,” she said, patting my shoulder reassuringly. “It is fine, Ēlē-”

“I PUSHED KALI, DAD!”

He pushed the brakes, the car slamming to a sudden stop, and stared at me. “Why would you do that?”

“I didn’t know she was a goddess!” I moaned. Then something hit me. “Wait a minute. YOU KNEW?”

Guilt clouded his face. “Um, well, yes.” He cleared his throat and turned his seat, to fully face me. “See, I-”

Jackson reared up and grabbed my dad by the collar of his shirt. “A MONSTER HAS PLANS TO EAT YOUR CHILD FOR DINNER SO STOP TALKING AND DRIVE THE FUCKING CAR!” he shouted while Kali and me struggled to drag him back down so he wouldn’t throttle my dad.

Jackson hit the sit beside me. Leaning into Kali’s shoulder as my dad sped the car down the road again, I said, “I need one more run through. Details. Tons of details. A million details preferably.”

“I’m a love god,” Jackson explained. Still appearing pissed off and on the verge of murder, he threw his legs over my lap. “Kali is _the_ Kali, goddess and all. Your mom’s a Warrior of Magic. Your dad’s a Warrior of Death an-”

“Actually, I’m a Warrior of _the_ Dead, which is just another branch of Warriors of Death but not the same thing,” my dad corrected.

Jackson squinted at him, somehow looking murderous and moronic at the same time. “Anyway, we’re taking you to a school that-”

My dad interrupted again. “Actually, you guys have to go the rest of the way by yourself because we’ve been banned and can’t be within one hundred feet of it. Sorry.”

“You’re going the whole way,” Jackson said, matter-of-factly, tone pissed and enraged. “Back to what I was saying. The school you’re going to specializes in what we call Warriors. Warriors are-”

There was a screech, high-pitched, extremely terrifying, alien in tone, and it made my hair stand on edge. Panic burst into my chest, drowning me.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” Jackson yelled, dropping his face into his hands.

I looked out through the broken, missing back window. My breath flushed right out me. Alarms went off in my head and I’m pretty sure my heart missed a couple beats. The thing, the monster, whatever the heck it was, scared me to the bottom of my soul.

Her body, fifty feet tall, was made of shifting shadows, that screamed like someone being punished. Huge glowing bright eyes sat right in the middle of her face. She had the widest of smiles, stretching impossibly far across her face. Her hair was long and thick, dragging behind her, leaving behind a trail of red that smelled of rust. It took me a moment to realize that it was made out of blood. Dripping, dripping blood. A flash of my nightmare passed by and suddenly I found myself tasting blood again, feeling it soak into my skin. Felt it drowning me.

“What is that?” I whimpered.

“DreamKeeper. Body-snatching monster that knows all your dreams and nightmares, has an affinity for eating people and likes to make them view their worst nightmares before their inevitable death. Sometimes known as the SkinJumper due to her constant desire to jump into another person’s body. Referred to as a female due to it’s like and preference of the female body,” my mom explained. She was still knitting, unperturbed by anything. “Also impossible to kill but easy to banish if you know the correct spells. However, I do not.”

“Oh. Sounds lovely.” I turned to my dad. I couldn’t keep the shakiness out of my voice, trembling in my seat. “Drive faster.”

The engine whined, almost sputtering. My dad grit his teeth. “I can’t.”

She was gaining on us. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to go through my mental breathing exercises. “So I’m going to die by being eaten alive. On a scale of one to ten, how painful do you think that is?”

“Seventeen,” my mom answered, holding her scarf out. “What do you think?”

I admired its vibrant colours. She’d knitted a green star in the center. It was actually quite nice. “Beautiful but I don’t see ho-”

She threw it out the window, leaning back in her seat. Blinking, lost and confused, I turned around to watch the scarf. It landed flat on the road. Then, just as the DreamKeeper took a step forward, it expanded, wrapping her up like a gift. She roared, shaking the trees and road. Slowly, her form began to shrink until she was the size of your average twenty-year old female, and running straight for us, fast but not as fast as the car and definitely not as fast as before.

“Put a shrinking spell in it,” my mom explained, picking at her nails, too calm for the type of situation we were in. “I find if they’re smaller, it’s easier to puncture their hearts without the heart healing and growing back at the same time it’s bleeding out.”

“You kill these things often?” Kali asked, clearly excited to meet another female warrior.

My mom grinned affirmation, flashing teeth. Before I turned back to watch the DreamKeeper, I sent her a small smile.

The DreamKeeper did not look happy to be small but then again if I had been a fifty foot towering monster that people feared, I probably wouldn’t be too happy about becoming a five foot seven woman either.

She snarled and gained in speed. I bit my lip, nervously, and hoped there was some special barrier that didn’t let monsters get in or something interestingly cool like that. I hoped we had already past it because my heart was thumping in my chest so fast I was sure it was going to explode. Terror was already raging in my heart. My mind was a mental stream of _one lily lily, two lily lily, three lily lily, breathe_ , counting not working because I didn't have anyone to count with, no one’s voice to soothe me and I was going to die.

A barrage of arrows burst from the sky, aimed nicely at the DreamKeeper and terribly at us. Jackson pushed me down, throwing himself on top of me. Arrows broke through the top of the car. I screamed at the top of my lungs as one pierced itself next to my face and Jackson curled further around me

“Make them stop shooting at us!” he yelled to someone

The darkness I was surrounded by reminded me of the nightmare. My breaths fell heavily. I thought I smelled rust somewhere. Everything felt heavy and thick and suffocating. I couldn’t breathe. Gasping, I tensed up. I was being dragged under again.

“Alex, you still with me?” Jackson’s voice broke me out of the DreamKeeper’s spell, or what I hoped was the DreamKeeper’s spell anyway because at this point in time I did not need to be hallucinating.

I nodded, feverishly, terrified and scared but still there. Hysteria was bubbling in my throat. Jackson gripped me tight enough for me to feel it but not bruise or hurt. I struggled underneath him, rolling over and breathing in the familiar scent of lavenders and Axe body spray. Jackson always smelled great.

The arrows stopped pelting through the roof of the car and my dad swerved to stop ten feet from the doorway of a huge building. Jackson pulled me into his chest, Kali appearing in a blue mist. She pressed her fingers to my face, eyes questioning. I nodded. I was fine. Jackson, on the other hand, had wounds in his arms and one through his back yet there was no hole in his chest. An arrows stuck out of his left shoulder. He reached up and tugged it out wincing heavily.

“You okay?”

Loosely he grinned. “I’ve had worse. I’ve had a lot worse.”

That did not make me feel any better for his wellbeing.

The DreamKeeper howled at the onslaught of attacks but she didn’t slow down. Freezing up, I felt Jackson and Kali grab my arms, both trying to heave me away. I stayed rooted to the ground. My heart pounded in an uneven beat, blood roaring my ears, Jackson and Kali’s shouting voices muted in the background as some force shoved everyone in a three feet radius of me backwards. The DreamKeeper’s face was an inch away from mine. My breath caught in my throat. Shadowy, bloody tendrils slid up my arms and over my face.

 _I am going to die,_ I thought, entirely too calm and rational for the situation.

And then there was a squelching noise, a sword driving right through her chest, through her heart. She bled black ooze, snarling loudly, before vanishing in a swirl of sudden wind. Thankfully, she left the sword behind. My dad stood there, clutching it in a vice like grip, panting, looking winded and really, _really..._

Old.

I swallowed, spots flashing in my line of vision. My panic, terror, hysteria, what have you, was crashing. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I registered that I’d lost feeling to my limbs. “Okay. Cool. Sword. Awesome. I’m sleeping now. Goodnight.”

“Alex?” My dad sounded worried.

I probably would’ve freaked out more about what was going on if I hadn’t just passed out in Kali’s arms. It’d been a hard day. I figured I deserved another faint.

* * *

 

Coming to for the third time in a single day was not as bad as one may have expected. My head wasn't throbbing anymore, which was nice, and I felt oddly calm and at peace, kinda tired though, like passing out took a lot out of me. It probably did.

The day's events flittered across my mind before I even opened my eyes. I took a deep breath. Medicinal smells bustled around my head, making me feel somewhat woozy. Blinking slowly awake as I moved upwards, the cotton sheets under me shifted softly, falling back to the cot.

The room was... white. White tile, white walls, white ceiling. I rubbed my eyes and glanced around. The room was filled with white cots. About twenty of the cots were filled with kids. Some were sleeping, some were being tended to. A few had arranged their cots in a circle and were playing poker.

A girl, my age maybe, looked up at me from where she was tending to a kid with a broken arm. Her hair reminded me of gold. She smiled light, blue eyes twinkling, and held up a finger, turning back to the kid in front of her. I sat back and closed my eyes. The white cotton sheets under me were clouds, easing me in a state of relaxation.

“It's good to see you're finally awake.” I opened my eyes. The girl was smiling as she helped me into a sitting position. She had a Canadian accent. “Busy day, eh?”

 I nodded, fingering the sheets, mind still in the process of waking.

She kept grinning. “I'm Alice, by the way. Alice Daniels.” She gestured around. “This is the infirmary. We brought you over here when you fainted. Gave us quite a scare there.”

I rubbed my neck. “Sorry.”

“No problem,” Alice said. “All newcomers pass out within a week of coming here anyway. Now you don't have to. Okay, so I'm just going to do a quick questionnaire for my superiors’ and the infirmary’s database and then you can hop to with your friends.” She picked up a small clipboard and a pen from the table next to my cot. “So, full name?”

“Alex Scott Johnson.”

“I’m gonna need your whole name,” she said, louder.

I rubbed my arm. “Alex Scott Johnson,” I repeated.

She blinked and raised an eye, amused. I tried not to take offense to it. Most people thought it was weird my first name was the nickname variation of another name, but, you know, I picked it because I liked it. And because it can be used for girls and boys and I’m bigender[18], which means I alternate between female and male, so having a name that is unisex was important to me while I was picking a new name out.

“Date of birth?”

“May twenty-third, nineteen ninety-eight.”

“Blood type?”

“B positive.”

We continued on like that for another five minutes, her completing a quick check up afterwards that took up another ten minutes. She took a step back and checked something on her notepad before smiling at me again while I buttoned up my shirt and pulled on my jacket.

"All done. Your shoes are in the bottom drawer. You can go whenever you're ready." She waved and set off to help a kid with an arrow sticking out of his arm.

My arm throbbed with imaginary pain as my heart beat a little faster at the sight. What dangerous, pain inflicting place had my parents and friends dragged me off to?

"ALEX!" Jackson jumped on me. We toppled back into the cot while he fake-cried into my chest. "I thought you were dead!"

 Chuckling lightly, I pushed him off and sat back up, feeling at slighter ease at the sight of them. "I'm fine. Where my parents?"

Kali wrinkled her nose, biting her lip. "They had to leave. They were not supposed to be here in the first place," she said, fingering her hair. "How are you?"

Tying my shoelaces, I thought about her question. According to Alice, I was in next to perfect health, wondrously fine except for a cut on my pinkie. But I knew that Kali didn't mean in those regards. She never really did.

Slipping off the bed, I leaned on her shoulder and grabbed their hands, squeezing them for reassurance, trying to identify all the emotions coursing under my skin. “Nervous. Agitated. Scared. Wondering what's going on. Hoping for bigger explanation. Wishing my parents were still here," I answered, finally. I rubbed my thumb over Kali's palm.

She pressed her opposite hand to my cheek. "You will be fine."

I scrunched up my face. "Let's go with maybe. _Maybe_ I'll be fine."

Jackson bumped his elbow into mine, eyes laughing, and we started out the door. "No need to be so pessimistic, Allie. Relax."

I scuffed my heels on the floor. Taking a deep breath, I squeezed my eyes shut and stopped right as we hit the door, stiff and immovable like a frozen block of ice cold nerves and fear. “Guys? What... what’s going on though? I don't really understand…” I curled into myself. “None of this is making much sense to me.”

Jackson tugged on my arm. “We'll show you. You just gotta go through the door.” Kali rubbed her thumb over my palm. Jackson met my eyes with a familiar and steady, _sure_ gaze. “Can you do that?”

I so badly wanted to shake my head and stay in the infirmary forever, with its calm white background and healing aura. But, no one ever learns anything when they stay stuck so I took another breath, watching Jackson's eyes. "Yeah," I exhaled. "I can-” I took another breath and smiled lightly. “I can try."

"'Kay." He pushed the door open, eyes bright, grinning broadly. "Welcome to our world."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [18] A gender in which a person may alternate between two genders and/or feel like two genders at the same time. Alex only alternates between male and female


	4. Chapter 4

Their world was fairly mundane.

Wait, no, scratch that. The school was pretty cool. Everything else was…   not.

The school was huge. I didn’t get a good look at it before I passed out, what with all the panicking and the giant monster wanting to devour me, but when Jackson took us outside, I finally… did. It was shaped like a castle, three floors tall with buttresses and huge windows. The infirmary was a white building just outside the back, a story high but infinitely long. There was a covered walkway from the infirmary to the back doors of the school.

When I looked back up to the school, I noticed that it’s design had changed, just for a moment, before it settled back into the Hogwarts-castle type appearance. Jackson laughed when I started and told me that the building was actually shaped like a giant block, three stories high. The outside walls were magicked to appear how any person would choose to perceive it but only if their perception was good. Otherwise it just looked like a giant gray block. Didn’t want anyone freaking out if the place looked like one of those stereotypical hospitals for mental patients you see in horror movies.

Still even with this knowledge, the inside of the school was not at all what I was expecting. I was still kind of expecting a morbid, gloomy, Hogwarts-esque type of interior, with like talking portraits and moving suits of armors. Maybe even some ghosts floating through gray walls and students. That was not what I got at all.

Flyers were strewn up on walls, reminding people to sign up for clubs for next semester, inviting kids to see the winter musical the drama department was putting on. Some posters demanded votes for Snow Queen and King. On a large poster board were school reminders, requirements for graduation and all that kind of stuff. Christmas decorations hung everywhere.

The odd stuff was the fact that the hallway was carpeted in green, which I loved, the walls painted a bright yellow, which I hated, and the ceiling done in a calming purple, which Jackson clicked his tongue at happily. Kids strolled past us, discussing televisions shows while books levitated behind them or were carried by skeletons. This one girl hopped onto the back of her friend’s wheelchair and they blasted off to who knows where, laughing maniacally.

Some noticed Kali as they passed by and, blushing, they bowed to her. She explained in a hushed whisper that some of the kids would be able to sense that she was a goddess from the aura she gave off. I tried to see it.

I saw nothing.

On my other side, Jackson grumbled about how nobody knew him and how it wasn’t fair that no one loved him until I promised to pray to him in the mornings and make my own personal Jackson shrine out of lavenders and other purple things.

Clubs were still ongoing and when we passed by the doors, I noticed that they were normal clubs. Like drama, music, art, photography, etc, etc. Just normal clubs. Nothing magical or weird or strange.

Just normal.

I’ll be honest, it was kind of unsettling to realize that the world you see on TV and read in books was not the same in real life. I was expecting a little more magic duels in the hallways with kids screaming at each other in Old English and a little less “Hey, did you catch the new episode of Teen Wolf last night?” I mean, I saw a group of kids in a stairwell, reading, studying and quizzing each other on SAT prep questions, for the gods’ sakes.

“You know, I figured your world would be a little bit more-” A girl and her friend passed by, both squealing about how excited they were for their double date tomorrow. “-Hogwarts,” I finished lamely.

“Yeah.” Jackson stretched, dragging my arm up with his. “They all do. We’re working on it.”

I squeezed his hand. “Where are we going?.”

He snorted into my ear. “Layla’s office. She’s the principal. Word to the wise, Allie. Don’t call her Ms. or Mrs. or Principal because she will turn you into a teacup for like two weeks and you will hate it.”

I nodded. “Alright.” I pumped my fists into the air. Let’s do this.”

He put his hand on the doorknob. In one quick motion, Kali’s hand fell from mine and I tried to flee. Try being the operative word here because she just grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me inside anyway.

Layla, or Layla Roseanne Pend as the shiny plaque on her desk stated, was eating ice cream out of the box when we burst in, feet up on her desk, watching a movie with ninjas on a small black-and-white television that was set on the bookshelf. She had on a dark pink breast cancer robe. Her dusty brown hair was in curlers that draped down to her pale-tan shoulders. Large green eyes fell on to my face, where they narrowed, Kali’s face, where they blinked in confusion, then Jackson’s face, where they promptly widened to the size of the moon.

“LAYLA!” Jackson yelled, throwing his arms up into the air.

“SHACKSHON!” she yelled through a mouthful of strawberry ice cream.

Jackson leaned over the desk and hugged her tight. Turning back to me, he introduced me to her. “Alex, this is Layla Pend, the best Warrior in the history of Warriors ever. I’ve known her ever since she was eight and she punched me in the crotch.”

She punched him in the arm. “Nine, you deserved it an’ ah wouldn’t say the best. Maybe close ta the best but nah the best.” She had a heavy Southern twang to her accent and held out her hand. “Nice to meet you. Ahm Layla Pend.”

I shook her hand. “Alex Johnson.”

“Well, Alexander,” she began, sitting back in her chair, “Ah-”

“It’s Alex,” I interrupted, swinging my legs. “Just Alex.”

She raised her eyes, bemused. “Alright then. Now ah bet you’re wonderin’ what’s goin’ on, hmm?”

“Little bit, yeah.”

She brandished her arms broadly. “Well, this is a school for Warriors."

The chair creaked slightly as I leaned forward a bit. "What is a Warrior exactly?" I asked.

She bit her lip. "Ah don't rightly know how the term was coined or came to be. No one really does but a Warrior is what we call someone who believes in somethin’ an’ creates it real from belief. As they stem that belief within them, they ah capable of controllin’ it.”

“I don’t quite understand,” I said.

Her hands steepled under her chin. “Belief makes everythin’ real. Warriors hold belief within ‘em an’ keep it real. It is what allows ‘em to control their belief.” She leaned back, hands still steepled under chin. “Fo example, Warriors a Water hold the belief of water’s reality within ’em, makin’ water real. Their internal belief allows ‘em to control wahter.”

I understood it. Some of it anyway. I mean, the “belief-makes-it-real” part, I got. That’s basically how I always thought it worked for my gods. I believe in them. They exist. Not so much understanding with the “you-believe-so-you-control-it” part. I mean, no one can control gods. It’s impossible.

Licking my lips, I nodded my understanding, regardless of the fact that I only understood a part of it, mind still fluttering over the words, pulling out bits and pieces and twisting them in ways I understood but so that it didn’t really lose its meaning.

Layla nodded, pleased, then smirked, her finger curved in the air, a come here signal.  I leaned in closer. "Brokes," she whispered, "is the best school for the advanced Warriors. We're so much better than any other school and give out twice the trainin’." She pulled back and grinned, stern but pleased. "But ya di’n’t hear that from me."

"Yes, ma'am."

"We also house demigods and the occasional Special, though Specials have a tendency to make a home in the Knight Building which is more accommodated for them." She waved her hand around, plucking a piece of paper off her desk. "Anyway, here's your schedule."

I took it. "I have one already?"

She nodded. "Jackson texted me like a while ago that you were comin’ and ah should get a schedule ready."

Kali blinked and stared at him. "Five hours ago you were supposed to be in a tree, keeping watch for a monster while I kept Alex safe.”" Her voice was dangerously low.

"I can multitask," he protested, voice whimpering, slipping around to the other side of the desk for safety because this is a lie. Jackson is really bad at multitasking, especially in tense situations.

She mimed strangling him and he ducked behind Layla's chair. Layla took another bite of her ice cream. "You're still as afraid a women as you were when ah met you," she said through a mouthful.

I laughed at that while he glared at me and then tried to jump out the half-opened window. Kali grabbed him by his hair and pulled him outside, quietly closing the door before she started yelling at him. I had no idea what she was saying but it did not sound happy.

Layla turned back to me. "Ignorin’ Jackson's fear ah females an’ the fact that he'll probably be dead before ah finish this sentence-" There was a thump against the door, more yelling, some screaming and a rather loud beat on the wall. "-you'll notice that on your schedule are regular classes.

“We're not idiots, a course. We want ahr students to be as prolific in regular studies as any otha child. Granted, we still have ta teach courses pertaining to their survival so as result we have a six-day school week from nine ta six on weekdays, ten ta two or two ta six on Saturdays."

She rubbed her face. “If for any religious, spiritual or cultural reason you can’t attend classes on Saturdays, that’s fine. Howevah, you will be expected ta keep up the workload. We staht Christmas break next week.” She stood and stretched. “Ahm tellin’ you this now. You’re not as fa along as one would hope. You’re-” Waving her hand around, she bit her lip, frowning. “How old ahr you?”

“Fifteen. Sixteen next May.”

“Right, fifteen. An’ we normally staht from age seven. That’s eight, nine years a trainin’ you’re missin’ out on so ahm puttin’ you in the advanced class. Sounds horrible, yes, but ah think it’ll help you progress faster, catch up more. Ah also recommend that you stay here fo the break, seeing as you’ve got a lot to catch up on.”

She smiled. “Now do you have any questions for me?

I scuffed my heels against the carpet, my legs crossed at the ankles. “Just two. Um, what _kinds_ of Warriors are there? And, uh, which one am I exactly?”

She smiled and nodded. “Well, firstly, there are many kinds a Warriors. The most common is, as I mentioned, a Warrior of Water. An’ then, of course, you have the rest ah the elements, Warriors of Air, of Earth and of Fire.” She rubbed her face tiredly. “The next biggest group would be the Warriors of Magic, which I am a part of.”

As thought to prove this, she waved her hand into the air and an apple appeared out of nowhere dropping to desk with a loud thump. When I glanced back up at her, her body seemed to have sagged even further.

“I probably shoulda used mah wand for that,” she muttered, blinking rapidly. She waved off my alarmed look just as another thump echoed through the doorway. “It’s nothing,” she assured. “Wands and staffs and such allow us ta take energy from them ratha than us pullin’ out all our energy.”

“Is that what my mom is?” I asked, thinking of her staff. “She- she uses a staff.”

Layla cleared her throat. “Yes. Anna is a Warrior of Magic. But, to continue, there are different branches of Magic. Defensive, offensive, nature and so on. Most tend to focus on one singular and others like to take on multiple an’ learn the basics ratha than a single trade.” Her voice went steely. “Your mother is one ah those people.”

“Neat,” I said because it was and it made sense. My mom liked learning. “And Jackson said something about, um, my dad being a Warrior of the Dead or something?”

Her eyes went cold and she stiffened considerably, leaning back in her chair. “Ah, yes. Warriors of the Dead are a, uh, branch of Warriors of Death. Katherine was- is a Warrior of the Dead.”

I stared at her while she drummed her fingers on her desk, deep in thought. Who the fuck was Katherine?

And then I remembered an unfortunate meeting with my dad’s family in which that name was consistently and constantly uttered despite the amount of times they were told to shut up and stop using it by me and my mom, my dad taking quiet refuge behind us as he tried to find someone who he could convince to let him go inside to see his sister’s fucking wedding. Transphobes are shit.

 

**Yep.**

 

Swallowing and trying not to feel overtly irritated because she probably didn’t know my dad very well (which the only way I was going to accept her use of his deadname), I cleared my throat, catching her attention, and said, “Charles. My dad’s name is Charles. Not Katherine.”

She blinked, a look of confusion merging over her face before understanding broke in. “Oh, yes! Charles. I forgot. My apologies.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “So Warriors of the dead?”

She smiled thinly. “Yes, Ka- Charles is a Warrior of the Dead. They specialize with the summoning ah the dead, such as skeletons an’ ghosts. Howeva, they cannot commune with the dead. Warriors of the Soul are part ah the branching ah Warriors of Death and they can commune with the dead but cannot summon them. You will find that many Warriors of the Dead and Warriors of the Soul tend to work with one another for that reason.”

I nodded. “Makes sense.”

“Warriors of Death, those who choose to be specific to death in any sense, often work with death gods in administering death amongst the living. It is hard and lonely work which is why many choose to firstly staht off with being a Warrior of the Dead or the Soul before turning to Death in its absolute,” she said, absentmindedly digging at her almost empty box of ice cream. “There are not many ah them, ah course.”

She stopped to glance inside her tub of ice cream. She pursued her lips, her eyes narrowed as Jackson and Kali fell through the doorway. Jackson grunted and pushed Kali off of him. He had a small bruise on the edge of his mouth, near his chin. Kali’s hair was out of place. I swiveled my chair around a bit.

Jackson pushed up and flopped his chest on top of my lap, Kali leaning on his legs, completely undisturbed. Kali looked at Lena and bowed her body slightly in apology. “I apologize for interrupting.”

“Apology accepted,” Layla said, slipping back into her seat, relaxing. “To answer ya otha question, you’re a Warrior ah the Gods.”

I blinked. Pausing a moment, thinking about those words and what exactly she said a Warrior was, I laughed nervously and said, “Come again?”

She scratched her head and pronounced her words, little slower, more spaced out. “War. Ri. Or. Of. The. Gods.”

I blinked again, disbelief practically oozing from me. “Heh?”

“A Warrior ah the Gods,” she repeated.

“No, but really, what I am?”

She stared at me for a moment like she was wondering if I was being dumb on purpose before leaning in close and saying louder, once more, “A Warrior ah the Gods.”

I sobered up real fast, gaping at her, mouth opening and closing as I tried to find my words.

Shooting up and ignoring Jackson who fell off my lap, with a squawk of annoyance, I laughed nervously, pacing around the room, panicking, nervous, kind of freaking out. “What? No. See that sounds like a Big Bad Awesome. I am not a Big Bad Awesome. You can ask either one of these guys. You can ask my parents! You can ask my cousin, Elaine! I will never be a Big Bad Awesome. I am not big, bad or awesome enough.”

“Big…” She closed her eyes and pursed her lips. “What?”

“Big Bad Awesome.” I waved my arms around. “Big Bad Awesomes are characters, _main_ characters, who are usually the only one of their kind or the best of their kind and have to save the world at the end of the day.”

She jumped when I slammed my hands down on her desk. “I can’t save the world. I am so very, _very_ average it’s actually pathetic. I fear pain. I can’t handle being in a regular gym class unless we’re playing badminton. I am sorry but unfortunately I have to revoke this-” I stuttered, the world falling flat in my mouth, tasting sour. “-this- this- THIS Warrior-thing because I can’t be the Big Bad Awesome because even as a regular human being, I suck.”

The doorknob turned, door opening. The door slammed shut right before my foot hit the ground. I stepped back, staring at the door, not bothering to even try and open again it because it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway. Kali took my hand, running her fingers over my palm when I squeezed my eyes shut and wished I was anywhere but here.

Look, I didn’t want to control the gods.

I wanted to go home and make my evening prayers, finish my playlist of music offerings for my gods to listen to while I went to meet Nick with their parents on Monday. I didn’t want to control them. I wanted to worship them. I wanted to go home and pray and clean my idols and replace them with other ones that have been sitting in storage for a month because my room is small and I don’t have enough space for all of them. I wanted to change out my shrine. I wanted to squeeze the blood out of raw beef and put it in a bowl in front of the shrine. Then I wanted to wish my mom and dad goodnight, ask for pleasant dreams and go to sleep.

I didn't want this.

I wanted normal.

 _My_ normal.

“You can’t just ‘revoke’ being a Warrior, especially not this kind of Warrior,” Layla said, tone dead serious. One of her curlers sagged. “Not unless you’re okay with dying.”

Sighing deeply, Kali’s hand became my lifeline. I laughed tonelessly. “Figures. The Big Bad Awesome never gets to give anything up. Though, they generally don’t want to.” Closing my eyes, I listened to Jackson hum softly under his breath, his body flush against mine, face buried in my neck. “So, what else do I need to know before I begin my new life as the world’s worst Big Bad Awesome?”

Layla shook her head.  “Ah’ll have someone come up to ya room tomorrow mornin’ and give you a tour. You can attend your classes in the afternoon when it's ovah.”

“Gotcha.” The door swung open. “Have a nice night, ma’am.”

“And to you as well.” As we stepped out the door, she called out, “Jackson, the room’s in the same place it was last time you were hea.”

He gave her a thumbs up, still face deep in my neck. I shuffled him off and took a step back, eyeing the two of them with ease, already plotting revenge for all the times they made me do stuff that winded me up in a jail cell with a burly guy name Knuckles. It’s happened a lot actually. Knuckles is also very nice even with the constant blood stains on his hands. We’re pen pals.

Well, maybe being a Warrior of the Gods would be awful but at least I could order my friends around.

“Kali, give me a piggyback ride.” Amused, she crouched down and I hopped on as though I’ve never made her give me a piggyback ride before, arms shooting in the air, professing to anyone around, “I’m king of the world. Now, magically transport us to this bedroom, if you would please.”

“You are going to be the worst Warrior ever. You’re like a stereotypical Canadian. You’re going to ask before you get us to do anything remotely important or life threatening,” Jackson said, laughing while reaching out to take Kali’s free hand.

She closed her eyes. Air pulled at my body, feeling like it was shredding me to bits but in a completely painless way which I highly approved of. All things should be painless. My eyes snapped shut. Seconds later, when the air stopped pulling me apart, I opened them. Jackson dropped Kali’s hand and plopped on the bed.

“I can see it now,” he continued. “‘Uh, Kali, can you _please_ go kill that giant that wants to rip my heart out?’”

Laughing, I said, “I totally would- WAIT, THERE’S A GIANT THAT WANTS TO RIP MY HEART OUT?”

“Not the part you should be focusing on, but yes. Everyone wants to kill you!” He sounded cheerful. He materialized a cup of pink lemonade out of thin air and took a sip, screwing up his face. “Oh, Allah[19], that’s sour.”

Attempting to push aside the whirling panic that was building in my brain at the thought of a giant that wanted to rip my heart out, I reached out with a ‘gimme, gimme’ gesture and he handed it over without a second thought. I like sour things. Kali slid me off her back and dropped down next to Jackson while I drank.

Halfway through my drink, glancing at Jackson, who was smiling, I said, “So. Love god, huh? Explains a lot.”

“Yup.” He popped the p and locked his fingers behind his head. “I’m trying to specialize in homosexual relationships between men.”

And suddenly everything made sense. “Is that why you keep setting me up on dates with guys?” He threw his feet over on Kali’s lap and nodded. I rubbed my neck and glanced at Kali. “Well, what about you, Kals? Aren’t you supposed to be the protector of women? What are you doing watching over me?”

She locked her fingers behind her head and leaned against the headboard, smirking. “The first thing you _screamed_ during the introductions in third grade was ‘Sometimes I’m a girl, sometimes I’m a boy but I still use male pronouns ‘cause I like ‘em.’ You do not fall into the category of female or male. How am I to know if I can or cannot protect you?”

“My name was Scott in third grade. A male name, Kals,” I said, finishing my drink. “I got it changed to Alex in the fifth, remember? And you’ve seen me naked. Several times.”

She blinked several times. “I apologize. I went momentarily deaf. What were you saying?”

“He was reminiscing about the beginning of our friendship in which he asked you multiple times whether or not you used male pronouns and I spilled chocolate milk on him because he thought you were a guy and I thought that was rude,” Jackson snickered.

Kali grinned and closed her eyes, smiling wider at the memory. “I remember that. I also distinctly remember you screaming and hiding in the closet when you found out that the girl you thought was a guy was named Kali.”

“I was eight, Kals. _You_ starred in most of my nightmares.” I flopped down into a chair, hooking my legs around the back. “Of course, I ran away.”

“I am not that scary,” she protested, though a smile kept edging up on her lips so I doubted she really thought that. Or cared.

“Yes, you are. Every one of you are terrifying.” I considered that. “Except, maybe, Jackson.” Laughing, I ducked when he threw a book at my head. “Belay that.”

“Damn right, I’m terrifying,” he grunted, swinging his body up, mussing up his hair with one hand. “Sexy and terrifying. Sexy, amazing and terrifying.”

“A triple threat.”

“Exactly.” He tapped my nose and smiled. “Anyway, Imma head out to your apartment. Pick up some of your stuff. What do you need?”

“Everything. Sanity. My normal life back. The ability to not fear pain as much as I do. An accounting certification already.” My chin hit the top of the chair. “But, um, could you just… just tell my parents that I, uh, miss ‘em and I love them and I wish they’d stuck around and, um, remind them how to use Skype?”

Before nodding, he cocked his head and sent me an odd look after I babbled a list of stuff I’d also definitely need. It should disturb me that my clothes and medication weren’t the top of that list. “Um, yeah, sure. ‘Course, I’ll get your…” His face pulled down in a wince. “...idols.”

After he disappeared in a swirl of purple mist, I inspected the room.

It was nice, larger than what I was used to, which was strangely intimidating. By the bed, there was a huge bookcase that almost hit the high ceiling, stopping just a few inches before. I had a nice large window in the center of the wall, by the end of the bed, overlooking the grounds and an AC next to it. It had a heating option, which I thought was pretty neat. On the other side of the window, pressed into the corner, was a closet. There was a large desk next to the bed and a small dresser.

Across from the bed was a door which opened into the bathroom. The bathroom was also big. Everything was big. It made me feel really uncomfortable, considering the fact that it was becoming increasingly more and more apparent that I’d be staying in this place and I’d never lived in a room so huge before. Ever. Even before my parents adopted me, I had a pretty small room. Bigger than my bedroom back at my apartment but definitely smaller than the room here.

“It’s too big,” I muttered, throwing myself into the bed which was also big. In fact, it was big enough to fit three average-sized people comfortably. A part of me was screaming, _WHY DOES IT NEED TO BE THAT BIG?_ Another part of me really had to pee. I rolled over into a pillow and moaned, “Everything is big and I’m going to die.”

Kali snorted. “Really? Everything is big so you are going to die?”

I nodded and she, laughing, tugged me up, my face into her lap, combing through my hair with thin, slender fingers. I practically turned into a giant cat. Purring, I pushed back deeper into her fingers, whining.

“Oh my gods. Get your stupid heterosexual lifestyle out of my face,” Jackson snapped.

He had a couple suitcases and a note in hand, purple mist swirling around him, dissipating into the air. Glancing up at him, I grinned and buried my face back in Kali’s lap, humming loudly while she went back to playing with my hair.

He dropped my suitcases. “I would kill you if I didn’t like your ass so much,” he grumbled.

My body fell into Kali’s chest, her arms wrapped securely around me. She kissed my cheek and smirked. “Unfortunately, it is _mine._ ”

“Then we shall fight-” Jackson kicked my suitcases out of his way. It chimed, noises clunking from the inside, and I subconsciously hoped that my stuff hadn’t been ruined “-to the death!”

Kali slipped out from behind me. Jackson tackled her and missed as she slid out of the way, her eyes smiling. Not dissuaded, Jackson caught himself on the palms of his hands, rolled forward, pulling up into a quick stand. He kissed the top of my head before rolling back on his heels, swiveling around and pushing Kali up against the wall. She shrieked with laughter and slung her arm around his neck, smirking as she yanked on his ear.

He went down with a strangled yell and she darted over to me. Blocking me with her arms, she watched Jackson surge back up, rubbing his ear and calling her a dirty cheat. She stuck out her tongue and he made to tackle her again.

A grin broke out over my face. “No,” I moaned, dramatically, “don’t fight for me, my good friends.” A thought occurred to me and I paused, dropping my arms from the air.

Kali stopped giggling, reaching out to touch my arm, soft and worried. “Are you okay?”

“Um, no.” I took a deep breath. The words fell out my mouth in a rush of jumbled, smushed together sentences.

“I’m not stupid and if I really am the Big Bad Awesome then I have an epic but sucky plotline to follow, which _will_ suck so let’s try to avoid that, but then there are these questions in my head and if I don’t ask them now then they’ll get tangled in that sucky plotline and probably screw up a lot of crap and besides we agreed on being completely honest for as much as we can possibly be when we became friends anyway because of my whole anxiety thing over not being told when I’ve done something wrong and plus my rules dictated it and Nick told you guys a bunch of times that honesty is extremely important to me as well so my first and extremely important question, which you should really answer for me as soon as I’m done rambling because otherwise I _will_ freak out, is are you guys really my friends or was I just something for you guys to watch over and protect because of my status as your master or whatever?”

There was silent pause, a silence so deafening my ears rang. I wanted to take it back. How stupid could I have been to doubt it? What was the point? They were gods. One little life didn’t to matter to them. I would die and so would our friendship

_I. Am. An idiot,_ I thought, feeling dumb. And pathetic. And stupid. And overally…  _bad._

Then Kali gripped my chin and touched our foreheads together. Her eyes were serious, chin set in a determined way that I knew she _meant_ what she was going to say next. “At first, yes. You were an assignment to watch over, observe and protect. However, that was then. I know you now. I know you, I understand you, you are my friend.” She smiled and kissed the top of my head. “And I love you.”

Jackson’s face pressed into my neck. “I love you too, Al. Don’t ever think any differently.”

“Love you guys, too,” I murmured. I held out my fist. “Platonic friendship buddies?”

They chuckled and we fistbumped. “Platonic friendship buddies.”

We flopped on the bed, side by side. Jackson handed me letters from my parents. My dad’s was wet in certain spots with the ink welling up around the stains. I smiled. When I was about eight, I went to sleepaway camp for the first time for a week, and my dad wrote me every day. His tears stained those letters too. Since it was on top, I read my dad’s letter first.

 

_Alex, Scott Johnson, you are a horrible child and I hate that you’re gone. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you earlier. We were being selfish. We weren’t ready to let you leave. You’re our little boy. How could we let you leave? School there starts at seven. I just got you! I mean, we just got you. Sometimes I miss my tiny little five year old, babbling about rules and rules and rules and rules and rules and math and Carlita’s[20] brownies and more math._

_Okay, Jackson’s tapping his feet. I’ll wrap this up. I love you. I love you. I’m sorry. I love you. I miss you. Don’t die. Don’t panic. I love you. Take your meds. I love you. Don’t die. I love you. I love you. I love you. I miss you._

_P.S. I love you._

_P.P.S.  If an elderly man named Carl with purple eyes offers to give you a haircut, RUN!!!!_

_P.P.P.S. I love you._

My dad, so emotional. I squeezed the letter tight, the paper crinkling in my hand. Kali laughed in my ear, having read the letter over my shoulder. I prodded her side and turned to my mom’s letter which was short and to the point, just like her.

 

_Take your medication. Don’t forget to pray. I love you._

_If an elderly man w/ gray hair & purple eyes offers to give you a haircut, scream & punch him in the face. Don’t panic. I miss you. I love you._

 

Smiling and forcing back tears, I folded the letters up neatly and tucked them into my pocket. “What time is it?”

Kali lifted my arm to read my watch. “Eight twenty-eight.”

My arm hit the bed with a soft thump. “Really? Feels later than that.”

Jackson rolled on top of me, hair tickling my chin. “Well, you did pass out a lot.”

“Valid point.” I poked his side. “Now get off.”

He just rolled on to Kali and whined. “Kals, Alex doesn’t love me anymore. He _liiiiiiied_. He’s a liar.”

His head made a satisfying thump and he went silent while Kali slid her fingers through his hair. “What about your second question?” she said after a moment had passed by in easy silence.

I closed my eyes, curling into her side. “Tomorrow.”

She nodded and began humming. I relaxed. I was hungry, tired, scared, nervous, panicked and somewhat bordering on the edge of an anxiety attack but the sound of Kali’s humming and Jackson’s slow breathing had me lulled off to sleep before any of those feelings could go to my head and swallow me whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [19] The Arabic term for God and the common name for God in Islam
> 
> [20] Carlita was Alex’s guardian who took him in while he was in foster care before his parents adopted him


	5. Chapter 5

Waking up was like waking up on a cloud.

Mostly because I did wake up on a cloud. A large purple cloud hovering seven feet above the ground in a room I had sparest memories of, wearing bright green footie pajamas that I didn’t have _any_ memories of.

Kali was still snoring on the bed, body sprawled out in a manner unbecoming of a goddess. Jackson stepped out of the bathroom, a towel folded round his waist, body dripping with water. How did I not realize he was god earlier? No one is _that_ muscular and _that_ attractive.  Except, of course, Sebastian Stan, that gorgeous man. Maybe he’s a god too.

I mentally slapped myself to wake up and everything from yesterday came flooding back. “Why am I on a cloud and why am I wearing footies?” I said, sitting up. My blanket fell to the ground. Jackson glanced up at me and I eyed his appearance appreciatively. “You know, I forgot how attractive you are under ten layers of clothes.”

Jackson grinned, cheekily. “Hot people get laid, Allie. You know that.”

“Please tell me you didn’t have sex with a student,” I deadpanned.

“‘Course not. Layla would be mad at me if I did.” He flicked his wrist and the cloud descended down, albeit a little quickly, evaporating as it did. “Anyway, I put you up there because you get clingy at night and your jeans were itchy on my skin.”

“Then why didn’t you move?” I rubbed my legs, cold, wet and numb from the cloud.

“I did. Kali told me to put you on the cloud. You kept trying to spoon her. It was ridiculous.” He dumped his towel on the ground and materialized some clothes. “I mean, she’s so tall and you’re so tiny.”

“We’re the same height!” I protested for the umpteenth time. “If I’m tiny, you’re tiny.”

“Only the same height if I want to be the same height, and I don’t so I must be taller,” he said, tapping my nose then pulling on a pair of purple underwear.

“Your obsession with being taller than me _and_ the colour purple has gone too far.”

He chucked his towel at my face, grinning. “You’re just jealous because I look so damn good in purple and you don’t.”

My hand pressed against his chest. Half-lidding my eyes, I tried for the lowest voice I could manage. “Damn right, I think you do.”He raised his eyes, amused, then flushed his body against mine. He was so my height, the liar. “You’re so adorable when you’re trying to be sexy. Makes me really, really-” He pressed his lips to my ear. “- _hot_.”

            “Me too,” I murmured, taking no fear in this situation as I often don’t when it's early in the morning because my brain is still in the process of waking up and I do stupid things like boil milk for no reason or pathetically attempt to flirt with Jackson or, alternatively, call up the prettiest girl in school and tell her how much I love her beautiful face. “I-”

“Stop acting like Phoebe and Chandler[21],” Kali yelled, throwing a pillow at us. “You are not going to do the sex with each other so stop pretending. I am hungry!”

“Your argument doesn’t make sense,” I said, sinking against Jackson’s chest.

She rolled over, removing the pillow from her face, her eyes glowing red and her skin turning blue. “I am a goddess. My arguments do not have to make sense. Now feed me before I eat you.”

A grin spread over my face. Right. She was a goddess. _The_ Kali. How awesome. “What do you want to eat?” I said, glancing around for my shoes.

Kali thought about it. “Demons[22].”

I rolled my eyes. “Besides them.”

“Then…” She paused, slumping into my side, brows furrowed. “...eggs.”

Jackson stretched and took my hand, pulling us up. “Eggs are good. Let’s go! Cafeteria!”

Unable to locate my shoes, I slumped against his back. “I own you. So you have to carry me.”

Without any real effort, Jackson heaved me on to his bare back, rolling his eyes and swinging one arm over Kali’s shoulders while he moaned. “First of all, this is terrible abuse of power. Just awful. You should be trying to take over the world like Hitler[23] planned. Second, I am the only non-morning person here yet I seem to be the only one alive and it’s nine fifty-eight.”

My excuse was a shrug. Kali muttered. “I am tired. I did a lot of stuff yesterday.”

“You’re all lazy butts and I refuse to be friends with you guys anymore,” Jackson said, dragging his feet over to the door.

“I am the only one who did anything worthwhile, you gadhā[24],” Kali protested, weakly punching Jackson in arm.

“I am not an ass!” Jackson pushed the door open, banging it into the face of a twelve year old who immediately broke out in a string of swears, their hands going for their face. “I have _an_ ass. It’s very sexy.”

He marched past the swearing the twelve year old, not stopping to apologize as he headed down some flights of stairs and under the staircase. We passed some people. They stared. I don’t know if it was because of seeing Kali half-asleep against Jackson’s shoulders, me be carried piggy-back while wearing green footie pajamas or because of the fact that Jackson was only in his underwear.

Some of them had swords strapped to their sides. Others had guns or wands. A kid had a taser, electrocuting something that kept screaming. The youngest kid I saw had to be around seven or eight, like Layla said they normally were, and she’d been yawning, carried princess style by a jolly-seeming skeleton with a top hat and fancy nineteenth century clothes.

Part of me was creeped out by that. Another part of me thought it was pretty neat. Most of me was really tired and hungry and just didn’t care. Jackson stumbled around for about thirty minutes before coming to a stop in front of a large painting of fruit.

“Do we have to tickle it?” I said, eying the pear.[25]

“No.” Jackson turned around, frowning. “I’m lost. Well, it has been, like, ten, fifteen years since the last time I was here. She must’ve changed stuff.” He rubbed his face. “Someone probably blew up half the building again.”

“What? Again?” I leaned back, glancing at Kali then to the back of Jackson’s head, my grip on his shoulders tightening. “Again? As in blowing up half the school happens often?”

“Um, no.” Jackson shuffled down the hallway

“But you just sa-”

“I lied.” He patted my hand. “I’m a liar.”

“Bu-”

“I lied, Alex! I am part Greek god. They all lie so I all lie!” He threw some purple dust in my face. I coughed. “Now shush.”

Kali squinted blearily at the two of us, watching the sparkles of purple flutter down from my face to Jackson’s hair and her arm. She blinked at Jackson. “You cannot make him do anything.”

“I can and I will,” he grunted. “Now move your feet or I’m leaving you here.”

She huffed and stood up straighter, linking their arms together and pressing on forward to who knows where. I wondered if there was a map on a board or wall somewhere. Some doors pushed open suddenly, wind blowing hard and cold, startling me and everyone else. Jackson shivered. A girl with bright blonde hair entered, brushing snow off her arms.

“Alex!” Alice called out, jogging over, pushing her medical bag over to her back. Jackson gave her a once over then huffed and turned back around. Females just aren’t worth his time.

She stopped in front of us, taking in Jackson’s pantless state and my terribly bright green pajamas. It took her a few minutes of processing this image before she finally said, “Nice pajamas.”

“Thanks,” I said, adding, “We’re trying to find the food.”

Chuckling, Alice bumped her hand against Kali’s free hand, smiling widely before gesturing over to another hallway. “You’re welcome. It’s this way. Come on.”

I fist-pumped the air. “Onwards, slave!” I yelled, leaning back to slap Jackson’s butt. “Go!”

He twisted his head a bit, raising an eye at me, an amused look on his face. He made a suggestive motion with his tongue before strutting after her. She glanced inside a half empty classroom, where a girl with white hair was snoring, passed out on a desk. “Go back to bed, Mary!”

Pulling back, she squeezed her cheeks, puffing out her lips, and said, “Everyone’s been talking about you since yesterday.” At my horrified expression, she laughed, dropped her hands and shook her head. “Don’t worry. Layla’s been insisting you are not the big deal everyone is assuming you to be and said she’d suspend anyone who tried to get you to do stuff so-” She smiled light. “-don’t worry about anything.”

I exhaled. “Oh. Okay. That’s good.”

Burying my face in the fluff of Jackson’s hair, I tried for a two minute nap, taking advantage of the buzzing in the air and the nice lavender scent in his hair.

Wow, his obsession with purple things has gone farther than I thought. I should probably have a talk with him about that. Maybe this Thursday after movie ni-

 

**Alex, stay on track.**

 

Right. Sorry.

Uh, so! We arrived in a simple manner to the cafeteria which was huge. There were a lot kids. Most of them were carrying swords and some had arrows strapped to their backs in those holder-things that archers in movies have. I was also suddenly hyperaware of the fact that people were looking at us and I had not showered, brushed my teeth or brushed my hair and was still wearing bright green footie pajamas.

“Maybe I should talk to my therapist about social anxiety because there are many people and I am scared,” I whispered to my friends after Alice told me we could sit with her and her friends, waved and skipped off to a group of very loud people, one of whom was yelling because they kept stealing food off his plate. He picked up a knife and mimed stabbing them the closer someone's hand got his plate. A boy with blue hair laughed.

“You are wearing footie pajamas on the back of a male in his underwear who is standing next to a feared and respected goddess in front of at least a thousand children,” Kali said. “Anyone would be a little bit terrified.”

She pulled her hair into a tight bun, eyes tightening, fists clenching, lips thinning. She looked like she was getting ready to murder someone, or at the very least, fight her way to the top of the breakfast line. This was normal and didn't bother me.

Jackson snorted and shifted me off his back. “Not me. I got hit on by Zeus.” He shuddered. “Nothing terrifies me anymore.”

I dropped to the floor. “Except women?”

“Women don’t count because they scare everyone.” He squared his shoulders. “Anyone who isn’t a little scared of them clearly has never met one. Or they’re a woman themself. There is no other option.”

I pfftted. “Have you seen the list of female goddesses that are in charge of war or death?”

“That stuff doesn’t matter,” Jackson said, scanning the menu hanging from the ceiling before flashing a smile and fluttering his eyes Southern belle like, slipping into line in front of a bunch of blushing boys, Kali and I following after.

“All of them could rip your throat out. I’ve seen Xochiquetzal[26] do that tons of times. In heels. With her make up great, hair flawless and manicured nails remaining perfectly perfect as she does it,” he said.

My respect went up by like a billion percent on that alone. I love my gods. They’re so terrifying and awesome and just so _cool_.

 

**You’re a weird person.**

 

Thank you.

Jackson reached over and plopped an omelette on his plate, pouring apple syrup and onion rings on it. He dumped three slices of toast on the plate. Scanning the rest of the buffet line, he proceeded to grab seven slices of apples and an orange, soaking them in apple syrup, before skipping ahead to front of the line, slumping against the counter, tapping his foot impatiently.

“Your taste in food is atrocious,” I said, my plate filled with pancakes smeared in peanut butter and maple syrup.

He eyed my pancakes reproachfully, giving me the shifty eyes that meant “Alex-you’re-a-fucking-hypocrite” and said, “Uh huh. _Right_.”

“Apple syrup is disgusting,” Kali noted, prodding her toast with her fork. “I am under the impression that this toast is very dry.”

“Apple syrup is delicious and it’s one of the reason I love Brokes,” Jackson huffed.

I leaned into Kali’s side. She smelled like pine. I rubbed my face on her shoulder, whining. “I’m wearing bright green footies,” I whispered. “I really, _really_ want to go back to my room where I can change and then Skype my parents and scream at them for leaving me in a place that is full of dangerous weaponry and probably highly dangerous children.”

A seven year old screamed, “DIE, YOU STUPID ANT!” and stabbed the table repeatedly with a long knife. No one batted an eye.

I froze, eyes widening before I whirled around to Kali and Jackson who were both glancing around for Alice’s table. “I want to go and I want to go now.”

Jackson spun me around, took my arm and pulled me in the direction of Alice, who was waving excitedly at me. “Stop being a wimp.”

I gave a tiny wave back. “A seven year old is murdering a table with a knife. I want to leave.”

Kali slung an arm around my shoulders. “It is a dagger.”

Yeah, I didn’t care about the proper name of a weapon! Sputtering, I snapped, “Who cares! I want to leave.”

“Hold this, would ya, Kals?” Jackson handed Kali his plate. He locked his hands together and flexed his fingers outwards. “Thanks.”

He grabbed me and hefted me into his arms, princess style. Spluttering, I tried to fight my way out but I, uh, didn’t want to spill my food so after a few seconds, I just… stopped trying and... laid there... in his arms, feeling completely pathetic and embarrassed.

Some Big Bad Awesome I was.

People stared, looking amused. My face flushing bright red, I squeezed my eyes shut, muttering. “Jackson, put me down now.”

He bit his lip, shifting me as though he was trying to keep me up and put me down at the same time.

“Put me down and then we’re going back to my room and I’m going home.” He just kept walking. “Jackson!”

Three seconds and a puff of purple smoke later, we were in my new bedroom. Kali’d moved the desk in front of it so I could stare at my computer screen, eat from a comfortable place and get changed into normal people clothing at the same time. Jackson was curled up in my lap, his feet strewn over Kali’s lap. She fingered my hair.

My dad’s face popped on screen. His hair was fluffed up. He had a five o’clock shadow that I knew he wasn’t going to shave just so he could hear my mom was going to complain about it later. My heart burst at the thought of not listening to that familiar argument.

“Alex! Hey! What’s up?”

“I’d like to go home.”

“Simple and to the point, just like your mother. Good. Um-” He rubbed his face. “You can’t, though. You have to stay there until at least Christmas break but of course then you’d have to go back. Quick question. Do they still have a buffet?”

“Yes. Why do I have stay?”

“You know I liked that buffet. Do they still have-”

“Dad.”

He sighed. “You need to train.”

“I lived with you for ten years of my life, Dad, without even the barest hint of any kind of training. You wrote me notes to get me out of having to do gym, for the gods’ sakes.” I stabbed a piece of my pancake. “In what world does that sound like I haven’t been surviving?”

“That was me, to be honest.” My mom pushed my dad slightly out of the way. She looked tired but the wrinkled edges of her eyes crinkled further as she grinned at me. “Certain spells can mask you from monsters and anything else potentially dangerous but eventually they get weaker over time.”

“Then just redo it!” I whined.

Her grin turned apologetic. “I can’t. The kind of spell I did can only be done once otherwise you will be in constant pain from its weight.” She held up an orange container and shook it. A rattling sound could be heard piercing through the speakers. “Speaking of pain, I picked up some more of your medication this morning so if Jackson or Kali could just-”

Jackson disappeared, appeared on screen, took the container from my mom, disappeared then appeared back on my lap in a gust of purple smoke.

“Stop with the purple, Jackson. Thank you, Mom.” I took a pill, swallowing it down with orange juice.

 

**What are the pills for?**

 

They’re anxiety medication. Take one a day, as prescribed by my therapist. They only help a slight bit but enough to lower my anxiety with regular things. Not so much with my fear of pain but that’s maintained at a nice peaceful point at this time in my life so I’m pretty set on just keeping it there.

My mom shrugged. “You’re welcome.”

“Great. Can I come home now?” She shook her head. “It’s dangerous here, Mom. I could die.”

“Alex, I lived there for about, what, ten, fifteen years of my life. No one ever died or came close to dying. You will be fine,” my dad insisted off screen. “I promise.”

“You also promised that you’d never keep me in a situation I didn’t want to be in!” I protested.

“Yeah, well, I’m unfortunately going to have to break that promise.” He clutched his shirt, right over his heart. “Oh gods, I never thought I’d ever say that. Oh, it hurts.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose then fell backwards, grunting loud.

“Alex? Alex, I think something’s wrong with my screen. I can’t see you!” My dad’s voice sounded so panicked, I almost wanted to laugh. Jackson giggled into my leg and Kali snickered into her hand.

“For the love of- He fell backwards, Charles,” my mom explained. “There is nothing wrong with the screen.”

“Oh. That makes a lot more sense.”

Kali leaned over. “We will take good care of him, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson.”

“Excellent care!” Jackson yelled. “All the gay sex!”

I shut up and glared at him. “I am not having gay sex with you!”

My dad stroked his chin wistfully. “I dunno. Jackson’s very attractive, Alex. You could do a lot worse when it comes to gay sex.”

“Dad!”

“What?” He frowned. “Did I not tell you I was pan[27]? I’m pretty sure I told you. It was when we were talking about sex and sexuality. The bird and the bees. You were ten. It was a nice morning and I began by telling you about mastu-”

Wincing at that particular memory, which still caused a flare of embarrassment in my stomach and the back of my head, I cut him off, saying, “You told me. I just don’t want to hear things like that coming from _my father_.”

He clicked his tongue. “Right.”

Jackson sat up, pushing me back and Kali out of the way, eyes half lidded. “I didn’t know you were pansexual, _Charles_.”

My dad flushed bright red, tugging on the collar of his shirt, running a hand through his hair as he cleared his throat. My mom raised an eyebrow, looking amused. I shoved Jackson to the floor, yelling at him to stop hitting on my dad, which was the fifth time he’d done that in my lifetime and I had not particularly appreciated it the other four times. He rolled over and laughed while I chased him around the room, wielding a pillow as my weapon. Kali shifted into a better position on the bed, leaning close to the camera.

“He will be fine,” she said, ducking as I swung my pillow over her head at Jackson, who threw a cloud of purple dust at my face. “Completely fine.”

Coughing on the dust, I yelled, “Don’t! Hit!” I chucked my pillow at his head. “On! My! Dad!!”

“Hey!” He dodged my pillow attack and chucked a pillow at my face. “Hitting on people’s dads is not a crime, you know!”

Not caring and heavily annoyed, I snapped, “Who cares! Just don’t flirt!” I flung a pillow at him, which he caught. “With mine!”

“Actually, I’m fine with it, Alex,” my dad said. “I mean, it’s always nice when people-”

“Stop talking, Dad!” I yelled, exasperated, in the direction of my laptop as I paced away from Jackson who was holding the pillow up threateningly. “Do not finish that thought!”

Kali yanked me into her lap, effectively helping me avoid Jackson’s pillow attack. She carded her fingers through my hair. Jackson dove for my throat but she punched him in the chest, wrapping her knee around his neck as he went down.

“Stay,” she said. She turned back to the computer screen, flashing a white-toothed grin. “Now, Ēlēksa will be fine. We will be watching him, not hurting him and keeping him, as we have being doing thus far, safe.”

“Wonderful,” my mom chirped, taking a sip from her coffee. “And he’ll be coming home for Christmas?”

“Yes,” Kali replied, pinching my hand when I tried to say something.

“And you’ll be coming over too?”

Kali paused. Considered it. “Will there be ham?”

“Yes.”

“I do like ham. I will be there for the ham.”

“Great!” My mom tapped my dad’s hand and murmured something too quiet for me to hear, probably something about buying more ham, before turning back to the screen. “I’ll see you two-” Jackson squeaked that he was definitely coming for the ham too and my mom corrected herself. “-three then.”

“I LOVE YOU, ALLIE!” my dad yelled.

“Love you guys too!” I said right before my mom smiled and clicked offline. Slumping into Kali’s chest, I muttered, “Still wanna go home.”

“Eat your pancakes,” she insisted, pushing me off gently. Turning to Jackson, she said in the sweetest voice you can imagine, “Remember when I was stripper for three years? I can obliterate you using only my thighs, Jackson.” I choked on my pancake. She continued on. “Are you going to be nice now?”

He nodded furiously, face turning a rather dazzling shade of dark red. She released him and picked up a piece of her toast while he doubled over, gasping for breath, hacking into the ground.

“Were you really a stripper for three years?” I asked, shoving more than a forkful of pancake into my mouth.

She nodded. “It seemed like an interesting trade. I quite enjoyed it.”

I swallowed, taking a swig of orange juice to force the bolus down my throat. “Was it hard?”

“A little bit but-” She shrugged and took a bit of her toast. “-shi shrained.”

We ate in an easy and comfortable silence, Jackson occasionally breaking it to yell in Arabic at my laptop as he played (and failed at) chess. I stored a slice of pancake and piece of toast use as an offering later on my plate, curling into a ball in Kali’s lap while she rolled her eyes at Jackson’s consistent swears at a computerized game of chess on the easiest setting possible.

“You have to use strategy,” she said.

“Strategy, shmategy,” he grumbled. A thump reverberated from the door. Jackson glanced up at the door then back at his chess game. One of his pawns had been taken. His eyes narrowed. “I’m not getting that.”

“You’re a terrible slave,” I grunted, pushing myself up and stumbling across the floor to the door. “A horrible, terrible, godly, awful sla-”

The door slammed open nearly hitting my nose and causing my heart to fly at like fifty miles an hour. A boy with bright blue hair and a large smile stuck out his hand. I stared at it. His companion, a blonde boy with thick framed glasses, groaned and squeezed the bridge of his nose. I realized he was the boy everyone kept stealing food from at Alice’s table. The blue haired boy was the one he'd threatened to stab. In their presence, I slightly feared for my safety.

The blonde said with a thick accent, “Hello. My name is Peter Solberg. Layla asked me to take ya on a tour around the school. This is m-”

“I’m Fish!” the blue-haired kid practically yelled, shoving his hand in my face and wiggling it around.

“-y friend, Fish Daniels,” Peter finished. He swallowed and pushed his glasses further of his face, fingers tapping his leg. “He’s had a lotta coffee.”

“Sooooo much coffee!” Fish continued to wave his hand in my face until Peter smacked it from the air, his pale skin turning an orangey-red complexion.

“Stop it,” he snapped, rubbing his cheek. He looked as though he was going to smack Fish again.

I figured this was a good time to intervene and said, “Um. Hi. My name’s Al-”

“ _Alex_ Johnson,” Peter interrupted. “Layla told me. And Alice. Um, you should prob-”

Jackson pretty much materialized at my side before Peter could finish his sentence. “I heard the voices of possibly attractive males,” he said, gazing lewdly up at Peter who stood at least five inches taller than us and seemed extremely uncomfortable with Jackson’s outward sexual nature. “Well, hello attractive male.”

“I have a girlfriend,” Peter said immediately. He pointed to Fish, who was staring at Jackson with a gaping mouth. “He’s taken too.” Peter pushed Fish’s mouth closed.

Jackson swore and scuffed the ground with his feet, glaring angrily at me like it was my fault everyone was either straight or taken. Grabbing my jacket and throwing it at my face, he pulled on his own jacket. “Kals?”

She glanced up lazily from the bed where she was beating the chess game. “Will there be pretty girls?”

Peter wrung his wrists, looking more and more like he was regretting saying yes to giving me the grand ol’ tour. “Yes?”

“Okay then,” she said, pushing up off the bed and pressing my laptop closed.

 “For a bisexual person,” I muttered, pulling on my jacket, “you don’t really focus on males as much as I thought you would.”

“My husband is the only man I am interested in having,” she said, pulling on a grey overcoat. “Now show me the pretty girls.”

Yeah, Peter definitely looked like he was regretting his decision to give me the tour, Fish was bouncing up and down again, smiling hugely, Jackson looked annoyed, still glaring at me, though with significantly less anger than before, Kali seemed excited, tightening her bun and I was cold and nervous, feeling overly terrified and wanting to go hide in my bed.

But that never gets the story going so I zipped up my jacket and took a step outside.

“Okay,” I breathed, trying for a small smile. “Let’s go.” 

* * *

 

“As you know, that is the infirmary,” Peter said, pointing to the familiar white building I had apparently spent like four hours of my life in. “Um, you go there if you’re ill, have broken limbs or have any other ailments, obviously. If you take any medication, you have to store them there.”

“My twin sister works there.” Fish grinned wide, happiness seeping out of him like mucus out of a slug while we walked. “Her name’s Alice. She’s a _doctor_.”

“I know. She took care of me yesterday.” I examined his face, trying to see the similarities in her and him.

For starters, he had the same Canadian accent. He had the same light blue eyes and a pale tan tone to his skin like his sister. He seemed to be the same height as her, which was slightly taller than me but definitely shorter than Kali or Peter. He was slender in build. Unlike his sister though, his face was more angular, less fat in his cheeks. Instead of golden blonde, his hair was blue, like I said earlier, shaggy and falling just below his ears. But other than that, they could’ve been identical twins.

“You guys look a lot alike,” I noted.

“Yeah.” He scuffed the ground with his foot. “Yeah, we get that a lot. She hates it.” He punched shoulder lightly. “So don’t say anything about it.” His mouth stayed open for a moment but nothing came out and after a couple seconds he snapped it shut and gave me a questioning look.

I nodded and he grinned, patted my shoulder and jogged up ahead, pushing the doors to another massive building open. Peter scratched his head as we walked in, Kali and Jackson immediately flanking to my sides when they noticed what was going on. He gestured around vaguely. “This is our training facility.”

The training facility was flippin’ glorified gym and I don’t care what anybody says because it _so_ was. There was a climbing wall stretching up to fifty feet high. People were climbing up ropes, daring each other to jump off or go higher. Metal bleachers were placed directly across from the doors, kids seated in them, cheering on the people dueling below.

There was a section for boxing with a ring and bags. A ten year old slammed her fist into a heavy bag, hitting it so hard that it actually broke off the chain and flew backwards, its top breaking open and the sand sliding out. A ten year old. Ten! When I was ten, I could barely punch a pebble without it hurting. Not that I punched pebbles often. It was on a dare from Jackson.

 

**You punched a pebble because Jackson dared you to?**

 

Look, he gave me twenty bucks.

Anyway, a couple kids, a few feet away from us, started fighting with very real and very sharp swords, metal clanging against metal, making chiming noises that rung out and terrified me to my soul with the inevitable pain they would inflict. I flinched at the thought. Peter, not noticing, pointed down to a door past the boxing area.

“That’s the gun range. Nobody uses it all that much though. You have to be at least sixteen and by that time most everyone is proficient in archery or swordplay,” he explained. “But you can use it prior to sixteen if you have parental permission.” He pointed in the opposite direction. “Bathrooms are over there.”

An arrow whizzed down between my feet. Peter stared at it for a second before glaring and yelling at the frantically apologizing kid with a bow in his hands. Fish argued with the teacher.

While they were doing that, I patted Kali’s arm. “I’m leaving now. I’m going. This is place is _very_ dangerous,” I squeaked, already pushing through the doors. “People are trying to kill me, Kals, and I don’t even know what I did wrong.”

“Ēlēksa,” she began but I was already trudging through the snow, towards a pathway that I hoped would lead to a road which would lead me back to the city so I could go home.

“Alex!” Jackson yelled, running out after me, Kali beside him.

“Don’t stop me, guys!” When I couldn’t hear them following me anymore, I looked back. They were standing there, faces expressing their clear annoyances. “Wha… what are you doing?”

“You told us not to stop you, you fucking dingbat!” Jackson yelled.

“You can still follow me. You just can’t stop me,” I explained. “I need protection in case a monster comes and tries to eat me again.”

I turned back around and marched off while they followed, Jackson swearing like a sailor and Kali oozing disappointment as per the norm. Now all we would need is Nick to pat my shoulder reassuringly and threaten to knock me out and this would be life before high school. Ah, I miss life before high school

Fish ran out of the gym. “Alex? Um, where are you going? Peter, hasn’t shown you everything yet! Alex?”

Turning my head, I called out to him, “I am _going_ home!” Then I turned back and stopped short. “You’re very a big thing, aren’t you?”

Now I was talking to a very large, very misshapen, horrifyingly repulsive thing. It had long sharp fangs, kind of like a sabertooth tiger in the way that its teeth hung over its mouth. It did not have eyes. Instead there were gaping holes of blood and mush. It reeked of rotting flesh. It was full of holes and worms.

I wasn’t sure whether to vomit or run.

I decided to stay frozen to ground in fear because I am an idiot.

“Get down!” Peter yelled.

“Easier said than done,” I whispered, feet frozen to the ground as the thing advanced forward.

Jackson tackled me to the ground. The snow was cold against my face, Jackson’s body heavy on mine. “I have done this too many times for you,” he said.

“You’ve done it twice,” I said. “You’ve done it exactly two times for me.”

“Whatever,” he grunted, grabbing me around the waist and hoisting me up to my knees. “That’s still too many times.”

The thing had an arrow sticking out of its chest but other than that it didn’t seem to be hurt or injured and kept advancing forward, a tad bit faster now that it was being showered with arrows. Kali grabbed my hand and pulled me up and away from the thing, her eyes trained carefully on it, the hand not holding mine tightly gripping a sword that did not look anything like the swords she holds in her pictures. A wave of water pummeled it but it walked right through. I heard Fish swear and Peter shout something to a group of incoming kids, armed with bows and arrows.

“This is a perfect time for you to learn,” Kali said brightly, turning to face me and handing me a sword as we continued to flee.

“This is a perfect time to get out of the line of fire,” I said, diving into a pile of snow to avoid the onslaught of arrows barreling down from above.

Arrows streamed down from the sky, pelting the beast. It roared and my blood pressure skyrocketed. I felt faint. Fear pounded in my veins. The beast snarled and it turned its head to face me, lumbering faster and faster in my general direction. Jackson pulled up sharply in front of me while I snuggled further into the snow and hoped my white as a cloud jacket would help me blend in, like camouflage. The monster let out a mighty roar and I burrowed deeper into the snow, feeling someone’s shadow cast upon me and also feeling like I was going to die and/or have a panic attack. Probably both!

Then, finally, to my great relief, everything went silent, the monster’s roar cutting off short. Kids whooped behind me. I glanced up from the snow, my face cold, fear still pounding like a racehorse in my veins.

“Skip the lesson, Kals.” Jackson jerked his thumb in the general direction of the thing, which was covered in arrows and very dead. “It’s dead now.”

Kali huffed, obviously not pleased with this, and pulled me out of the snow. She pushed the sword back into my hands. “That is yours now. Treat it well.”

I nodded before looking down at what was apparently _my_ sword. The blade glinted silver in the sunlight. The hilt was obsidian rock, a small emerald sitting in the center. It was the length of my leg, a little shorter. I slid my finger over the blade. It was smooth to the touch and cool.

Jackson pulled me back up to Peter, who praised some kids on their excellent timing and archery skill. He flinched as I ran my finger over the emerald, saying, “Word to the wise, Allie. Don’t-” He winced. “-don’t press the emerald when the sword’s pointed in my general vicinity.”

“Why not?”

“We will explain that later,” Kali assured. “But now we continue with the tour.”

I glanced down at the thing. The kids who’d killed it were gathering around the body, examining it. Fear still hammered in my heart. What if it was playing dead like a possum? I shuffled away from it. “What was that?”

“A Skint!” Fish chirped. “Disgusting monster that likes to kill us. It really has no preference. You can be a Warrior, a Special or a demigod. Can only be killed by arrows.”

I grimaced. “Lovely.”

Peter frowned. “Yeah, well, on with the tour.”

A disturbed feeling settled over me when I realized that random attacks from monsters clearly happened often here, judging by everyone’s unaffected and _not_ scared appearances. Thankfully the rest of the tour remained uneventful.

They showed me the classrooms, the workshop, the mailroom and introduced me to some of the students and teachers we passed by. We went to the library which was huge and despite what Kali may say, I did not drool upon seeing the vast amount of books.

_I didn’t._

My favourite, though, was this room they had, where you went in and it gave you a temple-like setting or a shrine to pray to your respective gods and goddesses, or, you know, God with a capital-G. Apparently it was mostly for demigods and, like the gun range, didn’t get used much. It was more of a thoughtful thing to make sure the people who made the plans for the school didn’t get murdered by pissed gods because of their lack in recognition.

I went in and I did not want to leave.

Shrines for all my gods appeared. _All of them._

Fish and Peter stared at the massiveness of it. Fish whistled low as Peter said, “Holy shit, that’s a lotta gods.”

 Kali nodded like that was pretty much what she was expecting and Jackson squirmed. He seemed uncomfortable with the amount of ten foot tall statues staring at him. I ran my hand tenderly up a statue of Kanaloa[28] and then proceeded to attempt to hug all of them to which Kali said no and grabbed my collar, dragging me out of the room.

“I’m setting up my Jackson shrine there,” I had said, squeezing Jackson’s hand and glancing back at eagerly. “And now I have a place to burn my offerings that isn’t a small, enclosed space that can easily catch fire!”

“I’m gonna get a shrine.” Jackson had smirked at Kali. “Bet you don’t have a shrine.”

She had smiled, her grin as thin and venomous as a viper. “I have hundreds to be truthful. You have one.”

Jackson had gaped after her as she sashayed out. I’d shook my head. But other than the temple room and, to some extent, the gym it was a very normal school. Once again, I was little disappointed by that.

“Uh, so Layla probably already told you but just as a refresher, for today, classes start at two,” Peter said, wringing his wrists. “Dinner’s at six-thirty. Next week you can go to earlier classes at ten. Have a good day. I hope you sit with us at dinner instead of disappearing this time, though. Alice was upset about that.”

I rubbed the back of my neck, embarrassed. Jackson snickered, whining when Kali kicked his leg. “Tell her I’m sorry about that.”

“Sure thing.” Peter tugged on Fish’s arm. “Fish, come on. Ben wants you to test something for him.”

Fish’s eyes brightened up and he burst into a big grin, yelling, “See ya!” as he raced down the hallway.

Peter waved to us before jogging after him. “Bye.”

“Adios[29],” I muttered, flumping against Jackson’s chest.

He dragged me into the room. “I want a lot of purple on my shrine and tons of lavender, okay? And it has to be at least ten feet tall.”

I nodded and plopped into my chair while Kali stretched out on my bed and Jackson mentally created an image of the shrine he wanted so badly, doing that thing that interior decorators do on TV where they gesture vaguely at a spot and squint a lot.

“Alright! So run through of what people have not told me, a quick study of this handbook-” I raised the handbook Peter gave me. “-and my second question from last night, ‘kay?”

Jackson took a step back, squinting at the wall. "Maybe a little bigger than ten feet."

I smiled. "Jackson. Are you listening?"

He blinked, glancing over at us, dropping his hands. "I'm listening."

Rolling my eyes, I tugged on his back pocket. "Sit. Question time." I crossed both my legs under me.  Um, the one from last night, my second question we never got around to, it was, um, I was wondering-" I swallowed thickly and rubbed my face, trying to find the right way to phrase it. "-why my parents are, you know, banned from the school grounds?"

They both went stiff and I backtracked. "I mean, I get if it was something you can't talk about or if it's something I'm not supposed to know. I wouldn't, I would never make you guys tell me something I wasn't supposed to hear-"

"Good," Kali cut in, "as we cannot tell you. "

My shoulders fell. "Oh. Okay then, um, well, you should know that I'll be snooping around anyway to figure it out because then you won't tell me but I'll know.”

Jackson bit his lip, leaning back on his forearms. "It'd be better if you didn't know."

"I'm still going to snoop," I said, tapping my ankles. “I want to know why and if you can’t tell me, they probably can’t either.”

They sighed, but Jackson nodded, accepting my nosiness. “Fine. Whatever. What else?”

“What’s a ‘Special?” I asked, using air quotes. “It’s been mentioned like fifty times and I still have no idea what it is.”

“Who, not what,” Jackson said, “and they’re X-Men.”

I thought about it and nodded. “Interesting.”

Kali threw a pillow at Jackson’s head. “He is being obtuse. Specials are a kind of hybrid that appear more humanlike in nature, which is why they have a nicer name.”

She pushed up off the bed, swinging her legs over and smacking her feet into Jackson’s face without batting an eye as he swore violently. “Hybrids are half-Demon and half something else. It may be human or Warrior or anything that is not a Demon. They look more Human and they do not have-” She paused, digging her nails into the bed sheets, sighing deeply. “-my kind of appetite.”

“So… Demons are... cannibals and Specials are… special because they don’t crave it.” I clarified more for myself than to pose it as a question.

Jackson pushed Kali’s feet out of his face. “Yeah. But the other kind of hybrids do. You know, werewolves, vampires, zombies-”

The hair on my neck stood up and a chill drifted down my spine. I shuddered. “Zombies? There are zombies?”

“Yeah but they’re rare,” Jackson gripped my shaking wrists. “Alex, I have never come across one and I am ninety-seven years old, okay?”

“You were born April 9th, 1916?” Because math is the only thing I can feel calm thinking about. I love numbers. Numbers are great.

“Stop doing that,” Jackson laughed, squeezing my wrists. “Fast math is not impressive, just extremely nerdy and you will never get a date by being a nerd.”

“I’ll be rich.”

“People look at personalities now,” he said, patting the back of my hand. “Work on that.”

Curious, I leaned back against my chair. “So how exactly is a zombie born anyway?”

“They are babies that die during the delivery process,” Kali said. She ran her fingers on the underside of her stomach absentmindedly. “They are clinically declared dead. Most deteriorate into dust by the time they are three. They do not live long.”

“Well, that kind of sucks. For them anyway.” I swung my legs back and forth. “So what about Demons? Do they have like a special school or something they go to, like Specials?” Kali frowned and Jackson screwed up his face. I pursed my lips. “Judging by your expressions, I’m going to assume Demons are just as evil as television and books make them out to be.”

Kali crossed her arms. “They did not originate as evil. To be honest, none of us know where they came from but they were quite amiable. There were Warriors who specialized in working with Demons and hybrids through Contracts.”

“Then some Demon tried to take over the world, right?” I deadpanned, rubbing my jaw with annoyance because this “Demons-are-evil-we-must-kill-them-all” storyline was getting so _boring_. I mean, honestly, the only that would make this more cliché is if _I_ were a Demon. “Screwed everything up and made every Demon out to be evil? Pretty much Hilter-ed the Demon community?”

“Basically.” She shifted. “Specials are fine. Specials contain more Human DNA than Demon DNA so we are not worried about them. Hybrids are questionable.”

She got up and paced around the room, like she did when she was about to start giving a long lecture. I spun in my chair to face her.

“Hybrids have more Demon DNA, which is why they enjoy human flesh and blood but they do not come with the abilities that Specials have nor the humanity that Specials have. We are not sure where to stand with them. In more cases than I would like to admit, we slaughter them the same way we slaughter Demons. Painfully and without mercy. It is simpler that way. Hybrids feel closer to Demons. They rally with them more than they rally with us.

“Most Demons are easy to spot. Some can access a glamour. They can have horns, tails or wings. They are all red-eyed and most cannot go into direct sunlight with feeling pain.” She pulled a paper out of midair and held it out in front of me. There was a picture of a thick black bracelet with glowing markings on it, some appearing to be hieroglyphics. “They wear these to block the painful effects of the sun.

“They are the monsters people write about and fear, Ēlēksa, and they are very real. Demons are dangerous. They will kill you if given the chance.” Her eyes darkened and she grabbed my chin, my face pulled close to hers. “And they will do it slowly, painfully and without mercy.”

She dropped my chin. “They hate Warriors, especially your type since there is only one Warriors of the Gods and you contain so much power with that honor. They will mostly try to kill you now that you’ve announced your existence.”

After that little tidbit of information, I laughed nervously and rubbed my hands together, panic instilling in my chest. “Interesting. Okay then, not terrified at all.” I spun around to face Jackson. “Jackson! Thing about the sword. Tell me now.”

He blinked, clearly not at all expecting this sudden change in pace. “Right, uh, sword. Well, um, even in the godly realm there are classifications of people. I am a second god.” He waved his hand around obscurely. “The type of god who no one knows, who isn’t involved in any myths or legends or stories. We’re nothing, basically. No one believes in us as beings so technically we don’t exist. We mostly just do our parents dirty work so they can go off and do stuff like have the kids we can’t.”

“You can’t have kids?” I frowned. Tiny versions of Jackson sounded dangerous but he should at least have the option, I thought.

He shook his head and leaned back against the bed. “Well, I could but I’m not allowed to. Can’t even bless some tiny ones to be mine like Kali.” Kali looked down in guilt but he shook his head and pointed to the jewel on my sword. “Since we’re not in technical ‘existence’, our disappearance wouldn’t matter or screw up anything so that-” He glared it at, jerking his finger in angry points to the emerald. “-that can kill me. Don’t ever stab me while touching it. I will fucking die, Alex.”

I threw the sword off to the side. “Easy. I’ll never touch it again.”

He stared at me like he thought I was an idiot before pinching the bridge of his nose. “You are an idiot.” He waved his hand around and a purple cloud shimmered to life in front of me, floating over to the sword and shifting it upwards, carrying the weapon that could kill my best friend back over to me. “You need it to fight. It’s specifically made for you, for Warriors like you.”

I pushed the cloud away. “I don’t want something that was made with the possible intent to kill you.”

“Just don’t point it at me.” The cloud rumbled, annoyed, and floated closer.

“Bu-”

“Alex.” His eyes narrowed. “Take the fucking sword or I will stab you with it.”

I took the sword.

Weighing it in my hand, I said, “So you’re a second god and are ignored by society because there are no beliefs to hold you real, Kali’s a first, I’m guessing, and is not ignored by society because there are beliefs that hold her real and that whole system lives within me, Demons are evil and I should run away from them at all costs, Specials are X-Men, hybrids are monsters and I am the Big Bad Awesome and I come with a really cool sword.”

Kali nodded. “Yes.”

“Excellent memorization skills,” Jackson praised. He pushed the cloud over to me when it tried to play with his hair. “Have a cloud. Everybody loves clouds.”

It flew around my head, sparking a little.  I frowned at it. “I feel like the cloud is mad at me.”

“It’s not mad,” Jackson said. He crossed his arms. “It’s disappointed in you.”

“I haven’t even done anything!” I protested.

Jackson just grinned while Kali chuckled from behind me, leaning over my shoulder to kiss my forehead. The cloud swooshed under my shirt. It tickled and felt wet. I fell out my chair, struggling to get a cloud out from under my shirt, which is a sentence I never thought I’d ever say. It swooshed down my left pant leg.

I squawked. “Guys! A little help?”

“We are fine in watching,” Kali said, sitting next to Jackson and smiling.

The cloud slid into my underwear and I choked, yelling out, flustered. It was wet and cold. Kali snickered and Jackson keeled over, howling.

“I hate you both.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [21] Two characters in the sitcom Friends, which was, and still is, widely known and immensely popular. It ran for 10 seasons. The incident Kali is referring to is in part to an episode where Chandler and Phoebe pretend to have crushes on one another and attempt to convince the other that they are interested in sex with them.
> 
> [22] One of the main and most popular stories of Kali is her destruction of the demon, Raktabija. As soon as his blood touched the ground it reproduced a clone of himself so as she slaughtered each demon, she drank their blood (and in some tellings, devoured their bodies) to avoid reproduction of Raktabija. Eventually she became drunk with power and attempted to destroy the universe. At the other gods urging, Shiva, her husband, laid at her feet and when she stepped on his chest, she calmed. This is why in many depictions of her, she is standing upon a man’s chest, holding the slain head of Raktabija
> 
> [23] Adolf Hitler, the leader of the Nazis during World War Two.
> 
> [24] Gadhā is Hindi for ass
> 
> [25] Alex is referencing Harry Potter, where in the castle of Hogwarts you can enter the kitchens by tickling the pear on a painting of fruit
> 
> [26] Aztec goddess of love, beauty, prostitutes and fertility
> 
> [27] Meaning pansexual, a sexuality in which a person feels sexually attracted to all genders
> 
> [28] Hawaiian god of the ocean
> 
> [29] Adios is Spanish for goodbye


	6. Chapter 6

Two hours and a violent, extremely inappropriate game of monopoly later, it was three minutes to two o’clock and Jackson was trying to drag me out of my room while Kali held my schedule. Apparently, learning how to stab people with my sword was first for my Saturday classes. I was not excited to go.

Not at all.

Trying to kick my way out of Jackson’s grip, I said, “As it turns out, my dear friends, I like having all my limbs so if we could just stay here-”

“You’re going and that’s final, you coward.”

“Cowards generally don’t die so I’m fine with being a coward.” I gripped the edge of the doorway. “And I’d like to stay here, actually.”

Kali peeled my fingers off of the doorway. “You will be fine.” She heaved me up by my arms. “Jackson, I think it would be easier to just appear there.”

“You make good points, Kals,” he said. Purple mist swirled around us. I whined and they dumped me in the snow outside the gym. “Up, up, Allie.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. Maybe if I couldn’t see it I wouldn’t have to participate in such a dangerous, life threatening activity. If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist, right?

Kali yanked me up. “Come, Ēlēksa. Training will be fun. We will do it with you if you prefer.”

“No.”

Jackson pushed open the doors. “Stop being a baby, Alex.”

“No.”

Kali tugged me inside the cool room. “Let us find you an instructor, yes?”

“No.”

Jackson snorted and wrenched me up against his chest. “I got him, Kals. Go find someone.”

“ _Nooooooo._ ”

Kali ruffled up my hair. “You will be fine, Ēlēksa.”

I whined and opened my eyes, squinting into the light at everything around me. There were less kids around this time, the big crowd of morning students gone.  Most of the kids hanging around were older though, bigger and more violent looking. I trembled in my sneakers. Jackson hauled my stiff body over to a table and a bored looking teenager blowing bubblegum bubbles. “Hi! I’d like to get him fitted with some armor, please?”

“Armor?” I squeaked as the teenager bit her lip, sizing me up with her eyes. “I thought it’d be like fencing. Fake stuff!”

Jackson rolled his eyes. “Even fencers use armor.”

“No, they don’t! _That’s why they_ _use fake stuff!_ ”

The girl leaned back, grabbing a stick of wood off the table and using it to point to a giant X by the table. Jackson pushed me into position the giant X, gave me a thumbs up then dove behind the table, hands covering his ears. My eyes widened and my body seized up in panic. The girl pointed her wand at me, lip twitching in amusement before she jerked it forward. Green sparkles rushed over me. I flinched, squeezing my eyes shut as a burst of cold air slammed straight into my skin.

“All done,” she said, coughing once before flopping down into her chair. It scraped against the floor. “You are free to go.”

I blinked. “What?” I looked down at myself, seeing no change.  “Bu-”

Emerging from behind the table, bubbles of laughter falling out of his mouth, Jackson said, “Magic. Makes your clothes your armor. So I hope you didn’t love that outfit because it is literally the only thing you can wear when you go off to war.”

I pretended not hear that last part. “Oh. That’s cool.” I waved to the girl. “Thank you.”

She shrugged, flipping the pages of her magazine. Jackson slung an arm around my shoulders and directed me over to Kali, who was in deep conversation with someone I couldn’t see. The she shifted to the left, glancing over at me and my brain exploded into gooey, heart shaped bits.

The girl was, she was, I can’t even explain her. She’s…

Beautiful.

Strikingly gorgeous.

She had curly black hair that was pulled back in a tight ponytail and it flushed out into a springy ball at the base of her neck. She was small, shorter than me, but with a fierceness that cascaded out of her like a waterfall, setting every one of my nerves on edge. Both hands were clad in thin red gloves. Her dark eyes swept past Kali over to me. A keening sound broke out from the back of my throat, high pitched and needy like a lovesick puppy. Her lips twitched. I almost fell over with embarrassment and sharp dose of lovesickness when I realized her smile was the most brilliant thing I’d ever seen in my entire life.

“You Alex?” Her voice was the best thing ever. It was like honey. Like rich, rich molasses.

She was so pretty.

I nodded a lot, shaking my head up and down so fast I’m pretty sure I looked like a life sized bobble head doll, complete with the blown out eyes and squeaking, “Yes. That’s me. Alex. Johnson. Me. Alex.”

She chuckled and pressed her gloved hand to my shoulder in a playful punch that had me flushing so red, I was practically a human tomato. “Okay. My name’s Lena Richards. I’ll be ya instructor. Teach ya how to use your sword, which is pretty damn fine if I say so myself.”

Jackson snickered and for the first time in my life, I wanted to actually murder him. I wanted to kill him for turning her perfect words into nothing less than a stupid sexual euphemism.

I elbowed him hard in the ribs, to which he swore (in Arabic) and glared at me, and I ignored him and said to her, or rather squeaked, “It’s mine.”

She nodded, a sly smile tugging at the edge of her lips. “I know. It's very nice.” She pointed to a green mat, a few feet away from us, and grabbed her sword from off the ground, hefting it into the air with her foot. She caught it expertly, still pointing to the green mat. "I'll be over there when you ready."

"Okay." She walked off, zipping up her green jacket. I immediately grabbed Jackson's collar, staring dead into his eyes to emphasize my next couple of words. "Help me."

"You're not talking about swordplay, are you?" He peeled my fingers back. "What about the coffee shop guy? I liked him."

"You both said I could do better than him," I said.

"But now I'm taking my words back."

My fingers tightened around his collar in heavy desperation, but Kali tugged me off him with little effort. "She is pretty. I approve."

"Well, I don't," Jackson muttered. "Freakin' specialize in gay romance, not hetero." He tried to adjust my grip on my sword. "Hold it like this, stupid."

I ignored him. "But she's so pretty and her voice is awesome and she's got nice eyes and-"

Jackson's hand slapped over my mouth. "I don't need a ten page essay on why you like this girl so much." He turned me around. "But if you have to be straight as an effin' board, then fine. I'll try." He slapped my butt and pushed me forward. "Now go and don't die!"

I didn't even hear the rest of his words, too focused on Lena that I barely even noticed that my sword was an inch from stabbing my leg. There was something about her that made me feel, I dunno, floaty, high, like I was still on the cloud I’d woken up on that morning. She looked down at my grip.

"Hold it like this," she said, shifting it better. She smiled. My heart skipped a beat. "Better?"

I nodded. Couldn't even talk. My mouth was too dry and everything sounded stupid in my head. Damn, she was pretty.

"Good. So do you know anything about swordplay? Fencing?" I shook my head. She fixed my stance before taking a step back and sighing, redoing her ponytail, her sword balanced between her thighs. "Okay then, first things, first. Be loose, but not like spaghetti. Limber."

Lena began with the lesson. Listening intently, I copied her when told to, almost stabbing myself in the leg a few times. She was an expert, moving around with more grace and sophistication than I could ever accomplish.

“You always keep moving,” she said, jabbing at my chest. I jerked away before I even noticed it coming, more caught up in the way her brilliant brown eyes looked when she was trying to murder me. “Why?”

“Um, terror.” I tried to jab her back but overstepped and stumbled forwards, skipping out of the way to avoid her trying to cut across my stomach. “Lots of panic.”

“Well, that’s good, I guess, but-” She slammed her blade against mine, knocking it out of my hands hard. Shocks reverberated up my wrist. She leveled her sword an inch from my throat. “-we’re working on offense. Stop trying to run away.”

“I don’t know anything,” I protested. She rolled her eyes and dropped her blade. I lifted mine up from the ground. “Running away seems better than being killed.”

“I’ve dropped my skill level to like one percent for you, Mr. Special,” she teased. She pointed over to Kali and Jackson. “Besides they’ll probably kill me before letting you die.”

I glanced over to them. Jackson was waving around purple pompoms. His cheer routine was tacky and terrible and he didn’t even bother chanting my name in a rhythmic pattern. Kali held up a purple sign (Jackson’s doing most likely) that said GO, ALEX, GO.

I scratched the back of my neck. “I don’t know those people.”

Lena laughed and jerked her chin to my sword, hefting hers up. “Come on. Offense. No running away.”

“I’m a visual learner.” I wiped my hand on my pants. “Can’t you teach me with books, maybe a PowerPoint?”

“Nope. Go.”

I lunged in a spectacular fail, tripping over my own feet, stumbling forward. She pulled her sword above her head. Our swords clanged against each other. Jerking out of the way, I tried to stab at her stomach but it didn’t work very well and instead I clipped the side of her jacket, not even ripping it. Guess the armor spell or whatever worked just fine. I still didn’t want to test it out on me.

Lena grabbed my wrist. “Okay, how about you go on defense and I do offense and you just learn from me. I’ll go slow,” she said.

She took a few steps back, scrutinizing me with a thoughtful gaze like she was planning the best way to take me down without having to exert any effort. I would’ve dropped to my knees if she just asked.

Taking a deep breath, she lunged forward, striking up to my skull. Instead of blocking the blow like I should’ve, I dodged it, jogging around her as though she was one of the sharp rocks on my morning run. She pivoted, slashed for my chest. Her sword cuffed the edge of my shirt. A sharp pain jerked up my side, short-lived but hurtful, and I skittered back.

Lena paused. She slid her thumb up and down her hilt, glancing away from me. I relaxed slightly. Maybe she was giving me a chance to catch my breath.

She was not.

In a single smooth motion, she dove for me, aiming up, as though she was going to skewer me like a shish kabob. The thing about me is that I’m good at reacting. If you throw a rock at me, I’ll dodge it. If you hand me the rock, I will have no idea what I’m supposed to do with it.

I’m a reactor so when Lena tried to turn me into an Alex-kebabob, I reacted.

“ _Kali!_ ” I yelled, more in panic than wanting to get the surprise of why I was supposed to say her name over with.

Lena’s eyes grew wider, her body tightening, contracting, like she was trying to pull back. It hit me with the force of Thor’s hammer that I probably shouldn’t have said Kali’s name but before I couldn’t figure out why, I felt warmth. And immense power but mostly warmth.

It spread all over me, from the tips of my toes to the top of my head and it felt great. My heartbeat slowed to a steady beat and everything seemed slower in comparison to me.

 _Hello, Alex,_ Kali’s voice echoed in my head.

I blinked. _Kals?_

 _I have you now, Ēlēksa. Do not worry. I will not kill the pretty girl,_ she murmured and there was an extra spurt of warmth that spilled over me.

I relaxed. _Oh. Okay._

And then everything sped up and Kali tried to kill the girl I liked.

Well, not really. She did say she wouldn’t and considering the fact that Lena was not a Demon, I doubted Kali had any interest in drinking her blood. But, in the back of my mind, covered in warmth and my body seemingly being possessed by a goddess with history of murderous rampages, it _did_ seem like it.

Lena gasped, sword on the floor, mine pointed to her face. The warmth dissipated immediately. My sword dropped, suddenly heavy in my hands, narrowly missing the side of Lena’s face. She pushed up.

A golden hue shifted out the sword, slivers of golden dust forming quickly in the form of my best friend in her true, natural form. She stood seven feet tall with blue skin, four arms and wild black hair. Her red eyes gazed at us. She shifted. Entranced, I watch her skirt made of arms hit each other before gazing at her jewelry. Her bracelets were gold and her necklace was made of skeletal heads that made an interesting chinking sound. She looked nice. Regal.

_Powerful._

Kali clasped her hands together and smiled. “That was fun,” she said, pleased. “Let us do it again sometime.”

“I don’t understand what just happened,” I said, lost. “What just happened?”

“I just fought a goddess,” Lena said, wide-eyed. She pulled her phone out of the pocket of her jacket. “I am totally putting that on Twitter.”

Kali pressed her fingers to my face and I felt a bit more alive. “I took too much of your energy. I apologize.”

“Acceptance of said apology will given upon explanation of what just occurred second ago, Kals,” I stated, silently hoping Lena was impressed by my awesome sentence structuring. Judging by her puzzled expression, she was not impressed. At all. Possibly confused as to why I said it like that. I _was_ confused as to why I said it like that. Damn, I hate English.

“You said my name so I came to your aid,” Kali said, dropping her hand.

“Oh.” I touched her necklace of skulls. “I’ve always wanted to wear this,” I mumbled.

She shrugged and took it off. “You may wear it if you would like to. I have many like this.”

I took the necklace. “Thanks.” Putting on the necklace of skulls made me feel a lot cooler than I thought it would. “I think it looks nice on me.”

She smiled lightly, taking a step back to admire me from a better distance. “It does, does it not?”

Lena glanced up from her phone and stared at Kali as though just now realizing that Kali was not still inside of me, which sounds dirtier than it really should. Taking in Kali’s half-naked appearance, Lena choked and spluttered, “You’re half naked!”

Kali blinked and glanced down at herself as though similarly just realizing this, saying. “Oh. It appears I am.”

“Well, put some clothes on!” Lena snapped, ripping off her jacket and chucking it at Kali. Turning to some gaping boys, she shouted, “FUCK OFF, PERVERTS! THIS IS A GODDESS YOU’RE OGLING!”

I’d never seen people look away so fast. Kali did not seem bothered by their prior staring though, just amused with the situation as a whole, pulling on Lena’s jacket. I went back to staring at my new necklace of skulls. It was very pretty on me.

Jackson paused mid-cheer to look over at us, leg high in the air. He, not dropping his pompoms by the way, jogged over, nodding at my necklace. “Nice jewelry. Looks good on you. You should wear dead people more often.”

I smiled and tapped one of the skulls. “Thank you.”

“What’s going on?” He looked at Kali. “Why are you blue?”

She looked at him. “Why do you have pompoms?”

He tapped her face with one. “Touché.”

Frowning, I said, “You guys were standing right next to each other. You didn’t notice her disappearing and you didn’t notice him failing at being a cheerleader?”

“No,” they chorused.

Gods, they were oblivious.

Lena rubbed her forehead. “Great. Your obliviousness is lovely, my lady and-” She looked at Jackson, sucking on her lip while she tried to figure out what the hell he was to her. I mouthed ‘lord’ to her. “-my lord,” she finally finished, lamely. “However, we have to get back to the lesson.”

Jackson scuffed the mat, huffing while Kali nodded, shifting back into her teenage form and handing Lena her jacket back.

“Ten feet tall shrine!” I shouted to Jackson, who was storming off. “All the lavender! I’ll do sacrifices in your name every morning! With raw chickens!”

Lena furrowed her brows but shook her head in the end. She pointed at me with her sword. “Don’t call on anyone. You should learn how to fight on your own. I’m on offense. You’re on defense.”

I nodded, readying myself for a thorough asskicking and she lunged. 

* * *

 

Gasping into Jackson’s chest, my fingers twitched, unable to get a good grasp on the water bottle Kali had pressed into my hands. Exhaustion riddled my body to excess and I couldn't stop my eyelids from drooping. My heart raced quickly, slowing down slowly beat by beat. I swallowed. Lena stooped over me. She had a very concerned expression on her face.

“Alex? I’m sorry,” she whispered. She took the water bottle out of my hands and squeezed some of that liquid goodness down my burning throat. “I’m really, really sorry.”

“S’kay. M’fine,” I slurred, wondering why there were two of her. I squinted. The two Lena’s merged into one. “P’f’ct.”

“You are not perfect or fine,” Jackson snapped, tugging me up into his lap. "Though this was a perfect example of why we don't start or get into fights with females."

"'Cause," I slurred, water dripping over my lips, "men'll kick ya nuhs buh women'll rip 'em off an' wa'ch ya bleed ta death."

"Please stop talking," Kali said, stroking my face. "You sound very drunk and it is a highly disconcerting."           

"Luv ya toooo," I moaned, twisting my face into Jackson's warm thigh. I sighed contentedly. Man, I was tired.

"That is not even close to what I said," Kali noted, patting my cheek.

A whine pierced through my closed lips from the back of my throat and I tried to lift my arm to pat her back but every bone and muscle in my body felt heavy and tired and I could barely remember why.

Through hazy images in my head, I vaguely remembered Lena coming at me with her sword. She had hit me on the side. It had stung. We fought some more. I was really bad at it. She gave me some more instructions and defense positions. We fought again. My sword had slipped out of my sweaty hands. Her sword had come flying at my head and somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that she wouldn't hit me but I had panicked anyway.

After that the images blurred but I knew what had happened. I managed to twist my head back to face her to explain, squinting into the bright yellow light that slammed down into my eyes from a flashlight. Alice's bright blue eyes peered down at my face.

"Hey, dude." She noted something down on her pad. "You okay? Lena said you freaked out."

I shook my head, breath caught in my throat. I choked. Jackson curled his fingers around my wrist, dragging his thumb up and down my pulse. Calm slid back into place. "He had a minor anxiety attack."

"Really? 'Cause he sounds like he's high," Alice said, tugging out a stethoscope from a big white bag with a drawing of Patecatl[30] on it. She put the stethoscope under my shirt. I shivered.

Kali leaned against the wall, into my line of view, her arms crossed and eyes watching Alice move with a protective gaze. "He is tired. I would find it strange if he was not acting as such."

"Right." Alice stuffed her stethoscope back into her medical bag and gave Lena a look while she placed her hands around my head. Warmth burst into my skull. "He's a newbie with no skill, no offense, so don't go too hard on him."

"None taken. At least," I began, head clearing somewhat, sliding up from Jackson's lap, "people can't think I'm the Big Bad Awesome anymore."

"Guess not," Jackson said, handing me the water bottle. "Drink it."

"Big Bad Awesome?" Lena asked.

"S'not me no more," I replied before taking a long, more than generous sip of delicious ice cold water.

Lena leaned on the hilt of her sword, frowning while Alice said, "Do you take meds for your-" She waved her hand around, squeezing her eyes shut. "-issue?"

"It's not an issue, it's a mental illness. And yes, I do." _And therapy once a month_ , I added in my head. "I'll drop 'em off after my nap."

Closing my eyes, I leaned back into Jackson's chest, shifting into a more comfortable position. Jackson snorted and slid out from under me. "Yeah right. It's hand-to-hand combat time, honeypants."

"I like having my face intact," I muttered.

"Your face will remain intact," Kali said. "I do not think Jackson would ruin something he deems as pretty."

I flushed. “You think I’m pretty.”

“I don’t hang out with ugly males, Alex,” he said, stretching. “We’ve been through this. Now get up. It’s hand-to-hand combat time.”

Alice leaned back. “Um, I think I can get Fi-”

“I’m doing it,” Jackson assured, patting her head with a thin-lipped grin on his face. She glared at him. “So shoo.”

Kali chucked rock at him that she materialized from thin air. “Be nice.”

He ducked, grabbed my hand and tugged me into his chest, grinning wide and pleased. “Let’s dance, sugar.”

I shook my head as he dragged me somewhere. “Dancing and fighting are both things I’m not good at s-”

He tugged me into an occupied boxing ring, smiling flirtatiously and maxing out whatever love god beauty powers he had to the point my mind cleared of any thoughts of Lena and the guy from the coffee shop and I was beginning to drool.

When the two girls who had been previously fighting flushed and hopped out, he turned around, toning it down to a level I was comfortable with. “Look, Allie, the only thing you are actually good at is math and no one has ever died with math.”

“But people have died by dancing?”

Kali laughed in my ear, handing me my sword. “Have you met ballerinas? They are terrifying beautiful and can balance on the very tips of their toes with minimal effort. I do not understand why people do not fear them more.”

“Valid point.” I gazed blankly at my sword. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

Jackson smiled. “Figure it out.”

“I really wish you guys would stop saying that because one day it will lead to my death and it will be your fault, all your fault, because you won’t give me adequate information,” I grumbled.

Kali kissed my cheek. “Good luck.”

“That did not help,” I said before ducking under Jackson’s swing, dropping my useless sword to the ground while I tried to flee.

Right at the ropes in front of me, Kali appeared in a puff of blue smoke. She pressed her hands against my chest, trying to move me backwards, back to Jackson, but I’m a coward and cowards prefer to flee.

“Kali, please move.”

She rolled her eyes. “Asking politely will not make me move. Duck.”

I ducked, heaving my body in a forwards roll. Before my fear of pain set in to the extremities that is now, I used to do gymnastics and martial arts. Granted, I always fell off the balance beam and I never got higher than my starting belt but when I need to I can roll to the best of my ability. Nick praises me on this.

Jackson sighed. “First of all, he’s not going to learn if you tell him what to do and you-” He pointed at me. “-aren’t going to learn if all you do is run away.”

“Running away is fun,” I insisted as I attempted to slip under the ropes. “You aren’t a good teacher either. You didn’t even tell me we’d started until you tried to punch me.”

Lena spun me around and pushed me forward. “I don’t know. Learning as you go always worked for me.”

“You’re all crazy,” I grunted, shifting out of Jackson’s range.

“Try distracting him,” Kali offered.

“With what?” I tried for a punch and failed, immediately ducking around his swing. “I am not pulling down my underwear again!”

Jackson huffed, dropping his fists. “Look, I only got distracted then because I was not expecting the sheer size of it. I don’t think you can even call it a penis, Alex.”

My face literally burst into flames. Lena’s eyebrows practically zoomed to her hairlines, eyes zeroing in on my crotch even as she spat out, “That’s rude. Regardless of size, if it’s his penis, it’s his penis.”

Jackson rolled his eyes. “Actually, its because it’s-”

He did not get to finish his sentence because I tackled him to the ground, punched him in the face, realized what I did, yelled that I was very sorry very loudly and then bolted, ducking under the ropes, running out the double doors, past Alice and up a tree.

I still don’t know what possessed me to climb a tree but I don’t really know why I do half the things I do so it’s meaning would be irrelevant anyway.

Leaves fell out of my hair. Kali circled the tree I was in before grabbing hold of a branch and beginning to climb. Jackson yelled, “Alex! Get your butt down here!”

“I’m not coming down,” I yelled back.

“Down!”

“No. I could fall. Extremely painful if I live and seeing how I’m the Big Bad Awesome, though everyone can no longer think that about me, I’m assuming I’m not allowed to die just yet because I have to complete some ultimate prophecy and save the world. Not to mention, enlist you into the godhood of first gods so!” The tree bark cracked under my tightening grip. “I’m not coming down.”

I tightened my leg grip around the tree and whimpered as I peered down. The ground was a long ways away. Jackson was a blurry smudge. My grip tightened even more. “Someone’s gonna have to get me.”

“Alex, you big wimp!” Jackson shouted and he sounded on the verge of panic, which is understandable considering the fact that I’ve climbed up trees in a panic about ten times now and couldn’t get down every single time. Thank the gods, for firemen, you know?

“I am not a wimp! I am a coward! There’s a very noticeable difference!” I yelled back.

Kali closed in on me within seconds and I, nervously, reached out to her. With a small smile, she took my hand and patiently asked, “What is the difference between the two?”

Swallowing, I replied, “Wimps are people without strength. Cowards are just wimps that also hide and run away. Plus, coward sounds cooler ‘cause of the harsh ‘c’ sound.”

“Truly?” I buried my face in her shoulder, one hand still holding on to the tree branch while I nodded. She caressed the back of my head, humming. “I do not think you are a coward or even a wimp,” she murmured. “You are a person. You are allowed to be afraid when you need to be.”

“I know.”

She nodded earnestly. “And I promise I will be here to catch you when you finally let go. Even if that takes a few years.” She smiled and squeezed my hand. “But I do think that Jackson will have a nervous breakdown if we do not remove ourselves from this tree in the next few seconds.”

I breathed. “Right.”

And then I let go.

Falling is scary. I fell off the monkey bars at a park once and never climbed them again. In the second before I hit the ground after the second I realized I was falling, I thought I was going to die which is why whenever I do climb things, someone always ends up having to call the fire station to come get me out. Jackson usually does have nervous breakdowns when that happens. So does my dad.

Falling with Kali was peaceful though. She was warm and smiling, eyes half-lidded as she gazed at the sky, arms held around my waist. My face curled into her neck again. Halfway through the fall, Jackson’s purple clouds formed under us like a board, effortlessly carrying us down.

“You wanna go somewhere quiet?” Jackson whispered when we were hovering in front of him three feet above the ground. My sword was held in his hands. A few feet behind him, some people were watching us curiously. A few of them relaxed and traipsed back indoors. Before she followed suit, Lena smiled at me and I smiled back at her, feeling embarrassed and stupid.

Kali rubbed the back of my head, tilting her head back to look Jackson in the eye. She nodded. A breeze curled around our skin, warm. I sighed deeply. Jackson pressed a finger to my back and the clouds enveloped us like fog until we were gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [30] Aztec god of medicine


	7. Chapter 7

Jackson took us to the side of a river. I don’t know where but it was a large river, guzzling water down past tiny clusters of rocks. Fish swam with the current. Their scales sparkled. Grass shimmered a yellowish-green in the bright sun as a breeze drifted by.

Kali’s hair fluttered while she peeled it out of her ponytail, smiling as she leaned her head back to face the sun. Jackson grabbed our arms, pulling us under a very big tree. Despite the sun beating down on us, I didn’t feel hot. Kali stretched out in the grass, eyes closed with a smile on her face. Jackson rubbed his thigh, sitting down, eyebrows furrowed. I sat down with him. He stared at the water.

Glancing around, I asked, “Where are we?”

He didn’t answer, choosing instead to look away and shrug. Eventually he replied with, “On the outskirts of our dear godly home, GodLand. A guy I knew took me here a couple times whenever I got overwhelmed with stuff and I just thought-”

He broke off, sighing and leaning into my side while I squeezed his hand comfortingly. Kali put her hand on her forehead. She squinted at the sky. “Was it Ranj?”

Jackson closed his eyes and grimaced, brows furrowing as he nodded, slow. “Yeah. It was.”

“Who’s-”

“My son,” Kali said, cutting me off smoothly. She reached out a hand and patted my ankle. “He was a good child.” She closed her eyes. “A good son.”

Jackson’s voice cracked as he said, “He was…” Jackson swallowed audibly. “He was a...  friend of mine. But he’s dead now so you wouldn’t, you know, be able to-” He stopped, gripping my hand tight enough to make me whine in pain. “Sorry,” he mumbled, dropping my hand to wipe randomly at his face.

“S’kay. Well, you guys should tell me about him. You know,” I said, flexing my bruised fingers, trying for a small smile, “whenever you want.” _Whenever you’re ready,_ I thought, bumping my shoulder against Jackson’s.

Kali squeezed my ankle, lovingly. Jackson grinned. He flexed his fingers outwards. “Five minutes and then hand-to-hand combat time!”

I groaned.

 

* * *

 

Sweat slithered down my neck in dribbles, hair plastered to my face. Jackson aimed for my face. Sliding backwards, my body fell back, going slack while Jackson’s fist arced over it in a swift motion.  He chuckled, darting forward while I flittered backwards on the balls of my feet, eyes sweeping around.

“I didn’t know you were that flexible, Allie,” he said, grinning.

“It was one of the few things I was blessed with,” I gasped, shifting closer to the edge of the river. Jackson followed just like he had been for the last hour and a half, not focusing on anything more than beating me up. “You know. Besides my exceptionally good looks and high aptitude for mathematics.”

“No one says mathematics anymore, Ēlēksa! It is a dead word!” Kali called from her new perch in the tree.

“I use it so it’s not a dead word!”

I could practically see her roll her eyes even though she was thirty feet away and in a tree.

“You will be a dead boy if you keep running away!” she shouted then threw a rock at me while Jackson threw a punch at, once again, my face.

I have the greatest friends in the world, don’t I? By Hathor[31], I missed Nick.

Dodging the rock and shifting immediately out of the way of Jackson’s punch, I pushed him over and watched him topple into the river. By the time, he came up, sputtering mouthfuls of water, I was halfway across the clearing and trying to find an exit.

Laughing, Kali appeared next to me, keeping pace with ease. “You fight dirty, Ēlēksa.”

“I’m trying to not fight, thanks much,” I grunted. I stopped running because it is literally impossible to run and talk at the same damn time. It’s literally impossible to run too but whatever. “Besides, I’d rather be a strategist.” Stooping over and gripping my knees, my breaths beat into the air. “Why can’t you fight him for me anyway? Why can’t you guys just fight everything for me? Nick fights things for me.”

She rubbed my back while I took in deep breaths, Jackson jogging up to our sides. “We cannot directly interfere in your life without you calling on us. Jackson and I are the only ones able as we are assigned to you. There is some magic that cannot be broken nor deflected by gods. Some magic traps us or keeps us out. In the event that we are unable to get to you, you must be able to fend for yourself.”

Jackson handed me a bottle of water. I pressed the rim to my lips. “That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Gods are people too and-” I took a quick swig of water, swallowing it down. It felt exhilarating. “-sometimes people have important things to do!”

Kali patted my cheek. “You are sweet.”

“I know.”

Swinging my arms around their shoulders, I pulled them in close, relaxing against Kali’s side. She kissed my sweaty hair. Jackson screwed up his face.

“Gods, you smell,” he groaned.

“I know.” I squashed myself into his side and he recoiled. Kali snickered. Taking a deep breath, I said, “Now, I love you both and it pains me to have to do this but-”

I shoved them both out of the way and took off down the clearing again, listening to Jackson scream “ALEX, YOU MORON!” and Kali howl in laughter while I tried to get the heck out of dodge, or whatever that saying is.

There was a huge boulder in front of me by the time my lungs peppered into a burning sensation. I swallowed down the water from my bottle until I could no longer feel the ache. The bottle made a nice crunching sound under the weak influence of my fist.

I pointed to the huge boulder, glancing over at Jackson who was sitting in a purple fold-out chair with a glass of water in his hand, lazily flipping the pages of a book he wasn’t even reading while Kali stood next to him, arms encasing his umbrella, looking equal parts amused and disappointed in me. I kept pointing at the boulder because I’m an idiot and I forgot my friends were all powerful gods even though we were literally just talking about it.

“That is a huge boulder.” My eyes gave another sweep of the landscape. “Where _are_ we again?”

Jackson sighed. “As I said before, the outskirts of GodLand.” He squinted at the boulder. “You know, I think Hathor[32] threw it over here ‘cause _some idiot_ had the nerve to doubt her strength.”

“Oh.” I leaned back, groaning. The clouds shifted and the sun shone bright into my face as though Hathor herself was trying to grab my attention. Without thinking, I waved at the sun, ignoring the looks Kali and Jackson gave me and continued on, “Okay then.”

Kali slipped behind me and draped herself over my back. “Would you like to climb the rock?”

“Kals.” I tapped her nose. “No.”

She grinned and dragged me over anyway.

Thrashing, I kicked up a lot of dirt. She kept pulling me over. “Kali! Please! Look at the sharp edges! I COULD BLEED!”

Jackson watched, a thin grin curling at the edge of his lips. I thrashed more, trying to peel her vice-like grip off my wrist while he stood and stretched, his book sliding out of his hands as he stalked over. He grabbed my ankles, hoisting me into the air.

He snickered and chanted in chorus with Kali, “SAC-RI-FICE! SAC-RI-FICE!”

The boulder closed in and I gave up. Maybe the edges wouldn’t be as sharp as I was assuming.

Jackson gently lowered my feet to the ground and Kali helped push me up into a steady position so I wouldn’t fall back in the scatters of rocks and pebbles. The boulder is a lot bigger when you’re a foot away from it. Dust shifted in the light breeze. Out of instinct, I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the scratchy hit of each partially-disintegrated rock.

“I think you can do it,” Jackson said, hands on his hips, when I opened my eyes.

“It’s at least two hundred feet up, Jack,” I argued.

Kali pressed her fingers to the back of my neck. I turned to her. She smiled. “Try. We will not let you fall.”

“Yeah!” Jackson crowed.

And then they were gone, scaling the rock as though it was the easiest thing in the world. I took a step back, watching them grab and grip and climb, pulling themselves to the very top until they were happily seated together, beckoning me up.

I was wrong by the way.

Some edges were sharp. Some just disintegrated on pure contact. I squinted up. Jackson kicked his legs out. Kali’s were neatly folded together. My finger stung when I tapped an edge. I took another step back.

“I-I can’t, guys,” I called. “I could fall or-or cut myself or other equally... painful… things.” Squinting up, I watched Kali smack Jackson upside the head while they argued over something. A purple cloud dropped down to my side. It fluttered around my waist, wet and cool. I snorted. “Really?”

“Yes!” Kali shouted. “Come up!”

“Yeah, come and be sacrificed, little lamb!” Jackson yelled.

I settled on the cloud. “Is that my new nickname?” The cloud floated up.

Kali grabbed my arm and tugged me into her lap. Jackson shrugged, shifting back with us. “Sure.”

The cloud settled down next to us. I sprawled out, feet on Jackson’s lap, head on Kali’s, while simultaneously making sure I couldn’t fall over the edge.

“You are fine, Alex,” Kali assured. She pushed my cheek until I was gazing up at the sky instead of the edge of the boulder.

I hummed a response. Taking a deep breath, I said, “I miss my parents.”

Jackson leaned back. “I miss mine too.”

Confused, I looked at him, prodding his side. “What do you mean? Aren’t your parents immortal?”

He stretched and poked my foot, eying Kali who shrugged. Exhaling, he rubbed his face.  “Second gods go through a study period before we’re brought into-” Here he waved his hands around bizarrely. “ _-the godliness_.”

“ _The godliness_ ,” I mimicked, complete with a mock of his wild hand gestures and a ‘please-continue-I’m-making-fun-because-I-love-you’ nod. Kali snickered. Jackson threw a pebble at my head, rolling his eyes.

“Shut up. Anyway, during this study period we’re dumped with a family who takes care of us until we’re thirteen and if we seem good, we get to be gods. If not, we... die.” He untied one of my shoes, pulling the lace.

I blinked and watched his hands. A burst of panic had brought up in my chest at the thought of Jackson dying but I pushed it away and said, “What were they like?”

“Uh, they were-” He grinned. “Well, what I always talk about, you know. They were cool. The best. My mom was this soft-hearted, outspoken type of person and she used to beat my ass a lot with this wooden paddle but she was fine with me being gay. My dad didn’t really talk much and he was strict but he never really enforced anything.”

Jackson bit his lip. “You know, it was his just face that made him seem strict and constantly disappointed in everything. He always had a grimace on. But he liked coffee and I’m pretty sure that coffee was the only time I ever saw him smile. Or, you know-” He grinned slightly. “-look human.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I lied, by the way. I moved here _after_ the whole godly initiation thing.”

I shrugged. “I don’t think they can count as lies ‘cause you were just hiding that part of your life that I was not supposed to know about.”

“Yes because I do not have parents that live in India, considering the fact I am the Mother,” Kali said.

“No. You’re an aspect of the Mother,” I protested.

“It is the same thing,” she said, patting my head.

“No, it’s not,” I muttered. “Parvati's[33] nice. You’re not. Difference.”

She flicked my forehead. It hurt.

“Hinduism’s fucking confusing,” Jackson whined. “You’ve got aspects of an aspect of an aspect of a person who's a reincarnation of another person who goes by four different names. I don’t get it.”

Kali opened her mouth, probably to protest, then frowned and said, “Valid point.”

I leaned into her side, frowning. “Yeah, it wasn’t exactly my favourite to learn either, Kals. Very complicated with many versions.”

Jackson prodded my foot. “What _is_ your favourite?”

“A fairytale.” They gave me raised eye looks. I explained. “When I was little, my mom used to tell me bedtime stories of Boshnisha, this fictional-”

Jackson burst into laughter, his chest keeling over my feet. “Boshnisha? Really?”

I ignored him. “-fictional island with its own people and gods. _That_ was my favourite mythology. Of course, it doesn’t exist, which sucks because it was the awesomest.”

“That is not a word,” Kali reminded me.

Jackson tapped out a beat against my left foot, humming under his breath. I kicked his hand. “The coolest then.”

“Boshnisha? That _is_ the stupidest name ever,” Jackson snorted. He threw a rock over the boulder and squinted.

“Yeah, but the stories were awesome.” I sat up, fiddling with my wrist. “Can I…”

Kali leaned against my back, her chin rested on my shoulder. “Speak.”

Without a second thought, I launched into my fantastic tales of the Boshnishian gods and their antics. Jackson rolled his eyes and stared at the river, eyes glazed over. Kali fingered my palms. I settled into her chest, babbling. They both smiled small, listening intently.

My friends, they’re pretty awesome, you know. 

 

* * *

 

 

“So Achill?” Kali swung me on to her back from the cloud. “He was a demon _and_ a god?”

“Yeah. Well, no.” I shifted, tightening my legs around her waist, wrapping my arms around her neck. “It’s complicated.”

“I’m pretty sure ‘It’s complicated’ can sum up all things to do with gods.” Jackson landed softly against the ground and stretched, groaning. “Hell, I’m pretty sure it’s the meaning of our lives.”

Kali laughed, loud and ringing. My foot tapped Jackson’s back. “Shut up. Look, Achill is the _god_ of demons so they, you know, the Boshnishians, believed that he was to be like a demon. Act like one, look like one.”

Kali tapped the strip of skin visible between my socks and jeans. “Then how come Poln did not alternate between human and angel form since he was the god of both?”

“Well, he did,” I said. “I mean, he assumed both forms in the sense that angels look like human beings, just with wings.”

“I will accept that point, however-”

“Kals,” I whined. “They’re just stories.”

“Yes, but you said that these Boshnishians believed that everything was a story and every _life_ was simply a story to be told so-” She laughed when I groaned. “What? I cannot enjoy your stories?”

I began, “You can enjoy them-”

“-just don’t analyze ‘em to pieces,” Jackson finished.

We highfived.

“Besides, I don’t analyze _your_ stuff,” I continued. “I just glare at it because it’s confusing and curves in too many directions. Why can’t myths be simple and straightforward like math?”

“My myths are very straight forward,” she insisted.

“No, it isn’t,” Jackson and I chorused, rolling our eyes, trying - but failing - at stifling our laughter.

She huffed and Jackson stretched his arm, smiling wide. “Don’t worry, Kals. No one’s ‘stuff’ is straight. It’s all curvy.” His grin stretched even broader. “In fact-”

My eyes widened. “No! KALI, RUN! HE’S STARTING HIS “EVERYONE IS SECRETLY GAY” SPEECH AGAIN!”

Kali tried to flee but it was too late. His arm tightened against the crook of her elbow and he launched into a well-rehearsed speech on how no one is straight and everyone’s gay and one day the world’s only reproducing people will be bisexuals, polysexuals[34] and/or pansexuals, depending on whether or not those three terms will merge together.

It’s a nice speech, well written and planned out, but it’s gotten annoying since the third time he’d done it because he had been partly high on morphine, standing on a stage in front of a bunch of a seven year olds while interrupting the Christmas play going on. Me, Kali and two hospital officials had chased him throughout the auditorium.

By the time he was finished his fifth retelling of his “everyone is secretly gay” speech, we were back in Brokes, Kali and Jackson trudging through the snow while I swatted away snowflakes. The sun was setting, burning red across the horizon.

I chewed my lip and glanced down at Jackson. “Your highlights are fading.”

He fingered a purple streak of hair. “Yeah. So?”

I shrugged. “I’m thinking about going back to red.”

“But it’s only been natural for the two months.”

“And every two months there shall be change,” I stated firmly.

“When did you decide that?” Jackson huffed while Kali asked, “I thought you said you would do rainbow colours the next time you dyed your hair?”

“Just now.” I slid off her back. “I did, didn’t I?” I bumped Jackson’s arm with mine. “You should get rainbow highlights with me.”

“No.” He shifted between Kali and me, slinging his arm around our shoulders. “Purple only. What about you, Kals? Sticking with tradition and getting your nails done?”

“Why not,” she said, reaching around and squeezing my hand. “Perhaps I will get them in bright orange this time.”

“Rainbow colours! We should all do rainbow colours!” I crowed.

Jackson and Kali shared a look, gave me a look and said in unison, “No.”

“But we could be Rainbow Buddies,” I whined.

Jackson frowned at Kali. “He’s not Phoebe. He’s Joey.”[35]

Kali rolled her eyes. “Who cares? They are both dopey people and so is he,” then she trudged off, Jackson trailing behind her, leaving me standing outside the building, yelling, “But Rainbow Buddies!” at the top of my lungs.

 

* * *

 

Lena plopped down next to us at the table, plate piled high with spaghetti. “You know, you run away a lot for someone who’s supposed to be pretty damn cool and powerful.”

“We’re trying to get him to stop,” Jackson assured. “For his image.”

Alice slid into the space next to Kali, already dumping spaghetti on top of a buttered slice of bread. “You should stop running away. It doesn’t help your image.”

“Hey! We were just talking about that!” Lena said, smiling as more people flocked to our table.

“Is this an intervention?” I looked around wildly at the now flooding table. “I haven’t even been around long enough for there to be an intervention.”

Peter snorted while Fish choked on his drink, laughing as liquid spewed onto the table. Lena gave him a look as she wiped up the mess before throwing her wet napkin at his face. A boy slumped down next to him, looking half dead and muttering scientific calculations under his breath as his brown eyes squinted at his bread. He had dark skin and wore a lot more clothes than necessary for the middle of winter. We lived in Brokes. Not Alaska.

Fish hastily swallowed the rest of his drink, coughing a few times before saying, “This is Zenebe Kalu.” He grinned, oozing pride. “We’re dating.”

Jackson swore but before he could say anything, I slapped my hand over his mouth and rushed, “That is not my fault.”

“Everything’s your fault,” Jackson mumbled. He removed my hand gingerly by the thumb. “I never get any guys anymore.”

“A, that’s partly Kali’s fault. Gorgeous, remember?” Kali and I bumped fists at that. “B, according to you, I'm not gay enough so, apparently, partly my fault. C, your roommates-” I paused. “-before me and Kals were girls because you hit on the guys so much they had to move out because sex in the dorms was prohibited!"

Jackson squinted at me for a moment before reaching across the table and plucking a tater tot off of Peter's plate to throw at my face. It bounced off the bridge of my nose.

"Your fault," he repeated.

"I hate you," I breathed. "So, so very, very much." Then I threw the tater tot back at his face and he caught in his mouth effortlessly. "Kals, back me up here."

Kali just plucked a tater tot off of Peter's plate and threw it at Jackson, who caught it in his mouth on the tip of his tongue. Peter pulled his plate closer to his chest. "If you wanted them, you should have gotten them," he grumbled.

A white-haired girl plopped down next to him. "What's that, hun?"

He pouted, leaning into the girl. "Evil people stealing my food."

From experience and the knowledge of what happened next, he probably shouldn't have said that. Jackson proceeded to launch himself over the table in a whirlwind of limbs as he reached for Peter's plate. Kali grinned and went back to talking with Alice, who seemed to be struggling not to laugh at Peter's flailing body and Jackson's insistent swearing.

I met Lena's eyes, ignoring Peter struggling away from Jackson who had a hand clamped on his arm. She grinned and dodged a flying strand of spaghetti. Peter yelled something, accent thickened. Jackson swore, dodging and swinging.

"Still don't know them?" Lena asked with a sly grin.

"I plead the fifth," I mumbled. I panned my view over to the white-haired girl, who was urging Lena to move down because she didn't want to end up with food in her hair. I stuck my hand out. "Hi. I'm Alex Johnson."

"Mary Ramirez." A tiny splatter of sauce landed on her cheek. She glowered at Peter and Jackson and slid down the table with Lena before reaching out to shake my hand. "Nice to me-"

"GIVE ME THE TOTS, YOU FILTHY NORWEGIAN!" Jackson yelled.

"HEY! I BATHE ON A REGULAR BASIS!" Peter shouted. He tumbled off the bench, still managing to keep the plate upright, not spilling anything. Jackson hopped over the table and chased him around the room.

After glancing over to the dinner line where kids going back for seconds, she frowned. "Does he kn-"

"He knows," Kali and I said. I rubbed the back of my head, continuing, "He has this issue with Norwegian people. I don’t-"

Kali cut in. "He is in belief that Norse gods are becoming more popular than his own and he is upset about it. He also does not like Odin[36]."

"Oh. Huh." I watched Jackson tackle, and miss, Peter. "Well, that's just stupid."

"That is what I said, though I think he keeps up this act because he enjoys the imagined rivalry." Kali turned back to Alice. "When is your birthday?"

They resumed conversation and I mostly kept watch on Jackson, occasionally muttering tiny, miniscule orders under my breath whenever he looked like he was going to throw someone over a table just to get to Peter.

Peter was quick though, easily maneuvering around tables and people like it was second nature. He balanced the plate easily in one hand, never spilling it, though sauce occasionally flickered off and landed on someone.

Mary rolled her eyes and muttered, "Boys," under her breath. She blinked and glanced at me. "You seem normal."

"Well, I'm not a boy," I assured. "Not currently anyway." I gestured vaguely at my chest and she grinned.

Tapping her fork against her plate, she said, through a mouthful of spaghetti, "I'm nothing[37]. Bi [38]or fluid[39] or same? Or some other gender I don’t even know ‘cause I didn’t grow up learning this shit from the get go like you lucky bastards did?"

"Bi."

She smirked, nodding as she slicked her tongue over her teeth. "Nice."

We highfived at our non-binary-ness over the table and Kali squeezed my thigh without taking her eyes off of Alice who was babbling about Hanukkah with wild and vague hand gestures. Fish occasionally interjected to correct her about something. Lena had turned around to shout things at Peter who jumped over a table, Jackson lagging behind him, still swearing about him being Norwegian.

Zenebe, or Ben as everyone calls him, was building what appeared to be a replica of the Eiffel Tower out of tater tots and ketchup, muttering lengths and equations. Every so often his body would go still, eyes drooping before they'd snap back open and he'd continue with his building.

"Are you okay?" I asked, watching him for the fifth time slump then snap back up, eyes red and frazzled.

"He hasn't slept in fifteen days," Fish said, reaching over to rub Ben's cheek. "Not even a two minute nap."

Ben leaned into the touch. "Not losing to a twelve year old," he breathed. "Not. Gonna. Lose."

"So your next invention is a tater tot replica of-" Mary squinted at it, mockingly. "-the Eiffel Tower?"

"No." Ben's fingers began to shake. "It's going to be a robot. This is just the model. There will be fireworks with the real thing. Fireworks and music. French music. _French._ "

"Yeah," Alice drawled, drawing out the words. "Fish, tell your insomniac boyfriend to go to sleep."

"No," Ben seethed. "I'm not losing to-" His fingers tightened around a tot and it crumbled to pieces. "-a twelve year old."

Gingerly, Mary reached and plucked the knife and fork from Ben's plate, slowly dropping it onto her plate without another word. Fish nodded and Ben's eyes drooped again. Frowning, I shifted a bit more into Kali's side, watching Ben's eye twitch as he slumped back against Fish's side.

"Robert Mason is his twelve year old nemesis," Mary explained, shoveling more spaghetti into her mouth. "Share 'oth yeenyuses."

My shoulders fell. That name seemed familiar. "Isn’t that the kid with the bulls?"

Everyone nodded. Ben gripped another tater tot, crushing it in his fist to dust as he pretty much hissed, " _Robert._ "

Fish dragged his lip under his teeth. "My boyfriend's disappointing."

"It's 'cause I'm black, innit?" Ben mumbled. "Racist."

Fish patted Ben's head. "Shut up, sweetheart. You have a skin disorder."

I considered Ben's dark skin and his thick African accent. "Um-"

Mary shook her head. With one hand by her lips, she whispered, "He's a 'racist'."

"What's up with the finger quotes?" he huffed, looking highly insulted. "I am one."

Peter paused long enough as he rushed past to swat the back of Fish's head before launching himself back down the cafeteria, Jackson still tearing after him. Everyone at the table gave Fish a raised eye, unamused look. I was tempted to punch him.

"Bro, that's not a good thing," Alice snapped over Lena's yell of "JUST GIVE HIM THE TOTS, PETER!"

Kali crossed her arms and leaned against my side, looking amused rather than annoyed. "So you can tell me racist jokes about my people?"

Fish snorted. "First of all, no, I don't tell racist jokes. That's rude. Second, you'd probably kill me with your godliness. Third, my mom would get someone to bring me back to kill me herself and lastly, my Canadian-ness doesn't let me say mean and insulting things." He nodded solemnly. "I'll just hate of all you in the privacy of my mind."

"You are dating a native African." Lena twisted back around. "A native _black_ African."

"He has a skin disorder," Fish insisted and, once again, everyone, but me and Kals, rolled their eyes and said, "Shut up, Fish." Evidently this was a normal thing.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

Ben patted his apparently racist boyfriend's face. "I care for you." His eyes narrowed. "Is there a ghost behind you screaming or am I hallucinating?"

"Go to sleep," Mary said, loud. She turned. "Ignore Fish. He's not a racist, he's an idiot." Then she whirled around, grabbed Jackson by the wrist and hoisted him over the table before turning to Peter and snatching the plate out of his hands and shoving it into mine.

" _Boys,_ " she breathed, nostrils flaring, visibly annoyed.

Jackson slammed into the bench, back snapping against the table top. His head stuttered off the top and he slid off the bench. He groaned and shifted, hands immediately moving to his back. I swallowed and didn't look at him, instead nudging Kali who switched seats with me. She murmured soothing words to him.

"We'll eat ice cream until midnight," I said, gazing over Alice's head as I placed Peter's plate back down, "and tons of VapoRub."

"Yeah, okay," Jackson groaned. "Kals, gimme the tots. I did not break my back to not get the tots."

Laughing softly into my ear, she plucked the plate up and dropped into his waiting hands. He glowered at the tater tots.

Peter protested, "Can I at least have the spaghetti?"

"Your girlfriend attacked an elderly in your honor!" Kali and I snorted and Jackson threw us reproachful glares as he muttered, "You can't have anything."

"Give him the spaghetti," I said.

Jackson whined but handed the plate back to Kali. She gave it to Peter, still grinning small and pleased. Lena licked her lips, pushing her plate away from and patting her stomach with one hand. "You two dating?"

"Yes."

"No."

Jackson tried to move up but his back quivered and I cut my eyes back to Lena while he tried to hold back his groans.

"We're getting married," Jackson insisted. Kali flicked him in the head while I said, chewing on a long strand of spaghetti, “We’re not getting married.”

"They are not dating," Kali said, twirling the spaghetti on her plate. "Alex is very proudly not gay."

Lena raised an eye. "Proudly not gay?"

"Yeah." I scuffed my foot against the ground. "We're considering heteroflexible."

"Considering?" she laughed, voice questioning.

"I would marry Sebastian Stan in a heartbeat."

Mary laughed but her face fell flat and serious after a moment. "Well, who wouldn't?"

Everyone took a moment to bask in that well-known fact then Peter tapped his fingers against the table. "So why are you dating but not dating then?"

"I need gay romance for my resume," Jackson said.

"That. Now let's talk intimately about your lives for the rest of dinner," I said, piling the little bit of spaghetti left on my plate into my mouth. "G'osh gon. Swhere you-" I swallowed. “-From? What are you?”

Peter chuckled. "Immigrant from Norway."

"Hispanic American," Mary said, “from the lovely and hateful region of Texas.”

"Oh, we're CANADIANS!" Fish and Alice sang. Fish glanced down at Ben who'd finally passed out, still gripping a tot and a bottle of ketchup in his hands. "He's from Nigeria."

Lena glanced at me, eyes bright. "Brokian."

I swallowed. "Feminist?"

"Yep."

"Anti-racism?"

"Can _you see_ the colour of my skin?"

"Ally?"

Her eyes widened, amused. "Of trans rights, gay rights, women's rights, POCs rights and all religions because we are people and bleed the same blood."

I bit my lip. "Do we have mutants?"

"Nope, just special tricks and magic camp." She grinned. "Did I get 'em all?" I nodded. "Should I do you?"

"Please, God, no," Jackson groaned. He rubbed his face. "It sucked the last time he did this. I don't even get it."

"Maybe it's 'cause we don't have one," Fish said. "Maybe every country should have one."

"Brokes isn't a country though," Peter said. Lena and I shot him a stare so powerful he shifted down his seat, trying to hide behind Mary who was at least half his size. "But it isn't," he protested.

"Get out."

He blinked, rising up slow with a confused expression.  "What?"

"Out," I repeated.

Lena crossed her arms and looked determinedly away from him. "I can't be friends with you anymore, Pete."

Peter's mouth fell open and his eyes squinted in confusion. "Wha-"

"Leave it," Jackson grumbled. "Brokes people are weird about their city. Apparently-" And Jackson looked at me for confirmation, "-it's going be a country one day."

"Yeah," Lena and I sighed happily.

They just looked at us like we were insane. We’re not.

"So," Jackson said, stealing a tater tot off of Peter’s plate and wanting to change the subject before me and Lena started babbling about how great and awesome Brokes is, "why's your name Fish? Was your mom high or somethin' when she had you?"

Kali flicked Jackson's cheek again.

"It's a nickname, signifying his swimmy-ness," Alice laughed, dodging a tot Fish threw at her from Peter's plate. Peter glared at everyone and pulled his plate closer to his chest.

"Daniels is my last name, right?" He flexed his fingers. "And my first name is Daniel."

I tried to hold back my grin. "So why not go by your middle name?"

"That's Daniel too." He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Go on laugh. She just wasn't expecting two boys."

"I came first," Alice said. She poked her brother’s hand teasingly. "So Fish got the short end of the stick."

He stuck his tongue out at her. "Shuddup. _Anyway_ , I do like swimming - Warrior of Water, thank you very much - and you can't tell what gender a fish is unless you're one of those creepy fish people, which resonates with me as I am genderless[40], so-" He spread his arms open then clamped them down around Ben as he started to fall back. "-Fish!"

"Huh." I nodded. "Interesting. I wonder what my nickname would be. You know-" I waved a hand around. "-in relation to animals."

Jackson and Kali shared a look and chorused, "Duck."

I frowned. "What? Why not something cool like-" I paused, unable to come up with anything. “Nevermind.”

Peter pulled his plate away from Fish’s greedy fingers. “Why duck?”

Kali smirked knowingly while Jackson leered, his mouth stretched wide, and said, "'Cause he has a huge d-"

My body seized up and I shrieked, "SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!"

Kali laughed as I hoisted over her lap to shove my hands up against Jackson's mouth, muffling the rest of his sentence. A squawk of complaint emitted up from my throat. Fish pulled back, looking under the table with a curious expression. I kicked his foot. He huffed and cradled Ben, who was blinking awake from my shouting.

Jackson grinned under my hands. Then he licked them. I thumped him upside the head. He laughed. The traitorous, perverted bastard _laughed_.

"You are dead to me." Kali squeezed my cheeks when I faced her. "Kals, he is _dead_ to me." I turned back to Jackson and shoved my finger in his chest. "Dead."

"So how big are we talking about here?" Lena asked and I flushed.

Kali wrapped her arms around me in a vice-like grip as I struggled to get up. "I'm leaving. Kali, lemme go."

She laughed. "No. It is fine. Jackson will sleep on the floor tonight."

"Jackson is dead to me."

"Can I see it?" Lena asked, popping a tater tot in her mouth.

Halfway to strangling Jackson, I froze. "What?"

"I wanna see it. You know-" She waved her hand around, chewing thoughtfully. "-see if it’s up to snuff."

My mouth went dry and I'm pretty sure my face was just a tomato at this point. "Uh, well, I-" Tiny breaths of air peppered through my lips. "Um, I don't think, I mean, I, it-"

"Oh for the love of-" Jackson jerked up and Kali caught me around the waist. My eye twitched. Lena's grin grew bigger. Kali laughed under her breath, stroking my hair. Jackson continued. "You can see it after your date. _Semi_ -formal attire. Wear something pretty but not too revealing or he'll have a panic attack and we'll never get him out of his room. I'll tell you the place and time tomorrow."

Lena chirped, "Okay!" and picked up her plate, hopping off to the trash while I laid, stiff, in Kali's grip, wondering what the hell just happened.

"What- what just happened?" I squinted up at Kali. "What just happened?"

Jackson pulled out his phone. "You got a date with a-" His lips curled and he glared at nothing in particular. "- _girl_."

"Oh. Awesome. Thanks, man."

He licked his lips, dialing. "So am I still dead to you?"

"Nah.” We fistbumped. “But you’re still sleeping on the floor,” I assured.

He frowned. “We’ll talk about that later.”

And thus dinner continued with Ben waking up every seven seconds to make modifications to his tater tot model of the Eiffel Tower, everyone telling him to sleep, Jackson and Peter arguing over whether or not Norwegians are really filthy people, Kali flirting with Alice and vice versa, me blushing every time Lena looked in my general direction and Fish and Mary debating the best parts of winter.

It was actually quite nice.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [31] Egyptian goddess of the sky and love, among other things
> 
> [32] Australian goddess of the sun
> 
> [33] Hindu goddess of love and fertility, among other things. In some tellings, Parvarti is the main source of all goddesses and her appearance, or manifestation, on any day depends on her mood.
> 
> [34] A sexuality in which a person is sexually attracted to some, but not all, genders
> 
> [35] Kali is referencing the character Joey Tribbiani from the TV show Friends in the scene where he gets a bracelet identical to the one he gave his friend, Chandler, and excitedly calls the two of them “Bracelet Buddies”
> 
> [36] Norse god associate with healing, death, knowledge and the runic alphabet, among other things
> 
> [37] Meaning agender, a gender in which a person does not feel as though they have a gender or that they are without gender
> 
> [38] Meaning bigender
> 
> [39] Meaning genderfluid, a gender in which a person moves fluidly between various different genders
> 
> [40] Another term for agender


	8. Chapter 8

           

"Has this book been updated at all in the last ten thousand years?" I grumbled, cramming a couple of crackers into my mouth.

In my lap, I had the Official Rulebook for Warriors and Warriors-In-Training. Layla had given out “revised copies” at breakfast, making sure everyone knew that "leaving the school grounds without permission for reasons other than imminent danger is not allowed".

I pretended she was not looking directly at me.

It didn't help.

Everyone else _was._

Still the book was old. There was no table of contents, some of the rules had been crossed out or words were written over in big bold letters with marker that stained to the other side. It smelled funny, most pages were stained orange and some new rules had been written on lined paper stapled to the back.

"Layla's cheap as fuck," Jackson said. He rolled over on to his back. "What are you looking at that thing for in the first place? You don't need a rule book. You don't break anything."

"I can break the rules," I muttered as I flipped through the book. Crumbs brushed off my mouth in the wind. "I just _choose_ not to."

"Of course, you _choose_ to be a goody-two shoes, you loser." He flopped an arm over his eyes. "Where the fuck's Kali?"

Kali had disappeared at some point during the morning between my attempts at finally unpacking my things and setting up my room to be close to what I had at home and Jackson and I arguing about the stupidity of footie pajamas which he had once again dressed me in after I fell asleep.

Some letter had appeared in her hands, calligraphy handwriting and everything, with a thousand rose petals falling down around her head. She’d read the note, blushed, told us not to kill ourselves without her and then left in a puff of blue smoke, her promise of being back in three hours hanging in the air.

After four hours, we had given up waiting and, after getting permission from Layla, Jackson dragged me back to the boulder where we had decided to chill until Kali finally came back to us.

"I'unno." The cracker bag drifted and I grabbed it. "Get a rock."

Jackson squinted at the bag. "Yeah, alright." He rolled off the boulder and appeared back seconds later with a big rock and windblown hair. We trapped the bag and resumed our 'chilling', which was basically being miserable because we couldn’t think of anything fun to do.

"We should not be left alone. We can barely feed ourselves," Jackson muttered after a while, trying to figure out how to get to the crackers without moving the rock. "Kali has got to stop leaving us."

"She's done it a bunch of times, Jack," I sighed but still agreeing. "Hey, remember that time I almost threw myself out the window because she left and Nick wasn’t there to yell at me about not doing stupid things?"

"Yeah." He frowned. "Why did you do that again?"

I paused, trying to remember. Tapping the pages of the book, I said. “I think it was because I confessed my love for Sebastian Stan and then we agreed that it would romantic to film me chucking myself out my window to signify how far I've fallen for him?"

Jackson grinned. "Oh yeah! Didn't you recite a poem first?"

I squinted at a scribbled sentence in the margins. "Mmm. I think it started with 'Your abs are as chiseled as Adonis. Your hair is really pretty-'"

"'For your gorgeous ass, I'd move out of the city," Jackson finished. "'Your mouth is really neat-"

"'With you I'd be complete' and then a bunch of stuff about his eyes and jawline," I mumbled, dragging my finger across the page. "And then Kali walked in right as I was about to throw myself three million feet _and die_."

"Yeah, we should _never_ be left alone without her." He rolled over. "Or without Nick. At least not for seventeen hours straight. We’d die. We’d die big time.”

I nodded in agreement, tapping underneath a word that had been hastily squeezed in between two scribble marks. Jackson sighed, muttering about he missed Nick and their ability to make conversation.

Nick had to stay back at their school for winter break because their parents had flown out to visit their grandma who’d suddenly grown ill. I still hadn’t told them about magic and Warriors and the fact that Katelynn, their little sister who we all called Mutant, was actually a half-Demon hybrid called a Special. I wanted a face-to-face conversation for that. It’s harder to sound like you were just joking about something over the phone or in email. Not that I thought that they wouldn’t believe me but, you know.

Anxiety.

"You still haven't told me why you're reading that book," Jackson mumbled. Sparks, our tiny purple cloud, fluttered around overhead, making it rain on some flowers before shifting to Jackson and settling on his chest. Jackson pet her.

 

**You named the cloud.**

 

Yes. Sparks is good-natured and likes making it rain on flowers. Occasionally she lets loose little lightning bolts that burn holes into my rug but other than that she's a very good, very purple cloud.

I shifted. "Still trying to figure out why my parents would get banned."

He choked on a cracker. Sparks sparked nervously while he hacked. I closed my book and hit him in the back with it. The cracker bit stuttered out of his throat, rolled over the ground before it finally fell off the edge.

He winced and rubbed his throat. "Why is it so important to you?"

"I'm just curious." I flipped my book back open. "My parents don't get banned from anything. Except that one time my dad got banned from that lady club but, you know, that's probably because he stopped being a lady and it's a lady club. Males not being allowed is pretty much common knowledge so therefore-" Jackson rolled his eyes here. "-it doesn't count."

"Uh huh." He laid back down and I watched him. "Sparks, be a doll and go get me some water, yeah?"

Sparks thundered in excitement and flushed down to the river.

I frowned. "You know, now that we have Sparks, I just kind of realized rain is just cloud piss."

Jackson chewed his lip thoughtfully then shrugged. "Eh, who cares?"

"People who don't like the word piss when it comes to their drinks?" I considered.

"Those guys should grow up," Jackson muttered, making an empty glass appear from nowhere.

I pointed to the glass. "If you can make an empty glass appear from thin air, you can make water appear from thin air. Just drink that."

Jackson snorted. "Has a magicky aftertaste and besides." He sat up. "Water's not my calling so it takes more to do. You wouldn't expect a war god to be make peace would you?"

I squinted at the sky then at Sparks who was zooming back to us. "Suppose not."

"Anyway, second gods have a harder time producing crap to begin with and a limited amount of a magic to do it with." He pulled out a pouch and opened it. Inside was purple dust, the kind he threw at my face the day before when he wanted me to shut up. "This is it. Solid magic. When I need more, I have to go buy it or beg my birth mother for some and I dislike her."

He huffed. "She favours the kids she had that aren't screwed up."

I patted his head sympathetically. "Why not bum some off your dad then?" He glared at me. "Sorry. Your sperm donor."

"'Cause I don't speak Chinese," he muttered, "and he thinks it's disrespectful I won't learn his language."

"I could teach you."

"Nah." He pushed his cup under Sparks, who rained right into it, sparking excitedly. "Too much work. And I also don’t care."

Done, Sparks settled next to my side, cool and wet and Jackson drank his rainwater with a pissed expression.

According to Jackson, he's a mess. Second gods don't generally come from two different ethnicity of gods. Normally everyone stays within their parameters and if they don't, they at least have the sense to use a condom. Demigods can come from anywhere. Seconds gods have to stick to one place.

Jackson is unique to me and an abomination to others because he's a Chinese Greek Egyptian god. Father, mother, place of birth. Apparently he's the only multiracial second god ever.

Apparently that sucks.

I closed my book and pet Sparks as she soaked my side. "I could use my influence to get you more for free. If you wanted."

He slumped. "No. Using you is illegal. It's _supposed_ to be the other way around." He grinned cruelly. "Slavery only works in one direction, Allie."

The idea of what I could do being slavery didn’t rub me right. Granted, it’s slavery. It shouldn’t rub anyone right. "I don't like it," I said, frowning. I ran my finger over the cover of the book, feeling uncomfortable.

Jackson snorted and rolled his eyes, pushing a hand through his hair lazily. "You don't like anything."

"That's a lie. I like-" Something caught my eye. "KALS!"

"Yeah, I like Kali too," he said while I jerked up. Sparks slid under my feet, buzzing excitedly while I grabbed my sword. Jackson stretched. "I'll get the crackers."

Kali stood in front of the boulder, arms crossed looking half amused, half annoyed. I slid off of Sparks, who zoomed and settled on the top of her head hair. Kali's hair stood up a little. I grinned, sliding my sword into its sheath.

She took my arm and kissed our cheeks, glancing between the two of us. "What have you two been up to?"

"Nothing." I nodded in solemn agreement and Jackson leaned against her. "We wallowed in misery and that was it."

"Truly? How depressing." She stretched. Jackson and I slid up to the tips of our toes while she squeezed our hands. We dropped. She smiled. "I was on a date."

"Oooh, tell us, tell us," Jackson insisted.

She sighed and dropped our hands, taking a step away from us. She turned. "Well," she drawled, looking thoughtful. "No."

Then she took off down the path, laughing. After exchanging looks, Jackson and I took off after her. I died three seconds in so Jackson strew me out on his back and continued with his stupid running.

Running is exhausting.

 

**You run.**

 

I jog. There's a difference. One kills you, the other doesn't.

Jackson tackled her legs. When she hit the ground, I scrambled off Jackson’s back and, kneeling next to her head, pinned her hands to the ground. She smirked and rolled her eyes, relaxing. In the back of my mind, I envisioned a similar scene, Nick straddling her stomach, the four us laid out in the park, the sun laughing as we tried to prove Kali was ticklish.

She is not.

Jackson shifted up and laid his head on her stomach. "Tell us!"

She laughed. It was pleasing to the ear and my skin curled warmly at the sound. "No."

"Come on," I whined and let go of her hands. She pet Jackson's hair. Sparks buzzed. "Pleeeease?"

She smirked. "No."

Accepting her words, I nodded. "Fine."

Jackson looked annoyed. "Alex! Stop giving up so easily! That irritates me so fucking much, you asshole!"

"But she said no, Jack." Kali grinned and patted my hand. "You have to respect the no."

He huffed and glowered, shifting his glance back to her. "Was it a girl?"

"No."

"Which means it was a male, which means it was Shiva[41], which means-" His eyes lit up. "You went out with your husband! I have cracked the case."

She looked amused. "Yes, that it is true though I do not believe it was a case to be cracked."

"Whatever. Just means my skills are boss." He rolled over, groaned and stretched, flopping face forward into the ground. Dirt scuffed over his hair. He put his chin up on the ground so dirt wouldn’t get into his mouth as he said, "So whadda we do now?"

I said, "We're should dye my hair."

"Okay. That sounds like a nice option. Let us do that." Kali squeezed my ankle. "Now help me up. I am old."

"Sounds like the beginning of a commercial," Jackson grunted, heaving her up to a stand. "'I'm old and I can't get up.'"

She swatted him. "I am thousands of years old, Jackson. Have respect."

"Well, you're still a pretty pretty babe, Kals, so-" I clambered onto Jackson's back "-to the store to buy me some dye!"

"To the store!" Jackson crowed and we disappeared in a giant puff of purple smoke

 

* * *

 

 

"Nice hair."

Lena was in front of me, eying the top of my head with an inquisitive expression. Her hair was curled even more so, spouting out over her head like a lion’s mane, similar to my mom’s. She kinda looked like an adorable mad scientist. Like a, a black, cis[42] female version of Albert Einstein, minus the glorious facial hair.

Grinning, I fingered my newly green locks. "Thank you. I didn't have enough hair for rainbow colours."

"Oh." She squinted, pressing her lips together, as though she wasn’t sure if I was joking or not. "That sucks."

"Yeah." I leaned against the door. "So why are you here? Besides, of course, wanting to bask in my beautiful presence."

She eyed my appearance - green hair, really washed out pants and a huge stained shirt I won from some bodybuilder at an under twenty-one club in a game of Go Fish.  She chuckled. "Besides that. Jackson called me. Uh, how did he-"

"I don't know and it's been said that I will never know so-" I shrugged. "-I don't know."

She nodded. "Probably magic then. There was this kid a few years ago who did the same. Sent pictures of baby ducks to everyone."

"That's cute."

"Yeah." Her smile fell. "His next couple of pictures weren't as adorable, though."

"That... sucks. Anyway-" I leaned back. "JACKSON, PRETTY GIRL HERE TO SEE YOU!" He stepped out of the bathroom, pulling the foil off his hair. He looked at Lena. "What do you want?"

She raised an eye. "You called me. Three minutes ago."

He squinted. "Oh yeah. Your date." There was a bitterness to his voice that made roll my eyes. He looked at me. "Still want it?" I nodded. He looked at Lena and waved his hand around in her general area. She nodded. He sighed. "Fine. It's at eight. May twenty-third of this year. Cheng’s Chopsticks on Clandence Avenue. Be there or I'm taking Kals and it'll be _our_ first date."

I nodded because, yes, this date of my date made perfect sense to me. Happy birthday to moi.[43]

Lena frowned. Clearly the date of our date did not make perfect sense to her. "Wait a minute. May?"

"It's a very prestigious restaurant," Jackson snapped, dropping the foil into the trash. "Earliest reservations I could make. Don't worry. It can be looked at as a birthday present and it'll give you enough time to see what a horrible person he is and never consider dating him again."

Kali stepped out of the bathroom, her nails glistening red. She swatted him effortlessly as she passed by him, the noise reverberating round the room while Jackson swore, rubbing the back of his head. I grinned while he stuck his tongue out at her back. She flipped him the finger.

"Alex is very nice and very cute," she said. She paused, eyes narrowing. "I have forgotten the next line. Excuse me." She pulled a piece of paper from her pocket, gingerly with the tips of her nails and recited, “ 'Alex is very nice and very cute. His fat makes him a teddy bear to hug and hold. He is interesting, good and enjoys people. You will like him very much.'"

Lena pressed a hand to her mouth, eyes sparkling with laughter. Heat curled low in my chest and my eyes bore hard at the wall. "Just so we're clear," I said, shoving my hands into my pockets, "I still don't know them."

"You should," Lena laughed. Her lips pressed together, firm and defiant, eyes bubbling with sincerity. "They seem like wonderful people."

"I almost jumped out a window because of them," I said, protesting, that particular memory sparking back into mind, and she snickered. "They made me climb the top of the monkey bars and then jump down."

"You know, you'd think, with all the shit we've done to you or made you do, you'd be less of a wimp." Jackson flopped on my bed.

"Told you, I'm a coward." I turned to Lena. "There's a difference."

As she eased out the door, shaking her head, a smile edged at her lips and she laughed,. "I know. Harsh 'c' sound makes it sound cooler and cowards always run away." She tapped her side. "Pete was a coward when he got here. I used that to make him feel better."

I gaped, Kali laughed and Jackson slapped his face, groaning. Lena stopped moving, eying the three of us with a curious expression. "What?"

Kali peeled off her shirt, stained green from when we dropped the dye bottle on her earlier, rummaging through my closet for a shirt. "That is what he believes as well."

"You're my soulmate," I breathed.

"I think the green's getting to your head." Amused, she bounced on the heels of her feet. "What if I had another soulmate?"

I shrugged. "Polyamory then. Not the end of the world."

She grinned too, her nose scrunching up on her face. "I like the idea too. Sticking with one person your whole life seems a bit-"

"-suffocating," I agreed.

Kali smiled and Jackson screamed into my pillow. Lena’s eyes, alarmed, shot over to him. She started to move but Kali waved her off.  “Ignore him. He is not sane.”

Lena shrugged and said, “That’s cool. No one really is.” Gods, I was going to marry this girl.

She stepped out the room and I let out a whine similar to that of a puppy’s. Her head appeared in the doorway, eyes amused and alive and very pretty and brown. “Also, Layla said survival training tomorrow morning, starting nine o’clock. I’d getting packing if I were you.”

“What?” I asked but she was already gone. I turned to Jackson, whose face had split into a wide grin. “What is she talking about?”

“MURDER!” Jackson yelled. He looked happier than ever before. “We should start packing.”

He turned and began analyzing everything in my room. Kali and I frowned.

“Murder?”

Jackson grabbed my face and squeezed my cheeks, eyes alive with insanity. He cackled, fingers clawed.

“ _Murder_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [41] Hindu god and part of the Trimurti, a concept in Hinduism in which the cosmic functions of creation, maintenance and destruction where each function is portrayed by three different deities. Shiva is the destructor or transformer. In some tellings, he is Parvarti’s husband and therefore the husband of all or most aspects of her. In other tellings, he is solely Kali’s husband.
> 
> [42] Meaning cisgender, a gender in which a person feels like the gender they were designated at birth
> 
> [43] Moi means me in French


	9. Chapter 9

Apparently survival training occurred every time there was a break and most of the kids left to go be family or, you know, just stay alive. It is not murder. Murder is not allowed, though _things_ happened and people wound up in situations close to death.

This did not make me feel any better about it.

Murder is not survival. Death is not survival. Therefore, survival training was going to kill me and that is not what it was for and therefore I did not want to do it.

Jackson assured me that under his and Kali’s watch, he would not let me be fatally wounded then promptly ran off to do something he did not specify, while yelling “ _MURDER!_ ” as he laughed and scared several people.

That did not make me feel any better either.

“Do not worry, Ēlēksa,” Kali insisted, handing me my pack. “You will be fine.”

I slung it on. “I highly doubt that, Kals.”

“You will be fine.” She pulled on her pack. “I am with you.”

“If someone cuts out my tongue, you’ll be useless,” I muttered. I curled my tongue in my mouth, pushing against my teeth protectively.

“Do not let anyone cut out your tongue.” She threw Jackson’s pack at him. “Where have you been?”

“Registering our group and forming alliances. Other crap.”

“Do we really need alliances?” I asked. That seemed kinda stupid and pointless. “This isn’t the Hunger Games[44],” I added, under my breath.

Then a group of kids passed by arguing over who they should “destroy” first. Dread settled on my shoulders, a heavy weight slowly suffocating me with fear, as the idea that this maybe was a version of The Hunger Games flittered in my mind. Chills settled down my skin.

“Yeah it is,” Jackson chirped. Ignoring the horror that had spread across my face, he threw on his bag and said, “I’m going to go get some other stuff. Stay here.” He ran back out into the snow.

 Kali turned and assessed the weapons laid out on the table. “Do they not carry standard knives anymore?” She plucked a knife up, examining it. I shifted, finding comfort in gripping the hilt of my useless sword. “I have literally less than a day’s worth of any kind of training, Kals. Please don’t let me die.”

“I will not.” She flipped the knife. “It is only three days. You will be fine, Alex.”

“I’m not ready to die, Kali.” She slung an arm over my shoulders and peered around. “I’m not. I haven’t even studied accounting yet.”

“Is he talking about his stupid accounting again?” Jackson grumbled. He had another bag in his hands. “What have I said about talking about math?”

“It’s only for panic situations,” I recited from the memory of his voice, hell of a lot younger, snapping it at me as I came down from a panic attack.

“Exactly.” He pushed the bag into my hands. “Hold that.”

The bag weighed heavy in my hands. Shifting it in my hands, I asked, “What is this?”

He examined the weapons available on the table. “Bargaining chips. Food, water, blankets. There’s always a group that’ll attack for anything you have.”

“You have done this before,” Kali murmured, plucking another three knives off of the table. A kid skittered forward and grabbed the rest, bolting off to a group of muscled, terrifying people.

“We’re avoiding them,” I said, nodding in the group’s direction.

Jackson shoved two sets of brass knuckles into his pockets, strapping on another pair. “That’s probably best, and, yeah, Kals, I’ve done this before. Five times to be exact but this would be my first in a group.” He grabbed a handful of arrows. “I got bored having no friends and you were busy being a stripper.”

She cocked her head. An apologetic grimace fell over her face. “I am sorry.”

“Don’t be!” He grinned. “It was actually fun! Except for that time, I almost blew up on my own bomb.” He stretched. “Alright so we have bargaining chips, you-” He pointed at Kali. “-have food, matches and water. You-” He pointed to me. “-have blankets, a first aid kit and your stupid rule book-”

“I haven’t finished it,” I mumbled.

“I have a tent and various weapons. Okay! We good, we good.” He flexed his fingers and snatched the bag out of my hands. “Starts in three minutes! Let’s go!” He ran off.

Watching him, I said, “Time of _his_ life, huh?”

Kali nodded. “We should keep an eye on him. I have a feeling he will kill someone for the fun of it.”

Jackson yelled at a bunch of kids for getting in his way, waving his sword around, threats in the air. We ran after him and three minutes later all three of us were off into the forest, hiding in a tree as people starting fighting each other almost immediately. It really was The Hunger Games.

I never wanted to be in The Hunger Games.

“Told you going into the trees before it started it even started was smart,” Jackson chirped. He ducked around a branch and started creeping deeper. “Let’s go.”

We followed obediently.

A few hours later, we set up camp in a tiny clearing near the edge of a frozen pond. Kali was assembling the tent, glaring at the instructions and swearing in Hindi while I tried to start a fire. Jackson set up “safety precautions”. We didn’t really pay attention to what he was doing. It was better if we didn’t know that what he was doing was going to cause murder. At least then we could plead ignorance.

Kali kicked the tent poles and huffed. She turned to me. “Would you like to switch jobs?”

“You could just use magic to assemble it,” I said, standing.

She prodded a pole with her foot. “That is cheating. Also I do not like using magic for everything.” She swept over to the pile of wood I’d collected and pressed her finger to a piece. The pile burst into flames.

She sat down and I grinned, turning back to my manual and scanning the instructions. “What do you call _that_ then?”

“Easy,” she said. She stretched out and watched Jackson. He was climbing a tree. “What are you doing?”

“Surveillance,” he called down, scaling higher.

I stuck a pole into the canvas and moved to the other side. “What do we need surveillance for? Pretty sure all your bombs will kill anyone wanting to attack.”

“Aerial attacks, babe. Aerial.”

I pretended not to notice that he didn’t object to the bombs I mentioned. “I never noticed how paranoid you were before.”

“IT’S SAFETY!” he yelled, way high up. Still, he pulled himself up another three branches. “I LOST MANY MEN IN THE WAR DUE TO LACK IN SAFETY!”

While he disappeared into the leaves, I turned to Kali, stuffing another pole into place. "What war did he fight in?"

"World War Two." She looked through our ration of food and frowned. "I was a man for five years. It was very boring. I did not enjoy it."

I glanced from my tent to the instructions’ picture. "Oh? Why were you a dude in the first place?"

"I had to be a part of his group. I did not want him to kill himself." Our eyes met. "It was after Ranj left."

"Oh." I dropped my gaze. "Thanks for not letting him kill himself."

"You are welcome." She gazed back at the trees. “He is too good to not have around.”

And I agreed with that. Jackson may be an asshole a lot of the time but he’s a worthwhile asshole. He’s my best friend, one of them anyway and, I,  I love him. And so does Kali and Nick. And Katelynn, probably. Jackson’s great. Minus his apparent murderous desires.

Jackson dropped down and marched over to us. "Okay! So I have safety on the ground and in trees. Alex, finish the tent. Kals, come. I'm gonna show you where to step to avoid dying."

Yeah, there was no not hearing _that_.

Kali pushed up, brushing dirt off her ass. "We will come back if we hear you scream."

I said, "Thanks," and resumed my building of the tent, listening to the silence in the air and the quiet puffs of my breath. When the tent was done, I pulled it closer to the fire, making sure to keep the snow away, and unrolled the sleeping bags inside of it. Then I plopped by the entrance, pulled out my rule book and went back to reading it.

Something snapped.

I jerked up, looking around wildly. "Jack? Kals?"

A branch dropped. The book fell from my fingers and hit the ground. I breathed and put my hand on my sword handle, eying our “bargaining supplies” sitting by the tent. I rose slow, looking around, nervous, scared, a little bit needing to go to the bathroom.

A breeze brushed by my ear and I jerked around, yanking my sword out of the sheath. The sun hit it, partially blinding me, and my eye twitched as I panted, nerves alight with electricity, shifting full 360 degrees, hyper aware and paranoid of everything.

Water dripped off a leaf. Snow slushed under my feet, wet and cold. Sun drifted. The trees rustled, wind whistling in the quiet breeze. Each beat of my heart sounded loud in my skull. A bird cawed and flew off into the sky.

No one was around.

My muscles relaxed. I breathed.

"Hi!"

I swung around, hilt slipping from the tips of my fingers in panic, dropping, slicing. Blood. Pain. Excruciating pain. I fell, hands flying, eyes watering, face screwing up as everything exploded, white-hot and flaring. Blood welted off the side of my foot, dripping down. My brain shut down then restarted and I screamed.

"Wha- Alex!" Fish shouted, pitching forward. The snow slushed over my ankle. "Crap. Sorry!" He swung the bag he was holding off his shoulders and rummaged through it. "Uh, Alice taught me the basics of, um, first aid. Just a cut," he muttered. He pulled out an alcohol pad. "Ah ha!"

I do not like alcohol pads.

I do not like alcohol pads _at all_.

My heart raced. Squirming violently, I yelled, "No!"

"What- No, this'll help!" He reached for my thigh, trying to pin me with one hand. "Alex, stop kicking me! You're getting dirt in it!"

The heel of my uninjured foot slammed into his chest. Gasping, he recoiled, hands scrambling, and I shot up. If there's one thing I definitely know it's alcohol on an open wound stings about the same as pepper juice in the eyes and I don’t like pain.

I hobbled off, gave up and collapsed halfway, trying to wash the dirt out with snow. It didn't work that well and I seemed to just rubbing the dirt in further, but the pain dulled and my foot went numb so that was something.

Fish stood up, still gripping the area where I kicked him. "I'm giving you first aid, if I HAVE TO KILL YOU TO DO IT!" he yelled, marching over. "And I am not sorry!"

I inched off, muttering under my breath prayers and hopes and something about giving my socks to the kids at the children’s home where my orphanage used to be when I was dead. Fish pulled open the alcohol pad and the stench was enough to make my mind run into overdrive, memories of stinging flesh and silent screams echoing in my head and I _panicked._ I panicked hard.

"NO!" I thrashed. Fish swore as he tried to get a grip my leg. Alarm bells went off in my head. Breath caught in my throat. My heart pounded so fast it could’ve burst right there in my chest.  "JACK! KALS!"

"Stay still!" That stupid pad grew closer. I screeched. "It is literally just liquid!" He froze. "It's just liquid," he said like he'd had a world changing revelation.

He looked at his hands. I inched away, swearing like a sailor because, gods, the pain was beginning to pitch the edges of my vision white and dear Eshmun,[45] why couldn’t _it stop._

Snow liquefied into water then slid over my arms, trapping me in place. If anything I thrashed harder, finally understanding how fish feel when they get captured in nets. Exposed, wet, very confused, terrified, probably needing to pee a little. The mental list of gods built up in my head and I couldn’t speak, fear clouding my throat and I screamed. Tears broke over the edge of my eyes.

"Alex, it's gonna get-" Fish grabbed my leg and twisted it slightly, looking at the cut on the side of my foot. "-infected if you keep moving."

 “GET THE FUCK OFF HIM, YOU PIECE OF HUMAN CRAP!” Jackson slammed right into Fish’s body, throwing them both several feet away. He straddled Fish’s waist, hands fisted and striking down hard against Fish’s face. “I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORMED AN ALLIANCE WITH YOU, YOU CANADIAN SHITHEAD!”

 “Ēlēksa.”

Kali appeared by my side. She barely glanced at Jackson, eyes raking my body, landing on the cut which began to throb insistently. My heart pounded against my rib cage, a stampede against my chest. I dug my fingers into the snow, eyes watering.

I hate anxiety. I hate pain. I hate pain a lot.

She reached for the cut and I flinched heavily. Before eying me with serious look, she kissed the top of my head. “I do not like seeing you scared or in pain, Ēlēksa.”

“I don’t-” The pain pitched and I winced. “I can’t, don’t wan-” The pain pitched again, harder this time, like a hot iron was being pushed against my foot, and I breathed out, “ _No alcohol_ ”, fingers shaking, black spots slipping through my vision.

“I know,” she assured, nodding. She moved down my leg, fingers stroking slowly. “I am aware.”

She ducked her head and blew gently on the cut, using a delicate nail to scrape the dirt out of my stupid, dumb wound. I snarled, biting into my lip, eyes watering because gods that stung, it stung a lot and I just could not handle it because pain is stupid, why is pain even in existence, it is so _dumb._

She dragged her lip into her mouth and frowned. “JACKSON! I need your pouch.”

He ripped it out of his pocket and threw it at her, snarling as his hands wrapped around Fish’s throat. “Don’t use all of it. I need it to hide his body.”

I blinked. “Wha- Ja- _ahck_!”

Kali dumped a handful of Jackson’s stupid purple magic dust on my cut, humming under her breath. She muttered something low in Hindi before pressing her full hand against my cut and instantaneously the pain went away. Course, my brain didn’t realize that until twenty minutes later when my anxiety finally died down.

“ _WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO MY BROTHER?_ ” An arrow whizzed down past Jackson’s face and he rolled off of Fish easily, eye wide and alert.

“Is that Alice?” I asked, curling into Kali. She nodded her affirmation and I whined low in my throat. “Don’t let Jackson do anything stupid.”

She snorted and tied her hair back into a tight bun. “Of course. I do not allow stupidity in my presence.”

I laughed fakely and rolled over on my side, snow soaking my side, letting out a shivery whine as I peered down at my foot. A purple tinged coating glazed over my cut. Explosions echoed overhead and, yelling, Lena dove out of a tree, rolling up neatly on her feet like a professional gymnast. I stared, very impressed.

She was still really pretty even when she was trying to hurt my friends.

She took one look at me and my apparent dilemma, darting over. She dropped down by my side. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t like pain,” I muttered. “My side is very cold.”

“I don’t get it,” she said. “What does pain and your side have to do with-” She jerked back, avoiding an arrow Jackson accidentally swatted over at us. “HEY!”

He turned, slightly, and stared at her for a minute before glancing down at me with an inquisitive expression. I waved him off. He nodded and shot forward, tackling Fish who was trying to escape while Kali eyed the trees, her swords swinging through the air.

“My friends may be trying to kill your friends,” I said. “But in all fairness, this is completely my fault and they’re very protective.”

Lena squeezed my wrist. “Yeah, I got that when he-” She jerked her chin in Jackson’s general direction. “-showed up covered in bullet holes and you didn’t.”

“Boys dig battle scars,” I mumbled. Something cracked behind us and our heads turned. Fear swarmed in my chest. My voice betrayed the panic I was trying not to show. “What was that?”

“Probably a monster,” she grunted, pushing up to a stand. “I’ll go check.”

She loped off into the trees, dodging explosives and underground bombs with ease, and I took three seconds to consider my options before crawling back towards the tent because I’d honestly rather get accidentally trampled on than ripped apart and eaten. At least trampling wouldn’t wind up with me dead.

Just extremely injured and in pain.

Stopping by Kali’s legs, I considered getting ripped apart and eaten. Less pain. Being dead wasn’t so bad so long as there was less pain. Less pain is always better. No pain is the best though.

Kali blinked down at me as I huddled next to her legs, taking silent refuge behind her. She pulled me over to the tent, patted my head and sliced an arrow in two with a wide grin on her face. It was the same kind of look that she had when I accidentally walked in on her frenching with a pretty, pretty girl she met at an under 21 club. This would be after I won the t-shirt from the bodybuilder by the way.

I pointed to the split arrow. “Is this how you prep for sex?” I asked. “Is this your foreplay?”

She smiled, laughing under her breath. Her eyes gleamed with excitement. “Sometimes it is but not all the time.” She grinned at me. “You are aware that I am quite versatile.”

That sounded about right. “Okay. Go. Foreplay the sex.” I shooed her away and, grinning, she darted over to the trees, dodging arrows. I watched her skinny up a tree, heard a rather high shriek and then everything fell quiet, the only noise being Jackson’s yells of Fish being a horrible person and the ways he was going to die.

I zipped myself in the tent, padlocked the zipper to a cord at the bottom and pretended I was Nick, who's deaf, as I mentioned before, and therefore wouldn’t hear the violence going on outside. They’re a good person. I’d talk about them more but they’re not really too involved in this story, mostly coming up near the end, I guess, which kind of sucks because now that I think about it we probably could’ve used their calming presence.

And their ability to kick ass but that’s besides the point. I mean-

 

**Alex. Stop it.**

 

Right. Sorry.

Anyway, I was probably in there for an hour, patiently awaiting someone to stop fighting and just come chill with me in tent.

I read my rule book. I made the inside of the tent nice and neat. I vaguely wondered why Jackson had condoms shoved at the bottom of his sleeping bag. I pretended like my life was just a dream. I considered pinching myself but then I remembered that that would hurt so I didn’t. I thought about calling Nick up and asking them how they were spending their break.

Someone tapped the front of the tent. “Alex?”

The voice was familiar. Squeezing the bridge of my nose, I resisted the urge to laugh and said, “Ben?”

There was a pause. “No. This is Jackson.”

I snorted, tapping the cover of my book. “Uh huh. Alright then, _Jackson_ , what’s the name of the guy we saw at the new coffee place down at Sabbath Avenue with the really nice lips?”

Another pause. The shadow on the tent flap shifted.  “...Dave?”

“Ha!” I yelled, pointing at the shadow. “We never found out his name so there!”

Peter punched through the flap, ripping a hole down the middle. I stared at it. Ben shrugged. “We are taking you prisoner,” Ben said.

That sounded about right. Peter grabbed some ropes and loped over to me while I closed my book and slipped it into my sleeping bag, accepting my fate with an easy, “Fine.”

Peter snorted. “You don’t put up much of a fight for someone’s who's supposed to be cool.”

I leaned over a little, allowing him to swing the ropes around my wrists. “Fighting leads to pain. I’m not a fan of pain.”

“Most people aren’t.” He grabbed my bound arms and tugged. “Ben’s a fan.”

I frowned, eyes drawing down. “Really?”

Ben reached and yanked my jacket forward. “CIP. Congenital Insensitivity to Pain[46]. Cannot feel pain at all. It’s very boring.”

My face almost hit the ground, hovering, and he tugged me up and out into a standing position. “That sounds beautiful. I have the exact opposite of that.”

“Well, at least you know when you’re burning your hand.” He waved around his hand, bandaged with thick white cloth. “Yesterday. Left it on a hot plate for three minutes. Susan had to yell at me.”

My own hand throbbed at the thought. “Ouch.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Look. I get that this is probably a real nice bondin’ moment for you two and your issues with pain but sooner or later Fish is goin’ ta die an’ we need ta go before _your_ -” He fixed me with a pointed stare. “-Norwegian hating friend comes and kills _me_.”

“His name’s Jackson,” I said.

Lena appeared from nowhere and wrapped an arm around my waist. “You know, this is why _I said_ we should send Mary and just use you as bait.” She smiled at me. “It wasn’t a monster by the way.”

“Oh.” My eyes narrowed, wondering what it was then.

Peter huffed. “Someone had ta guard the camp!”

“Alice,” Lena offered.

Peter’s eye twitched. “No! Alice had to distract Lady Kali.”

“It’s just Kali,” I muttered.

They ignored me. Ben shuffled. “Come _on_. Mary gets bored when alone. Bored Mary equals chaotic winds an’ thunderstorms.”

“Didn’t you not wanna die too?” Lena sneered.

I laughed. They raised their eyes. I rocked back and forth on my heels, watching Peter with a small grin on my face. “Oh, well, you know, it’s just, you are going to die.”

Then I dropped down to the ground and watched Jackson jab his sword at Peter’s chest. Ben jerked his arm out, probably to shield the sword from Peter, but I swept his feet out from under him with my legs, feeling only a little bit horrible as he hit the ground with a thump.

Lena lunged for me. I rolled out of the way and onto my stomach, trying, and failing, to jerk up to a stand. It didn’t work very well.

“You’re- you’re doing the worm,” she said, trying to stifle her bubbling laughter.

“I know,” I choked out.

“Want help? Give you a five second head start?”

I stopped doing the worm and nodded erratically. “Yeah, yeah, that sounds good.”

She heaved me up to a stand and smiled, locking her arms with mine, hooking her elbow around my neck, pressing her fingers to the edge of my throat. “Now you’re my prisoner again.”

“But we had an agreement,” I protested.

“Oral contracts still aren’t legally binding when agreed by minors.” I gaped at her. She waggled her eyebrows. “You wanna kiss me, don’tcha?”

“Yeah, but I promised Jackson and Kals they’d get my first male and female kiss respectively so…” I scuffed the ground. “Stupid friendship promises.”

She watched Jackson and kicked Ben’s shoulder. “Well, Alice gets everyone’s virginity, ‘cept Pete’s, and, uh, I get to name everyone’s third child should they have a third one.”

Ben groaned and shifted up. “Imma go get Fish. Stupid boyfriend,” he muttered.

I watched Ben jog over to his half-dead boyfriend. Somewhere to my left, Peter screamed. I ignored it. “So why not Pete?”

“Uh, it would be traumatizing and she and Mary have been doing it since Mary turned fifteen and Alice thinks it’d be kind of strange to bang the guy when you’re fucking his girlfriend on daily basis anyway.” She pressed a knife to my throat when it looked like Jackson was done with Peter, carefully dragging me backwards towards the trees as Ben slung Fish over his back. “It’s an odd relationship. We don’t talk about it.”

“Ah. Nice. Ease up on the knife please.”

She loosened her grip. “Sorry.”

Ben glared at me as he passed by. “I’m killing your boyfriend.”

“We’re not dating,” I muttered. “Also Kali’s back.”

And she was, standing by Peter’s beaten body, arms crossed, as Jackson rose up slow. Her hair was a mess, cheeks flushed and if it wasn’t for the fact that the situation appeared to be very serious, I’d probably be teasing her about her sex-addled appearance.

“Let,” she hissed, eyes red, skin melting into a dark shade of blue. “Him. _Go_.”

“You should probably let me go,” I said the same time Lena said, “I’m gonna letcha go.”

She let go of me and took a step back, hands in the air. “Ben, run.”

Ben took a glance around at the situation, swore as Fish shifted on his back, and eyes dark, glared at Lena. “I can’t. He weighs at least one hundred fifty kilos.”

Lena’s eyes went blank and, as I slipped over to Kali and Jackson, I tried to remember what the conversion rate between pounds and kilograms was. Stupid metric system.

“About three hundred pounds,” Ben muttered, struggling to keep Fish up. “Stupid Americans.” Fish groaned in agreement.

I buried my face in Jackson’s chest. “Whatever,” I said, voice muffled through a layer of cloth.

Jackson made quick scraps of my bonds. I flexed my wrists. No bruising, no marks, no pain. I was happy. Jackson and Kali, however, were not. Kali’s fingers tightened and a golden aura hovered over her body, brightening in intensity. Jackson had murder in his eyes. His left eye twitched. Kali picked me up, pinning my arms to my side, and dropped me off near the tent. She patted the top of my head. “Stay.”

I blinked. “Wha-”

Lena shrieked and ducked as Jackson went for her throat. Ben took one look at Kali, who seemed to be “going goddess”, I guess, at a very fast rate, and dropped Fish to the ground.

“Sorry, _oyin_. [47] Bye.” He turned and darted off, Kali hot on his heels.

My heart jumped into my throat. “Wha- No! STOP!”

Jackson jerked, releasing Lena who dropped to the ground, rubbing her neck and gasping. Kali stuttered forward to a stop, fisting her hands angrily. Part of me was silently pleased Nick wasn’t here because if they were then someone would still be dying because Nick’s not a god. I can’t control them.

Oh my gods. I need less chaotic friends.

Well, at least I have Katelynn.

This instant sense of dread fell over me when I realized what I did. “I didn’t mea-”

My fingers twitched, my heart stuttered in my chest, pounding uneven beats. Was it me or was the air getting thinner? The world began to spin. Every nerve went on edge and I flattened my hands to my thighs, freezing up as my chest seized and hyperventilation set in.

Jackson turned slightly, giving me a once over. “Al? Oh, motherfucking crap.”

Kali was already by me, pinning my arms, which had started convulsing, to my side. Jackson pulled my back into his chest, covering my eyes with my both hands. Everything disappeared. “Alex, you have to calm down.”

I gasped. “I don’t, I can’t, I didn’t mean-”

“It is alright. We understand. Please relax. Deep breaths,” Kali murmured, sliding her hands up to my ears. Noise drowned out, save for the sound my own breathing echoing in my head. My heart pounded so fast it hurt. I choked. I didn’t mean to take away their free will. I didn’t want to take away their free will. People should never lose their free will!

Panic curled in my throat. Slowly in one ear, Kali kept whispering for me to breathe while Jackson babbled in Arabic in my other ear. I love when Jackson speaks Arabic. His accent gets thicker and more pronounced and just sounds so pretty.

After a few minutes, the panic in my chest died down and I relaxed into Jackson’s chest, tears prickling at the edge of my eyes. Kali dropped her hands. “Are you okay now?”

“Yeah.” My voice broke. I breathed. “Fine.”

The world streamed back into view and Lena had the most nervous look on her face that my chest tightened and my voices stuttered as I tried to joke, “Still want that date?”

She laughed lowly, nodding. “Yeah. Peter gets panic attacks sometimes. It’s cool.” Ben frowned but before he could say anything Lena said, “Shut up, Ben. You were asleep.”

He nodded. “Oh.”

“Great,” I said. “So everything’s good.” I shifted around and tried to push past Jackson. “I’m going back to the tent.”

Jackson snorted. “Ah _no_.”

“But I wanna,” I whined.

“That’s not an order, you loser,” he reprimanded while Kali leaned back and forth before turning and checking on Peter who looked to be dead. “It’s not even a request.”

Then Alice appeared out of flippin’ nowhere, grinning wide. She was not wearing pants. She had on green underwear. They looked nice. I made a note to ask her where she got them.  I love green. She clicked her tongue to the roof of her mouth and made finger guns, shifting them in the air. “Hey! So, uh, just thought everyone should know that Mary’s considering blowing up things.”

“You’re not wearing pants,” Lena noted, completely disregarding the _very disturbing_ point that Mary was _going to blow up things._

Jackson zeroed in on Alice’s obvious crotch. “Hmm.” His eyes flicked up to her breasts then back to her crotch then over to Fish. “Do identical twins have the same size penis?”

“You tried to kill me!” Fish snapped.

“Did no one else hear THAT YOUR FRIEND WANTS TO _BLOW THINGS UP?_ ” I squawked.

“Yeah, we did,” Ben muttered. “But she’s been wanting to blow up things since she was eight. Just get Pete to her. It’ll be fine.”

“I think your friend is dead,” Kali said, checking Peter’s pulse.

“You’re not wearing pants!” Lena repeated, staring at Alice.

“STOP STARING AT MY CROTCH!” Fish snapped at Jackson.

“She tore ‘em off of me,” Alice muttered, pointing accusingly at Kali who didn’t seem to care in the slightest.

“No,” Jackson said to Fish. “Not until you answer me.”

“Uggggghhhh,” Peter moaned.

I’ll admit it. I have terrible taste in people.

“PETER IS DYING! I DON’T KNOW WHERE THE HELL MARY IS! NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE ABOUT THINGS BLOWING UP AND I DON’T NEED ANOTHER PANIC ATTACK!” I shrieked, body moving jerkily. I jabbed my finger into Jackson’s chest. “You. Shush. Heal. Him.” I pointed at Kali. “You. Find. Mary. Stop. The blowing up.” I stuck my thumb in the center of my chest. “I. Gonna. Sit. In. Tent. And scream.”

Kali disappeared as Jackson, mutely, slipped over to Peter and I stumbled over to the tent, keeling over and through the hole. Curling up at the far end of the tent, I screamed into a sleeping bag. My nerves were swirling around in my chest like a whirlpool of anxiety.

“Alex, you okay?” Fish called.

I stopped screaming to instead screech, “YES!” My voice was pitched and rough. I did not like it.

Fish poked his head through the hole. “You suuuure?”

I squinted and tried to keep my voice level. “Weren’t you dying?”

“Yeah.” He clicked his tongue. “But you are okay? Because I have to go finish dying.” I nodded mutely and curled into myself further. “Mmhmm. I’m sending Ben in anyway.”

“Do-” I tried to protest but he leaned back and screeched, “BEN! GET YOUR GORGEOUS BUTT OVER HERE AND TALK WITH ALEX!”

Ben got his “gorgeous” butt over here and sat down with me.

“Your boyfriend’s great,” I muttered.

“Yeah.” He tapped his heel. “Wanna see me dismantle my arm and put it back together?”

I thought about it. I’d never seen the dismantling of prosthetics before. “Sure.”

He pulled a screwdriver out of his pocket an-

 

**Wait, wait, wait, wait. What?**

 

He pulled the screwdriver out of his pocket.

 

**No. The arm thing.**

 

He has a prosthetic?

 

 **Yeah that.** **Why?**

 

Because he wanted two arms instead of one?

 

**I mean, why does he only have one arm?**

 

Because that’s how some people are born? I don’t get the purpose of these questions. Some people have prosthetics. Some people know Latin. Some people sing and it sounds horrible. That’s life. If we were all the same, it would be really boring.

Now, he pulled the screwdriver out of his pocket and (with my awkward and, to be honest, useless help) began disassembling the arm from his shoulder. Once it was laid out in front of him, he started taking it apart.

“This is my tenth one,” he stated proudly. “I never really wanted one until I read Fullmetal Alchemist and my mum was very horrified when I said I wanted to use metal. But it was available to me from when my grandmum used to make things to throw at my father when they courted.” He paused. “When my _mum_ and my father courted.”

“Why’d she throw things at him?”

He grinned. “Um, she says it’s because she didn’t want my mum, her daughter, courting a god but my father, the few times I’ve seen him, says it is because she didn’t like his face.”

I skittered through the list of African gods I could think of as he dropped a few screws in my outstretched hand. “Mbombo[48]?”

“No.”

“Ptah[49]?”

“Uh uh.”

I frowned. “If they can’t kill me, my mom definitely will. _Shit_.” Ben chuckled but I ignored his amusement of my predicament. All the studying out of unnecessary fear went down the drain as I struggled to remember _one damn name_. “Is it creation? Or was I over thinking on that?”

“Creation,” he assured.

“Dammit,” I muttered. “Um, Modimo[50]?” He shook his head. “Oh! Long name? Complicated to say? Starts with a ‘U’?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Kaykaykaykay! I know THIS! Uh-” I clenched the screws in my fist and waved my fist around haphazardly. “-Unkulunkulu[51]?”

Ben grinned. “Yeah. My mum calls him Ulu for short. My grandmum calls him ‘Irritance Who Impregnated Her Daughter and Then Left’.”

I grinned. “Your grandmother sounds like an outstanding lady.”

He snorted, laying out the pieces of his arm from the pile. “Yup. Just avoid her wrath. Okay. Here we go.”

It was really cool to watch his reassemble his arm in a matter of minutes, screwing and tightening everything in moments. He dropped screws into place and slid pieces of metal into line with each other. His calloused fingers slid around the air a few times, molding needed tools out of thin air.

Nodding to his newly appeared wrench, I said. “That’s neat.”

He nodded, scratching behind his ear with his screwdriver. “Tiring, though.” The metal gleamed as he pulled a rag out from thin air and rubbed it down. “I _could_ amoss it, you know, and make something huge but I don’t really see the point and I am not allowed to.”

“Amoss?”

He frowned. “Um, you know, like collect it? Um, save it up?”

“ _Amass_ ,” I said, grinning. “A in the middle. Not o.”

He rubbed his cheek. “Yeah, _amass_. Sorry.”

“S’kay. English is a stupid language.” I poked the side of my foot. “After learning like a billion other languages I kind of figured that out.”

He laughed in agreement. I held his hand while he lined his shoulder up with the prosthetic. “How’d you learn it, anyway?”

“English is an official language in my country,” he said teasingly. Then he shook his head and smiled. “My grandmum doesn’t like English so she made sure people only talked in Yoruba[52] around me when I was small and purposely homeschooled me so I wouldn’t pick it up too much from others. Then my mum wanted to enroll me here and I needed to know English. I watched many movies made by English people, which my grandmum did not like, and became Fish’s pen pal, which she did.” He gestured and I tried to shove his arm into his shoulder. He grunted. “We were seven. It was my grandmum’s idea. And then we fell in love.”

 _Cute_ , I thought. I twisted his arm further into place and said, “What a cheesy love story.”

He grinned, curling his fingers into his palm one by one. “Yeah. But it was nice. He always had something to say. It was really supposed to be one letter every month but he sent about one every week, talking about the most insane subjects.” He blinked, paused and corrected, “ _Inane_ subjects.”

“Huh. That sounds nice.” I scratched my palm. “So what did you mean by you're not allowed to _amass_ it.”

He chuckled and stretched, flexing his arm. “Well, if I _amassed_ it long enough, I could make something completely and wholly destructive and that is not good.” He sighed heavily. “At the end of every year, I go up to GodLand and I get checked out and measured to make sure I used the bare minimum so I don’t “accidentally” make something that could… kill them.”

That made sense. Grimly, I nodded. “Ah.”

“Yes,” he muttered, shaking his head. “It is not fun. The first time I met my father was because some people were going to puncture me with needles and he had to explain why.”

I shuddered. I hated needles. Just the thought of them sent up an imaginary shot of pain up my arm. “Yeah, my first time meeting my dad was definitely way better than that.”

He blinked. “What? You remember the first time you met your dad?” His face cringed as though the idea of it was disgusting, which confused me. “Isn’t that,” he continued, face still cringed, “... very far back to remember? And disgusting?”

Not quite understanding, I shook my head. “Not really. I mean, it's only been ten years an-”

His eyes dropped from their squinted position on his cringed face, widening as he shouted, effectively cutting me off. “You’re TEN?”

“No. I’m fifteen.” What was he not getting about this? And then it hit me. “I’m adopted, by the way.”

“Ah.” He flipped his screwdriver in the air. “That makes a lot more sense. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. My fault really,” I said, scratching behind my ear. “I forget a lot of the time that it's not something people know automatically. I don’t really realize it’s not obvious because it seems like it is to me. I don’t really look like either of my parents too much. They’re both dark haired and my mom’s black and my dad’s white as a marshmallow and here I am with blonde hair and tan skin. But, you know, at least I look kinda mixed.”

“Isn’t that… uncomfortable though? Having parents where you can’t forget that you’re not related?” he asked politely and I didn’t mind it. It was a question I’d gotten before from other people.

“No. My parents picked me. That’s a better feeling because it makes it obvious I’m wanted rather than if I was related to them and constantly feeling bitter about my existence when we fight.” I squinted at the ceiling and shook my head. “No, actually that’s a lie but only because if I was related to them it would mean my dad has a penis like he wants and that would be great. But, of course, then feeling what I’m feeling would be irrelevant because this question wouldn’t have been asked and-”

Kali jerked through the tent, thankfully cutting me off in the middle of my ramble. “I found her.” She cocked her head. “Are you okay now?”

“Yeah.” I tapped Ben’s thigh. “Ben was cool. He remade his arm.”

Ben waved his prosthetic at her, grinning, and she nodded, pulling back, while we crawled to the front. “Lena’s adopted,” he noted as he helped me out the tent opening.

“Yeah?” I said, glancing over at her.

He nodded and, much like his boyfriend, yelled, “LENA, COME TALK TO YOUR FUTURE DATEMATE[53] ABOUT BEING ADOPTED! YOU CAN BOND!”

“OKAY!” she screeched back, giving us a thumbs up. “LEMME JUST GET OUR STUFF FIRST!”

I nodded mutely, Kali flocking to my side while Jackson came over and slung his arm around my shoulders. He eyed me curiously, Kali squeezing my hand. “Better now?” he asked.

I nodded again. “We talked. Ben rebuilt his arm. It was cool.”

Jackson hummed, watching them disappear into the trees. “Sounds like fun.” He tapped my side. “You know, if we rush, we can get all our stuff packed and out of here before they even get back.”

“JACKSON!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [44] A popular book series by Suzanne Collins depicting a post-apocalyptic world where 24 children between the ages of 12 and 18 are sent into an arena to fight to the death with one child prevailing as the winner.
> 
> [45] Phoenician god of healing and patron god of Sidon
> 
> [46] A genetic mutation that does not allow people to feel pain. They can feel pressure and texture but they generally cannot feel the difference between extreme temperatures, like hot and cold, and because of this they cannot sweat. In some cases, they cannot sense when they need to use the bathroom. This is called CIPA, Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis. Ben only has CIP, or rather CIP with Partial Anhidrosis, so he can feel temperature and sweat. It is only his ability to feel pain and the need to pee that does not exist
> 
> [47] Oyin is Yoruba for honey
> 
> [48] Bushongo/Kuba god of creation
> 
> [49] Egyptian god of creation
> 
> [50] Tswana god of creation
> 
> [51] Zulu and Xhosa god of creation
> 
> [52] Yes, this is really weird but in my defense I had read a fact wrong and assumed English wasn’t an official language in Nigeria and so this was my adjustment because I wanted a bonding scene over the stupidity of English
> 
> [53] Gender-neutral term for boyfriend or girlfriend that Alex prefers to be used when in reference to him


	10. Chapter 10

That night was fun.

Lena told me how Layla adopted her but technically as a “child of the school” for a reason Lena didn’t know or cared about. Kali and Alice made out for, like, ever until Ben threw a bag of marshmallows at them and they disappeared behind a nearby bush to fornicate. We ate s'mores and discussed life and every once in a while Fish would go over to the bush to make sure that Alice was being properly satisfied and I’d hear them lovingly bicker like siblings supposedly do until Alice eventually knocked him in the head with a rock or something.

He went over there twelve times.

I was beginning to worry for the ever widening split of flesh going down his forehead. There was a lot of blood. It looked very painful. Ben would just roll his eyes and wipe the blood away, patting his boyfriend’s skin with a cloth before returning to whatever contraption he was building. Peter and Mary stayed curled up into one another by the fire, grinning and feeding each other s’mores. It was cute.

I glanced over at Lena who topped her s'more with white chocolate and bit my lip.

“So, Alex?” she said, snapping me out of my thoughts of draping myself on top of her and feeding her s’mores. “Do you like white chocolate?”

“YES!” I flushed, clapping a hand over my mouth. Jackson snorted. She grinned. My hand dropped into my lap. “I mean, I very much do, in fact, enjoy the occasional... white... chocolate.”

She scooted over closer and held it out. “Open wide.”

I did but Jackson interfered as expected. “No!” he said, pulling me away and squatting down in the middle of us. “Nope. Uh huh. No. No way. You haven’t even gone out yet! No romantic cutesy stuff until then. Not until the third date!”

Kali’s head shot up from behind the bush, hair looking thoroughly mussed and lipstick stains on her neck. “Jackson.”

“Infidelity, Kals!” he snapped, slapping the ground. “Infidelity!”

She rolled her eyes, opened her mouth to say something but then Alice whined something and, poof, attention lost just like that. I kicked Jackson’s thigh, the two of us sharing a wide grin because when Kali and Nick makeout for fun, her attention gets lost just like that too, and grinned at Lena who smiled back, popping the s'more into her mouth.

“You’re a very strange god,” Peter commented.

“Take a long walk off a short pier,” Jackson said. His eyes narrowed and, while keeping them trained on Peter’s face, he ripped open another bag of marshmallows with his teeth.

Marshmallows sprayed all over the ground. Peter squinted. “That’s wasteful.”

“Fuck off.”

“Aggression is a sign of weakness.”

“And you’re a mustard plaster[54].”

Peter paused. “I have no idea what that means.” He glanced at Mary. “Is it a Western thing?”

Jackson snarled, “It’s a 20s thing, you ofay[55].”

Kali flounced to our side, Alice plastered to her side, grinning drunk-like. “When he is irritated, you will find he speaks from an ancient time.”

“1920s!” I chirped. “You know, I always wondered how you knew those phrases.”

“Shut up, Alex.”

I patted the top of his head and shoved a s’more into his hand. “Have a s’more. Eat it. Now.”

He ate it. Aggressively. With his eyes kept on Peter. Who shifted. Uncomfortably.

Jackson’s a very strange person but I don’t like to question it because he gets upset and starts calling me a “bluenose[57]” and I don’t know what that is but it doesn’t sound very nice.

“Jackson, stop being staring at Peter like you’re going to kill him.” He did. “Now stop staring at Peter like you’re going to do sex stuff to him.”

Alarmed, Peter snapped his head up, looking highly panicked and overtly terrified. Mary tugged on his ear while Jackson dropped his gaze to fire and threw a s’more in, muttering in Ancient Greek under his breath.

Overhearing it and understanding all of what he was saying (thanks for the lessons, Mom!), I kicked his leg and gave him a look. “Stop being rude.”

Kali smirked and fed Alice a s’more. Cocking her head, Lena asked, “What’d he say?”

A grimace crossed over my face. “I don’t wanna repeat it. It’s really mean. And- and lewd.”

“Great,” Peter said brightly, a hint of panic still evident in his voice, clapping his hands loud. “Let’s keep all lewd and sexual things behind that bush.” He pointed to the bush Kali and Alice had just… canoodled in.

“Grow up.” Jackson grumbled. Kali cuffed him on the back on the head. “Kali!”

She fixed him with a piercing stare. “Play nice.” Her voice commanding obedience, everyone kind of sat of straighter and Ben snapped out of his “building mode” to offer Alice a screw. Sitting back against a pulled up rock, Kali smiled contentedly and ate a s’more out of Alice’s hand, smiling.

Peter blinked. “I just remembered. Aren’t you- You’re married, right?”

“Yes,” Kali said boredly. She flicked her fingers. “What is your point?”

He flushed. “Nothing. Nothing, I just, um-”

“He says things when he remembers stuff,” Mary said, smiling. She kissed the corner of his cheek and he flushed a brighter red. She pulled back, still smiling until a sudden thought flickered across her eyes and her grin fell flat on her face, body tensing as she turned, alarmed. “Al-”

Alice jerked her head in affirmation to whatever Mary had planned to ask. Relaxation settled on Mary and her body slumped once again, against Peter, feeding him s’mores from her fingertips with a small smile. Fish whined and dropped against Ben’s legs. Blinking Ben glanced down once. His lips twitched into a wide grin and he ran his fingers through Fish’s hair, petting him until Fish silenced himself and closed his eyes content.

Nervously I glanced once more at Lena. She was watching me. When she flashed a low smile, I flushed again, feeling caught, and stuffed a piece of chocolate into my mouth before I could say something stupid.

I hate having romantic feelings for other people.

They can be so inconvenient.

 

 

* * *

 

 “Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake _uuuuuuuuuuuhp_ ,” Jackson whined into my ear, voice low. I slapped his face away from mine. He pressed his palm to my mouth, cutting me off before I could say anything. “Shhhh. We’re sneaking off.”

“Why?” I whispered, already worming out of my sleeping bag and grabbing my shoes.

Kali slid over to us, bags in her hand. She threw mine at me. “Jackson,” she whispered, “is paranoid.”

“They could stab us in the back! Asexuals[57] are very sneaky, you know.” He threw his hands into the air. “Look at Nick!”

“Di- did you _just out someone to me_?” I hissed.

He pushed my sleeping bag, rolled up and into its case. “Yeah, Peter. Now shut up and move.”

“Jack, you can’t just out people without their consent,” I snapped, voice at a hissed whisper, following him and Kali away. “That’s rude!”

I complained for hours, up until the sun was driven high into the sky, maybe by Magec[58],  and I couldn’t remember my way back to the clearing. Kali nodded in agreement and Jackson ignored me as per usual.

Slight warmth drifted down in quiet rays and I paused to re-velcro my shoe for the fifty-third time as it got caught on yet another twig hidden in the melting snow on the ground. Jackson threw his head back in annoyance.

“Why can’t you wear sneakers like everyone else?” he groaned.

“I am.”

“Velcro doesn’t count,” he hissed.

“Look, velcro is easy to do. Stop complaining.” I marched back over and Kali bent low, squatting in an offer, but I shook my head and we continued on.

“If it gets caught on every little thing and rips open every single time, _then it doesn’t count as easy_.” Jackson rubbed his face. “If your ass wasn’t so nice, I’d’ve stopped tolerating you a long time ago.”

Biting back a grin, I shrugged. “Too bad you’ll never get it ‘cause-” I ran ahead and struck a pose in the perfect stream of sunlight. “-I’m straight ‘til death and so on. Swear it on Eros’s[59] name.”

Jackson stared at me. “That’s it. I’m dumping your gorgeous hetero ass, babe. Throwing you in the ocean and not looking back.”

Kali and I burst into laughter while he rolled his eyes and I walked back to them. Everything was good.

Fingers grasped my shoulder, something slid down my arm, and I jerked as Jackson’s eyes snapped wide open, faked anger dissipating away into reality as Kali started forward immediately, eyes flashing red and then I couldn’t see them anymore, flying through the trees with something clamped onto my wrist like handcuffs.

Stumbling quickly and tripping over my own feet, I swiveled my head around and caught sight of a very small yet very ferocious girl. Around her wrist was a thick black bracelet, identical to the one Kali showed me. A tail whipped out from under her shirt and she turned so suddenly, dropping my arm which she’d been clutching hard. A gold chain snagged around her arm, wrapping over and over as it pulled out from the chain she’d clasped onto my wrist.

I hit a tree.

I hit it _very hard._

My skull throbbed and I cried out, voice scratching the edge of my throat in a painful, dry way.

She stuttered forward to a stop, surprised. She fled over, eyes scanning my body furiously. “Where are you dying?” she demanded.

From her face and her voice, she couldn’t have been more than ten or eleven but something in her eyes seemed… dead and that terrified me to my soul.

“I’m not dying,” I groaned, grabbing my head. “I just- I just hit a tree.”

She looked up to where I was pointing. The tree was actually really thin, very small and bent in the wind. She stared at me.

“I have hyperalgesia[60],” I muttered.

She stared at me more.

“Because of my algophobia[61],” I explained.

She still stared, looking further confused by my words.

“I fear pain and it heightens my experience of it,” I said, the back of my head throbbing with pain and everything hurt and holy Horus[62], this is how I was going to die. It only occurred to me afterwards that maybe I shouldn’t have told her that. After Jackson and Kali found out that I told her and yelled at me about it.

She snorted. “Wow. You’re not very cool.”

“He really isn’t,” Jackson’s voice drawled and the girl disappeared, swearing as she was yanked out of my view. “Unfortunately you’re not friend enough to realize that yet.”

Kali heaved me up, breaking the chain with her hands and I turned, looking for Jackson. He had the girl pushed up against a tree, suffocating her with a fury I’d only seen in my mom. And Nick when that guy tried to stab me that one time when we were seven.

“Jackson, NO!” I shouted and he faltered, obeying, and the girl kicked him in the crotch.

He doubled down, groaning and swearing and I winced, full body, just as Kali jumped over to her but the girl was already by me and Kali swooped over, eyes nervous, her fists dropping stiffly to her side as her eyes flickered around, no doubt wondering, thinking of how to get me out of this and then they were both gone again, trees streaming past in a blurred haze as I struggled to keep up with her pace, not wanting to slam into a tree again.

 I still hit several trees anyway.

The more I yelled in pain, the more annoyed she seemed to get, finally jerking around to a sudden stand so I slammed right into her. She didn’t budge and I fell over, cursing my high center of gravity and easy topple-bility.

“Oh did that hurt, sissy boy?” she snapped, her foot slamming right into my arm.

“That’s incredibly sexist,” I groaned, rolling over as tears swelled into my eyes.

She rolled her eyes, grabbing me up by the back of my head. I swore. “I’d beat up to a pulp but I’m supposed to bring you in unharmed.”

“Bring me _where?_ ”

She said nothing to that.

Anxiety soared in my head. Fear screamed in my heart. My face hit a branch as I tried to duck under a different one, both legs cramping and lungs on the end of a weight induced asthma attack, which I haven’t had since I was ten and begged Macuilxochitl[63] to make them stop because I _hate_ not breathing and that was the fault of exercise.

I screeched as I hit the ground. Ben’s eyes widened and he mumbled apologies, snapping at the chain with a pipe cutter. “You have to- you have to get this off,” he said, dropping the cutter and struggling to pull the chain on my wrist. It wouldn’t budge and I wasn’t much help, just trying to block out the worsening ache in my head, arm, legs, chest and sides. I mean, God[64] Almighty, it _burned_. Why do these things keep happening _to me?_ I’m a good person!

Jackson and Kali darted into view, Alice flocked behind them, shifting immediately over to me. “Hey, dude. You okay?”

“Everything hurts. I’m gonna vomit,” I mumbled. My vision blurred. I blanched. I silently wished Eeyeekalduk[65] was there so he could look into my eyes and friggin’ heal me because the pain was screaming at me. “I’m dying.”

“You’re gonna be fine,” she soothed. Her hands glowed golden shimmery light and pressed over my ears. “Ben, why haven’t you gotten that thing off yet!”

“It won’t-” He pulled, strain and effort on his face. “-come -come off!”

A warmth settled over my head, a sleepy warmth, and I relaxed under its soothingness. Then it disappeared, leaving behind a lessened pain in my body, as Alice jerked behind Ben, struggling to pull of the chain with him. In front of me, I saw Jackson, Kali and Mary, all eyes alight with ferocity, attempting to fight. I say attempting because they weren’t managing it well.

She was fast and small, smaller than Ben who, besides Lena, was easily the shortest person in the group. She darted around them. For the most part, they tried to keep her away from me and that seemed to take up most of their focus. I could see Kali struggling not to explode, become herself fully and totally. I didn’t really know why. The girl was the only demon here. Who else was Kali going to try to drain of blood? And I could always stop her, right? Maybe she was just afraid that she’d accidentally hurt one of us anyway.

“Don’t hurt her,” I slurred, trying to stand. Ben and Alice stood with me, Ben shifting to my other side to tug me away while Alice pulled on the chain. My vision swarmed. “She’s ju- just a little kid.”

“Demon, ALEX! SHE’S A FUCKING DEMON!” Jackson yelled, throwing him at the little girl’s feet. She dodged his football tackle, smirking.

“Oh good, you’re up,” she said sweetly, darting over to me, before Kali could make it over.

Alice wrenched around, hands flying up, and the girl screamed bloody murder. My mind flashed, struggling for answers and in Jackson’s hands I saw the black bracelet and sunlight was streaming out of Alice’s hand and her godly parent fled into mind and I shifted forward and-

“ _No!_ ”

Alice collapsed over and the girl, eyes darkened, pissed and pained, she grabbed my arm, still outstretched from when I pushed Alice, and she bent it until the crack was heard, blood pumping right out as the bone pierced right through my skin.

 

**Shit.**

 

Yeah.

I don’t remember what happened after that. My head kind of died as the pain erupted like molten lava everywhere. Next thing I know I’m waking up in _agony_ on a tree branch, over a frozen lake. The ice didn’t look very thick. She was shaking.

“Come on!” Fish yelled. “Let him go!”

Her tiny fist tightened on my arm and I blanched, keeling over, nearly tumbling off the branch. My breaths were short and hard. Somewhere Jackson screamed threats, violent threats intermingled with rapid swears.

The little girl twitched. “She’s gonna kill me for not getting you.” There was fear in those dead looking eyes and I wondered what she’d been through to think that. Or what the people she worked for had done.

“Stay,” I gasped. “I can- I can- I can make- make them go easy-” Another swirl of pain erupted. I swear to Shiva, I almost passed out, heat screaming throughout my body. “- _on you_.”

She looked me in the eyes. “Fuck off.”

And then I was falling. A lot of people’s voices yelled but all I could think of was how nice the wind felt against the heated pain of my arm, cooling it down.

My back exploded and everything was cold and colder and colder and darkness was setting in nice and slowly and I couldn’t feel the pain in my body anymore as the freeze in the back of my neck slid everywhere and it felt…

Good.

 

* * *

 

 

“Is he waking up? Kals?” Rustling noises sounded loudly, echoing in my head. My skull throbbed. The voice grew louder. “Kali, I can’t tell if he’s waking up or if he’s having a seizure. KALI!”

“Stop yelling,” I murmured, blinking into a bright stream of light. It stung, exploding the back of my head in pain. “Ow.”

“What?” Jackson’s face swarmed into view. “What hurts?”

“The light,” I said, cloaking my squinting eyes with a hand.

It dimmed suddenly and Kali’s warm hands eased me in a sitting position. “How are you?”

“I’m-” The memories of what had happened flooded my brain and I winced. “My arm?”

Jackson settled restlessly on the chair before jumping into a stand again, pacing vigrously back and forth. “Good as new, Allie. Alice- Alice and another healer fixed it up.” Worry tinged his voice.

“You worried about me?” I teased, taking the cup of water from Kali and sipping it gently.

“Terrified,” he admitted. “But Kali was worse.”

“I was,” she said with a twitch of a grin.

“How long was I...”

Jackson leaned against the wall. “About a day and a half. Lot a magic they had to do on you.”

I nodded. “My parents?”

“Tried to come but seeing as they’re banned…” Jackson trailed off, looking remorseful.

I rubbed my newly healed arm. “Phone.”

His phone, purple and fished out from his jacket pocket, was already open to the contacts list, my dad’s number glowing darker than the rest of the numbers. I tapped it, pressing the phone to my ear. Kali sidled herself into my cot. Jackson swooped down and pressed his face to the top of my head.

“Don’t do that again,” he said, voice muffled by my hair.

“You think I wanted to get beat up by a ten year old, break my arm and get dumped into a freezing cold lake?” I muttered.

Kali snorted and kissed my cheek, softly rubbing my arm as she wrapped her other arm around my waist, her and Jackson’s warmth flooding over me as I was smushed between them. The safety felt nice. The phone rang twice before it cut off mid-ring.

“ALEX?” Panic sounded in my dad’s voice. I curled into myself unconsciously. “ARE YOU OKAY?”

“Hey, Dad.”

He ignored me. “ARE YOU OKAY?” His breathing was heavy, laboured, laced with fear and worry.

I laughed nervously. “Yeah, Dad, I’m okay. How’s Mom?”

“Freaking out,” he laughed, panic still in his voice but dying off slowly. “Last I checked she was parked out the one hundred foot limit of the school, waiting for you to come to her when you wake up. I would’ve come but I have to get these papers marked and Layla scares me.”

I envisioned Layla. “Really?”

“No. But I-” He paused. “-I have some things with her, I don’t feel like rehashing.”

“It’s okay. We can-” I grunted as Kali finally managed my left foot into the shoe. “-Skype later or something. I gotta see Mom before she gives up and goes through with illegal things.”

“Yeah. You do that.” Papers rustled. “Don’t do that again, okay?”

“So does everyone assume I wanted to have my arm broken by a ten year old and pass out in a semi frozen lake?”

“Yes. I love you. Don’t hurt yourself. I love you very much. Be good. Tell your mom to pick up a pie. Don’t hurt yourself. I love you. Be goo-”

“Dad, you’re on repeat.”

“Sorry.” A pause. “I love you, okay?”

“I know.” I pulled on a jacket with my free arm, leaning into Kali’s side as I swung off the cot. “I love you too. Bye.”

His voice sounded thick when he said, “Bye.” The tone buzzed and I hung up, pushing the phone into Jackson’s pocket while we shuffled out.

My mom was still waiting a hundred feet outside the school, leaning on the handlebars of her bicycle with her staff gripped tightly in her fist. Three other people were standing close by, watching her. She didn’t seem to care as they started when she stood, marching over to me.

“Are you okay?”

I nodded. “I’m good, Mom. Psychologically traumatized but nothing therapy can’t fix.” I snapped my fingers cool-like. She leaned her head against mine, eyelashes fluttering on my cheek. “Seriously, I’m okay. Nothing too bad or too serious.”

Pulling back, she steeled her gaze, voice gravel. “You broke your arm. The bone was sticking out. You were bordering on a major concussion and you had hypothermia as well as major blood loss.”

I winced. “Yeah, well, I’m alive so-” I breathed, voice tight. “Can you take me home now?”

Gloom clouded her face and it hit me that there was nothing more that she wanted to do than take me home and keep me there but she stepped back and shook her head. “You have to- have to stay here.” She flocked forward, kissing my cheek, whispering under her breath, “But if anything else happens be outside at three in the morning with your passport. We’ll flee to France like you wanted.”

I grinned. “Love you too, Mom.”

She kissed my forehead once more. “Be safe.”

“I’ll try but I’m the Big Bad Awesome.” Nervous laughter slipped out of my mouth and I leaned into her again. “Everything wants to kill me.”

She leveled her gaze at my friends. “Keep him safe or I’ll kill you.”

“Right,” Jackson said while Kali nodded. “Of course. Will do, Mrs. Johnson.”

She smiled and squeezed my shoulder, walking off. When I yelled, “Dad wants a pie”, she was riding off. Dust and dirt formed a thumbs up in the air before settling back on the ground. I slumped against Kali’s chest, watching her ride down the road until she disappeared down the hill and out of sight. Part of my heart went with her. Parents shouldn’t- they shouldn’t have to leave their kids when they don’t to. Not unless its necessary. And this? This didn’t seem necessary.

“You guys know she will one hundred percent murder you if I die, right?” I asked, glancing at both of them. Jackson grimaced.

“Yes,” Kali said, nodding. “We do.”

“Okay.” I curled into her side. “Just wanted to make sure.”

“Your mom tried to kill us both when you first brought us over because she thought we were there to take you away,” Jackson said. “Trust me. We’re both terrified of her.”

“Highly terrified,” Kali admitted, arm wrapped tightly around my shoulder.

We started back towards the school. “Where was I?”

“In your room, looking for live action version of one hundred and one Dalmatians.” Jackson scratched his head, laughter lilting his voice. “I was so happy when you came out.”

“But I haven’t come out,” I muttered, flashing a quiet grin at Kali who smirked. “Because I’m hella straight.”

Jackson flicked my cheek. “Shut up, Alex.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [54] A mustard plaster is 20s slang for someone who isn’t wanted but won’t leave
> 
> [55] An ofay is a term used by people of colour during the 20s to refer to white people
> 
> [56] A bluenose is someone who is prudish, puritanical or morally uptight
> 
> [57] A sexuality in which people do not feel sexual attraction to other people
> 
> [58] Guanche god of the sun
> 
> [59] Greek god of lust and Jackson’s half-brother
> 
> [60] An abnormally heightened sensitivity to pain.
> 
> [61] An abnormal and intense fear of pain
> 
> [62] Egyptian god of the sky and kingship, among other things
> 
> [63] Aztec god of sports and games, among other things
> 
> [64] Christian god
> 
> [65] Inuit god of healing, among other things


	11. Chapter 11

 “Look, I don’t know how many times I can tell you, but I don’t know why she was there other than the fact that she wanted to bring me to someone.”

Layla’s hands were steepled under her chin, elbows on her desk and my voice was raw from retelling the same story over and over again. Three other people lingered in the room, Kali a man slumped in the corner by the name of Ken and a happily self-distinguished “bra” called Marn, who leaned against the wall behind Layla, pronoun necklace jangling. Layla’d called them down after Alex discharged me from the hospital for me to recall the story to. The forest is always warded off from Demons and the fact that one got in was worrying.

Ken stood straighter. “Are you sure she didn’t say _who?_ ”

I closed my eyes and gripped the armchair arms. “Yes,” I breathed for the ten millionth time, tired of saying the same damn thing over and _over_ again.

Feeling me, Marn rolled hir[66] eyes at Ken. “Ken, he’s said he doesn’t know like ten million times. He doesn’t know.”

Ken fixed me with a pointed glare that I thought was pretty undeserved and glanced once at Kali who glared back with equal fury. “Yes but-”

“We are going to go now,” Kali said, firmly heaving me up by my arm. “Your questions are the same and if you say another word, I will punch you.”

“Kali!” I said, trying to sound stern even though I agreed with her, one hundred percent.

She ignored me. Marn tugged me back with a little bit of wind, and winking, ze threw me a bar of ice cream. Layla’s eye twitched at the sight but she said nothing. Ze grinned. “Call Mary in, ‘kay?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

The door eased half-way shut and I relaxed, nodding at Mary. She stood, patted my arm and stepped in while Kali and I wandered off. Exhaustion seeped over me the moment the door clicked shut behind me again.

The rest of the week was just as exhausting. Christmas passed by in a quick blur and I was back wandering the halls of school. Jackson was off on a job for his mom, something that filled his eyes with deep, intense loathing as the note his mother sent dictating the job exploded into bright pink glitter all over his face and hair.

It wouldn’t wash off.

Disdain poured off his body like a tidal wave. I almost drowned in it.

“Wanna go eat the Christmas ham leftovers I got from my mom?” I asked, hands in pocket while we shuffled off. After a moment of thought, Kali shook her head. “You wanna go for a walk? To the gym?” My eyes went half slit in annoyance. “Library?”

She nodded briskly at that. “Yes. We shall go to the library.”

“Kali,” I whined, following her.

 

**What was wrong?**

 

We had been to the library ever since I got thrown into the lake with a broken arm and a concussion. Actually we hadn’t left the grounds at all. Kali poofed me into my apartment for Christmas and poofed me back to my dorm on Boxing Day. I mean, I don’t want to get eaten alive or kidnapped as much as the next person but I’d at least like to try to learn how not to die. No one would let me even go train! Which I didn’t really want to do but I was tired of going to the library.

I’d read all the books by then! All the interesting ones anyway.

 

**What even happened after you broke your arm and got thrown into a lake?**

 

All the kids were rounded up and taken indoors, where safety wards were immediately doubled all over the school while adult Warriors scoured the grounds for two days searching and firming up the wards in weakened spots. After seeing my mom, Alice forced me to spend the rest of the day in the infirmary just in case. My dad cried when we Skyped the morning after I got discharged and when I went to the bathroom, I have a feeling he was the one who told Kali and Jackson not to let me leave campus grounds, something they were already doing seeing as Kali poofed me to my dorm then too.

I mean, normally I’m all about the safety. Safety’s how you avoid pain and I’m all about that! Pain sucks. Pain is scary. Pain needs to go jump off a cliff and die, no offense to the Algea[67], to Kivutar, Vammatar, Kipu-tyttö[68] and also to-

           

**Alex.**

 

Well, it’s not like there are a lot!

           

**Alex.**

 

If my mom kills me, I blame you.

**I don’t care. Story.**

 

Okay, so eventually it gets boring not being able to do anything by yourself or go anywhere. The only place I had freedom was the bathroom and if I spent more than ten minutes in there, Jackson would start asking me if I wanted his “help” until I finally emerged and beat him with my wet towel.

I was actually anticipating the beginning classes and my first class was a double period of English. I hate English and I’m pretty sure my English teacher wanted to kill me after finding out I’d repeated English twice in the third and sixth grade. I briefly wondered if I should tell her that I had just managed to make it into and pass Freshman English last year but Jackson said no.

Once we made it the library, we settled into our usual seat at our usual table. A page to my rule book fell out. Alice picked it up and handed it to me.

“The books are shitty, aren’t they?” She dumped her books on the table. “Still looking?”

I nodded. “Forever and ever and ever and- Kali, what is that?” A letter descended down from the ceiling, lavender petals falling down everywhere around the library. The letter plopped on the table, purple, with Kali written on the envelope in purple glitter ink. “Is this Jackson?”

Kali plucked the letter up and ripped it open, scanning the note inside before nodding. “Yes.”

“Is he coming back?”

But I knew he wasn’t as Kali stood. “He needs my help with a predicament.” She looked at Alice. “Do not let him go outside.”

“I knew you guys weren’t letting me outside,” I said just as she poofed away in a cloud of blue smoke.

Alice grinned. “It was a unanimous voting.”

I sighed. “Assholes. All you.” My head hit the table softly. “I’m not letting Kali date you anymore.”

She snorted, smirking. “Kali and I aren’t dating.” I glanced at her. She shrugged. “I don’t date. I mean, I could but it’d be rude to the other person when I can’t reciprocate those kind of feelings.”

I blinked, lost for a moment before what she meant hit me. “Oh! Oh wow. Sorry.”

“No need to apologize.” She grinned. “Nothing to apologize for.”

“How’d you even figure it out?”

She tongued her lip. “Probably around the time Ben and Fish started going out. I experimented a bit with dating. None of my relationships worked out and then Mary introduced me to Pete and we kind of...” She paused. “...well, we looked up stuff for both of us.”

I nodded. “Nice. I just asked my mom.”

“You asked your mom… about being hetero?”

“She’s not. I’m not,” I said, flipping through the pages of my book to where I’d last earmarked. “Biromantic heteroflexible. Jackson’s expressions are worth lying for.”

She gave me an unimpressed look. “That’s rude.”

“It’s fun.” I pressed my finger to my lip, grinning low. “Don’t tell.”

She zipped her lips shut and threw away the key, smiling back. “Why do you even care why your parents were banned?” she asked, for the third time while flipping through one of her medical science books.

“I told you. My parents haven’t been banned from anywhere, except my dad from that lady place but that’s only because he’s not a lady anymore.”

She rolled her eyes and looked at me knowingly. “And now that Kali and Jackson aren’t here?”

Thickly I swallowed. “It’s just a feeling. Something about me, I guess.” I frowned. “I mean, why would they be allowed to adopt me if they were banned? Wouldn’t I have been handed off to someone else? I mean, why would you want one of your powerful Warriors to be in a family with banned people?”

I slumped against my chair. “But I’ve read this stupid book three times and nothing. Nada. Not a clue.”

“Did you try planning it out?”

“What?”

“Like how you plan a story. List all the reasons why something could happen and figure it out from there,” she explained.

I stared at her. “I have never heard of that.”

She gave me a pity look. “God, you _are_ really bad at English.”

“Wha- Hey!” My foot scuffed her leg and she stuck her tongue out at me. “I am _just_ bad at English. Not really bad. I get C’s!”

Ignoring me, she fished paper out of her bag and a few pencils. “Here we go. Okay, so when were they banned?”

“I’m not allowed to know,” I replied dully. “That’s probably one of the reasons I haven’t figured this out yet.”

Alice frowned, tapping her lip with her pencil. “Okay, well, you made a good point with the adoption thing, so let’s assume that it was after they adopted you.”

I scribbled it down in a messy scrawl that Alice tugged away from me and erased, rewriting my line of scrawl in way neater print. “Okay, so two thousand and three. What next?”

“They weren’t allowed to come see you because they’re not allowed to be within one hundred feet of the school.” She flipped to the How to Get Banned section of the book. “What classifies as that a punishment?”

“Um, releasing a convicted prisoner, harboring a Demon, Class C murder, Class A theft and... the other pages are missing.” I sighed. “Layla needs to get new books.” In agreement, Alice nodded, writing down the list of reasons while I continued on. “Let’s see, my mom thinks theft is stupid because our economy is so good here, there’s no real point in stealing. Neither of them approve of people who break the law so releasing a convicted prisoner is out. My mom would probably kill someone but she’d never get convicted because she’d have a good reason for it.”

“Which leaves, for now, harboring a Demon.” Alice frowned. “Well, I doubt they’d do that because a Demon would want to kill you almost immediately.”

“Yeah,” I sighed. The pencil fell out of my head and it’s colour glinted blue in the low light. I stared at it, thinking. “Alice, you know Kali drinks the blood of Demons, right?” I asked, a small frown falling over my face as the glinted a darker blue.

“Yes. She told me. I thought it was a pick up line.” She frowned. “Should it worry me that I was totally turned on by it?”

I ignored her. “Do Demons count or is just demons from her religion?” Nerves set alight in my chest.

“Um, I think it’s… both?” She scratched her head. “I’ve seen gods correlate into each other’s myths and religions before. My dad likes to take us on tours around GodLand when we first move in. Fish was so jealous. He complained about not being really related to me for days.”

That snapped me out of my stupor. “What?”

“Oh, Fish and I aren’t “full” siblings. Not technically.” She picked up my pencil and pocketed it, pulling out her notebook. “We’re twins, yeah, but only through my mom. She had sex with Fish’s dad and then, whaddya know? My dad comes along looking identical down to the last freckle and they were both drunk as hell so they bang. He sent so many apology letters when he found out. My mom kept them all.” She laughed. “She thought it was cute.”

She opened her notebook. “So why’d you wanna know about Kali and her demon blood drinking thing?”

My thoughts came back. “I was just thinking. Why didn’t she change when that girl was attacking me? Why didn’t she change and-”

My voice cut off but Alice finished for me. “-and kill her? Maybe she was worried she’d hurt us.”

“But I could’ve stopped her. I could’ve made her change back.”

“Yeah but-” She finally realized where I was going with this. “Alex, I don’t think-”

“But it would make sense.” I gripped my arm, voice dropping to a whisper. “My parents were banned after they adopted me. I didn’t come here when I was seven like everyone else. I had specific magic put on me to stop from being found out by monsters.”

She licked her lips, going with it now. “Okay that- that makes sense. It does! I mean, why would that girl have wanted to take you? Demons just normally kill the person and eat them right there and then.”

“Oh my gods, I don’t wanna eat people,” I whined, a sudden vision of me hunched over eating my parents’ dead bodies like a zombie. I didn’t want to be a zombie.

“Well, you still look human so just try not to- to change?” she said, ending it like a question. “If you are?”

“Right. Right!” I slapped the table gently because I’m a pain fearing idiot but hard enough to grab the attention of a few other students hovering around nearby. “This theory might not even be right anyway!”

She threw her arms out at me in agreement. “Exactly! So! Nothing to fear!” We both tapped our feet restlessly. “You wanna go for a walk around school and scream in a closet?”

“Yes,” I croaked, standing suddenly and marching over to the doors, Alice flustering behind, piling her books back in her bag before jogging up to me.

 

* * *

 

 

I was pacing my room after lunch. My parents weren’t answering my Skype calls or my phone calls or emails and neither were Kali or Jackson. Which was okay. This was fine. My parents were probably preparing work for their class for the next semester and Kali and Jackson were doing a job. Of course they didn’t know about my suspicions.

Their absences and lack of contact confirmed nothing!

Hahaha.

Fuck.

I rung my wrists nervously. Alice and I had agreed, after we screamed into broom closet in an empty hallway right before lunch, that maybe I should ask them when they came back. No need to freak out over what was probably nothing.

Even so, we had eaten in a jagged silence, awkwardly laughing at jokes we were not paying attention to. Alice had wished me good luck before disappearing to the girl’s dorms with Mary. Lena had caught up to me by the time I made it to the stairs.

“You okay?” she had asked, head halfcocked. She squeezed her thigh. “You, um, you seemed kinda spacy. You and… Alice.” Her brows furrowed and she didn’t meet my eyes. “Mary said she saw you guys in a… broom closet?”

I’d jerked suddenly. “Oh! We were- we were just screaming. In the closet. Nothing was going on. I don’t- don’t like Alice like that. She’s pretty but she’s not _your_ pretty and I-I-I-” I choked on my last sentence and had stared at a wall determinedly as her eyes lit up in embarrassment. For her or for me, I wasn’t really sure.

“Okay. I was just, you know, wondering because if we’re gonna date, I’d just like to know beforehand, if you’re, um, hooking up with my friends so, um-” She’d swallowed audibly, grinning wide, teeth pressed together. The skin around her eyes wrinkled. I smiled back.

“Okay.” I nodded.

She’d licked her lips. “So, I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah! I’m just- just gonna sleep off the ham.”

“Right. Okay.” She’d given me a thumbs up with both hands and jogged back over to the stairs leading to the girls’ dorms and I’d travelled up the stairs and into my room, too restless to sleep despite the ham.

Thirty minutes later and I’d given up on _trying_ to sleep, resigning myself to vigorously pacing a hole into my floor. I checked my phone again but nothing, no texts, no voice mail. I checked my laptop. Nothing on Skype. Checked my email.

Nothing.

Nothing, nothing, nothing, _nothing_.

Twenty minutes later and panic was rising in my throat. Considering going back to that broom closet to scream a bit more, I marched over to the door before stopping short. “Wait a minute. Jackson! Kali! Come here. Now.”

“So much for hoping he doesn’t figure out he can do that,” Jackson’s voice grumbled behind me. “Hey, Allie!”

“Sorry,” I apologized. Reflex. “You guys weren’t doing anything?”

“Well, we _were_ getting you ice cream but I guess you don’t want any.” Arms crossed, he didn’t look very convinced when he said that, refusing to look at me.

“Are you lying?” I asked.

Before he could answer, Kali slapped a hand over his mouth. “Is there something you wanted, Ēlēksa?”

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, trying to find the words. How does one even ask a person this? Scratching my head, I rolled back on my heels. “I need you guys to answer something honestly for me.”

“We have to go,” Kali said immediately.

“Stay,” I ordered, feeling guilty. I felt like the world’s worst friend and Kali bit her lip, eyes wide with attempted innocence. Jackson still wasn’t looking at me, feet tapping nervously. “Am I-” I inhaled deep. “-a... a Demon?” My voice pitched high at the end. “You have to answer honestly,” I added, voice still pitched high.

Both of them shifted uncomfortably. Blood dripped slightly off the edge of Kali’s lip and Jackson’s hands were pressed over his mouth, his shoulders shaking as though he was laughing. As though my question was laughable. It would’ve been believable if his eyes weren’t screaming at me.

“I’m not, right? Guys?” My eyes flittered from both their faces repeatedly. “Right? _Guys?_ ”

“Yes,” Jackson breathed, hands dropping. “You are. I’m sorry,” he said turning to Kali, who was still biting her lip so deeply blood was just blooming now. “Kals. Mouth.”

She blinked and swiped at her lip, dragging her teeth back into her mouth. “Alex, we-”

I teetered forward, grabbing my head. “No. No, this- this is fine. I can- I can deal with this.” The vision of me eating my parents’ like a zombie reared its blood covered head. “I have to vomit.”

“What?”

“Ēlēksa!”

They ran after me, Kali gripping my shoulders tightly as I poured out that contents of my lunch into the toilet. I blanched a few times, stomach recoiling, rippling like a wave. Jackson handed me a cup of water. It had a magicky aftertaste. Pulling back, I curled into Kali’s chest while she stroked my hair softly.

“I don’t want to be a monster,” I mumbled.

“You’re not a monster, Al. You’re just-” Jackson rubbed his neck. “-different.”

“Why would you guys even- I mean, shouldn’t I be _dead?_ ” I asked.

Kali pulled me into her lap. “It was my idea. We have had many Warriors of different species. I thought perhaps we could try a Demon.”

That made absolutely no sense. “ _Why?_ ”

She hummed. “When you were found, it was in a tiny village in the Sahara Desert. We-” She tugged my arm lightly. “-killed everyone. My group had the previous Warrior and she found your house. It had been hidden under piles of magic. We found that strange.

“A woman, your birth mother, I suppose, fought us at the front doors and died rather quickly. A man, your birth father most likely, tried to lead us away from you. He kept our attention just long enough for his wife to rear up and stab our Warrior through the chest.” I shivered, phantom pain slicing through my skin. Kali pressed a kiss to the top of my head, squeezing my shaking hand. “She had been playing dead, I assume. Nonetheless we killed them both. We scoured the house, looking for anything that would cause the house to need to be hidden. Then we found you.”

I could hear the smile in her voice even if I couldn’t see it. “You were a few months old and very small. Ares[69] wanted to cut your head off. Maher[70] said that as it was his continent in technicality he deserved to decide what to do with you. He asked me my opinion as we are good friends. I suggested we take you back to find the source of hidden power the village wanted to protect that may have been inside you.”

“And you did.”

She nodded. Jackson squeezed my ankle and closed the lid to the toilet. The flush seemed loud in my ears, echoing.

“So why am I not dead?”

“You were a child. It did not seem fit to harm you when you had no inkling of what you were. Jackson-” They both grinned here. “-helped me spread the idea that perhaps we make you our own. Many were reluctant but we won them over after I reminded them that the power to kill you is still our own.”

“What?” I croaked, throat dry.

“First gods vote on a lot of crap,” Jackson said, wiping a sheen of sweat from my neck with a cold wet washcloth. “A piece of that crap is your death. If you go evil or something, then they can vote to kill you or, at the very least, stop listening to you.” He tapped my palm. “That’s what happened to Hitler.[71]”

“ _Hitler?_ ”

“Yeah.” He shook his head. “I was not a fan of his. So glad when he died.”

“ _Hitler_?”

“Ēlēksa.” Kali squeezed my hand again. “Calm down.”

I banged the back of my head into her shoulder. “ _I don’t wanna be Hitler._ ”

“No one said you were gonna be Hitler, Al. Chill. Relax.” He glanced at Kali. “Should I get Nick on the phone?”

She shook her head. “No. Another time when we have time and are more capable of explanation.”

“I want Nick,” I said.

She flicked my cheek. “Later.”

“Okay.” I shifted. “So you decided to dub me Big Bad Awesome because at the end of the day, I can still be murdered. Great! So if I give it up, I die. If I change, I die and if I go evil, I die. Heheheheh. Oh joy. My life is great, complete, wonderful, I’m not screaming in my head at all and I-”

Jackson cut me off with a sharp look. “Alex.”

I breathed harshly. “I don’t really want to die right now.”

“Don’t worry.” He squeezed my ankle. “No one’s dying anytime soon.”

“Promise?”

“On my life,” he said, crossing his fingers over his chest. “Cross my heart.”

Relaxing, my body slid half out of Kali’s lap. “Kals?”

“Mmm?”

“What did they look like?” I twisted my thumb a bit, ceasing right before the burn would set in.  “The woman and the man?”

“The woman was heavyset and tall. She was blonde like you but whiter. Darker than your father, however.” Kali stroked a few fingers through my hair and hummed. “The man was black. You have the texture and flow of his hair. Your eyes are the same brown,” she mused.

“Yeah?” I couldn’t stop myself from grinning. I could feel her nod against the back of my head. “Cool.” Jackson grinned at me then started suddenly when I jumped up. “ _YES!_ ” I did a victory dance between Kali’s legs, singing, “I’m biracial, uh! I’m biracial, ah! I’m biracial, oh! I’m my parents’ kid. I’m their kid, I’m their kid, I’m their kid ‘cause their marriage is interracial and I’m biracial.”

“Really?” Jackson laughed. “Weren’t you just flipping out about being a monster two seconds ago?”

I ignored him. “I’m biracial, uh! I’m biracial, ah! I’m biracial, oh!”

“Come here, moron,” he laughed, tugging me into his chest. “ _Shuuuuuut uuuuhp!_ ”

I squealed. “This is great!” Kali arched an eyebrow in question. “Ethiopian _black_ men have a tendency for wavy hair and my mom took that genealogy test thing from the fair three years ago and found out that’s where some of her family comes from! I FIT!”

I did my song and dance again, jiving all the way out of the bathroom in delight. Jackson frowned. “Actually, it’s not just-”

Kali squeezed his arm, cutting him off. “Let him have this.”

And so he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [68] Marn uses ze/hir pronouns
> 
> [67] The Algea are Grecian spirits of pain and suffering
> 
> [68] Kivutar, Kipu-tyttö and Vammatar are Finnish goddesses of pain.
> 
> [69] Greek god of war, among other things
> 
> [70] Maher is a deity of war and god of the Axumites and the Himyarites of ancient Ethiopia.
> 
> [71] Besides being the Nazi leader, Hitler was also the Warrior of the Gods, a position anointed to him at birth after all the other Warriors who did not live in Brokes complained because the gods were only selecting people from Brokes to be their Warrior. Once the Warrior before Hitler died, his parents offered him and they selected him. He then went insane with power and they stopped listening to him and were very pleased when he died


	12. Chapter 12

Alice asked me about it before dinner that day though, cornering me in the hallway. I lied.

I said I wasn’t.

She gave me a look like she didn’t believe me and I briefly wondered if lie detecting came along with the whole god of truth thing her dad, Apollo[72], had and possibly gave her through genetics or some stuff. But she didn’t say anything, just grinned wide, patted my shoulder happily and we moved along.

By mid-February all thoughts of my being a Demon had been purged from my mind. I hadn’t changed suddenly with this revelation and it wasn’t like I wanted to so I figured I was good.

Currently I was kneeling at the foot of Jackson’s shrine, making an audible prayer so he’d hear me. From the fact that he was watching me from the doorway with a large smile plastered on his face, I figured he could.

“And may you give me a long and fulfilling life of romance,” I finished, before pushing off the floor and gathering my things.

Jackson crossed his arms. “Gay romance,” he muttered and I rolled my eyes. He turned back and looked at the shrine I’d made as promised. “It needs more purple.”

I had, as I said I would, had the shrine made fifteen feet tall, purple with lavenders decorating it. It wasn’t really my plan to have Ben do that though. I mean, I was just gonna get wire and flowers and then look up how to wind flowers on the wire but he showed up outside my room at three in morning, looking like a junky off their fix, unable to come up with any ideas of his own and his access to the workshop and half built projects taken away when Layla had taken his key and hidden it.

I was kinda afraid he was gonna kill me and then create something out of my corpse if I didn’t suggest something.

The shrine, like I said, was a total of fifteen feet tall and spanned a length of ten feet. Its total volume was seven hundred fifty cubic feet. Find its total width.

           

**No.**

 

Okay.

It was made out of purple metal with lavenders framing it nicely and a ten feet model of Jackson carved out in the center, standing and holding a bouquet of lavenders with his name written out on the pedestal his model was perched on top of. There was a bowl under the model to put offerings in. Candle holders adorned its sides. Above the model, near the top and spanning the rest of the feet, was an engraving listing Jackson’s name and title as well as a small speech on how hot he was.

I did not have that down in my notes and Ben paid me ten dollars not to say anything.

I didn’t. I wasn’t going to say anything because even I thought Jackson was pretty damn hot but hey, I needed the money for a game I wanted to buy and now I have the game and me and Ben play it every so often when someone forces him to leave the workshop and go to sleep so it works out.

           

**Does Jackson like the shrine?**

 

Yes. He adores it, even though he acts like it could be better. Every single time I wake up, he disappears with my stuff when I go to shower, waiting inside the room until I come to get my things so I don’t forget about my prayers to him. He always does a little jump of excitement every time I get down on my knees and close my eyes. I figure he’ll wean off of that behaviour after a while. A long, long, _long_ while but that’s okay. I don’t mind.

I did a few personal prayers to Kali in the beginning but she didn’t seem to mind it either way so I’ve stopped and just focused on putting it all into Jackson, flickering through every other name of all the other gods at top speed once my feet are outside the room and before my feet even hit the cafeteria. After ten years I’ve sort of become an expert at light speed prayers.

 

**Wow. That is so not impressive at all.**

 

Okay, now you’re just being mean.

 

**Story, Alex.**

 

Okay, okay. I went to breakfast and then doubled back over to the gym where, as it was Saturday, I would be getting my weekly beating from Lena, who was still my teacher in getting stabbed.

“Parry. Thrust. Forward. Lunge.” My arms burned and Lena sighed deeply, smiling as her sword clattered out of her hand. “Good. Maybe I can stop telling you what I’m gonna do now and you can learn to defend on your own.”

“No,” I whined. “Then I’ll die.”

She laughed and heaved me up from my quaking stance. “At least you’re only running away half the time now. Wanna sit?”

“Yeah,” I grunted, swinging my sword a bit. It morphed into a ring which I slid on to my pinkie.

 

**It turned into a ring?**

 

Ahh, yeah. It’s what Kali and Jackson wanted me to figure out that first time in the boxing ring. Apparently, it can turn into any kind of weapon or object I need it to, useful if a god or goddess or _goddex **[73]**_ possess me and isn’t proficient in swordplay. I figured it out by reading it a book that Peter gave to me. Jackson then proceeded to attempt to throw the book out a window and now I have to read it when he’s not around because then he tries to destroy it.

Lena handed me a bottle of water which I took and downed in seconds. Her fingers curled tightly around her phone. “I, uh, have this dress I thought I’d wear. It’s green.”

My heart panged. Green. Green is the best colour ever. “Can I see?”

The dress was green, a very nice green from the photo on her phone. “I’ve got a nicer dress in blue though.”

“I like green.” I squeezed the bottle and a few more drops of water plopped out on my tongue. “What’s your colour?”

She thought about it, lips curled into one another, eyes thoughtful. “Red.”

“Red?” She nodded. I thought about what I had in red. “I think I have a few red shirts. And a skirt.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

She grinned. “Good. Wear red and I’ll wear green and we can take a picture to use as a Christmas card this year.”

“Awesome.” I grinned and she grinned back, reaching out to take her phone back. When she did, her hands continued to curl around mine and she scooted closer, leaning her head on my shoulder while my face burst into flames and-

“OH NO!” Jackson pushed me over and squashed himself between us. “Uh huh. How many times I gotta tell, you morons? No. Romantic. Stuff.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be a love god?” Lena asked for what felt like the umpteenth time. “Shouldn’t you like romantic stuff?”

“Look, _girly_ -” A slight laugh escaped from my throat and Jackson glowered at me before continuing. “-I specialize in _gay_ romance. This-” he pointed to both of us. “-this is not gay romance.”

“Actually,” I began, “since I identify outside the binary, our relationship can’t be classified as hetero because my identification of gender isn’t-”

“GAY MEN, ALEX!” He grabbed me to Lena’s amusement and my annoyance. “I specialize in romance between _gay men_.”

I pushed him off. “So you’ve said. Constantly,” I said dully and Lena snickered.

Jackson had been doing this ever since he got me that date and ever since I could barely look at Lena without him shoving himself in front of me and steering me in the opposite direction. When I first questioned him about it, he said something about being Muslim[74] and rules and even though I didn’t believe him, I don’t follow Islam[75] or know enough about the religion to be particular in whether or not he was lying.

Thankfully, Kali overheard us and informed me that Jackson had ceased to identify as a Muslim since the 40’s, half a year before he joined the British army and dumped himself in World War Two to die because, and she quoted what she said were his exact words, “I have no reason to follow it. My ties to it are dead.”

I asked him what he had meant by that.

He didn’t answer but his posture grew rigid and something in his gaze unnerved me. I didn’t bother asking again, distracting him with solitaire. He _loves_ solitaire.

Still, his constant interference was beginning to annoy me. “Come on, Jack. It’s my birthday.”

Jackson stared me like I was an idiot. “Your birthday isn’t for another three months.”

“It’s _almost_ my birthday,” I rephrased. “And almost is just as good as actually.”

“It’s really not,” Jackson said, still squinting at me like I was a moron.

Lena leaned back and caught my eye. “I have to agree with Jackson. Almost is not as good as actually. I mean, if I needed twenty bucks and I _almost_ got it, I would not be pleased.”

“See? Even she thinks you’re a moron,” Jackson said. He turned to her, grabbing her shoulders. “Please tell me you want to cancel.”

She thought about it. “Nah. I’m good. He’s cute.”

I flushed. “Welp, I’m gonna go get more water!”

As I walked away, she yelled, laughing, “That was the part where you were supposed to me _I was cute!_ ”

I walked faster, flustering. If I told her she was cute, every other thought about how unbelievably gorgeous I thought she was would coming pouring out my mouth and it wasn’t like Jackson was going to stop me. He acted like he disapproved but I knew he enjoyed watching me make a fool of myself in front of her, stuttering and stumbling around like a lovesick puppy.

Stooping over at the water station, I filled the bottle up and took a sip. It tasted metallic and wrong. Something in my chest rippled. I blinked, dragging my teeth over my tongue. “Hey, is there something in the water?”

The others, sweating and panting, downing the water like a lifeline, shook their heads. An older girl frowned, jerking her chin at me. “Why?”

“Tastes funny.”

She plucked it out my proffered grip and took a sip, shrugging. “Tastes fine to me. Maybe you bit your mouth or something. Could be your blood.”

“Maybe.” On my way back over, I rubbed my tongue on my inner cheeks and felt no open wounds. “Jack? Taste the water for me.” He did, taking a large gulp and swirling the water in his mouth. “Did it taste weird?”

Swallowing, he shook his head. “Tastes fine. Why? You taste something?”

I nodded then shrugged. “My taste buds are probably just dying or something.”

Lena cocked her head, hair shifting and my stomach did a backflip. “Can tastebuds die?”

I shrugged again and Jackson stretched. “Who cares? It’s probably nothing. Come on, Allie. Kali can’t have the ring forever.”

While we walked over to the ring, Kali occupied with a little Indian boy who had been rather happy when she offered to be his opponent, my chest rippled painfully. I jerked.

Worry clouded Jackson’s voice now. “Al?”

I waved him off. “I’m fine.” I rubbed my chest where it was burning. It was a light burn, nothing too painful, so I didn’t think much of it. “Heartburn.”

He frowned, brows furrowing. “We don’t hav-”

“I want to.” I drank the rest of my water, ignoring the weird taste of it on my tongue. My heartburn died off. “Alright, I’m good.”

He watched me for a few more seconds, Lena’s eyes examining me as well, before turning to the ring and heaving himself under the rope and ruffling the little boy’s hair. I pulled myself under. My back jerked painfully and I went sprawling back on a nearby mat. Kali flocked over immediately, Lena hovering over my chest.

Kali’s eyes gleamed worry. “Ēlēksa? Is everything okay?”

No. No, everything was _not_ okay. My legs were fire and my back was spasming so hard I could barely breathe, much less tell them that I had no idea what was going on. Somewhere behind me someone yelled for help. The back of my throat burned and I could feel the vague warmth of someone’s hands, pressing to the sides of my head. Whatever healing magic was attempted didn’t work. My body seemed to being caving in on itself. Something cracked and I screamed.

My vision blurred. Power rippled through my chest like a wave, expanding outwards and expelling everyone within three feet of me away. The only people who weren’t affected were Jackson and Kali, gripping the mat with fierce determination. I seized up, clawed at my lower back. My bones felt like they were ripping out of place and the world fell black.

Then I was awake again, sparse of breath, someone murmuring in my ear for me to relax. I did. “That’s a good boy.” Marjorie. Alice’s teacher in healing. She rubbed my back under my shirt, warmth flowing from her hands, and something swiped at my ankles. “Just breathe.”

People were whispering. A sudden rush of air swiped at my ankles again, something pulling at my back. I shivered, sweaty and tired. The ache in my skin dulled.

Marjorie pressed her hand firmly to my chest, pushing up. “Up we go. Come on. You, come here. Help him up.”

I didn’t know who she was talking to but the familiar smell of lavender draped over me. “Jack?” I croaked, voice toned at a whisper. My throat felt raw. I was tired. “What hap-”

“Shush,” he muttered in my ear. “Pretend you’re asleep.”

I frowned but slid my eyes further shut and slumped against him as though unconscious. Marjorie pressed her hands to my chest once more and a pile of heat pressed through me, right to my core and spreading all over.

“Take him to his room _normally_ ,” she said. “Magic is going to affect him badly for right now. Let him sleep it off.”

 _Why is magic going to affect me badly? Sleep what off?_ I thought as Jackson heaved me into his arms, princess style. When the cold hit and I knew we were outside, I opened my eyes and glanced around. Kali was nowhere to be seen and Jackson’s eyes were focused forwards.

“Jack? What’s going on?” I asked weakly. He didn’t say anything. “Jackson. What happened? JACK!”

“You’ll see when we get there,” he huffed. “If you don’t figure it out before then.”

I groaned. More cryptic answers. Joy. “Where’s Kali?”

“GodLand.”

“Why?”

“You’ll figure it out in a bit.”

“Why can’t you just give me a straight answer?” I whined.

He shuffled me in his arms. “I don’t need you flipping out right now.”

“ _Flipping out about what?_ ”

He didn’t answer and I groaned. When we got to my room, I clambered out his arms messily, about to say something when he snapped his fingers and I got a full view of what the hell had happened in the mirror he had summoned.

To say it simply, I had... Changed.

I had a nice blonde fluffy tail drifting from my lower back and dark red eyes. Jackson fiddled through his pockets then handed me a thick black bracelet. I didn’t put on just yet, still staring at my reflection. Then, with a pitched, croaky voice, I said, “I’ve read that having a tail at your lower back isn’t realistic and it should come out between your cheeks at the sacrum where tailbone protrudes.”

Jackson stared at me like I was a moron again.

Laughter fell from his mouth suddenly and I snapped my attention to him, surprised. “Of course,” he breathed. “Of course, you would focus on one obscure thing rather than the whole picture.”

“I’m gonna be honest here, I’m not really liking the whole picture, Jack,” I muttered. “But Lena said she liked red so maybe the eyes will appeal to her.”

Jackson rubbed his face. “You’re so weird.”

“That’s like the pot calling the kettle black,” I said, reaching back and slapping my tail. “Damn. I was kinda hoping this was an early April Fool’s prank.” I rubbed my neck turning away from the mirror. Breath hitched in my throat and my voice cracked again when I said, “How?”

“Don’t know.” He pulled me over to the bed, into his lap. “Layla’s getting people to examine the water. She thinks that that girl Demon broke in and did something to it to make you change just in case she didn’t manage to bring you in. But that doesn’t seem likely. It’s been two months since then and she wouldn’t be able to get in through the wards now.”

“What do you think?”

He sighed and squeezed my shoulder. “Look, I know of exactly one way that Demons change and that’s because I’ve walked in on it like five times. Some sort of ritual where the priest guy or whatever reads from some ancient scroll and then all the kids of whatever age get some kind of magic dust thrown on them and then they turn.” He dropped his head to my shoulder. “To my knowledge, we burned all the scrolls but of course that can’t be the only way because there are still young Demons turning so…” He trailed off sounding hopeless.

“So unless someone threw magic dust on me and read from a scroll that should've been burned up a long time ago, no one knows why I suddenly have a tail.” I dropped my head into my hands. “Can I leave _now?_ Surely this is bad enough to earn me a pass from learning how to kill monsters. I can do homeschooling.”

“Actually…”

I tensed. “What?”

“Kali is in GodLand, trying to...”  He trailed off, unable to find the words.

The freight train of reality hit me dead on.

“Trying to keep me alive,” I finished. My voice sounded dead to my ears and I stared at the wall, my new tail wrapping around me protectively. Sparks sparked and fluttered around my head in a sort of shield-like, defensive manner. “I don’t you’re gonna be able to protect me, girl.”

She sparked again and thundered. “Look, it’s just fact. You’re a cloud. They’re violent, powerful gods.”

“Please stop talking to the cloud,” Jackson groaned behind me, falling back.

“I’m going to die!” I snapped, feeling completely deserving of this irrationality. “I think I can talk to whatever I want.”

Sparks thundered low in agreement. A poof of blue mist and Kali stepped forward. “We are lucky. I managed to convince them that you are not harmful nor dangerous.”

“I could be dangerous.” Mind still on edge, I flexed my arms. “Look at these guns.”

Kali managed a semi-amused smile before dropping to her knees by my feet. “There is a condition. You have to prove your control.”

“Why?”

She licked her lips. “Demons are not Warriors. They cannot contain the genetics for it and it does not appear at random in their biological structure. Making you one was an assumption based off your current Human code. Now that you have Changed, it may have gone. If it is, we will have to kill you.”

Without thought, her last words repeating loud in my head, I said quickly, “I order you guys to makeout.”

A grimace passed over both their faces and Jackson looked wonderfully betrayed as he pushed me off his lap and grabbed Kali’s collar.

“Okay, don’t!” They stopped, inches away from each other’s mouths. “Sorry, first thing that came to my mind.”

Jackson looked horrified. “ _Why is that the first thing that came to mind_?”

I ignored him. “Make me a sandwich.”

“You’ve already established control, Alex,” he said dryly.

“I know. I just want a sandwich.”

They both poofed away and I rubbed my neck, nervously. Kali came back first, relief evident on her face. She kissed the top of my head hard. “I did not want to kill you.”

“That’s funny,” I said into her shirt. “I didn’t really want you to kill me either.”

She smiled and patted the top of my head right as Jackson burst back in, yelling, “STOP FOLLOWING ME! THIS SANDWICH ISN’T FOR YOU!”

To be fair, it was a really good looking sandwich, with perfectly toasted bread, crisp smelling bacon, cheese melted and dripping at just the right rate. When a bunch of kids jumped on top of him, trying to grab the sandwich, I couldn’t really blame them.

Especially since I was one of those kids.

It was a really delicious sandwich.

 

* * *

 

 

In light of my Change, Layla suggested I take the week off of training classes, learn how to reiterate myself, eat some flesh with Kals and see if I like it.

 

**What?**

 

Well, she _didn’t_ say that exactly but the meaning was written obvious on her face. I had stared at her while she trailed off as Jackson squeezed the bridge of his nose like an old man and Kali went rigid and stiff.

Then we’d left back to my room. Kali, not knowing about the no-magic-involving-Alex-for-right-now rule, poofed me there and I had spent the next three hours until dinner puking in the toilet.

At dinner, I tried to get in and get out, figuring my new friends probably wouldn’t be so chill with me anymore but as it turns out they don’t really give a flying who because whaddya know? Fish is a werewolf. The liquid I’d been mistaking for ketchup on all of his burgers had turned out to be blood. Because he ate his meat raw. Like an animal. Because that’s what he is. An animal. A dog. Because he is a werewolf.

Werewolf.

“I would’ve said something earlier,” he had said, pulling out a package of raw steaks from his bag, “but I kinda wanted you to be my friend first and judge later.” The package ripped open. “It’s why I’m a ‘racist’,” he explained, air quoting around the word racist. “You weirdoes hate me more for not liking the colour of someone’s skin than for wanting to tear a person open and eat their insides.”

“Fish,” Mary groaned from across the table. She dropped her french fries into the clump of fries she had poured ketchup all over. “Come on. We’re trying to eat.”

Fish held out a steak to me and I had taken it gingerly between my fingers. “Then eat. I’m not stopping you.”

She shot him a dirty look which he had grinned at. I stared at the steak. “I’m not gonna get salmonella poisoning, am I?”

He shrugged and I did not feel any better about it. Still, I cut off a slice and ate it easily. It didn’t really do anything. I just felt as though I had eaten a sliver of chicken. I looked at the rest of the steak, at everyone then at the steak again, cutting it into slices which I slid into my sandwich. No cravings to devour anyone had appeared suddenly.

I ate my raw steak, cooked chicken and tomato sandwich, feeling no worse, no better, not really any different except less hungry. Kali watched me expectantly, questions in her eyes. I shrugged and made a flippant hand motion. She’d nodded mutely, continuing to watch me until Jackson started yelling at Peter again for being Norwegian. That’s when she took the rest of the steaks and dumped them on Jackson’s head.

“Silence,” she’d said and the two of them did, going and staying quiet until the end of dinner, only shooting one another dirty looks every so often.

After dinner, Lena singled me away from the group, tugging me over to a broom closet and shoving me inside. “Well, Alice shouldn’t be the only girl to do this with you,” she’d insisted at my confused gaze.

“That makes no sense,” I said, squeezing her hand which had wound into mine. “Absolutely none.”

She laughed and pressed her forehead to my shoulder, going solemn. “So I wanted to-”

“Understood,” I said immediately without thinking, dropping her hand and groping to find the doorknob. “Got it. One hundred percent. I mean, I figured. Who would want to date a Demon? I might eat you in your sleep.” The doorknob kept eluding my grasp. “Believe me. I understand. Completely and I-”

She grabbed my hand again and pressed her other hand to my mouth. “Alex. Shut up.” She dropped her hand from my mouth and leaned into me. “I wanted to say that Carol, my roommate,” she began, “um, well, her brother has a dress like my blue one but in green and I wanted to know if you’d like me to wear that one instead. I think it’s nicer but it’s not as dark a green as the other.”

I stared at her face, impeccable brown eyes gazing up at me. Our proximity to each other wasn’t cut off from anyone and I had an inkling of what people in romance novels meant by “I didn’t know where I ended and they began” or whatever that phrase is, she was so pressed into me. Her skin pulsed warm and my blood raced. I felt my cheeks darken.

Audibly, I swallowed, feeling her lashes brush against my skin. “Uh, well, if you want to wear it, then it’s o-”

“NO!” The door ripped open and as I fell out, Jackson pushed me over into Ben who tumbled and collapsed under my sudden assault of weight. Lena stumbled into Peter, who caught her around the waist before she could fall. “How many times must I tell you? No romantic crap until the third date!”

“It wasn’t romantic,” Lena said, blinking and shielding her eyes from the bright light streaming down. “I was just asking him about my dress.”

“And we were in a broom closet,” I muttered. “Sorry, Ben,” I added as I helped him up. He waved off my apology with a flick of his hand. “What’s romantic about chemicals?”

“Broom closets,” Jackson began, marching over to me, raising his voice an octave a step, “are the most romantic places ever.” So many confused gazes flittered around as he steered me over to the stairs. My tail hooked around the banister and I almost fell on my face. He caught me easily. “Why do you think so many people hook up in them?”

“Hooking up isn’t really a quality of romance though,” Peter said, pushing up his glasses. “Since it’s-”

“FUCK OFF, PETER!” Jackson yelled and then heaved me over his shoulder and ran up the stairs and to my room before anyone could say anything else.

He’s really a wonderful guy.  You just have to squint for it sometimes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [72] Greek god of the sun, among other things
> 
> [73] Goddex is the gender-neutral term for an immortal deity
> 
> [74] A person who follows the religion of Islam
> 
> [75] A monotheistic Abrahamic religion based on the Quran


	13. Chapter 13

“English needs to jump off a cliff and die,” I groaned into Kali’s hair. “I already speak it. Why I need learn to it?”

“Perhaps because you speak the language wrong,” Kali suggested.

“You can’t speak it wrong if you grew up into it!” I objected immediately.

Jackson snorted, shoving his shoulder against my door. It pushed open slightly and he stuck his foot in through the crack, kicking it open and slumping against the door to keep it open while Kali strolled through, throwing my books on the bed before slipping me off her back and dumping me into a chair.

I squinted at the ceiling. “The gods hate me.”

“Opposite actually, babe,” Jackson said, “All love for someone who knows all of-” He licked his lips. “- _their_ names.”

It took a few times before my fingers finally made the snapping noise and I waved my hand around. “Paper, names, now. Go.”

He rolled his eyes. “Al-”

“ _Now_.” I leaned back in my chairs, arms on my armrests, like a friggin’ king. “Everyone deserves love.”

“Pity, is what it’ll feel like,” Jackson muttered but he still pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and plopped on the floor. Kali handed me my planner before dropping to her stomach and scribbling the names of second gods on her own sheet of paper.

She gestured to my planner. “Homework.”

Flipping it open, I squinted at my only piece of homework. _English_ \- _read the next two chapters of Catcher In The Rye._ I stared at it a little longer then stood and threw my planner on my bed. “I’m gonna go drown myself in the shower.”

“Have fun,” Jackson called out while I dragged my feet over to the bathroom. Kali threw my planner at the back of my head and said, “Homework!”

Ducking the planner, I heaved a tortured look at her. “Never!” I swung the bathroom door open, my eyes spanning to the inside. “You’ll have to kill-”

At my pause, Jackson glanced up. “Al?”

I just stared at the sight in front of me.

The gorgeous, _gorgeous_ sight in front of me.

Remember that guy from the coffee shop I talked about earlier?

 

**Yes. Why? Was he in your bathroom?**

 

No. See the guy from the coffee shop I never saw again but his face was very nice, he was tall and his lips were very good. The person in front of me had twice that guy’s height, his face was doubly good and his lips were so on point my heart kind of broke off in a loud twang that echoed inside my head.

“I’m good. Just gonna makeout with this guy,” I did not say in a breathless tone.

“ _What?_ ” Jackson was at my side in seconds, Kali flocked behind me, arms around my waist protectively. “Who the _fuck_ -”

Next thing I know I’m all the way across my room, collapsing in a heap on my bed, and the prettiest guy I’ve ever seen besides Sebastian Stan and Jackson was on the floor being strangled by my best friends. “ _Guys_!”

“I don’t care how attractive you are!” Jackson yelled. “DEATH IS COMING, BITCH!”

Kali took a brief moment to stare at him like he was a piece of gum stuck to her shoe and I wondered if this was something he’d quoted before, possibly while in war.

“What are you doing?” I snapped, trying to tug Jackson’s arm away from the boy’s throat. “Let him go! Kali, no!”

He did suddenly and I fell on top of the boy, accidently straddling his chest while he coughed a few times before giving me a very nice, very heart stopping smile that did not, despite what Jackson may say, make me blush brighter than a tomato. Kali held a sword to his throat, eyes threatening. Sparks fluttered around the three of us and thundered.

“Ēlēksa,” Kali hissed. “He is a Demon.”

I blinked dumbly, finally noticing white horns that pushed through his dark hair. If anything they made him look hotter. “Oh. Well, you don't have to kill him.”

Now she was looking at me like _I_ was a piece of gum stuck to her shoe. “Yes. That is exactly what I have to do.”

“But he’s pretty,” I protested, understanding fully that this was not a logical statement despite how much I was convinced it should have been.

“You are very nice looking too,” he said and I, once again, _did not_ go brighter than a tomato.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, rubbing the back of my head and looking anywhere but his beautiful face.

“My name is Dylan Tao,” he said still watching me like I was some sort of very interesting object which is strange because despite my claims, I am not that good looking. I’m just cute, adorable. Like a puppy.

He cleared his throat and blinked a few times. “I stand at seven foot three inches. I consider myself homoflexible as I am primarily attracted to men but I occasionally find myself attracted to women, in both instances romantically and sexually. I am very good at cooking. I have a lot of patience and like the company of children. I-”

“Is he reciting a dating profile?” Jackson whispered. He closed his eyes for a moment, confused. “Are you _reciting a dating profile?_ ”

“Yes. I was told this was a normal custom between Humans.” He finally pulled his gaze from my face to look at Jackson. “It’s not?”

“Not... _not normally_ ,” Jackson said slowly, amusement flashing momentarily in his eyes as he opened them.

Kali closed her eyes, pursing her lips. She sighed deeply then opened them, fixing Dylan with a sharp look. “I do not understand what is happening here.”

“Oh!” Dylan twisted his gaze to her. “I am Alex’s soulmate.” He turned back to me. “It’s still Alex, yes?”

Before I could say anything, a grin split over Jackson’s face, distracting me. “I knew you were gay,” he breathed like it was a victory and all my daydreams about his gaping look of shock as I revealed my true romanticism and sexuality at his sixteenth, well technically ninety-eighth, birthday party died in a single blow. Sympathetically, Kali patted my thigh.

“No, no. He is not gay.” Dylan reached up to brush a strand of hair from my face before tucking his arm back under my leg. “Lena Richards is our soulmate as well. Of cour-”

“ _Really?_ ” I did not squeal. Excitement coursed through my veins then dropped. “But that would mean-” I blinked and suddenly the reason why Layla adopted Lena as a child of the school and not her own kid made so much more sense. “ _Seriously?_ ”

“Yes,” Dylan said. He looked slightly alarmed. “Is this a bad thing?”

“I don’t know,” I said slowly, trying to process this information. “Kals?”

Kali shook her head. “No. As long as she does not Change, she will be fine.”

Dylan cocked his head. “But she’s doesn’t have a choice in the Change,” he said plainly as though it was obvious.

“What?”

He scratched his lip. “Normally we Change through a ritual at the age of thirteen. However, our numbers grow smaller and the ones who know the words by heart are few and the words have been lost.” The scrolls Jackson said were all burned. He tucked his arm under my leg again. “But it is most natural to finally Change at sixteen.”

“But I’m fifteen. My birthday isn’t for another three-” I paused. “But no one would know my birthday because no one was there when I was born. Just after. Kali?”

She licked her lips, eyes vague. “We simply put it down as the day we found you. We did not-”

“That’s fine. I’m okay with not ever having celebrating my birthday on my birthday. I’m fine with thinking I was a Gemini when I’m really a Pisces.”

“That’s really what you’re focusing on?” Jackson said. “Really?”

“Yes! That’s how I stay sane and not flip out because I’m straddling some guy telling me he’s my soulmate on the chest and oh my gods I’m straddling you across the chest, I am _so_ sorry.” With effort, I clambered off clumsy and sprawled out on the floor. Dylan still laid there.

He glanced over at me. “I was okay with it.”

“Pervert,” Jackson snarled, eyes lowering dangerously.

“Hey, pot. This is kettle. Did you know you’re black?” I muttered, standing dizzily and tumbling over to the bathroom. “Don’t do anything.”

Jackson ignored my dig. “What are you doing?”

“Popping a pimple,” I said, eyeing my reflection in the mirror because there was this dull pain near my hairline and white tipped bump was the cause of it. Also I wanted to leave for some breathing room to help my internal panic slow down.

“Don’t pop it!” Jackson yelled.

I popped it anyway.

Wiping away the pus and blood with a piece of toilet paper, I considered my options. One, I could tell Layla immediately about Dylan. Two, I could not do that and run away with him thereby accepting my Demon-ness and fulfilling this one vague fantasy I’ve had where I run away with an attractive person who has a romantic interest in me. Three, I could tell Lena she was Demon and then ask her what to do or alternatively convince her to run away with us. Or four, something I called the Jackson method, and it was basically keeping Dylan stuck in my room for my own personal gains, romantic and/or sexual.

My cheeks flushed red at the thought of the Jackson method. Water streamed heavily from the tap, cold and cooling across my face. I turned it off and rubbed my face hard with a towel trying to think.

Telling Layla was the most logical by far. Running away with a person I didn’t know definitely wasn’t. Telling Lena about herself would be stupid and she’d probably get mad at me which I didn’t want. Keeping him in my room? No. Someone could see him or he could escape or something.

But not saying anything…

I looked at myself in the mirror. “How did you get in here anyway?”

There was a stretch of silence before he said, “I climbed up the wall and came in through the window.”

Shuffling noises and Jackson confirmed this. I folded up my towel and placed in on the counter by the sink. “But wouldn’t the alarms have gone off? The Demon warding alarms?

“Layla took them down,” Kali said.

And then I remembered why. Earlier that day, there had been a “minor” explosion in the science lab. Magic still made me feel off, which Marjorie said would end after a few more days when I’d grown accustomed to my new body (I have three lungs now!), so Kali couldn’t just poof me out and crossing the doors would make the alarms go off which would probably freak out everyone heading outdoors so Layla had taken them down for me, like she had when I Changed and Jackson was bringing me inside.

I scratched at my throat. “You snuck in?”

“Yes. For safety.”

I frowned and slumped against the doorway. Kali still had a knife pressed to his throat but he didn’t seem to care, too busy watching me intently. “Safety?”

“He’s been watching you,” Jackson said dully, flipping over a knife that had definitely not been there before in his hands. “Which means he’s been close by. Everyone running outside for no apparent reason could’ve had him exposed.” Jackson stooped over and dangled his knife above Dylan’s eye. “Stalkers should die.”

“Jack.” I gave him a look.

“Well, at least let me gouge out his eyes,” he grumbled, snatching his knife into his hands and flocking over to me, protectively.

I ignored him. “Kals? What should we do?”

“We should kill him and devour the flesh off his body and drink our fill of his blood,” she said blandly and I immediately put my hands on her shoulder and tugged her away from him.

“No.” I tugged my ear nervously, turning to Jackson. “Jack?”

He crossed his arms and said, “Tie ‘im to the bed and use him as our sex slave.” I narrowed my eyes at him, not amused, and he grinned back. “It’s better than Kali’s idea. I don’t like drinking people’s blood. That’s just nasty.”

Like the mature goddess she is, Kali stuck her tongue out at him and like the mature god he is, he stuck his tongue out back. I rolled my eyes, feeling weird being the “adult” in this situation. Normally that’d Kali. Or Nick. Or Katelynn and Katelynn’s five so I feel like that says a lot about me as a person.

Huh.

Either way, I was still stuck on what to do. I poked him with my foot. “What do you think we should do?”

Dylan smiled and nodded at Jackson. “I like his idea.”

“I’m not really interested in sex with strangers. I’d prefer a relationship first. Get to know the person,” I said, scratching my head. Dylan nodded eagerly to show his understanding. “Um… I guess we _could_ just keep you... tied to my bed...”

Kali looked at me like she did when she found out I failed third grade English - with deepest annoyance and utter betrayal. Jackson stuttered out a nervous laugh.

“Al, I was _joking_ when I said that,” he said quickly when I didn’t laugh back. “Alex?”

“We are not keeping him here like a dog,” Kali snapped.

“Hey now!” I said, raising my arms into the air and stepping forward, swirling around in a circle to face them. “Technically I’m in charge so… you know, this- this is what we’re doing. ‘Cause I’m in charge. And I make the decisions and I decided this. So yeah. This is what we’re doing. Yeah.”

“Keeping him tied to your bed as a sex slave?” Jackson monotoned. “Really? _Nick_ would do that before you’d ever do that and Nick thinks sex is disgusting.”

I waved him off. “Shut up. We’re just keeping him tied to my bed.”

Kali frowned. “How is he supposed to use the bathroom?”

“Magic stretchy rope?” I muttered. She fixed me with another look. “I dunno. Look, we can figure out the details later. What I want to do now-” I turned to Dylan who was still on the ground watching me with a pleasant smile. “-is sit on his lap and watch romantic movies until three in the morning.”

“You have English homework,” Kali deadpanned, pushing Dylan back as he rose upwards eagerly.

“So?”

She fixed me with another hard stare. “Ēlēksa.”

“It’s strange because you use that name as both an affectionate term and as a reprimand and I must say I find it extraordinary how you do that,” I said. I hoped my compliment would distract her from my English work.

It did not.

“Thank you,” she said, grabbing my arm and tugging me over to my books. “Now we do English.”

“Wait! Orders.” Jackson snapped his fingers and some rope appeared in his hands. “So I can say it was your fault and then not be killed with you when this-” He gestured at Dylan, the rope flopping all over the place. “-is found out.”

“I love you too, Jack,” I muttered. “Okay, um, neither of you... can... tell anyone about… him.” I pointed lamely at Dylan. “Yeah.”

“There are so many loopholes in that,” Jackson muttered, binding Dylan’s arms and legs to my desk. “But whatever.”

I opened Catcher in the Rye to the beginning page of the first chapter and Kali stared at me for a moment. Not really wanting to ask, I still did. “What?”

“You were supposed to have read the beginning by now,” she said. “ _Actually_ you were supposed to have read the first four chapters by now.”

“Yeah, I haven’t done that,” I said, uncaring. Just from the synopsis, Catcher in the Rye seemed really boring and I didn’t want to read any of it, despite the fact our teacher had hinted at the fact that we would be getting tested on it sometime next week.

I would definitely be failing that test. And I really couldn’t bring myself to give a shit.

Kali did though.

Kali always did.

Her eyes narrowed. “You have had two months to read them.”

“Have you met me, Kals?” I settled into my pillows and stared at the first word. “When have I ever done the assigned reading?”

“You’re gonna die in college,” Jackson muttered, finishing his bindings on Dylan with a tiny bow.

“Probably,” I agreed and moved on to the second word while Dylan watched me like a lovesick puppy, Kali rolled on to her back, staring at the ceiling, and Jackson settled down next to us, a careful eye on Dylan, the other one his solitaire game.

I finished the rest of the sentence and wondered in the back of my mind why I had to read Catcher in the Rye. So far it was really boring. I mean, Ao[76], it was so boring.

 

* * *

 

 

Darkness slid further over my eyelids and I squinted awake. Jackson hovered over me, reaching for something. I twisted and found my borrowed copy of Catcher in the Rye bent and twisted at my feet.

“ _Shiiiiiit_ ,” I muttered. “I’m gonna hafta pay for that.”

Jackson snorted, careful not to touch Kali, who was spooning me from behind. He examined the page. “You only got up to the third page?”

“It’s a really boring book,” I mumbled, yawning. “I’m surprised Kali even let me fall asleep.”

“She passed out far before you did,” Jackson snorted. “She’s tired. Worrying takes a lot in a person.”

I looked at him. Bags held heavy under his eyelids and I frowned, rubbing my arms as I shifted up. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” he said, flicking my cheek. “You fear getting hurt at every moment. All of us have had to worry about you since we met you. Besides, Nick gave us some tips.”

I stretched. “Like?”

“Like sensory deprivation, understanding that you’ve got a pretty good sense of when danger’s coming.” He tugged me up and I stumbled forward, sleepily into his chest. “Trying not to flip out over hurting you too much because chances are we won’t anyway.”

I grinned. “It’s good to know you guys care,” I drawled. I looked around. “Where the tall?”

He frowned. “You do suck at English.” He nodded over to the bathroom. “He had to pee so I let him go. You’ve been asleep for about two and half hours and in that two and half hours he has asked me so many boring questions like your favourite food and did you even have an interest in tall people and blah blah blah. I have literally never seen a person so interested in a person they barely know before and it’s _weird_.”

I grinned. “Good. I like weird.”

“You would,” he muttered and Dylan stepped out of the bathroom, wiping his wet hands on his shirt before holding them out for the rope.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked as Jackson loped the rope around his wrists.

“Yeah, thanks.” I rubbed my arm, tired. “Thanks for asking.”

“You are very cute when you sleep,” he noted.

My eyes fell half closed. “Is this gonna be a common theme?” I muttered on my way to the bathroom. “All the people I like babbling about how cute I am? First Katherine then Cain then Lena and now you.”

Jackson raised an eye. “When did Katherine like _you_?”

“Second grade when she was into blondes,” I mumbled, unzipping my pants to pee.

I plopped down on the toilet, looked down for a moment and squeezed my eyes shut. Tears still dripped down my cheek and I rubbed them away. A crippling sick sensation boiled down in my stomach. I grabbed my hair and breathed, trying to contain everything inside and when I couldn’t, I croaked, “ _Jaaaaack_? Feeling bad right now.”

He slid in automatically like a bullet, Dylan at his side. “Close your eyes, stalker boy.” He squatted at my side, hands gripping my knees. “What do you need, Allie?”

“Not having a penis would probably help,” I muttered, feeling off and bad and awful and not right.

He slid his hand over my cheek. “Hey, hey. Alice has a penis and she’s a girl, remember? You know she’s a girl right?”

“Yes.”

“And you know she has a penis, right?”

A nice image of Alice joining me in the boy’s bathroom to pee flickered over my mind. Her exuberantly trying to compare our sizes stood out heavily.

“Yes.”

“Does that make her any less a girl?” I shook my head. “Voice, Al.”

“No,” I breathed, believing it to my core. “No, it doesn’t.”

His fingers slid through my hair. “So why does having a penis make you any less of a girl? It doesn’t, right?”

I nodded. “Right.”

He squeezed my cheek. “Right. You are the bestest, most prettiest, most-”

“-horrible at English girl,” Kali finished, sliding just in front of Dylan who had his eyes squeezed tight. “You are very good as a girl.”

“Right. I am.” I rubbed my face. “Gods, I feel stupid.”

Kali kissed the top of my head. “You should never feel stupid,” she murmured. “It is okay to feel bad.”

“Right.” I squeezed around my chest. “Wish these were real though.”

“I know, Allie,” Jackson muttered, leaning back. “I know.” He handed me a damp washcloth, turning to Dylan whose eyes were still shut tight like a gentleman. “And that, stalker boy, is what we in the trans business call a minor dysphoric breakdown.”

“It wasn’t a breakdown,” I muttered, wiping at my face.

“Alex, you were crying,” he deadpanned.

“Not really,” I protested weakly.

He ignored me, steering Dylan out. “Look, stalker boy, if you’re gonna stick around, you gotta know how to deal with this.”

I tuned him out, leaning against the cool sink counter. Kali brushed my hair out of my face.

“I think Jackson likes him,” I muttered.

“I believe so as well,” she agreed. “However, _I_ must remain wary of his intentions towards you as the responsible one in this friendship.”

I grinned. “Love you too, Kals.”

She kissed the top of my head again and rubbed my arm soothingly. “This was sudden.”

I stretched and rearranged my bra on my chest. “Yeah. But it always is, isn’t it?”

See, I don’t get dysphoric often. It’s not really something that happens with me and I’m eternally grateful for that. But at least once or twice a year I get all uncomfortable and disillusioned with my gender vs my biological structure. Just because Brokes is massively progressive doesn’t necessarily mean that we as locals are exempt from feeling off in who we are.

And it’s uncomfortable and shitty and makes me want to vomit. Sometimes, if it happens when I’m home, I fish out my copy of my adjusted birth certificate out of the drawers and read the word **BIGENDER** over and over again until my body feels settled and I don’t want to vomit as much. But most of the time, I’m incapacitated, tucked deep within myself and sobbing until someone finds me flopped on the ground mumbling to myself.

Kali crossed her legs and sat in front of me while I squeezed my stomach and heaved over my legs, trying to settle my thoughts to a slow smooth _‘You’re fine, you’re normal’_ mentality. While I did, she pet my hair nice and slow.

Jackson peeked back in. “Hey, stalker boy wants to know if you’re feeling better. If you’re not, he says he’s gonna break out to make you a cake.”

I laughed and scratched my throat. “Tell him I’m good. I’m just... calming down.”

Jackson relayed the message and popped back in. “He says if you still need to calm down, he can break out and make you a cake.”

Grinning in spite of myself, I curled my toes. “I’m good.”

Jackson sighed. “Alright, so which one of us is staying here and watching stalker boy instead of going to dinner?”

“You,” Kali and I chorused.

He blinked, affronted and surprised. “Wha- _Why_?”

“I must be there for Alice,” Kali said, “and I am the best option in protection for Alex.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, “an’ all you do is insult Peter to his face and steal his food.”

“You guys steal his food!”

“Yeah but we don’t call him a filthy Norwegian while doing it.” I straightened my shirt and attempted to comb my hair straighter with my fingers.

Jackson grabbed my shoulders. “But he _is_ a filthy Norwegian,” he whined.

Kali rolled her eyes, tying Dylan to my desk and starting a new game of solitaire on my computer. “He is very clean. According to Alice, he bathes in the morning and in the night.”

“Metaphorical dirt, Kals.” He sat down at my computer. “Metaphorical.”

“Enjoy solitaire. I’ll bring you food.” I paused at the door. “Um, what do you want?” I asked Dylan who was smiling at me.

“I will eat anything you bring,” he said happily.

I nodded. “Okay.”

He smiled at me, lips twitching up into a wide grin. My heart did a backflip, tail twitched, and I gave a stupid tiny wave that he gave back in full. Kali watched our awkward exchange with a tiny grin lingering at the edge of her mouth before rolling her eyes and tugging me out through the door, pulling it shut tight and swinging her arm around my shoulders as she steered me down the steps and to the cafeteria.

“I suppose I could get used to him,” she murmured under her breath as we passed a few students lingering around. “If only for your sake.”

I let my grin out in full and squeezed her hands tight.

“Awesome,” I said. “Thanks, Kals.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [76] Maori personification of light


	14. Chapter 14

It was nine o’clock at night. Friday. Just gotten back from dinner twenty minutes before. My body was spread out on the floor, a Monopoly puzzle board in front of me. To my left was Jackson as the banker, wearing suspenders and pinstriped pants, a fake cigar in his mouth, his hair greased and slicked back. Opposite me, Kali, hair pinned up like a 20s flapper, her dress glittering in the light, a feathered headdress on her head, was examining her property cards. To my right was Dylan, dressed in a Mao suit, which, according to Jackson, was the style for Chinese men back in the day. Me? I was like Kali, dressed in a glittery, showy dress, my tail flushed out and puffy.

Jackson had hidden my normal clothes and laid out the dress as a joke. When I came down to his shrine wearing it, with Kali dressed almost the same, he stared at the two of us, disappeared after my prayer and came back minutes later in the suit.

Lena had said I looked cute.

Jackson threw a biscuit at her and had yelled, “HOW MANY TIMES, RICHARDS?”

Dylan had said I looked cute.

Jackson gave him a biscuit and made me sit next to him while he poofed up a Monopoly board after finding out that Dylan did not know what Monopoly was.

He’s such a dick but he’s like a cat in those regards. You can’t help but love him even as he knocks over your glass of milk staring at you with a heavy look of contempt.

 

**You had a cat?**

 

No. It was Grayson’s. It breaks into my apartment a lot and hates me for some reason.

 

**Probably because you’re a Demon and cats are supposed to have a sense for that type of thing.**

 

I _never_ thought about that. Huh.

 

**Story.**

 

Right!

So it was the middle of March now and I was somehow in deep belief that Dylan was never going to be found and that I could keep him hidden from everyone until the day I died. He was pretty solid on that, a good sport really, his only wish being to meet Lena at least once. I said maybe. And yes, we were playing Monopoly, dressed like people from Jackson’s era and eating several bags of chips I had bought from the snack machine an hour ago.

“Okay, so how’d you know?” I asked before taking a bite out of handful of chips. “That we were soulmates? And with Lena?”

Dylan glanced at me and rolled the dice in his hands, frowning. “I asked, was given your names and researched both your whereabouts.”

“Acked ‘oo?” I said through my chips.

“My mother’s soulmate,” he said. He threw the dice. “He is one of the few who still know things,” Dylan explained. “And there is an incantation to find your soulmate's’ name or names and I asked and he used it and told me about you and Lena and I researched you both, looked up your whereabouts and found you because the wards wouldn’t let me through to get to Lena.”

“Well, that’s nice.”

Jackson snorted and said around the cigar in his mouth, “Yeah. Nice. Not stalkery at all.”

Kali threw the dice at him and they clattered in front of me. “I do believe I saw you following around my son for many months before you deigned to become his lover.”

Jackson gave her a look while I grinned. “Seven, Kals.” I dumped them into Jackson’s hands. “What’s he like? Your dad? Obviously pretty neat if he’s one of the few who still know stuff.”

Dylan looked up from his Electric Company card. “He is not my father.”

I glanced at him, blush creeping at my throat. “Sorry, I just assumed.”

“I understand.” He pushed his card under his side of the board. “But he is my mother’s only soulmate and he is her platonic soulmate. Just friendship.” He grinned. “Sometimes I think that’s a nicer love.”

He gave the three of us a look of admiration and Jackson smirked, hooking his arm around my shoulders while Kali sprawled out on his legs, laughing. I leaned into them, grinning. Friendship was pretty great.

“It is better, is it not?” Kali agreed. “I have also decided I need a loan.”

“Kali, I have told you a billion times, that is not how the game works,” Jackson complained for the billionth time, swatting her hands away from the money.

As they always did at least once per game, they began wrestling on the floor. As I always did whenever they started fighting, I snatched some cash from the box and slid it discreetly into my pile. Dylan, oddly like Nick did whenever I stole cash from the box, chuckled under his breath and stole a one from me.

“So how do you know _we’re_ not platonic? Hmm?” I rolled the dice and moved my car twelve spaces.

“Easy. I am attracted to you in a romantic and sexual sense. You are attracted to me in a romantic and possibly sexual sense,” he said like it was obvious. He shook the dice roughly and dropped them on the board with a flick of his wrist. A burst of flames peaked out from his hand, heating my hand. I flinched, tail flashing out to slap him. “Sorry.”

I waved it off. “It’s fine. It’s just, you know, fire.” I threw my hands around bizarrely. “ _Ahhhhh_. Anyway, it was an accident so it’s fine. Lena did the same thing last week with summoning the dead.”

And she had. I’m gonna be honest. Seeing a decaying body missing its eyes with patches of skin gone and bugs still eating it right behind me as I turned around was not exactly the greatest and Lena had spent an hour apologizing about it while I curled into Kali’s chest, my dad’s voice soothing me down from my attack over the phone.

Dylan nodded, moving his player down the board. “She was trying to impress you.”

The hairs on my tail stood up in shock. “Summoning the dead is how she tries to _impress people?_ ”

He nodded again, paying me the exact amount for landing on my Water Works. “Yes. I heard her telling the blue one. Daniel.” He paused. Shook his head. “Fish,” he corrected and I laughed.

Taking his money, I made a big show of looking through it and said, “I need another twenty, Dyl.”

Frowning he pushed it over. “Are you sur-”

Jackson tackled him and shoved him into my closet as the door creaked open. “You decent?” Lena asked, stepping in with her eyes covered.

I relaxed my heavily beating heart, or tried to anyway. My tail was curled around my stomach tightly. Hoping my nerves weren’t betrayed in my awkward laughter, I scratched my neck and struggled not to look over at the closet that Jackson was not leaning casually against and oh, Saga[77], he was going to blow it all with that weird posing of his. I licked my lips and dropped my hands back into my lap. “You’re supposed to knock first, Lena.”

She grinned, slow and easy, as she dropped her hand. “I was trying to get glimpse of the monster,” she teased.

“It’s not a monster. It’s the before picture of a vagina,” I grumbled, tugging at my tail.

She laughed and crossed her ankles, glancing down at her feet. “Well, um, Layla just gave Fish the go ahead and Alice wanted to know if you wanted to come watch our doggish friend... dog.” Nerves lilted her laugh and she covered her face. “Oh my God, that sounded dumb.”

“It was cute.” I collected my money and began packing away. “Yeah. I’ll, uh, meet you at the doors in a few.”

She glanced over at Jackson who was pressed up against the closet door. “You should probably let him change. It’s cold out.”

He nodded. “Sure. Whatever.”

She nodded back and licked her lips. “Um, okay, so… I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Yeah.” I waved.

After waving back, she disappeared out the door. It clicked shut. Jackson relaxed instantaneously and took a step to the side, letting Dylan tumble out of the closet in a heavy lump. He groaned, burst into flames which died out two seconds later.

I pushed the game over to the edge of my bed. “Close your eyes, stalker boy.”

Kali threw me a thick sweater and jeans. As I stripped out my clothes, Dylan turned to face a corner and closed his eyes. “I like her hair,” he said.

Zipping up my pants, I grinned. “It’s spectacular, isn’t it?”

He nodded. I rubbed my arm, glancing at Jackson as he marched over and tied Dylan back to my desk. He notched his head to the side and smiled at me. “I’ll be fine. Go. Have fun.”

I rubbed my ankle with my other foot. “I-”

“Oh my effing gods, Alex, I will punch you,” Jackson whined, rolling forward to me. He hooked our arms together. “Let’s go! Kals, get him set up for entertainment then meet us at the doors.”

Kali’s idea of entertainment was to push Catcher in the Rye (the new copy I had to pay twenty-two dollars for) over to Dylan and say, “Goodbye” in a bland voice, before marching after us and pulling the door shut. Jackson threw dust at it. I heard a lock snap and blinked as Kali threw me over her shoulders.

My tail tugged around my leg and I tried to wrench it off. It did not move. I swear this thing has a mind of its own. I groaned finally, giving up, and flopped. “I hate my tail.”

“I hate it too,” Jackson said. “It keeps creeping up my shirt every time we go to bed.”

“Of course, I’d get a perverted tail,” I mumbled into Kali’s shoulder. “A perverted gay ass tail.”

Kali choked on a laugh and had to stop for a few seconds while she collected herself. It probably didn’t help that Jackson and I kept babbling “perverted gay ass tail” and variations like it. By the time we’d given up, unable to think up more, she was practically glowing happiness. Alice broke out into a wide grin at the sight and slung around her, a bow strapped to her back that bonked me in the eye as I tried to slide off Kali’s back.

“Sorry,” Alice apologized, flushing. “Didn’t see you.”

In the doorway, Fish yelled, “STAHP APOLOGIZING, ALICE! NO MORE CANADIAN STEREOTYPES!”

She rolled her eyes and laid her accent on thick. “Pretty sorry about him, eh?”

“OH MY GOD, ALICE!” Fish snarled. A whip of water slapped her arm. “STOP IT!”

“He hates Canadian stereotypes. Says they make him look weak,” Lena whispered, laughing, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from Jackson who lunged at the two of us and landed on top of Peter who Mary had shoved in the way.

Jackson sputtered in outrage and they began, as they always did, arguing. This time it was about cheese. I don’t know how it exactly started but to be honest I have no idea how any of their arguments start.

Not a clue.

 Lena pulled me out the door. When the cold hit, I shivered and my tail flushed under my shirt, wrapping around my bare skin like a warm, furry shawl. Lena grinned and huddled closer to me.

“So jealous of your tail,” she whined, rubbing her arms rapidly for warmth.

“Don’t be. It’s an ass.” For that, it flicked my nipple. I swore. She snickered.

“Come on.” Fish marched into the grass, wet snow sloshing around his feet. He stood for a second then pointed left. “This way.”

 

**What were you doing?**

 

 Finding food. Every so often, Layla lets Fish go out and forage for meat because according to Alice, she “can’t keep paying for expensive, quality steaks just because your idiot brother is picky about what stupid meat he eats”.

We sloshed through the trees, drifting back and forth, left and right to follow whatever Fish was smelling. Eventually he stooped low, squatting. After a few deep breaths, he peered to the right and went still. It would’ve seemed funny if he hadn’t looked so serious, eyes flaring with a hunger I didn’t understand.

Then he Changed.

His Change is a lot simpler than mine. Whereas mine was physical agony, bones rearranging and moving out of place while new bones sprouted to make way for my tail, Fish’s was, is easy. The air around him heated a bit and there was a moment of displacement in the air before a massive dog was crouching on the ground. I don’t know how to explain. One moment he’s a boy and the next he’s a dog. No swirling mist, no flashing light, nothing. Just a displacing feeling in the air and a blink later there’s a dog and not a boy.

Werewolves become dogs. Any kind of dog, not just a wolf. When Fish Changes, he turns into a northern Inuit dog, which closely resembles a wolf despite being a domestic breed. I _researched_ it.

 

**You researched his breed?**

 

Yes.

And then I had a deep discussion with Alice about their family and I’ve got a pretty good idea about how Fish’s breed came to be.

See, his dad is a Canadian Eskimo dog which is an Inuit breed. Northern Inuit dogs are a crossbreed between German shepherds, Siberian huskies and various Inuit breeds. On his dad’s side, Fish has a long history of Inuit breeds, something Alice attunes to the fact that he’s descended from Inuits themselves, but through small splotches of ancestry there are husky breeds and the occasional German shepherd and I just find it really amusing that Fish’s breed is the result of intentional crossbreeding and he’s basically just an accidental version of it.

It’s hilarious!

 

**Uh huh.**

 

You- you don’t agree?

 

**No. Story.**

 

Right.

I squeezed my hands into tight fists, grinning wide. “That is still _so cool_.”

“If you start ranting and raving about his breed again, I will shoot you with Alice’s bow,” Mary promised, pulling Peter who had strapped on some brass knuckles at this point while Kali and Alice stopped Jackson from attacking him.

“I’m just saying,” I protested. “You really should test him for genetic problems that _show up in hiS TYPE OF BREED!_ ”

Fish barked at me and I went quiet while Lena tugged on my thumb. Everyone went still and Fish kept low to the ground, his body stooped in a predatory way, sniffing low.

Brown streaked past and Alice’s fingers were a blur as she wrenched her bow over her head and notched an arrow. I squeezed my eyes shut, turning away as Fish made the lunge and twitched as the squirrel let out a guttural squeak and the rush of air fled past my face and Alice let out a quick cheer, dropping her fingers from her bow string, and I shifted, images flooding my mind, blood rushing to my head-

“Alex?” I jumped and Lena’s eyes met mine. “You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to be.”

I cleared my throat. “Nah, I’m good.”

“You sure? We can go back.” She tugged on my thumb and the feeling was warm.

And then Fish deposited the mangled, bloody corpse of the squirrel at my feet and barked once.

I stared at the stars and took a step back. “I changed my mind. Okay, goodbye.”

Ben threw a stick at my head. It bounced off my chin and fell on the squirrel, “No. You have to be…” He frowned. “...cool with this.”

“Why?” I whined.

“Because my Contract ends in a month and I don’t want to renew it and no one else wants to take it on,” he complained, pulling Alice’s arrow out of another squirrel.

My head swirled and Lena squeezed my hand. “Contract?”

“It’s why he’s alive,” Alice said. She rubbed the back of her head. “Normally, Hybrids get killed off but my mom said that when he’s old enough, she’ll sign a Contract with him to keep him under control and then I had to sign it when he came here and then I tricked Ben into taking it on when he came and mine ended.”

“I still don’t get the Contract thing.” Everyone kind of gave me a look and then it clicked. “Ohhhh. Because he’s part- yeah, okay.” I glanced down at Fish who was chewing thoughtfully on the squirrel, watching me with wide eyes. Resisting the urge to vomit, I said, “You know, I don’t think-”

“I’ll do it,” Jackson offered.

Immediately everyone said, “No.”

“Why not? I love dogs!” he protested.

Fish barked and ran around Jackson’s legs then licked his foot. Alice watched for a moment then shook her head. “Yeah, I don’t trust you around my brother.”

“Seconded,” Mary agreed. “You might steal him from Ben.” Her voice took on a teasing tone that was subtle enough it was kinda hard to tell if she was really joking or not.

As though to prove no one could steal him from Ben, Fish ran over to Ben and nuzzled his ankles, lovingly, before barking and then chasing his tail. I rubbed my neck.

“Honestly, I’m not the biggest fan of dogs,” I said, stepping around behind Lena as Fish charged over and began barking at a bush.

“Everyone loves dogs,” Mary said, sounding appalled. “I love dogs so much I prefer Fish _as_ a dog.”

“That’s because you and Fish are frenemies,” Peter reminded her, laughter toning his voice.

She blinked, thoughtfully. “Oh, yeah.” She shrugged. “Eh. Now-” Her voice cut off and she gazed around thoughtfully. “Alex?”

“Up here!”

Fish had been sniffing near my feet and I decided that scaling the tree to a branch where he couldn’t reach was the best idea.

It probably wasn’t.

I couldn’t really remember how to get down.

“Do you climb trees often?” Peter said as Kali dropped Alice’s hand to grab a branch and pull herself up.

“Only in a panic,” I said, peering down. “Well, at least it’s not as high as before,” I muttered as Kali stared me down.

“Stop this, Ēlēksa. I do not particularly enjoy it.” She shifted and let me hook my arms around her.

Snorting, I settled on to her back. “You think I like this too? It’s a really dumb unconscious habit.”

“Shall I climb down or shall I drop?” she asked.

“FALL! FALL! FALL!” Jackson chanted. “FALL! FALL! FALL!”

“FUCK OFF, JACKSON!” I yelled over Kali’s shoulder. “YOU MULTIRACIAL BASTARD!”

And taking Jackson’s words into account, Kali dropped suddenly, not slow, just fast, feet hitting the ground, my bones feeling like they were reverberating in my body while she stumbled a bit and settled.

“In the literal sense?” Jackson asked, trying to help Kali pull me off her. Fish sniffed around her feet. I clung harder. “Al, you’re probably-no really gonna hafta let go.” I didn’t. “Alex.”

Fish jumped up, his paws on my back and I scampered up to Kali’s back further and wrapped my legs around her throat, gripping her hair like a lifeline, nails digging into her scalp. Sirens sounded loud in the back of my mind. Below me, Kali coughed, tugging at my legs, which were tightening around her throat the more Fish jumped up and barked.

“Fish!” Ben snapped and clicked his fingers. Fish whined but dropped down to all fours and waded through the snow over to Ben. “Go. Hunt. Eat.”

Fish watched him for a moment and disappeared through the trees almost silently. Alice tapped my thigh in parting and followed him, notching another arrow to her bow. Jackson tugged at my back.

“Alex, come on. Down, girl.”

I slid into his arms slowly. “M’not a dog,” I mumbled.

“I know. Pretty, pretty girl,” he soothed, rubbing his hands over my back. “You. Puffy hair. Come.”

Lena bit back a grin, hopping over while Kali rubbed her throat and gestured for everyone to go on ahead. “Yes?” she chirped brightly.

“Stop being happy,” Jackson said, monotone, pushing me into her. Dusting off his palms, he said, “He’s your problem now.”

“M’not a problem,” I whined into Lena’s collarbone.

She hooked an arm around my waist. “Of course, you’re not,” she assured. Taking a page of Jackson’s book, she continued on with, “You’re a pretty, pretty girl.”

Jackson’s lips twitched upwards before he stifled his smile under a thin mask of annoyance and marched ahead. “Whatever. Come on. Or monsters are gonna eat you.”

My head snapped up from Lena’s collarbone and I yanked her briskly along behind Jackson. She laughed and eased me into a smooth walk, rubbing soothing circles along my thumb. I relaxed, sidling up against Jackson, who ignored me for a moment before draping his arm around my shoulders.

A breeze shifted around us, warm, and I felt at peace. I had friends. I was in the process of getting a girlfriend. I had a boy who I liked and who liked me tied to my desk to hang out with later as I continued to ponder what to do about him. I was apparently going to get a dog, which I didn’t really want but, eh, I’d take Fish if I could get him to stop ripping off the heads of squirrels while I was standing _right there._

Mary patted my back while I threw up in a bush. “Yeah. Real gross, ain’t it?”

“I’m never eating meat again,” I said. Alice laughed before pushing Fish into a bush with his bounty.

“I remember you saying the same thing when we viewed a video on YouTube about how cows are killed and turned into hamburger meat,” Kali said. “Yet you only lasted a day before you went on with eating hamburger meat.”

Alice laughed again.

I ignored both of them and repeated, “I’m never eating meat again.”

Mary squeezed my arm. “I dunno. After a while, it kinda stops botherin’ a person.”

“Never again,” I mumbled, wiping my mouth.

Peter squatted next to me, a water bottle in his hands. I took it gratefully, swirling the water around my mouth before spitting it out, pieces of vomit and the overall taste hitting the ground and disappearing into the bush. The next sip eased the rawness of my throat and the other after that settled my stomach.

“I have a turkey sandwich, if you want,” he offered, reaching for his pocket.

I gave him a look. “No meat.”

He rubbed my back. “That’s like saying you’re never gonna have sex again because the first time you had it sucked.”

I squinted at him because one) that analogy didn’t make sense to me, a virgin, and two) I just wanted to squint at someone menacingly. Next to me Mary choked on a laugh. Lips spreading up into a wide grin, she pressed her head to Peter’s shoulder. “Peter, that is literally what you decided and did, you dope,” she snorted.

Rolling back, I curled up into the fetal position while Peter stood and shrugged. “I didn’t decide it. I’m _asexual_. Me and sex were not meant to be.”

Blandly, Ben, his back to everyone, fingers trying to create something out of a fallen branch and leaves, laughed, short and final, before saying, “And the fact that you were raped has nothing to do with that?”

To his credit, Peter didn’t stiffen but I did, wondering why the hell I was in the fetal position, I should not have been in the fetal position, or at least Peter could’ve joined in with me, I mean, God.

“Maybe. Maybe not,” he said, rolling on his heels. He didn’t seem too bothered by the fact that Ben had spilled something he, in my opinion, probably _shouldn’t_ have. “How many people are here, Ben?”

“Fifty-seven million,” Ben muttered.

“Nap time,” Lena said cheerfully, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him away from his project

“No, I was almost finished.” He protested against her arms, weakly, eyelids drooping heavily. “Just let me-”

Peter stooped back over me. “Mary, knock him out.”

Mary did so, a sharp blast of wind thundering down on Ben’s head. His clothes flushed down, rippling while he drooped forward, body limp. He began sliding out of Lena’s arms. She huffed.

“Why is it you’re even harder to hold on to when you’re unconscious?” she grumbled.

“Wha-” I stared at them while Lena hefted Ben up into a better position. “ _What did you do?_ ”

“Knocked him out,” Mary huffed. “He _really_ should sleep more.” She prodded her finger under his eyelid. “I mean, look at him! His skin’s too dark! You shouldn’t even be able to see the bags!”

Well, she had a point there, I have to admit. One glance at Ben’s face proved that.

He had black shading under his eyes. That was definitely _not_ healthy. Not at all. It was like looking at my mom’s face the morning after she just had finished marking her student’s papers only to have to rush my dad (and me) off to the hospital because my dad was suffering from some intense, abnormal pain because of his recent hysterectomy. Turned out his stitches split open. By the time, she’d driven me home (my dad had to stay overnight) and called my school to inform them I wasn’t coming in that day (I didn’t want to leave my dad alone since he hates hospitals), her eyes had been drooping. Heavy, dark shading under her eyes, abnormal on her already dark skin.

But Ben looked ten times that. Exhausted. Ill.

Kinda dead.

Really dead.

Dead.

I suggested they take him to the hospital. Lena sent me a look that told me that had and that hadn’t worked, Peter and Mary’s face mimicking hers exactly.

Which made sense, I suppose. In the three or so months that I had known him, Ben was never not making something. Even now, in his sleep, his fingers were reaching and searching for something to grab onto and build.

It was unnerving. It reminded me of this time where Nick had started taking sleep medication for their insomnia and during a slumber party, in the middle of the night, after we had all decided to pass out at three in the morning, they had gotten up and done martial arts in the center of the room and then when Jackson got up to pee, they beat him to a pulp.

That was unnerving.

This was unnerving.

I mean, he looked like a zombie and I’m not the biggest fan of zombies. Not particularly fond of the slow death that comes with being eaten by them.

 

**Really? How shocking.**

 

Haha _ha._ Whatever. Look, he seemed basically on the verge of death and that made me uncomfortable.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out and concern swirled in my mind.

“He’s fine,” Peter assured me.

As Lena heaved Ben up again, Ben’s head lolled and I winced. “Are you sure?”

He paused, frowning. “Do you trust me?” My nod was immediate. He tugged Ben out of Lena’s arms, pulling him up on to his back. “Then my word should be sound.”

“Stop talking like an old man,” Mary teased, tiptoeing up to kiss his cheek.

“As an old man, I can tell you that his speech is just insulting the elderly,” Jackson said immediately, not missing a beat, and behind him Kali rolled her eyes while I pinched the bridge of nose in annoyance. “Fuck you and everything you stand for, Peter.”

And off Jackson marched, into the trees and through the bushes, screaming, “FISH! COME SIGN THAT CONTRACT WITH ME!”

Eager barks sounded, accompanied by Alice’s rapid swearing. Peter rubbed his face. “He’s, ah, very…” He paused, glancing at Ben’s fingers then me then Kali then up at the sky adorned with bright pulsing stars. “... interesting.”

“Funny. That’s what my teacher said in the sixth grade,” I said, bitterly as a breeze slung around us. “Then she retired.”

Peter choked on a laugh while Mary wrapped her hand around her mouth. Her shoulders shook with giggles. Lena pulled her upper lip into her mouth and didn’t meet my eyes, amusement evident on her face as she turned swiftly on her heel and marched off after Jackson. Peter and Mary followed swiftly after. Flocking to my side, Kali rubbed her neck and wound our fingers together.

“I quite like your friends,” she mused.

“Me too.”

I regret agreeing to that.

Two minutes later, I was hugging a tree while everyone tried to peel me off of it, except for Ben was rousing awake and Fish who was squatted, human now, next to him. There were squirrel guts and flesh scattered all over the ground and the carcasses of three very small rabbits piled on top of one another. I had turned to leave, deciding that maybe this wasn’t such a smart idea to come along, when Fish jumped out from behind a bush, blood and flesh and guts on his muzzle and I then decided to make the top of a tree my permanent home.

Jackson grabbed me before I could scale it to the top.

So now, I was hugging it like my life depended on it, alarm bells ringing loud in my skull, my fear and panic rising because pain is stupid and sucks and I don’t want to get eaten alive because _that_ is painful and why wouldn’t they just let me climb the stupid tree?

“Alex, you’re not going to get eaten alive,” Jackson whined. He tugged on my back. “Alex”. He tugged again. I gripped the tree harder. “I give up. Lena, you try.”

She did, voice low and soft and soothing to my ear.

It didn’t work either.

“Really? Not even the girl?” Jackson groaned and huffed. “Where’s my phone?”

“Why do you need your phone?” Peter asked and I could practically feel Jackson glaring at him.

“Shut up, Norway.”

Peter muttered something in Norwegian that made Jackson swear violently and call him a pisshead.

“No, but really,” Alice said, hands to my back in a failing attempt to heal my panic. She was keeping me warm at least. “Why do you need your phone? What you gonna call his parents or something? The panic police?”

“No.” Jackson sighed. “Kali, here.” A thump noise and Alice’s hands disappeared. I moved up an inch and a half before Jackson grabbed me again. “Norway. Come here.” Another pair of hands reached my legs and Peter’s head poked out from behind the tree. “Someone get his other arm.”

While Fish came over and gripped my left wrist, lips still stained a red dark enough to make me flinch with paranoia, Ben said, “I could just build something. I could-”

Peter and, I’m assuming, everyone else gave him a pointed look and they all chorused. “No.”

Jackson steadied himself on my right side. “Okay. Fifty-third question, Kals.”

Everyone’s interest peaked. My panic shot up. I held the tree harder, trying to move but not getting anywhere. Her voice came out slow and steady. “If I owe my little brother three dollars along with the additional rate of five percent interest for every day I do not pay him, how would I write this equation?”

Vaguely in the background, someone, I don’t know who, muttered, “Math?”, tone questioning but the answer was already at my tongue by the time my brain even registered it.

“Three plus zero point zero five x.[78]” My grip slacked and Jackson’s tug was evident, raging in my mind and I held harder again.

“If I wait four days before paying what I owe, what is the total amount of money I will have paid back?”

“Three dollars and twenty cents.”

“What is my domain?”

Jackson pulled hard as my grip slacked again but to no avail. I was not coming down. My breath was heavy as I babbled, “All numbers above zero.” Amongst the panic I wondered how far I could get before I became fearful of falling and hitting the ground so hard I’d die. I turned it into an equation and began babbling more numbers and equations and variables to point where Peter fixed me with an odd gaze.

There was a moment of a silence, save for my whispered babbling, before Kali asked, “Shall I just skip to accounting?”

“Fine.” Jackson’s voice was bitter. “I hate accounting.”

“I have absolutely no idea what’s happening,” Mary said.

Jackson managed to stick his thumb under my wrist and tugged. “For some reason, math calms him down. Accounting is some weird obsession of his-” I made a noise of indignation. “-and when we reach those questions, it just means that his panic has skyrocketed to the point that once he relaxes-”

Kali interjected, “-he will crash and breakdown significantly to the point where he may dissociate highly.”

Fish stared at me, worry in his eyes. “That’s not normal.”

Within the confines of the small bit of calm trying to expand itself inside me, I felt a little offended by those words coming from the guy who currently had blood and squirrel bits all over his face.

“We are aware of that,” Kali said.

“Yeah, but unfortunately so far _this_ is the only crap that works when Nick’s not around,” Jackson snapped. “Pick a question, Kals.”

She did. “Cash is an-”

“-asset,” I slurred, nails digging into the bark of the tree.

“Let me finish the questions, Ēlēksa,” she murmured, a smile to her voice.

“I hate everything,” I whimpered to the tree.

Fish gripped my thigh softly. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“No Canadian stereotypes,” I breathed, trying not to look at the blood on his face.

“Oh good, we’re getting life again,” Jackson said. He tugged me again. “Keep going.”

“A liability has a what kind of balance?”

“Credit.” My grip loosened slightly and I didn’t feel the need to readjust it as Jackson pulled on my arms, nodding at the other two to do the same.

“Why are prepaid expenses considered an asset?”

“Because prepaid expenses have been paid in advance and haven’t been used up yet. You can also think it to be an asset because-” My hands slid down the tree and I pushed my head against it, thinking. “-it could be considered as to what you are owed by a person or organization, like accounts receivable and accounts receivable is an asset. Example. Prepaid-”

My legs slacked. Peter pushed them off one another. “-insurance is an asset because you are owed insurance that you have paid for. Considerably, the opposing account on the seller’s side could be looked at as unearned revenue because unearned revenue-”

Jackson slid his hands under my butt. “-is for services or goods owed for future cases. Unearned insurance revenue is the seller’s version of the buyer’s prepaid insurance because it is owed to the buyer.”

I dropped, fully and completely into Jackson’s and Fish’s grasps. Slowly they lowered me to the ground as I continued, “Prepaid expenses have a debit balance and unearned revenue has a credit because unearned revenue is a liability and prepaid expenses are an asset.” The ground was wet and slushed under me. My eye twitched. “Next question.”

Lena’s voice echoed into my bubble of accounting and numbers and math. “I think you answered like ten questions that weren’t even asked, Al.”

“Next question,” I repeated anyway. The sky was nice from the ground. The stars were waving at me. My body shifted and I felt like I was floating. But also like I was dead. And still alive. But not all there. I relayed this to my friends who were crowding around me.

“And we’ve reached dissociation,” Jackson muttered.

“Oh, lemme try. Marjorie taught me last week,” Alice said eagerly. Her hands invaded my bubble, cutting right through a quadratic equation. She pressed them to my bare neck. Her skin was cold. “So why is he dissociating anyway?”

“He’s crashing,” Jackson said, blandly.

Kali cuffed him on the side of his head. “His doctor believes it is what happens when his emotions drop suddenly without ease from smaller emotions.”

“So from intense panic to sudden calm?” Mary asked. Her face hid the stars. “You’re a lot more trouble than you’re worth,” she said. She tapped my nose and I felt cold. “Good thing I like you. And that you’re my partner in chem. There’s no way I’m going back to dog boy over here.”

Fish glared at her, hiding more stars. “Shut up, Mary. I’m excellent at chemistry.”

“You blew your partner’s eyebrows off last week,” Peter pointed out.

“That wasn’t my fault!”

“As your new, and completely eyebrowless, partner, I can verify that it was indeed your fault, Fish,” Lena monotoned, annoyed.

“You’re all just hating on me ‘cause I’m different,” he grumbled.

“Yeah, that’s why. Your horrible chemistry skills have nothing to do with it,” Mary teased, poking his cheek. He swatted her hand away. She poked him again. The world began realigning back into normality which was odd ‘cause this floaty, kinda dead, kinda alive feeling doesn’t normally drift off until the second hour.

Alice’s head blocked rest of the stars. “How you feelin’?”

“Stable,” I muttered. I twisted my glance at Lena, who gave a tiny wave. “I completely understand if you wanna cancel that date now.”

She snorted. “It’s okay. I think it’s kinda cute you can only calm down with math.”

“It’s weird,” Jackson huffed, yanking me up. I stumbled forward, disoriented, and into his chest.

One word.

 _Warm_.

Blessedly warm. Fish pressed his hand to my back and eased it off, the water from the melted snow, peeling off and evaporating into air, leaving me cold but dry. I pulled back and patted Jackson’s shoulder.

“I’m done for this month,” Fish said, stepping behind me, hands on my eyes. “Aaaaand we go!”

“Ben!” Alice yelled. “BEN, STOP BUILDING CRAP!”

“WE NEED A ROCKETSHIP,” Ben yelled back.

There was a swift whistle of air and Lena grunted. “Why am I always the one who gets stuck carrying him?” she said, groaning. “Peter-”

“I’ve got Mary,” he said quickly, giving a grunt of effort.

“Mary has legs and is fully capable of using them right now,” Lena grumbled.

“No.”  Mary gave a fake snore. “Duermo[79].”

“Both of you are no longer my friends.” She swore and shifted Ben further up her back, looking on the verge of murder as his hand smacked her face lifelessly. “How can something so small be so fucking heavy?”

A leaf slithered over my arm, wet. I shuddered just as Fish dropped his hands. “And we’re good,” he said, immediately darting over to Lena and heaving Ben princess-style into his arms. “Time to go to sleep and rest and daydream about next month and food.”

“I’m not coming,” I said. Lena drifted over to me and wound our hands together. Jackson tried to say something but Kali cuffed him on the back of the head again and he settled for sulking. “Not coming, not signing anything. You and your squirrel eating ways can leave me alone forever.”

Fish shrugged, Ben’s body slipping slightly down his back. “Fine. Your loss.”

“I like to think of it as a gain.” I pulled the doors open and everyone filed in. We headed towards the dorm rooms, mine at the middle. As we neared the doors, Alice whispered something in Kali’s ear that brightened her gaze considerably and she turned to me, mouth opening when someone yelled.

I looked away from them.

I wish I hadn’t.

Layla was gripping Dylan hard by his arm, so tightly a bruise was forming on his skin at the edge of her fingertips, and half a dozen Warriors stood beside her, weapons pointed to his face. Her voice was calm but sharp as she turned to face me and said, “Alex, I found this boy in your room. He was making an awful lot of noise. He says you know him.”

I stiffened. Lena dropped my hand and took a step back. Her face was a look of shock and everyone else’s mimicked it. Jackson slid up to where she had been. My throat was dry and everything calm and peaceful that Alice had restored in me flickered and died instantly. Kids were piling up around us, muttering and pointing.

“I-”

“ _Do_ you know him?” One of the Warriors settled their sword to Dylan’s throat. He flinched at the touch and a thin bead of red slit from his neck.

“I-” But nothing came out. Jackson gripped my hand. “I-”

“Alex.” I looked at her and her gaze was harsh. “Do. You. Know. Him?”

 _Lie,_ my brain hissed. _Lie, you idiot._

But nothing came out and I dropped my gaze. Maybe if I hadn’t, she wouldn’t have stiffened and they wouldn’t have attacked.

Kali was already in front of me, grabbing the first guy who threw himself at me and chucking him back into the others, hard. I heard something snap. It didn’t register. Jackson already had me on his back, racing down the stairs, Kali at our heels. A memory of the same actions tugged into my mind, our roles simply reserved, but the situation similar. I threw bags of chicken at some guy’s head.[80]

Jackson shifted between kids who were oblivious and punched others who were more in the know. Kali defended, jerking forward and pushing open the doors. Everything went by so fast and then I was falling into wet cold grass, stars glittering above me as though giggling at my misfortunes.

Lena gripped my hand. “Alex, wha-”

“Alex!” Jackson yelled, pushing her away and yanking me up. “Come on.”

I didn’t move, frozen by terror and panic and the need to understand in her eyes.

Lena stared me. “What’s going on? Who _was_ that?”

“Don’t let them kill him,” I said, Jackson tugging impatiently at my hand. They were nearing us. “ _Please_ , Lena, I’m begging you. Don’t let them-”

She jerked, eyes widening. I froze.

No.

_No._

Doubling over, she screeched and they faltered, eying her then me, like they thought I’d done something. But it wasn’t me. It was her.

It was her.

Underneath her shirt, I could see her bones shifting and she screamed again, longer, louder. I started forward and she looked at me, eyes understanding, wide and wet, realization setting in. “Len-”

“ _No_.” It was guttural, barely above a whisper and her body fell forward, spasming. She cried. Whole body jerking back, the stench of blood permeated the air. Jackson’s urgent whispers stopped and I started forward again but she stumbled up to a stand and shook her head, spasming again. “ _GO!_ ”

The ground ripped open, skeletal hands pushing out, and with a final tug, I let Jackson pull me away and I left her.

I left her.

We raced down the road. Kali pulled me onto her back again and I buried my face in her neck, trying to block out Lena’s screaming.

It wasn’t just your birthday, I realized. It was your exact birth, time and all.

“I want my parents,” I said immediately, head shooting up so fast my neck burned. “WE have to- I have to-”

“No!” We stopped short and Kali shifted into the safety of the trees. Jackson pulled in front. “Al, I know you’re probably freaking out right now but going to your parents is a very bad idea. Okay? They are going to go there. And if we’re there, if _you’re_ there, do you _honestly_ think your parents are just gonna give you up like that? Especially if you’re most likely _going to be killed_?” Panic spread over his face. “They will _die_ for you. Do you want to risk that?”

“No,” My voice was at a whisper and I gripped Kali’s shoulders. “No. But Jack, Kals, I nee- I need my parents.” Everything broke in me. Heat flared at the back of my eyes. “I can’t-”

“You are going to be fine,” Kali said. She squeezed my ankle reassuringly.

“Yeah. We can- we can contact them later, somewhere else, far away. Tell ‘em you’re okay,” Jackson offered, pushing through the trees. “First gotta figure out a place to go.”

“India,” Kali said immediately. I muttered, “France” into her hair, dread settling into my chest like a hole. Wet leaves slid over my face, signifying everything I was feeling with a wet slimy bitter trail over my mouth. Feeling sick, I wiped away the trail.

My beliefs were real, confirmed. I had new friends. I almost had a girlfriend. I also almost had a weird boyfriend I was going to hide from other people for the rest of my life. I was going to work for an accountant during spring break and possibly the summer if her assistant hadn’t come back from maternity leave by then.

Why couldn’t things just work out the way I needed them to? I was on the verge of getting my first B+ in English, for crying out loud. A B+! In English! For the first time since I even started school!

“No,” Jackson muttered. “Places we like will be the first place they’ll look. Gotta go somewhere no one will even think we’d go to. What place do you hate?” We both fixed him with a look. He frowned. “No. Not Norway.”

“Yes.”

“No! Come on! Nigeria. Germany! England, for Allah’s sake, Kals. You hate the British,” he protested, going rigid.

“Norway,” I said and Kali nodded in agreement. “We go there.”

He opened his mouth to object but something changed in his eyes and he shook his head. “Fine. Norway. With filthy Norwegian and stupid Norse gods.” He trumped through the grass and bushes, easing around trees, Kali following closely behind. “Fine. I hate _Norway_.”

“Have you ever been there?” I asked over his mutterings.

He went quiet. Then, “No.”

“It is very beautiful,” Kali noted.

“I do not care, Kals. Norway is Norwegians and Norwegians are filthy.” He stopped, gazing up curiously, a frown deep set on his face. “Where the _fuck_ did I put my bag?”

“What bag?”

He scratched his head. “Well, Allie, baby, darling, honeycakes-” He tapped a tree, going quiet as he put his ear to it.

“Yes, Jack, light of my light, love of my life, my sweetest sweet potatah?”

He gave me a look. “Love you too, Al. Anyway, as _I_ was saying, when your little boyfriend showed up-” He grabbed a branch of the tree and tugged, still frowning. “-I hid a bag of dust just in case something like this happened.”

He grabbed another branch. Kali stared at him. “You believed this was going to happen?”

“Yeah. No. Worried it might. Didn’t think it’d really would.” He heaved himself onto the branch and swore as a pile of leaves above him slapped him in the face and unearthed half melted snow on his face. “Kinda hoped our luck would extend past that.”

“Well, clearly you were wrong.”

“Whatever.” He disappeared into the trees.

I missed my dad. I missed my mom.

I missed my old life, where the gods were REAL in a belief sense and Jackson was just my friend who hit on people for free stuff, Kali was just a girl who was tall and awesome and terrifying and Nick was there, keeping me calm when others couldn’t. I never reached that point when they were around. I never reached that point when my parents were around.

But right and there, I wished I could turn back the clock. Turn back the clock. And, as she hovered over my tiny baby body, wondering what to do with me, I’d tell her, tell Kali, to take her sword and run me through with it.

And no one would be affected.

Because no one would have known me. And I wouldn’t have-

 

**You okay there, Alex?**

 

Yeah, yeah. I’m- I’m just- I- I just hate remembering this part. It hurts. Not as much as remembering other parts but this is kinda the whole section where the “shit goes down” begins, right? And it’s always where I go back to. If I told them about Dylan, killed him, did this, did that, this whole thing wouldn’t have happened because I never wouldn’t have had to run, right?

 

**Not necessarily. Infinite possibilities and outcomes. You’d never really be able to dictate what could and couldn’t have happened.**

 

I guess you got a point there.

 

**I’m good like that. What happened after Jackson got his dust bag?**

 

He dropped from the trees and skirted over us, bag in hand. Kali froze. Then dropped down to her knees, yanking me down with her. Jackson followed suit. Minutes later people ran past, just outside our placement. A bush to my left hid us barely.

I held my breath and closed my eyes for a moment, trying to concentrate on keeping my heartbeat quiet. It pounded so hard in my chest I was afraid they’d hear it. My tail curled around Kali’s arm. She pet it softly. Jackson kept his eyes on me, strong and steady, before lifting his head up slowly. He nodded once and Kali rearranged me on her back before taking off again, footsteps almost silent as we shifted through trees.

Every so often she’d drop, pulling me along with her, and Jackson would do the same, balling his hands into fists while I twisted my sword, which was wound around my pinkie in the form of a ring. Kali kept her eyes closed, breathing slowly and deeply. I couldn’t imagine how much she wanted “goddess out”, become full force, kill them all in a good hard blow.

We made it to the road without any real problems besides almost getting caught a few times. Jackson threw dust at a bus that roared by and I saw three kids suddenly appear at the back seats, one with black hair tied up high in a bun, one with green hair, blonde roots pushing through, and one wearing a dark leather jacket, like this one Jackson used to wear all throughout our senior year of middle school.

I started to say something but Jackson heaved us through a puddle quickly, pushing us into an empty playground with a tense urgency. He rubbed his hands together and pulled Kali into him. I reached for him instinctively.

“Ready?” We nodded. “Okay, Kals, Norway, let’s go, come on.”

She breathed in deep and the slow sensation of being pulled to pieces began soon after.

It stopped just as fast.

Jackson yelled, catching my arm as Kali fell back and pulling me over her head and into him. He dropped me, grabbed my face, quickly and urgently checking me over. I turned. Kali was sprawled out on the ground, grabbing her side, face contorted in pain.

“Kali!” Jackson hissed, rushing for her.

I grabbed my hair. This didn’t look like Norway.  A McDonald’s stood alone, sign off, closed on the side of the road. “Where- what- Jack? Kals? What’s going on? I thought-”

“Anchor,” Kali hissed then swore as Jackson pushed back her shirt and threw dust at a gash on her side.

“What?” I squeaked. “What does that mean? Why are you bleeding? _What happened?_ ”

“You can anchor people with magic from teleporting anywhere. It’s what they must’ve done.” He pushed his hand to her side hard and she swore violently in Hindi again. “But it’s dangerous. You can kill the person, rip out their guts, whatever, etcetera.” He pulled his hand back, glancing down at the thick layer of purple coating over the cut. “You’re so lucky whoever did this is shit at magic, Kals.”

“You would have left me?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“No!” They both gave me looks.

“Al, your safety is-”

“I don’t care.” More looks. “I don’t! Either we do this together, all of us, together forever, or we don’t do it all and I go back and die, okay? You’re-” I pointed at Kali “-my sanity. And you-” I pointed at Jackson. “-make me laugh when I don’t think I ever will. Realistically, all we’d need is Nick but they’re in school right now and they really wouldn’t come without Katelynn and I don’t want a five year old with us because that sounds dumb. And also dangerous.”

Jackson nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Another thing about anchors, Al? Tells people where you’re going, which means we only have so much time before they figure it out so we have to move. Kals?”

She nodded, grabbing my arm as I slid it out, offering. We moved over to the McDonald’s and Kali snapped her fingers. The doors unlocked.

“Kali!” Jackson snarled.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, shuffling in.

The AC kicked on at my movement. Light flickered on and the stained scent of french fries wafted. I breathed deep. Hunger roared in my throat.

“They can track magic that’s not regulated to your specialization,” Jackson explained, his voice hoarse with panic.

Kali ignored him, heading straight for the cash register. “We need money and you must keep as much magic on you as possible. There are not many ways to get magic dust on earth.”

Knowledge from working at a small business previously kicked in. “Kali, they’re not going to keep the money in the register. It’ll be in a safe, most likely.”

She nodded and began investigating while Jackson looked at a bus schedule pinned to the wall. “We’re in luck,” he said. He tapped the schedule happily “Cab number. Hopefully a twenty-four seven cab number.”

“I have found the safe,” Kali yelled and she unearthed a pile of cash.

“No, Kals.” My good person instincts kicked in now “Just like a hundred dollars.”

She looked at the wad of money in her hand. “This is a hundred.”

“Kali.”

She sighed and pulled out four twenties from her wad, dumping the rest back into the safe. She pressed the door shut and stood, pocketing the cash. Jackson was slumped outside, on his phone. When he finished with his conversation with the cab company, he let Kali snap her fingers and turned his phone off, throwing dust on it. For a moment it glowed purple. I handed my phone over at his gesture and he crushed it under his foot. He smiled, apologetically.

“Just use this one. I made it untrackable-” At Kali’s frown, he corrected himself. “- _untraceable_. Besides, got all the important numbers on this one.”

“Did you find out where we are?”

He frowned. “Just outside of Albuquerque.”

“ _Albuquerque?_ ” I grabbed my hair again, fingering the green locks tightly in exasperation. “We’re in _New Mexico?_ ”

“Yep.” Jackson tried for cheerful and failed. “Look, all we gotta do is get to an airport and get the first flight outta here, whether that be Canada or Brazil-”

“Or India,” Kali said.

Jackson gave her a look. “Kali. No.”

She frowned, almost pouting but not because Kali is Kali. She doesn’t pout. She maims. I leaned into her side and she rubbed my arm. “You know, what kinda Mickey D’s closes at-” Quick time zone conversion in my head. “-eight? Or rather before eight?”

“No idea,” Jackson huffed, glancing down the road. “Come on.”

We trudged down the side of the road, over to an abandoned playground with rusted swings and broken down slides. You could tell it was old because everything it had been built with was wooden or metal, none of those smooth plastics. Just metal that burned your skin to blisters as you rode down. I kicked a bench before even considering plopping down and it bent, creaking loudly, withered down and rotting.

Kali’s eyes widened as she whipped to face the road, her swords appearing in her hands. I blinked, starting forward and she shook her head, eyes darting from the roads to the trees to McDonald’s beside us.

“They found us.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [77] Norse goddess of wisdom and Peter’s mother
> 
> [78] 3 + 0.05x
> 
> [79] Duermo is Spanish for “I sleep”
> 
> [80] http://archiveofourown.org/works/4602792


	15. Chapter 15

Panic broke free in my chest but Jackson shook his head, stepping out into the road. Headlights blurred into view. His shadow cast far behind him and his grin was eerie in the yellow glow.

“No.” He breathed and his grin widened. “It’s a friend.”

Even so, Kali still positioned herself in front of me, hands tight around her blades. I slid my ring off my pinkie. It grew longer, and nerves flaring, I held my swore to my side. The car pulled to a stop a few feet in front of us. Kali bristled, eyes narrowing angrily.

“You called _him_?” she asked.

Jackson nodded as the car parked a little ways away from us. “It was _not_ a twenty-four seven cab company and he owes me like ten favours. This cost me about three.”

Jackson’s friend rode a car I cannot tell you the model of because I don’t know that kinda stuff. I can confirm that it was indeed red though. The driver’s door opened and he slid out. The man was maybe in his late twenties. He stepped into the light and I’m pretty sure my gayness rose like five billion percent. He had brown skin, not quite as dark as my mom or Ben but not as light at Kali. His hair had been braided down into thin dreads and from that he’d tied them back into a kinda of ponytail. He was tall and muscular, wearing a thick leather jacket and tight, _so tight_ jeans. He grinned, white teeth flashing.

I meant to say, “Who are you?” but what came out instead was, “Fuck me.”

He turned to me and I melted at the sight of his eyes. “Sure.” He snapped his fingers and a bed took the place of the bench.

“Apollo,” Kali said, blandly. Despite her annoyed tone, she didn’t drop her weapons, instead grabbing my collar and pulling me back from going towards the bed.

Apollo, the Greek sun god, one of the various gods I had a crush on all throughout middle school because someone on the internet drew a very gorgeous and very naked picture of what they thought he looked like, was standing in front of me and had agreed to have with sex with me. He was also a million times more hotter in person.

So you can understand why I kept struggling towards the bed.

“Kali! Good to see you! Been what?” Apollo snapped his fingers and the bed disappeared. “Five, ten years since last time?”

Kali ignored him, turning to Jackson. “No.”

Jackson scratched his elbow. “Kali, come on. No one else would even consider it. Be glad I got someone.”

“Leave us,” Kali commanded, pointing her sword at Apollo who looked kinda nervous now. “Go.”

“Come on, Kali.” He took a step forward, hands up, pleading, surrendering. She shifted in front of me more and something about her changed. Apollo took a step back. “It’s been fifteen years, Kali. I want to help.”

She didn’t say anything, considering our options. Finally, after several minutes, she dropped her arms. Her swords vanished and she took my hand, pulling me along to the back of the car. Apollo took steps back to avoid her, hands still up.

Settling into the back, I squeezed Kali’s hand. “What happened?”

Her eyes narrowed and Jackson patted my shoulder. “Giant chicken had babies. ‘Nuff said.”

Apollo slid into the front seat, revving the engine. I leaned forward eagerly. “Is this like a form of your chariot?”

“Huh? Oh no. My chariot’s at the castle. Not Olympus side though. Hermes keeps stealing my wheels.” He patted the dashboard lovingly. “No. This baby is just a car. A gorgeous beautiful car.”

“Oh.” I sat back sadly. “Huh.”

He grinned at me from the rear view mirror. “It’s not like I don’t use my chariot. I love my chariot! Got my immortal flame horses to keep me warm, got my built-in popcorn maker.”

He gunned down the road and Kali, who had been peering out the window banged her head back. My skull throbbed in sympathetic pain and I pulled her back in before she lost her head.

Apollo glanced back at her through the rearview mirror. “Sorry.” She flashed him a heated glower and he immediately went back to staring out at the road. “Begged Viracocha[81] to help me install a DVD player for long flights, which he did himself and then made me give him three of my cows,” he added, tone bitter. “I still don’t know why people keep trying to take my cows but if I find out that it’s Hermes’s[82] fault, I’m gonna…” He trailed off, an unknown threat hanging in the air.

“Anyway,” he began, tone considerably brighter, “we have to trade duties and stuff since there are so many of us and I decided that while I do love bringing the sun around everywhere, I’d rather someone else do it for a couple hundred years. Right now, it’s Ra’s[83] turn. In about twenty years, it’ll be Sol’s[84] turn-”

“And I’ll be hiding underground with your boyfriend for that time,” Jackson muttered angrily.

I rolled my eyes at Jackson but my curiosity peaked with Apollo. “Boyfriend?”

“Thanty!” Apollo said cheerfully. “Love of my life, light of my sun, first person to realize my dad was beating me to a pulp and actually give a crap.”

My blood went cold. “What?”

“He means Thanatos[85],” Kali said.

“I know that,” I said dismissively. “I meant about the other-”

“Hey! My chariot also has this sweet sound system I hooked up a couple decades ago. Gives songs throughout the ages,” Apollo interjected. He glanced at me through the rearview mirror with a look that said “Please don’t ask me about that” before turning his gaze back to the road. “I like to listen to my time of popularity since no one plays the lyre anymore. Such a shame.[86]”

I resigned myself to curling into Jackson and frowning. “That’s… cool.” I tried to brighten up my tone. “So, um, how is your lyre… playing?”

“Good. Haven’t had to rip anyone’s skin off in a long time.”

“It’s literally been three years since you last did that,” Jackson monotoned and I thanked every deity that my musical talents were absolute shit. Well, no. I can play the recorder fairly well, but no one really plays the recorder so... yeah.

Apollo jerked. “Don’t do that anymore. We can hear it, get little messages on our email and believe you me, your name is the first place we’re all gonna have to go searching.”

I blinked and noted that. “You get prayer messages on email?” I said.

“Yeah. Email. Text messages. Voice mail. Whatever. _Way_ easier than just getting a thousand and one million-” Kali sent him a look, her annoyance with him _obviously_ stepping over into mathematical territory rather than just grammar, which only happens when she’s _really_ pissed with a person. “-voices screaming in your head, I’ll tell you that. People seem to think if they don’t yell it, I can’t hear them. Godhood was not fun when that first happened. Spent _years_ just learning how to block it out. Of course, then Artemis [87] did it first and then everyone was all, ‘Yay, Artie, how awesome for you! Apollo, how come you can’t do anything cool like your sister, you piece of shit?’”

“I think you’re pretty cool,” I said, rubbing my knee, kinda wishing he’d lower it with the self-hate because I was definitely not expecting any of that.

He flashed another grin. “Yeah, I know. Which is great! Because at least when everyone starts going on and on about how shitty a god I am, I get to laugh in their faces and tell them I’m the first name that you think of whenever you pray. Sure gets them down. Assholes.”

His tone had dropped again and I winced. Jackson squeezed my shoulder. He whispered in my ear, “So many years of being treated like shit, people thinking the worst of you, and imagine what you’d become and how much you’d hate yourself.” Out loud, to everyone, he asked, “So how is that fantastic relationship I set up doing?”

“Great! Great, great, great! I mean, Than only complains about when I come over bleeding and bruised but other than him trying to convince me that what is happening to me is abuse, it’s been great!” He turned and patted the steering wheel, humming Amazing Grace under his breath, while I stared at him with wide eyes, trying to process this information. Jackson sat there too, looking confused because he clearly did not think that question would fail so spectacularly. Kali’s gaze had softened a bit.

“So, um-” I looked out the window and saw grass. “-what’s up with your cows?”

His eyes lit up, like on _actual_ fire that died out quickly, and he smiled wide. “Well, I briefly moved into a new breed. Starlight? Thought it was pretty neat. They’re shorter and glow white rather than red. Artie was pretty pissed off about that but I tried to explain that the sun is a star so basically stars are still my kinda territory and she seemed to get it but now I can’t find them so I don’t really know.”

He tapped his steering wheel restlessly. “I mean, I really like those cows. They were cute and kinda funny and best of all, I made them. No one could take credit for it like Hephy[88] did with my radio, because I am the god of the sun and cows are my thing, but no! Now they’re gone! Gone. And I don’t know where and you know what?” He pierced me with a heated glare in the mirror. “I’m not gonna look for them. Because I’ve given up! Everything I like gets taken from me. Hyacinth[89], my first set of cows[90], my friggin’ lyre, my chariot that one time in the 70’s.”

“I apologized for that!” Jackson protested.

“Yeah, and you’re the only person who has, Jack.” Apollo slammed the brakes and squeezed the bridge of his nose. “What in Hades’[91] skinny behind am I doing?” he grumbled. We sped up suddenly. I braced myself against Kali hoping this wasn’t the point where he’d become suicidal and drive us all of a cliff. “So anyway, I got this girl down around here who I wanna check up on, make sure she’s got enough to send her darling little healer off to Brokes for school.”

“That’s nice,” I noted.

“Yeah, whatever.” He parked at the edge of a house. “There’s a motel two blocks down. I’ll give you three a drive to the airport, as promised, in the morning.” He stared at me through the rearview mirror for a moment and I felt like he was trying to tell me something.

Then I got it. Or I think I did. He never confirmed it. “Um, you can’t under any circumstances tell anyone where we are or where we’re going. You won’t ever mention in any way that you picked us up or that you’ve even seen us recently. You will _lie_ if someone asks you any of these questions,” I ordered as Kali shifted out of the car. Jackson patted my back encouragingly.

Apollo shuddered. “I hate lying,[92]” he sighed, pulling his key out and stuffing it in his pocket. He pulled out a couple of neat fifty dollar bills. “Enjoy your room on me.”

Jackson took the bills and nodded. “Thanks.”

“No problem, Jack.” Apollo stepped out of the car and stretched. “I owe you.”

I rubbed my hand. “Um-”

“It’s not a big deal, Alex.” Apollo looked over the house where a young woman was stepping out and waved. She waved back. “But if you’ve ever got the time, I’d love to show you my chariot sometime.”

“Yeah!” I said. “That’d be- that’d be so cool. I mean-”

“Alex, your inner nerd is showing and you know how much I hate him,” Jackson whined.

I ignored him. “ _You’re_ so cool,” I added and Apollo grinned. “Um, I know one of your kids. Alice Daniels. I don’t know if you-”

“Alice Daniels. Hometown Toronto, Canada. Born July 19th, 1998 to Karen Daniels. Has a twin brother who wants everyone to call him Fish. Wants to be a prostitute before she enrolls in medical school. Enjoys sex. Aromantic[93]. Likes the colour pink. Favourite book is Where’s Waldo.” He fingered his jacket, grinning. “Yeah, I, uh, I follow my kids. They’re cool. I love ‘em.”

“Oh.” Well, that would definitely make Alice feel better since she’d previously expressed nerves that she was just one out of a hundred kids in terms of her importance to her dad. “Well, um, then I guess you already know how much of a cool guy she thinks you are.”

He nodded, smiling lightly. “Yeah.” He rocked on his heels. “Guess you three should wander off now then. See you in the morning and all.” I nodded and Kali slung her arm around my shoulders, whispering praise in my ear. Jackson squeezed my hand.

“Um, Alex! You should know that those powers you thought you were the exception to make their way around to you in about twenty-three minutes and four seconds!” Apollo called out.

“Um. Thanks! Bye!”

“Good night!” he yelled, heading over to the house. The woman there kissed his cheek and gestured him indoors. He waved once more finally and disappeared inside.

Jackson pulled me into him. “Huh.”

My chin brushing his shoulder, I leaned further into his side and eyed his face. “What?”

He frowned. “Well, normally prophetic gods aren’t supposed to tell you the future. Gotta give it in a prophecy or just not say anything. It’s a law.”

“Huh.” I peered around for a motel among all the houses lined up like perfect squares. “Well, it’s only twenty-three minutes. That’s not exactly the _future_.”

We stopped in front the Morning Star Motel. Kali squeezed the bridge of her nose and glared at the sign. I thought it was kinda amusing. But then again, Lucifer, the Devil, Satan, is also, or used to be, called the Morning Star so… eh.

“Yeah but-” He stopped and glanced at Kali who shrugged.

“I do not like him. Please. Tell Alex all of his secrets.”

He gave her a look.

She gave him a look.

I ignored both of them.

While they argued about whatever it was that made Kali dislike Apollo so much, I pushed open the door. The lobby smelled like cheese and had yellow tiling, yellow walls and a yellow ceiling. I hate yellow. It’s too bright. The front desk was empty but there was a tiny bell there and I tapped it.

After ten minutes a man came out, smelling like cheese. He gave me a look, double chin jiggling as he settled into his chair. He pushed thick rimmed glasses up his nose and eyed Kali as though she was a piece of meat. It was gross. I have literally never seen a person look at another person like that before. For a minute, I thought he was having a seizure but no. He was looking at her like that intentionally.

 

**Yeah, people do that, Alex.**

 

I know! It’s _weird._

 

**Yes, but it happens and unfortunately no one gives a crap enough to stop it from happening. So shut up about it and keep going.**

 

Right, right.

So we got a room for the night. The room was red and had mold in each corner. Like the guy, it had the faint odor of cheese. There were two beds that had been pushed together to form one giant bed, blankets spread out over them, rickety bedside tables on either side. The TV was a flat screen and large with a brochure of channels in front of it. There was a chair beside it. The bathroom door was spread wide open.

Basically the room was like every disgusting motel room you hear about on TV or in novels. At least, the bathroom was pristine in its cleanliness, white tiles glistening in the dim light streaming down from a cracked bulb.

Once we got in, I locked the door tight and shoved the chair underneath the handle. My friends gave me a weird look.

“What are you doing?” Jackson said.

“The guy was looking at Kali like food!” I snapped. I looked over to the dresser and nodded, heading over to it and attempting to push it front of the door. It was nailed to the wall. I didn’t move it anywhere.

Jackson nodded. “Yeah, that’s what people do.”

I stared at him. “ _What_?”

“That’s what the five percent does!”

“The only five percenter I’ve seen _or_ known was Dave from first grade! And he left in the middle of first grade because me and Nick and the other kids didn’t hang out with him! And teased him! Because he was a five percenter!” I checked behind the bed. Nails too. “You know, I don’t think the five percent exists anymore as five percent. Probably like zero point two percent!”

“Well, yes, but Alex.” Jackson fixed me with a hard stare. “You understand that the world out here-” He gestured widely around the room and essentially the whole of Albuquerque and maybe the whole of New Mexico. “-is mostly five percenters, right?”

“ _WHAT?_ ” I grabbed his shirt and shook him violently because, yeah, I did know that but I kinda hoped we were in a section that was _not_ mostly five percenters. “ _YOU THREW ME INTO A WORLD OF FIVE PERCENTERS?_ ”

“Yes!” He pushed me away and looked at Kali then me then back at Kali then back to me. “How the _fuck_ did you not know that. You’re on social media!”

“I thought those were just the same people being rude! Or jokes! Like how Nick thought sexual desire was a joke because they’re ace as hell!” I grabbed my hair. “This is horrible. I would rather have death!”

“Ēlēksa.” I looked at Kali, probably appearing strung out and insane. Her lips were spread in a pleased smile and unconsciously I relaxed slightly. “It has been twenty-three minutes and four seconds,” she said happily.

And just like that, the fact that world was actually comprised of a lot more racist, sexist and such people that I had originally thought, just... waned.

“Oh! Well, that’s okay, I guess.” I grabbed the edge of my shirt and looked at my hands.

According to Dylan, when his fire powers broke in, there was no grace period of knowing, no mystical being coming down to tell his that his powers were finally in. His hands had lit on fire immediately. He accidentally caused a wildfire in Texas from panic but apparently, yes, it was the norm for whatever ability you go to start immediately. My hands were not on fire. Nothing felt different.

Story of my pathetically, useless life.

I glanced up at Jackson. “Um, what did Dylan say was the other stuff again?”

“Manipulating any kind of element,” Jackson said. He pulled his phone from his pocket. “Um, seeing the future. Oh! Telepathy.” He closed his eyes, obviously trying to get me to read his mind. I concentrated.

Nothing.

“Nope.” He opened his eyes and they promptly widened. A grin burst out across his face. I frowned and glanced at Kali, whose face was light up in a bright smile, hands clasped together tightly in front of her face. A burst of excitement broke in me and I couldn’t help but smile with them. “What?”

 “Look down,” Kali said, voice high with exhilaration.

I looked down. My chest looked a hell of a lot bigger than normal. Lost, I looked back up at them, about ready to ask. Then it clicked and I grabbed my breasts because I had breasts because I can change my biological sex between XY chromosomes without androgen insensivity syndrome and/or any other testosterone hindering disorders and XX chromosomes without congenital adrenal hyperplasia and/or any other progesterone/estrogen hindering disorders.

Penis and testicles or vagina and a uterus, saggy tissue of nothingness or breasts. No in-betweens. No genital mixings like with my cousin Abe, whose intersex[94] but uses male pronouns. Not _even_ intersex! Which isn’t bad, of course, but you know, it’s not really what I’m going for when given this brilliant ability.

Boy or girl, my friend.

I’m bigender. I already alternate between boy or girl. This was just icing on the whole damn cake.

I grabbed my breasts and stared at the two of them, blinking once and turning to Jackson, where I promptly asked in a nervous whisper, “I have breasts?”

Jackson nodded in affirmation, reaching for me. His voice cracked in happiness. “ _Yeah._ ”

My glance turned to Kali. “I have _real_ breasts?”

Kali’s grin spread wider and she grabbed my shoulders. “Yes.”

I looked between the two of them. “Breasts.”

Kali nodded and Jackson grinned, awkward and happy, and I felt elated because I could fit the stupid stereotype mold and I know that’s dumb but Brokes didn’t figure out chromosomes don’t mean crap when referring to biological sex and gender until I was about four, so yeah.

Kali tugged me into her arms, kissing the top of my head while I cried tears of joy. Jackson slung his arm around us.

“This is a stupid, really useless power but I’m so happy for you, Al,” he whispered.

I cried harder. “I have breasts! Real _breeastssssss_!”

The feeling was… amazing.

Exhilarating!

When my dad took his first shot of testosterone, he said he finally felt like everything was perfect and he was becoming who he needed to be and I was always jealous of that. And then Nick came out as genderfluid and we both grumbled and huffed over the fact that as non-binary people of alternating genders, we couldn’t really change much about ourselves like transgender people could.

But here I was, here I am. Able to change my gender at will. Able to change into what I need to, whenever I need to and I felt so fucking happy in that moment, I cried.

I’d never felt more perfect in my entire life.

Something squished out between my legs. I grimaced and pulled back, wiping all my tears tracks off my face.

“Must be that vaginal discharge my mom complains about,” I muttered, shoving a hand down my pants.

“What are you doing?” Jackson said, looking slightly disgusted.

I pushed my fingers between my labia and I couldn’t help but grin because, yes, I had a vagina now. It was smooth and awesome and thank everything. “I dunno. This is what my mom does. Something about vaginal discharge and checking for blood.” Something wet hit my fingertips.

Kali squeezed my shoulder. “Do not do that in public.”

“Oh, okay.” I pulled my hand out and stared at the tips of my fingers. Blood. Smeared, red blood. On my fingers. “Huh. Blood. Wow.”

Jackson eyed me. “Are we freaking out or... what?”

“No, this is good. Because having blood means I’m on my period and that means I have a uterus and ovaries and-and-and-” I stumbled over to the bathroom and washed my fingertips off.

“And?” Kali asked, slumped against the doorway, small smile against her mouth.

“And that means that I am completely and one hundred percently-”

“It is just percent.”

“-biologically female!” Jackson opened his mouth to argue and I shook my head. “I know biological sex means nothing, chromosomes and genetics and such but guys. For once in my pathetically useless life, I fit the mold accepted and acknowledged by most of society outside of Brokes and that feels _so good_. As stupid as the society outside of Brokes is.”

I pushed open the toilet lid and yanked my pants down, eying a thick smudge of red on my underwear. Kali sat down next to me, tapping her fingers to my bare thigh. I tried to remember what my sixth grade class had talked about during our small sex ed. informational video and discussion and what my mom did on her period. “So what, I need like tampons and stuff right?”

“No.” She blinked. “Sanitary napkins are better to be used in accordance with your first time.”

“Sanitary…” What came to mind were actual napkins. Assuming she wasn’t talking about _actual_ napkins or toilet paper (which seemed like the only other kinda napkin possible), I took a minute to think. “What, you mean pads?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Okay! Yeah! Tampons sound too painful anyway.” I waved at Jackson. “Go get me some!”

“Which ones? There are like a billion different options!” He glanced down at his phone and after a few quick taps, he held it out, showing various different images of pads. Huh. Out of the images, I could not find the ones my mom used.

Kali rolled her eyes at our stupidity and took the phone, glancing once down at my bleeding vagina for a moment and then tapping out what kind. She gave the phone back to Jackson. “You should also acquire pain medication. What kind is best for you, Ēlēksa?”

“Extra-extra strength, non-drowsy. Or just get me marijuana. I saw a tutorial on how to make it into morphine,” I said, just as a particularly fat piece of my uterus slid out hit the toilet water with a resounding _plop!_ “That felt weird. And disgusting. And awful.”

She patted my thigh. “That is normal.” Then turned to Jackson. “Do not get him marijuana.”

Jackson scratched the back of his head. “Okay. Pain medication that is not MJ, pads and what, like chocolate, right? That what people eat on their periods, right?”

Kali nodded. “Any kind of food will be good, Jackson.”

He grinned, gave me a quick thumbs up and left, pushing the chair out from under the doorknob. Kali rubbed my back. “How are you feeling?”

“Good, you know. It’s not so bad. Maybe I’m a light period, minimal bleeding, three days kinda dude.” I rubbed my cheek. “I mean, at least now I can have kids.” I blinked, my words repeating in my head. “Wait a minute. I CAN HAVE KIDS!”

 

* * *

 

 

“I am never having children,” I hissed, pressing my head between my legs. “And I’m gonna be stuck like this for two more days,” I added in a whine, voice underlying a small snarl of anger. “I hate my life. I hate everything. I will tear this piece of shit uterus out of my body.”

Kali patted my back soothingly. “You are fine.”

“Where the _fuck_ is Jackson?” I whined. “Kali, I can’t handle this. I’m not my mom. I wasn’t born with a uterus. No one taught me how to deal.”

She laughed. “I will teach you.”

“No offense, Kals, but you couldn’t teach me how to properly format my writing without yelling at me in Hindi and then making me do pushups as punishment and I don’t really want to go through that right now,” I said and then this wave of _unbelievable_ pain washed over me and I groaned, keeling over, grabbing my ankles. “ _Motherfucking gods!_ ”

Kali ran her fingers through my hair and murmured encouragement under her breath. Creaking noises sounded. Her fingers disappeared and I twitched until the pain faded away. Jackson crouched next me. “You look sick.”

“I feel sick.” I glanced at his face. “I change my mind. I don’t want to have a uterus. I can’t handle it.”

“So change back.”

“I can’t.” He grew alarmed. “No, I mean, I- _MOTHER_ -” I dug my nails into his arm and he, like such a good friend, kept quiet even as his eyes watered. “ _Agh!_ ” I swallowed as the pain vanished yet again. “Okay, okay. So anyway, I meant that I can’t because I really just can’t. It’s a girl day.

“And you know my rules. Girl for three days on months ending with even numbers. Girl for four days on months ending in odd.” Kali pressed a cold glass of water into my hands and two pills. I swallowed them down, downing the entirety of the glass. “And it’s only the second day of an odd month.”

 

**You have rules regarding your gender?**

 

Yeah. I realize it’s not normal, of course, but personally I like having my own set of rules and regulations because they keep me focused and feeling stable so when I realized I was bigender, after a few weeks I noticed my gender orientation followed its own rules too. I mean, I don’t think a lot of non-binary people think that way but I can’t be the only one. It feels good to know what’s coming, unlike Nick, who wakes up as a girl only to wind up being a demiboy[95] by noon and with no way to get their binder[96] because they’re in the middle of class.

Heh. I feel for them.

So anyway! Story.

“Right,” Jackson said. He tugged on my ear, pressing a chocolate bar into my hand. “Sorry about this, Allie. First day into womanhood and it’s with blood running down your thighs, your uterus trying to kill you and your bones moving to help push out your dead stuff like a little labour.”

“Oh my gods, I completely forgot about that.” Ripping into the chocolate bar, I pressed my head against my knees. “If this is mini-labour, I can’t handle real labour.”

“You will be fine,” Kali yelled from the bedroom. The Supernatural opening sounded and I heard her give a victorious whoop. Her episode[97] must’ve been on.

“She keeps saying that but I’m pretty sure she’s just lying at this point.” I pointed to the box of pads. “Alright, Jackson! Let’s do this!”

 

* * *

 

 

Three minutes and ten bloodstained pads later, I still didn’t have one on. Neither of us could get it to fit properly to point where the blood that was coming down my butt wouldn’t get on my underwear but still block the majority coming out my vagina. Kali was no help. She seemed to think that no matter what I did, there was no way I would be able to spare my underwear from my blood.

I was beginning to think she was right.

“Okay, put it a slight bit higher and a little to the left.” Jackson squinted. “Okay, now twist the bottom- you know what, let me do it.” And he did before pulling back and analyzing it. I swore as another cramp, considerably less painful than the others, slammed into me. “Alright, Al, this is it. And if it’s not, I give up.”

I tugged my underwear up and nodded. “Yeah, didn’t work.”

“Well, then I give up! The only way to save both ends is to just go for a diaper. And you’re not seventy-two with lack of bladder control so-” He pushed up from the floor and gripped my shoulder. “-you’re just gonna have to cope, Al.”

I clasped his shoulder. “I know.” I grabbed my pants and marched out of the tub, where my blood was still streaking on the tub floor, into the bedroom. Kali grinned as I put myself on the bed, leaning into her side. “You were right, Kals.”

“I know.”

“Yeah, but I can’t sleep on my stomach.”

“It will not matter,” she assured me with a quick pat on my head. “Blood will stain these sheet regardless.”

“Oh.” I stared at the TV. “Well, fuck.”

Jackson came out of the bathroom, dumping my barely used pads in the trash and chucking a spray bottle of bleach behind him. He threw himself at our feet and rolled onto his side. He hummed Amazing Grace under his breath.

I blinked, the song triggering my memory of our conversation from before the brilliant change into womanhood. “Hey, what were you saying about prophetic gods before?”

Jackson rolled over and looked at me. “I said they couldn’t tell people the future and only give it out when necessary via prophecies.”

Well, that sounded familiar. I nodded and settled back into the pillows when Kali chucked the remote at Jackson’s head. “You were also going to tell him about Apollo’s _issues_.”

“And then I changed my mind,” Jackson grumbled, throwing the remote back at her.

She dodged it well. “Yes but I would like you to.”

“You explain then.”

“My explanations take too long. They are very lengthy,” she pointed out. That was true. Her vernacular did cause her explanations to drag. It’s probably while I zoned out while she trying to explain how paragraphs worked.

 

 **_You don’t know how_ ** **\- Nevermind. Keep going.**

 

Hehe. Yeah, okay.

Jackson sighed rolled on to his back, giving me a sideways glance. “Do you wanna know?”

“Sure but it wouldn’t matter if I didn’t know.” I pulled the remote out from where it was embedded in the wall. “It’s someone else’s problem. On one hand, I wouldn’t mind it if you guys told new people that I fear pain because it means that some of them would know better than to hurt me or make me think they would hurt me.” I changed the channel to Disney. “But then again, it’s still personal and someone might use that knowledge against me. It’s how you choose to perceive the outcome, Jack.”

He closed his eyes and sighed, nodding once before sitting up and fully. I muted the TV. “Okay. Look. Prophetic gods can’t tell you the future directly. Or at least they’re not supposed to because there are laws that dictate that they can’t. Like laws that state that gods of water get rain storms but gods of the skies get clouds. The thing about it is when your life is depicted in a steady stream of people who want to overthrow you and being eaten at the end of the world and the like, you kinda want to know when that might happen.

“But then you have that specific law that says you can’t tell people when it’s gonna happen or if it will happen or how. You can only give it in a prophecy or through someone like an Oracle and you can only do it when necessary.

“Zeus has a lot of kids and Hera hates all of them. A lot of the time-” Jackson scratched his ankle, pausing for a moment. “-a lot of the time, he wants to know which kid is going to be the most powerful so he can make sure that Hera definitely doesn’t hurt that specific one.”

I thought about Apollo, the way he looked as he recited Alice’s information off the top of his head, how he smiled when he said that he loved his kids. I frowned. But I never really got people have preferences in their kids anyway. Just love all your children. Or appreciate them equally.

“Some gods are like that though. They want to know which kid will be best or which kid is gonna give them a bad rep so a lot of prophetic gods get-” He licked his lips. “-hated for not telling them beforehand and Apollo is one of them. Some get beat up, some get ignored, powers forcefully reduced. Some get cursed for a thousand years. They all refuse to admit it because, I mean, we’re gods. We’re proud. We’re not gonna admit right off the bat that people have been hurting us.

“It’s abuse whether or not they want to admit it though.” He sighed. “You’re right. It is personal but it’s important. With Katie, we just ask her what the weather’s gonna be like on the day we want to go out and it’s fine but with them, it’s a trigger. Asking them to foresee anything is basically taking a sword and shoving it through their backs and leaving them there for hours, unable to move.”

“That’s shitty,” I said, voice cracking. “That is so shitty.”

“Yeah.” He squeezed my big toe. After a moment of quiet, he flopped backwards and crossed his arms, eying the ceiling. “A month after my initiation into godhood, I met Apollo. It was in the middle of a thunderstorm and he was hiding in a closet, afraid that his dad was going to come take his anger out on him. He looked like a three year old. I thought it was just a thing, just him but, no. Two days later, there’s Tsi Ku[98], lying bloody in a field, crying because some assholes got together and ganged up on her for not telling them that some guy was gonna do something.”

He looked like was going to continue but my mind sprang images of them and my anxiety raced at the thought of the pain. “Stop.” He closed his mouth. “Tell me about your initiation. That sounds good.”

Kali tensed and I realized my decision was bad but Jackson had already raised, grinning wide and fake. He clambered off the bed and brandished his arms out. “Ah yes! My initiation! What a wondrous time for everyone but me.”

Wanting to spare me from whatever Jackson was going to say, Kali started, “Jack-”

He cut her off. “No, no, Kali, dearest. I _want_ to tell it.” Dramatically, he cleared his throat. “Okay, so, you get dropped with a family for thirteen years. In that thirteen years, the gods assess whether or not you’d use being a god for good or for _evil_. Granted, if one of your parents is _evil_ , you usually get a pass.

“So twice a year they round up all the kids. Winter for kids who get to die because they were _too_ evil. Summertime for kids who get to live because they were so _good_ or very _neutral_. You get a letter. It explains everything to which your parents must verify. You get a week to pack and say your goodbyes before you get escorted off to GodLand. If you’re going to die, the Warrior comes and kills you, or someone else does it just with the sword.” A nasty grin set on his face. “But only after you’ve been forced to endure whatever got you sentenced.”

I flinched at his tone. He ignored it, continuing, voice oozing forced cheerfulness again. “When it happens, it’s a public event. Death is humiliation. Initiation is celebration. You get cleaned up and primped. Haircuts, baths, new clothes. You meet all the other kids. It’s so exciting! You’re a god! You’re powerful! That internal feeling that you were always different from everyone else wasn’t just the gay thing but this!

“They take you a large room. You file into rows at the front, everyone else at the back, watching, waiting. The-” He bit his lip, pausing. “- _minister_ , I guess, is usually some minor god or someone who just put their name in and got picked. They give a speech, explain the rules and then they call you up. This is part everyone’s waited for. Meeting your birth parents, seeing them, learning who you are, being given a trade and accessing your true form.

“I was so excited. Egypt is more Muslim now but I always liked the old myths, the old ideals. Animal headed gods. How silly, right?” He squeezed his eyes shut and laughed tonelessly. “I thought maybe Set[99] for my dad. Chaotic situations seemed to amuse me sometimes. Maybe Bes. I liked love. It seemed strange the power it held over people. I prayed for Bast[100] as my mother.” He grinned, dead. “My _actual_ mother loved cats. I thought it would amuse her. Her son, the son of a cat goddess.

“They called my name finally. I got up and stood in the circle. It was magic, would peel away my human bindings so I’d no longer be on par with demigods. A man and a woman stepped closer. I was confused. Ten other Egyptian kids had come up before me. Their parents remained animal headed. These people were not. They weren’t even of the same creed as all the gods had stuck to their own sections and these people had come from two different ones.”

Disgust washed over his face and he glowered at the wall. “People started whispering and it was so loud, Alex. I knew something was wrong. I wanted to run but I couldn’t move. Our minister told me to kneel. I did. ‘I name you,’ she said, ‘the son of Aphrodite[101] and Yue-Lao[102], a child of Egypt, Jackson Hadad!’

“Everyone started yelling. The Egyptians didn’t want me as part of their group. Gods were pissed. I had three places of power and no one liked that. How dare I attempt to be stronger than them? Be better than them? Someone yelled for silence so I could assess my true form and I. Became. _This_.”

His body shimmered a golden hue for a moment and when I blinked, as my eyes opened, I saw what he had become.

He looked... well, odd really.

I mean, on one hand, he looked… relatively _okay_. But, on the other hand, he looked just plain stupid.

Draped on his body was a toga, light purple and smooth, dropping just below his knees. Greek. His eyes were lined a thick black - _kohl_ , I thought. Egyptian. Feathers bloomed where his hair should’ve been, pulled back in a tight bun. Descending from where the armholes of the toga would’ve been, were large colourful sleeves. Chinese _._

His feet were laced with sandals, which could’ve belonged to either of the three races. He shifted, uncomfortable, and when he did, his sleeves fell over his hands. He pulled arms back, looking humiliated. Jerking once, the form shimmered away until he was back to the Jackson I knew, my black haired, purple streaked, purple clothed, blued eyed, over the top attractive Jackson.

His eyes narrowed. “What was supposed to be a glorious occasion, _my celebration_ , became my utter humiliation. I became _that_.” His tone held disgust. “Anger turned to laughter and I felt so _miserable_ and _angry_ that I-”

He grabbed his mouth, eyes wide. Inhaling deeply, he settled again at the edge of the bed. “I blew up the room, one giant explosion, and I was gone. First time teleporting. Felt awful. Threw up for two hours before I could even move again. I hid for a week. No one looked for me. No one cared. Afterwards, I went back home and cried about it to my parents. My mother-”

He grinned, viciously and victoriously now. “She asked me if I wanted him to go ‘knock some sense into their heads’. My mother, a strict devout Muslim, was going to partake in violence for her stupid gay son.”

He laughed, with life now. “And I told her no, just begged them to come back with me to Brokes. And then they did. And I was happy. I met Kali-” She smiled at him as he glanced at her. “-and Apollo the next day. Stalked Ranj for a month then finally asked him out. I was satisfied with what I had.”

His face fell and he tucked within himself, knees to his chest. “And then Aphrodite grew tired of me and the impact I had on her reputation. No one wanted to be around her. They thought she’d do the same she'd done to Yue Lao. He was suffering too. And then they conspired. And Aphrodite got _someone_ , I never figured out _who_ to take one of my friends, one of the few mortal ones I ever had, while the whole lot of them were visiting me and my family. He got them to crash the car everyone was in. So my only remnants of my mortal life were gone.”

Eyes dead, he looked up at me. “You asked me why I stopped being a Muslim, right?

“Yeah.”

“That’s why. My family, my friends, everyone I cared about, everyone who kept me tethered to that life is gone. I don’t have a reason to hold on to it anymore. Not when I see my mom’s body bloody and dying and begging me to help two seconds before she dies every single time I looked at Quran[103].” He wiped angrily at his face. “And then Ranj disappeared and then you-” He squinted at Kali “-left me to be a stripper.” He rubbed the top of his head and stared at his feet. “And I was alone. From the nineteen forty-five to nineteen ninety-three.”

“I’m sorry, Jackson.” I leaned over and kissed the top of his head. I pulled back and tugged on his wrist. “I’m sorry your godly life before me was shit. I wish that never happened.”

He glanced at me and smiled. “I know, Alex.” He grinned bigger, face cringing in a pleased way. “You’re one of the better things that have happened to me since being shoved into godhood.”

I flushed. “Right. Thanks.”

“I’m not kidding, Al.” He flopped onto my legs. “Kali, vouch for me.”

Kali ran her fingers through my hair. “You are one of the better things that has happened to both of us.”

“How?” Simultaneously, they rolled their eyes and I frowned. “No, really guys, how? I don’t act like a boy. I panic way too much. I fear pain, for gods’ sakes. I am _weird._ ”

“There’s no such thing as acting like a boy,” Jackson said, sounding so like my mom when I said the same thing to her at the small age of seven, my heart spazzed out in a quick beats at the thought of her voice and I felt cold. “There’s only acting like you and you’re not a boy _anyway_.”

I closed my eyes, leaning into Kali’s hand like an affectionate cat. “Yeah, I know.”

Kali sighed in my ear. “Life is complicated but there is no need to doubt who you are when you are doing your best.”

Jackson snorted, heated breaths flushing over my toes. “Kali, come on. You said the same thing to me when I joined the army. Get some new material.”

She threw a clock at his head. He dodged it, toppling off the bed and I laughed just as a sluice of blood dropped. I shivered. Kali rubbed my arms and kissed the back of my head while Jackson clambered back on to the bed, whining about how no one loved him.

We assured him that we did and together, the three of us, settled on the bed, my mind drifting off in a nice, calm peace.

 

* * *

 

I woke to the smell of bacon. And waffles but mostly bacon. _Bacon_.

“Bacon,” I moaned, pushing off of a pillow and nearly unearthing myself off the entire bed. I scrambled, eyes wide, definitely awake. My leg hooked back on the edge of the bed, sliding off at a fraction of an inch per second. Gripping the sheets and the mattress and balancing awkwardly off the ground, I made a noise of distress.

Jackson stood over me, plate of bacon in hand. “Just drop.”

I thought about it. My arm was at an angle that if I did drop myself it would catch and drag on the edge of the bedside table. Which would hurt. Plus, if I dropped, my butt would hit the ground and that would also hurt. I shook my head. “Nope. Too painful.”

He sighed and sidled over, pushing me back up on the bed. He dropped the plate of bacon on the table. “Waffle?”

“Nah.” I shoved bacon in my mouth. “M’good.”

He grinned and picked up a waffled, shoving it in his mouth. We’re both so classy.

Kali stepped out of the bathroom, naked. I threw a pillow at her. “Kals! Clothes!”

“He is gay and you feel no inclination to sexually interact with me,” she said, wrapping her towel around her body, smiling.

“Clothes!” Jackson and I repeated, pumping our fists in the air. I flopped backwards and shoved another handful of bacon into my mouth. “When are we leaving?”

“We’re not.” Jackson handed Kali a waffle. “At least, not with Apollo. The girl wanted to take him to her recital. He said he’d pick us up later. I just have to call again.” He took a bite of his waffle. “You still hurting?”

I blinked, not sure what he meant until it clicked into my mind once more. I grabbed my breasts and squeezed them. Real. Still very real. Kali snorted and kissed my forehead. I laughed and blood squelched out of my vagina. I groped my breasts again. At least I had breasts so a uterus didn’t seem so bad.

“How long will you be doing that?”

“Forever,” I muttered. “These things are great.”

“I don’t see it,” Jackson. He shoved the rest of his waffle into his mouth. “They’re too heavy.”

Kali and I threw a pillow at him. He choked on his waffle and surged up, snatching half my total bacon off my plate. Kali swung another pillow at him and he ducked, rolling back, easily until she dove at his legs. He slid out of the way before she made impact and she crashed into the floor, her towel fluttering off. Grinning, Jackson turned before crashing to the ground beside her, Kali’s leg swept under him.

She rolled on top of him and pinned his arms above his head with one hand, grabbing the bacon with the other and handing it back to me.

“You have got to stop fighting me naked,” Jackson said.

“I dunno,” I said, taking a bite of my delicious bacon. “We could probably make a lot of money off that.”

“We will think about that if the need arises,” Kali said.

“I’m gay,” Jackson reminded us.

We shrugged and Kali sat back on his crotch, patting his knee. “We will come to it if we must.”

“Make Alex do it,” Jackson griped, pushing her off him. “He’s technically not gay or some shit. And everyone loves watching lesbians!”

“But I’m a virgin,” I protested. “And who would want to watch a virgin have sex? It’d be like amateur porn. And no one watches that.”

Jackson stared at me for a moment before traipsing over to Kali’s clothes she had folded neatly on the ground, grumbling, “Yeah, well, who-” Kali’s bra landed on her head and her shirt scattered at her feet. “-would want to watch a gay guy fuck a girl?”

“I dunno. You like watching straight guys have sex,” I remarked and he threw her jeans at my face. “It’s basically the same thing,” I added as Kali caught her pants before they slapped me in the face. Didn’t matter though. I had already rolled off the side to avoid the blow.

 

**I don’t think it would have hurt that much.**

 

Um, I’m pretty sure it would have. Jeans are made out of a coarse material and-

 

**Whatever. Story. I don’t have time to listen to you tell me the details of why you _think_ being hit in the face with pants would’ve hurt.**

 

 _It would have_.

 

**Speak words that I’d actually be interested in.**

 

Fine, fine, fine, _fine_.

Jackson threw himself out on the bed next to me while Kali tugged into her clothes beside us. He glanced at his nails. “So. Wanna walk around?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [81] An Incan creator deity
> 
> [82] Apollo’s half-brother and the Greek god of thieves, travelers and trade, among other things. He is also the messenger of the gods
> 
> [83] Egyptian god of the sun, among other things
> 
> [84] Norse personification of the sun. Also known as Sunna
> 
> [85] Greek personification of death
> 
> [86] The lyre is one of Apollo’s symbols as he is also the god of music
> 
> [87] Apollo’s twin sister and virgin goddess of the hunt, moon and childbirth, among other things
> 
> [88] Meaning Hephaestus, Apollo’s half-brother and the Greek god of blacksmiths, craftsmen and volcanoes, among other things
> 
> [89] Hyacinth was the lover of Apollo. During a game of discus between the two, Zephyrus, the West Wind who admired him as well, forced the winds to redirect Apollo’s discus as to impact and kill Hyacinth. Upon his death, Apollo turned his blood into the Hyacinth flowers
> 
> [90] Hermes stole Apollo’s cows and then gave Apollo a lyre in order to keep them
> 
> [91] Greek god of the Underworld, among other things
> 
> [92] As previously mentioned, Apollo is also the god of truth
> 
> [93] A romanticism in which a person is not romantically attracted to other people
> 
> [94] A variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male (taken from isna.org)
> 
> [95] A demiboy is a gender identity where the person feels partly but not wholly like a man, a boy or masculine
> 
> [96] Regarding the kind of binders used by FTM and people with breasts to bind their breasts down in order to alleviate dysphoria and appear more masculine prior to any chest surgery
> 
> [97] On the TV show Supernatural, the episode Hammer of the Gods had the goddess Kali as a major character for that episode
> 
> [98] Tsi Ku, also known as Tsi Ku Niang, is a Chinese goddess of outhouses and divination, among other things
> 
> [99] Egyptian god of violence and the desert, among other things
> 
> [100] Egyptian goddess of warfare, among other things, in Lower Egypt with the head of a cat and the body of a woman
> 
> [101] A Greek goddess of love, among other things
> 
> [102] Chinese god of love, among other things
> 
> [103] The central religious text of Islam, which is believed to be a revelation from Allah by Muslims


	16. Chapter 16

I did not like Albuquerque, New Mexico.

I wasn’t sure which I was bothered with most. The intense heat in the middle of March or the fact that everyone in Albuquerque, New Mexico seemed to be a part of the five percent. I did not like being stuck in a world of five percenters.

The little girl’s recital was supposed to last for a few hours so after a bit of wandering, we caught a bus to a small town just outside the city. The town wasn't any better but there was a nicer breeze, a lot of trees and a tour guide to take us around the town in an air conditioned bus which I was highly grateful for.

My period was killing me so I had shifted male which did not please me because once you get a taste of the real stuff, it sucks having to go back to the fake. Kali and Jackson tried to keep me happy by offering to get me pretty, pretty girl clothes and this nice green dress I found very attractive. It had a bow!

 

**Sounds appealing.**

 

Yeah. It was nice.

At the end of the tour, we ate ice cream at bench under a tree, beside an empty warehouse that was up for sale. Something about the warehouse made my skin tingle but it was hot and I didn’t feel like walking anywhere else. Kali kept her eyes on it though. Every so often her gaze would drift away but then snap right back, brows furrowed.

Pausing in my long lick of ice cream, I asked, “What’s wrong?”

“This place-” She paused, frowning. “I do not like it. There is something wrong here.”

I nodded. “You feel that too? I thought it was just me.”

Jackson glanced between the two of us and rolled his eyes, licking a long stripe up his popsicle. “Wimps. There’s nothing wrong with a stupid warehouse. It’s just horror films gettin’ to you.”

Kali gave him a look. “I do not fear horror films for they cannot hurt me, Jackson. There _is_ something wrong with this building. We should go back to the city.”

He pushed back, taking a bite of his popsicle. “Fine. Alex? You done?” He looked around. “Al?”

I was standing by the entrance of the warehouse with no idea of how I got there. I didn’t remember getting up and I didn’t remember walking. One moment I was plopped on a bench. The next I was staring at a red door.

The door creaked open. I tried to take a step back but couldn’t. Something blurred by inside. Jackson sidled up to my side and tugged on my arm.

“What are you doing?”

“I can’t move,” I said.

“That’s not good. Okay.” He shifted his arms under my butt and around my back, trying to sweep me off my feet. It didn’t work. I was rooted to the ground. Kali tried the same. Still didn’t work.

The dark blur shifted by again. My fists tightened and I was falling.

My body was my own again. I shifted and tried to walk back through the doors. I couldn’t get out. It was like an invisible wall had been put up between me and them. Jackson immediately shoved through and tried to yank me out. I hit the wall and choked. He fell back into Kali who surged through and stood in front of me protectively as the blur shifted past again, landing on an empty box, weightlessly. Jackson came up behind me.

The blur turned to a face us, suddenly formed. The man was tall and built, his skin dark and heavy with muscles. Black wavy hair grazed his shoulders. He blinked, dark lashes fluttering, and his eyes were pooled red with blood lust, seeping a dark brown the more he stared at us. He wore simple clothes, a dark purple polo, tan khakis and gray flip flops. He looked like my dad on the fourth of July, at the neighborhood barbeque, except my dad didn’t give out a thick, intimidating, deadly aura.

His eyes flickered over our faces, one by one and then settled on Kali’s. A thin smile edged up on his lips. “Mother.” His voice was deep and accented, uncultured to the ear as though the word, the _language_ , didn’t stain right on his tongue.

Kali stiffened next to me, eyes paling. “Ranj?”

Ranj, Kali’s supposed-to-be dead adopted immortal son, Jackson’s supposed-to-be dead boyfriend, grinned and his eyes dropped to Jackson, who looked sick, paler than normal. “Jackson. Hello again.” His voice was still off with the words, accent curling oddly on them, but at Jackson’s name it swarmed with something I couldn’t quite place, softer, smoother.

Jackson twitched. “Ranj. Good- good to see you.”

And then he lunged. Ranj’s eyes flashed red again and he swung out of the way, moving effortlessly. Jackson stumbled into a sharp roll, heaving up and turning back. Kali stood in front of me, rigid. She had not been expecting this. She did not know what to do.

He was supposed to be dead.

The story of Ranj’s death played out like this. One day, he disappeared. On that day, Jackson joined the British army, Kali turning into a man to follow him in so he wouldn’t do something stupid and kill himself by insulting the current Warrior, Adolf Hitler. A month after the end of the war, Ranj came back. He was vicious and evil. He had turned rogue and was working for Demons, like some other second gods had done. He tried to recruit Jackson to whatever his cause was. Jackson said no. They fought. Jackson killed him. Ranj had burst his body into flames upon his death and became nothing more than a pile of ash to be presented to all the gods as proof he was gone.

Jackson had lied.

And now Kali did not know what to do.

I pointed my sword at him and pressed my thumb hard to the gem, waiting for a moment to possibly strike, not really believing I’d ever do it. “Kals.”

My voice broke her out of her frozen trance and she grabbed me, yanking me away to another room. Ranj followed us, Jackson tackling him to the ground. His head smashed into the floor. I pitched forward and Kali swung me up on to her back. My sword morphed smaller, a switchblade that couldn’t impale her as she ran. She veered into another room and pushed me behind a forgotten desk.

Her skin turned blue, arms shifting out of her side, clothes vanishing to make way for a mane of wild hair and skirt made of Demon arms.

Ranj pitched in, slowly. He looked at her and wiped away a smear of blood that was trickling from the edge of his mouth. The black band on his arm jingled. I frowned. It looked like my band, the one that kept me from burning in the sun, but I was too far away to see the markings on it were the same, if the glyphs were exact to mine. It wouldn’t make much sense if they were.

 _Weird coincidence_ , I rationalized, my mind too calm for such a deadly situation. I hoped I wouldn’t get my arm broken again.

Kali eyed the doorway and so did I. Jackson didn’t come through. I stopped breathing. Ranj pitched forward again, his footsteps all too loud in the pounding that echoed in my head. My heart was a racehorse. Kali shifted.

She didn’t want to hurt him but she didn’t want me to die. Conflict. It showed in her face, in her stance. She should’ve been fiercer. Her eyes weren’t red. Her heart wasn’t in this. She couldn’t hurt him.

But she couldn’t let me die.

Jackson dove in and caught Ranj around the throat. rolling his whole body upwards and forcing him down. Ranj swore and Kali shifted again. Her sword appeared in her hands. Her eyes were red. She’d made her decision.

In my head, I apologized a thousand times. She sent me a look that conveyed the message, “Shut up”. I kept apologizing anyway.

The two boys tussled on the dirty, dusty floor and then Jackson broke free, sailing up and over to me, catching me around the waist while all six of Kali’s arms spiraled her swords in the air and she lunged.

“Isn’t he supposed to be dead?” I asked as Jackson tried to open a window in another room.

It wouldn’t budge. He swore. “Yes.”

“I thought you said you killed him.”

“I did.”

“Well, he doesn’t look like a pile of ash to me,” I said. He dropped me into a chair and kicked at another window. “Jack, why isn’t he dead?”

“Because I couldn’t-” Jackson gave up on the window and pulled me to another room, searching, searching. “I couldn’t-”

What exactly he couldn’t do, he didn’t mention because in that instance the world burst into flames and I faltered back, stumbling, switchblade shifting longer, wider, a sword. I pressed the gem and thrust instinctively as Ranj threw himself at me.

He gasped like a dying fish and slumped.

My heart pounded so fast I thought it would burst. Kali stood in the doorway. Her body shifted back to normal, eyes horrified before closing. Jackson froze beside me.

“No,” he whispered. I felt sick as Kali pulled Ranj’s corpse off the sword. My head swirled at the sight of the blood. She caught me. “We have to get out of here.” His voice sounded urgent, desperate.

Kali fixed him with a pointed gaze and then she swung around and yanked me lower.

Ranj was not dead.

Ranj was very much not dead.

Jackson couldn’t kill him because he wasn’t a second god anymore.

He couldn’t die.

Jackson dove at him again and Kali pulled me up into her chest, frozen again. She didn’t understand. I didn’t understand. We were both fairly confused as Jackson swore and fought, like a maniac, a battle he’d forever lose.

And it was weird. Neither one of them seemed to be able to land a real blow. Sure they punched and kicked and bit. Sure Jackson’s brass knuckles bloomed bruises at the side of Ranj’s face and Ranj’s knife slashed at Jackson’s skin but neither were particularly in it, mentally or emotionally.

I realized why Jackson wasn’t dead, why Ranj hadn’t killed him after he said no, hadn’t killed him and stayed hidden, simply believed to be gone. He could’ve been a spy of some sorts.

I realized why he asked Jackson to join in the first place.

I understood what the tone in his voice had been when he said Jackson’s name.

Love is weird. It can last for a while, or, as it was now, it could last for a lifetime.

I took a breath and said, “Stop.”

They both did, Ranj’s body faltering, not capable of maintaining his position. He slumped into Jackson, who froze up even more.

“Dr- drop the knife.” He did. Kali breathed hard. I squeezed her hand for reassurance and to center myself from my increasing panic. “Why-”

“I do not answer to you,” Ranj snarled, pushing away from Jackson. He gave me and Kali a look of contempt. “Enjoy the girl.”

And then he disappeared. And Jackson sagged, defeated. A minute passed by in silence. Suddenly Kali was gone and I was slumped against the wall, no weight to keep me up.

“Why did you not tell me?” Kali snarled. She shoved Jackson up into a wall. “I thought he was-” Her voice broke off and she dropped Jackson, caving into herself as she slumped to the ground, limbs heavy with depression.

“Because-” Jackson glanced at me. “Because I knew if I told you, if I said he was alive, if I told you he’d just gone _bad_ , you’d- you’d want to go get him, try to turn him _good_ and I-” He sighed heavily, dropping his eyes on her. “-I didn’t want you to get hurt like that. Better to pretend he was gone completely and move on rather than know he was alive and just _bad_ and be hurt forever. Be in pain forever.” His eyes widened and it hit that he had been in pain forever. He was her friend. He wouldn’t want her to hurt like he was hurting.

“I hate you,” she said with no heat. Her shortest sentence ever, her shortest reprimand ever, and Jackson’s body gave out, collapsing in front of her, guilty and sad.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice begging. “I’m sorry.”

Depression and misery are easier to feel than happiness, than forgiveness and Kali’s face contorted angrily as she glanced up from her feet at Jackson whose expression was pained and sad and miserable and she just let out a short screech of pure unfiltered rage, storming up and out.

It was the first time I’d seen her like that, pissed, angered beyond belief. She was always composed, always calm, focused. Patient. Here, now, she was pissed, hammering her fists against the walls, her skin turning darker and darker until it bled black. Her voice wrecked raw, echoing pained yells throughout the room and Jackson seemed smaller and smaller, the louder and louder they grew.

Broken.

She was broken.

“HE IS MY SON!” she yelled, turning around, eyes red and ablaze with hate. “ _HE IS MY SON!_ ”

And Jackson died.

I saw it.

Saw the light go out in his eyes and his face, wrecked with self-hate and misery and overwhelming depression, contorted, his eyes welling up with thick tears, teeth clenched tightly, angrily, lips dragging down. He was dying. He was dead. Dead and dying and wretched, wrecked, sorrowed.

So many synonyms to the word sad. But there’s no way to actually truthfully explain, to truthfully detail how the actual fuck he seemed, how _wrecked_ he looked, how miserable, how dead. Tears rolled down his cheeks, fat and heavy streaming down.

Ranj was her son, like I was my parents’ son, adopted and fully hers. She blessed him, like she blessed all her children, all her demigod children. His immortality, his second godliness, was an accident. She touched him once on the shoulder, invisible to the eye, as warm as a breeze, and she blessed him with her touch. Seconds later, before her magic was evident and apparent, Agni[104] came and did the same and their intertwining magic coursed through Ranj’s veins and created him in the same name as Jackson, as the others, as all second gods. It had not been her intention but she was pleased regardless. She loved all her children. She didn’t want any of them to die. Now she had one more child to love who wouldn’t leave her.

And then he disappeared.

And then he died.

Or so she thought.

I wondered what that was like. To think someone dead only to see them once more and then watch them disappear again. And I got what Jackson meant. Ranj was her only immortal child, only one that was going to live to the end of time. And he was gone and she couldn’t find his soul. And if she knew he was alive, she’d hunt for him.

And then she’d die.

Like she was dying now, body screaming dead with black rage. Time slowed down as she rammed her fist into the wall then slammed forward, full force, once she did, the sound echoing, dragging us, skipping us ahead and I choked on a breath, finding myself falling down, the world rotating fast under my feet. I hit the ground hard and pain flashed up my spin, spreading warm into the back of my head.

No. This was new, this hate, this anger, was all new, tied tight with a bow, a presentation of something that shouldn’t have been contained.

“Why don’t you ever get angry?” I had asked her one day as she had walked me home.

She had smiled, thin lipped and teasing. “You would not survive it.”

At the time, I thought it was joke but she was telling the truth. Her anger was unmatched, coursing like hot wind in the desert, baring everything outward and inwards and in every direction seen and unseen. She was the pure personification of rage. It built up her body, stitched into her DNA. To remove it, would be to remove her.

Something had always seemed incomplete about her when we were young, not right, like a hidden puzzle piece obscuring the true beauty of the picture, lost until something occurs and you find it, right under a box of old clothes you’re giving away. This was the puzzle piece, finishing her off into unworldly perfection, a completed picture.

She was rage.

And I had never seen something more terrifying in my entire life.

The back of my head throbbed and I pretended to ignore it, thinking hard of a way to settle the tension. The throb at the back of my head, easing into my brain, seeping into my skin, burning me up, made that kinda hard. Jackson and Kali remained greatly oblivious, caught up in their own self-depreciating.

How wonderful. If Nick were there, they would’ve yelled something, something rude, something nice, something that spread out and calmed everything to a smooth line into my rules. No one hating themselves, no one hating each other.

I didn’t like that.

It poked at my mind and made me feel icky.

Rules stated calm. Rules agreed to telling the truth to keep the peace and here I was surrounded by lies and rage and I curled into myself, the pain prickling like a needle at my foremind. Rules for me, for them, for everyone. Rules with enough space to take in adaptations for personality, for newness but not this.

Not this, not this, not this, _not this._

“SHUT UP!” I screeched over Kali’s screaming and Jackson’s thick gasps of silent sobs.

Kali jerked once, her skin fading into a light brown, going suddenly silent, and Jackson jumped, sprawling back into the wall, face shining wet as it caught the light.

“ _Shuddup!_ ” I pointed viciously at both of them. “YOu! TA- TALK!” My voice sounded slurred and I reached up to the back of my head, blood pooling into my fingers. I shuddered, resisting the urge to vomit, trying to ignore the stab of pain that swirled into the back of my head like the cool blade of a knife. “Agreement! Ru _les_.”

Jackson pulled out some dust and stood up, sprinkling it at wound. I flinched at the sting, flaring, fearing, panicked. Kali came closer.

“I couldn’t kill him,” Jackson said, pressing his palm to my gash, “because he can’t die. And I didn’t want to tell you that because I knew you’d go after him and try to make him good. And I knew that would hurt you.”

Her voice was glass. “Why did he not kill you?”

I twisted my head slightly to see his face as he opened and closed his mouth, trying to come up with answer.  His cheeks were dusted a light pink. He knew. “I don’t know.”

“We don’t lie to each other, Jack,” I reprimanded. I breathed, letting oxygen roll into my body pure and good. “He still loves you.”

He opened his mouth to dissuade my answer but then shrugged and slumped against my back. “I know.” He glanced up at Kali. “I’m sorry.”

“You should have told me,” she said.

“I know,” he muttered. “I’m sorry.”

“I do not forgive you,” she said and he winced. “However, I accept your apology as we are friends and friends-” She gave me a look and I grinned back, off and odd, trying to ease the fact that someone had just attacked us back into the buzz of nothing. “-do not hold grudges against one another. But I will pummel you into the ground later.”

Jackson snorted. “Thanks. That make me feel so good.”

“Well, well, well.” A woman stood in the doorway. The DreamKeeper. She looked the same as she did when my dad stabbed her. Her shirt still had the hole. “Isn’t this such a touching moment?”

She smiled wide and inhuman, her lips stretching to the edge of her cheeks. The smell of rust curdled around my head and her hair dripped, dripped, dripped blood all over the floor. She swung a gun on her index finger. So this was what Ranj meant by enjoy the girl. Haha, I didn’t think I would enjoy _her._

Jackson heaved me over his shoulder and bolted out the room. He shifted into the main room and ran for the door. It wouldn’t open.

“FUCK!” He put me down, brass knuckles forming golden on his hands. “Don’t fall asleep.”

Adrenaline raced through my veins, edging away the sleepiness that was trying to overcome me. Nervous and panicked laughter bubbled out of my throat because we were so screwed. “I don’t think I can anyway.”

Jackson laughed, just as panicked as me. “Good!”

Then she burst in.

Bricks flew at us and Kali was immediately in front of me, shielding me from the damage. She looked slightly injured, a gash on her side. When the rubble stopped streaming down, she swept me up and pushed me to another room before diving into battle with Jackson. I stood there awkwardly then turned and hoped there were no other monsters in the room that wanted to kill me because I really wasn’t in the mood to fight when I sucked at it.

Honestly, the sword is just for intimidation at this point. I had, _have_ , no skills.

None.

I ran through various rooms, down hallways, past machinery that hadn’t been touched in years. Quietly I edged into a small room and hid behind a fallen table, my sword held tight in my hands. Kali materialized beside me. She pressed her fingers to her lips and closed her eyes. I leaned into her.

“Where’s Jackson?” I whispered.

“He is coming,” she replied.

She ran her fingers through my hair to calm us both down, her breaths steadying slowly with every stroke. Silence prevailed for another a few seconds before I asked, “How are we going to escape?” She didn’t say but I saw it in her eyes. She had a plan. _They_ had a plan. A plan I would not approve of. Jackson materialized next to me, the door clicked shut as he did, and he breathed hard. I wasted no time. “What’s your plan?”

“Well, she can only take over bodies that can die. When she leaves them, they die immediately but she can be killed and die in their body. She wants to kill you,” he said, quickly.

That wasn’t a plan but I understood exactly what he meant. My body felt cold. Dread slid down my back. I shook my head wildly. “No.”

“Yes.” He squeezed my face. “And don’t argue.”

“Bu-”

He fixed me with a look and his face grew older, weathered, withered by time and exhaustion. “No. This is the plan. When she possesses me, you kill me. Take the sword and ram it through my heart. I die. So does she.”

The door slammed and the walls rattled. I shook my head. “No.”

“Alex, for once in your life will you stop arguing and let me do something I want to do for once.” His tone was teasing. I wanted to punch him. The walls rattled again and outside the doors the DreamKeeper wailed. I settled into Kali who gripped my arm and muttered apologies in my ear. She felt guilty. It had been her idea then.

Nick was going to kill us.

Jackson stepped out from behind the table and I stood up suddenly, reaching out for his arm. I caught it and tugged, saying before he could cut me off, “Jack. I promised.”

“What?” he said. “Promised what?”

“You’re supposed to be my first boy kiss,” I reminded him, scuffing my feet to the ground. It had just popped into my head and I wanted to do something more than just sit there and wait for him to die. Wait for me to kill him. “Nick, non-binary. Kali, female. And you.” I heaved a sigh. “Male.”

“Alex, I said that as a joke. We were ten,” he drawled, already coming back around. Kali stepped up and surged around, flushing my back to her chest, murmuring, “Breathe” into my ear.

“I’m breathing,” I said, not breathing. My voice pitched higher, the closer Jackson’s face came to mine. The walls rattled again. “I’m breathing.”

“Stop lying, Alex,” Jackson laughed before he pressed his lips to mine.

It was soft and dry, his lips smooth, mine chapped and splitting. He was warm and Kali was warm and everything was warm and calming and I let out a heavy sigh as he pulled back to press another kiss to the top of my head right before Kali tugged me around and pressed her lips to mine, hard and forceful. It lasted a moment then she pulled back and yanked Jackson into a crushing kiss. He made a noise at the back of his throat of sudden surprise, but kissed back, odd like he wasn’t sure how to move his mouth on hers.

Because she was a girl.

The thought made me laugh and Jackson leaned back to watch me, Kali tugging on my ear. They laughed too, the three of us erupting into a fit of giggles that didn’t fit the seriousness of the situation. Jackson was going to die. Kali and I were going to kill him. And yet here we were, doubled over in shrieking laughter, the door ramming hard against whatever magic had been put up against it to keep her out, if only for a moment so we could say goodbye

He knocked my cheek with his thumb, curving over my jaw and tilting my head back quietly, leaning down and giving me another kiss before pulling away, stepping out from behind the table as I rolled my thumb over my ring, watching it grow into a sword, Kali’s name mumbled on my tongue. She dissipated into a blue glow, slipping into the sword. Her presence filled me up like a balloon.

“I love you.” My voice sounded thick and heavy, molded with Kali’s voice, deeper and higher and strange.

Jackson’s lips twitched. “I love you too. Both of you. And Nick. And Katelynn.” He rubbed his hands together. “Miss me.” Not a question. A statement. A plea. Miss him. Of course we would.

“Forever,” we said and Kali’s voice rang out through my mouth, odd and tearing slightly at my voice box. She was sad. He was going to die. The laughter that had filled the room had been swallowed up in melancholy.

I didn’t want him to die.

He was going to die.

It was a mantra I couldn’t remove from my mind.

Kali moved my legs back and made me squat down low, hidden behind the table. Seconds passed in silence before the door flew open. The resulting slam echoed throughout the room. A buzzing sound filled my ears and I heard muffled voices behind it. Kali murmured soothingly in my mind.

He was going to die.

“Guys! I’m- Fuck!” Grunting. Swearing. Then, “Okay- okay, now would be- I got- mmm _MPH_.” Heavy breathing. “You can come out!”

He was going to die.

I stood shakily, Kali helping me move around the table in front Jackson who was bearing his body, arms tight and twitching around his back. His neck twisted and he missed a breath.

He was going to die.

I was going to kill him.

He was going to die.

I was going to kill him.

He was going to die.

I was going to kill him.

A flash of memories echoed into my mind. Us at eight, our first meeting, him dumping the carton of chocolate milk onto my head, fat mouth stretched into an elderly frown. At nine, him screeching at me as I refused to come down from the tree, Nick laughing easily, having seen this charade thrice before, and Kali maneuvering around branches as the firetruck wailed into view. Ten, laughing as Nick surged forward and missed my mouth, catching the edge of my eye, Kali’s dare of “kiss Alex” hanging in the air. Eleven, snoring heavily into his sleeping bag, drool escaping his mouth and sliding down the doodles we’d drawn on his face.

Twelve and stuffing a ten dollar bill into my waistband as I stripped into my underwear, everyone praising the fact that I sucked at poker. Thirteen and watching me thank the gods, thank them hard, as Elaine’s, one of my cousins, voice filled the room, laughing because her mom was alive and the cancer was gone, thanking them for saving her. Fourteen, the year he grinned wide and long as we read my acceptance for that private school and the full scholarship for the thousandth time. Fifteen and running to the school, his body hovered over mine as arrows broke through our car. Sixteen and his arms tucked warm around me as he trudged through snow, the ache of my Change lingering in my body.

My best friend.

He was going to die.

I was going to kill him.

Kali eased her strength into my weakening limbs and I felt my sword move up and pointing. But neither of us could strike. My pulse raced and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his.

“I’m not straight,” I said without thought. “Biromantic heteroflexible. I wanted to tell you when you turned sixteen. Ninety-eight. I’ve known for about three years.” I closed my eyes. “Four.”

He twitched. “You bastard.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Bastard.” He breathed sharply through his nose. His whole body shuddered. “Al. I- I love you. Kali, I love you.”

Her voice curled around mine and I couldn’t tell which one of us sounded more dead as we spoke. “I love you too.”

And then we struck.

And then he died.

And I saw it.

Saw the light die in his eyes for real this time, permanent and gone, blood blooming through his stupid purple shirt as my sword pressed into his skin and passed through him easily like he was made of butter.

I saw him die.

And I died too.

Kali crumbled in me, letting out a ragged sob inside my head that curled around everything I was feeling. Her emotions raced through me, amplifying everything tenfold. My pain was hers. We were identical in our misery.

I hated everything.

I wanted to die.

Kali made me throw the sword away. It clattered to the ground several feet away and I hunkered over his body. If he were alive, he would’ve teased me about our position, him under me, me above him. “Planning on fucking me, Allie?” he probably would have laughed, making me turn red and push away from him. Nick would’ve laughed. Kali would’ve rolled her eyes.

If he were alive, everything would’ve been okay.

I wanted to die.

I wanted my parents.

I wanted Nick. I wanted Kali outside my body to hold me, to break my sword so I wouldn’t grab it and ram it through my chest.

 _She is gone_ , Kali said. There was misery in her voice. _I- I am not leaving._

 _Okay_. _Fine_ , I said back.

She settled into my body further and I pulled back from Jackson’s body. He looked so peaceful. The smell of lavenders drifted off of him, pleasant. Familiar.

I died again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [104] Hindu deity of fire


	17. Chapter 17

When my grandfather, my mom’s dad, died, it had rained.

It had rained for as long as my grandmother had cried. Which had been for days. Then she stopped. After a while, it had stopped too. She must’ve been a Warrior too. Water or just nature in general. Either way, the sky sobbed hard for my grandfather's death and I, a tiny nine year old, had believed the gods found his death a monumental loss. The world had seemed broken at his death. People grimaced more and lights seemed dimmer, sadder. The sun was hidden by clouds for months.

When Jackson died, the sun kept shining, feeling odd and warm on my cold, dead skin. It was as though nothing had changed. As though the world barely registered him, barely registered his life leaving this world and falling short into death. It didn’t make sense to me. Jackson was as great as my grandfather. They both yelled at the television and used phrases no one understood when they were mad or drunk.

Why wasn't the sky crying for Jackson? Why was everything the same? How could people still be smiling? Didn’t they know? Weren’t they aware he was forever gone?

Kali had helped me carry him out to a small spot hidden from prying eyes. We stole a car and drove and drove and drove.

At the edge of river, she’d used a pinch of his dust to summon a small house. She was weakened by it, even as we rested for a few days. Her explanation was that she had used so little dust and had to supplement it with her own internal magic. Her rationalization made sense though. We needed to conserve it and it wasn’t like she was going to die if she used too much.

Jackson lay mummified by the foot a bed, his internal organs stuck in pretty Egyptian clay jars. His full mummification had been listed in the things he wanted if he died, a list he had written up and handed to Kali right before he joined the war. She figured it still meant something. I figured she just wanted to do something other than mourn.

I wanted to do something other than mourn.

I found doing something other than mourning was harder than mourning.

I did not like mourning. It was boring and painful. I was my grandmother, crying and sobbing every day, every memory, good and bad, a source of tears, of anguish, until no more tears could come and I could only breathe dry, ragged sobs.

Kali dragged me outside a few times and forced me to interact with her. It didn’t really work well. She looked as dead as I felt and eventually we both grew bored of kicking around the ball we had found in the back of the car. She tried to teach me how to drive it but fell into the grass after filling the tank up with another pinch of dust. I helped her stumble back to the house and we laid together, side by side, as the sky darkened.

We were going to go Egypt. We were going to bury Jackson with his parents, on the west side of the Nile, where the sun set, and death touched the sands. Afterwards, I was going to call my parents and call Nick. Kali was going to call Shiva. Then we were going to flee to Norway and stay there until I died a nice, natural death and Kali could go home. I was going to be Scott again. She was going to be Carol. Scott and Carol, new students at boarding school if we could find one. If not, then my age would be faked and I would have been sent to a community college for accounting technicians diploma while Kali waitressed.

It was good plan.

Heh. It’s a shame we never got to go through with it.

 

* * *

 

 

They came in the middle of night.

The smell of smoke woke me up. I nudged Kali’s foot with mine and she groaned, exhausted. Then the smoke smell hit her too and she jerked up, sagging forward suddenly tired. She made to stand but I pushed her back and shook my head, standing slow and edging over to the window, ring forming into my sword. Its tip braced the floor with a metallic twang and out through the window I saw a group of Demons swarming our house. More appeared, scattered all over the place, surrounding us.

I turned to Kali. She was already up, throwing a blanket over Jackson’s sarcophagus. Her tired fingers weathered through her hair and she pressed her fingers to her lips. I nodded and stayed quiet. She pointed to the window, tapped her chin with the side of her hand then pointed to herself.

Sign language[105].

 Nick’s language.

  _Talk me_.

I translated it mentally into my (horrible) English grammar. Tell her. Tell her what? Sign language was not something she particularly good at it and we couldn’t waste time on her slow, careful fingerspelling. I peered out the window. The Demons edged closer. I pointed to the window and made horns with my fingers. She nodded.

Tell her about the Demons. I nodded again and she relaxed, exhaustion from standing beginning to sink in. She drifted over to the door. They closed in finally. I closed my eyes and opened them, glancing at her and nodding, hard and sharp. She exhaled once, a sharp short sound.

Then rammed the door open, slamming into the faces of several other Demons that fell back into one another. She dove forward into them, the crowd and they swallowed her up. The door slammed shut behind her and screams rang out into the air. I moved quickly, urgently, slamming my body up into the door and pushing back as hard as I could. Pounding against the door, they fought back and I yelled. Jackson didn’t move. He couldn’t hear me.

He was dead.

And that thought killed me, piercing through my chest and exploding my mind into red hot rage. I kicked back and let the door fall open, racing over to the window. At the thought of the pain, I faltered, not really set on jumping through it, instead shoving it open and climbing through. I slammed it shut on the fingers, on the leg of a Demon and she screamed bloody murder.

I ran for Kali.

Far away, corpses scattered in a zagging line towards her, she was fighting, but tiredly, exhausted. Her swords blurred threw the air and heads fell off shoulders, corpses staining the grass red. She stumbled a bit and licked the blood off a blade. It seemed to rejuvenate her but not by much, easing the weight on her shoulders but not the death in her face, the dread to her legs and the brokenness to her mind.

She grabbed me and breathed heavily into my hair. My goddess was dying, my fierce warrior goddess, bringer of death, master of time, was exhaustively dying.

“Jackson,” she hissed. I blinked and glanced over to where she was staring. They were pulling him out of the house, forcing open the sarcophagus and ripping off his wrappings. They were expanding a bubble, getting ready to push him into it as we charged over.

My legs were tired of running

 _I’m too fat for this_ , I thought vaguely, throwing myself on Jackson’s body. He would’ve laughed at that, laughed and squeezed my stomach fat, praising my chub and calling me adorable. I would’ve punched him. He would’ve teased me. Would’ve. Would have.

Can’t.

He was dead.

The thought hit me again and a wave of power coursed in my chest, rolling into itself like a tsunami before erupting outwards, expanding like a wave, like a flood. Shrieks rang out. Bodies exploded into the air, sailing, sailing, sailing.

I wanted to die. Swap souls. Jackson was supposed to live forever. I’d been destined to die since birth. It didn’t seem fair. Kali tugged me off of him, swinging his dead body over her back. Her face was marred with blood and behind her the Demons were moving. Jackson’s face lolled on her shoulder. He could’ve been sleeping. Could’ve. Could have. Can’t.

Dead.

Dead.

Dead.

What did they want with a dead boy?

“Car,” she growled.

And then she collapsed. Flames lit up her back, lit up Jackson’s body and the power inside me flushed out again. The boy, he couldn't have been older than thirteen and- He- I- His- his head snapped back and I saw him die and felt myself recoil and die again. Kali struggled up, tired, burnt, Jackson’s body flamed. She swung him around and patted his back, fingers trembling as she killed the flames.

We were all dead.

All dying.

How beautiful we were, the dead, zombies alive with nothingness.

She ripped dust from the bag and threw it at me, hissing, “Invisible.” Her voice urged me to move. Bodies rose behind her. She heaved Jack back on to her back and we ran, exhausted, tired and dead. Oh so very, very dead.

The car gleamed in the moonlight, so close yet so out of reach, seeming further and further away the closer we grew to it and Kali yelled out, Jackson’s body rolling off her, tumbling, soaring through the air and he seemed alive, gracefully curving through the air like he did on skates, on ice. Eleven. He taught my dad how to ice-skate. We got pizza afterwards. He looked awesome.

Then he fell to the ground, unmoving. His eyes had fluttered open. They were glassy and dead. And Kali yelled again, stabbing, slicing, trying her best to be engulfed in rage but she was too tired, too gone.

And they were tugging Jackson away again, back to the bubble, forcing him into it. The flocked around the bubble. By the time I got to them, my fingertips barely grazed the tip of a collar and they were gone. Disappearing as though the air had engulfed them and swallowed them whole.

He was gone.

I died again.

My voice wretched raw, ripping at my throat as I screamed, “ _KALI!_ ”

I shouldn’t have talked. Shouldn’t have said anything because she turned to me, distracted, terrified for me, and they struck at her. She crumpled like a doll and the power raged again, curling in my chest and flushing outwards, but before it could hit them, they were gone. Her hair had risen up into the air and she was gone.

Gone.

Why everyone leaving me?

Someone screeched. I turned sharply. A boy had been flung into the wall. His arm was bent awkwardly and bleeding. I marched over to him. He was young, face plump with baby fat and eyes terrified. He struggled back, cornering himself in the wall, and babbled pleas I couldn’t hear, power raging hot in my head. My body felt alive and electric. Power surged out of me and I watched the boy slam back further into the wall. The bricks broke around his head and he cried out in pain.

Uncaring, I hefted my sword over my head and-

 

**Alex?**

 

I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine.

Fine.

 

**You sure?**

 

Yeah.

I'm fine.

 

* * *

 

 

The sun baked my skin warm and I wondered if the morning had _just_ come, warming me awake, or if the day had long since started and I just couldn’t sleep my problems away any longer. The sun filtered through the clouds, smiling down at me. It was just the beginning of morning, pale pink curling at the horizon.

I sighed deep and heavy, still tired, still exhausted, still dead.

Dead bodies filled the house and I was sleeping in the grass, the morning dew tickling my cheek. Dead bodies filled the house and I stood slowly and surely, pulling out a pinch of dust and throwing it at the house.

“Sink,” I said and the house sunk, earth and dirt schluffing around it, leaving behind an awkward low patch of dirt in the high grassy fielding. I threw another pinch of dust. “Grass.”

It didn’t tire me out to use so little dust and supplement so much of my own. I didn’t understand where my power came from. Shapeshifting seemed pointless, not requiring the level of power that killed my body now. No, this seemed sudden, a manifestation of my pain. Was I even still in pain?

I felt numb.

Oh so, wonderfully numb.

As I marched away, an odd smile crept up on my lips, feeling permanent and normal. I left the car and walked out of the field, finding the road and following it back to the town. Days passed by in a blur of shifting forms and merging trees. I caught buses from state to state, city to city, town to town, until I got to New York. There were no buses headed to Brokes or even just Pennsylvania so I stood in an airport, wearing new clothes I’d conjured up and feeling clean from my brief shower at a gym I broke into. Money I had created from dust sat crisp and new in my pocket.

Plane tickets are really expensive.

           

**Yeah.**

 

While I was struggling to figure out how exactly I was going to disguise my tail from the body detectors, a little ways away from me was a small family. A little girl was nervous, picking at her sweater and glancing around, agitatedly tapping at the top of her hat. Her hat rolled back. Black horns peeked out from under blonde hair, curling into a spiral. She caught my eyes and yanked it back over her head. I shook my head, slowly, and mimed a spiral out from the edge of my back. She blinked once. Then turned and tapped her mother on the shoulder, pointing at me. The girl looked down but gestured impatiently for me to come over as her mother stood and watched me.

I came over.

“Hello,” I said pleasantly. I wondered where the life in my voice had come from. I didn’t get it. Just looking at them, knowing what they were, made me want to rip their throats out. Torture them. Kill them straight up dead.

Who cares if I was one them? I was good. They were all bad. Bad deserved to die. Swap souls with Jackson. Give him back. He was Good. They needed to die. Why did Bad get to live when Good couldn’t? Didn’t seem fair.

Her mother glanced at me. “Tail, wings or horns?”

“Tail,” I breathed, biting down the venom that was easing into my voice, and she nodded.

“Kenneth, stay with your sister.” She handed her son a couple of bills. “Get something to eat.”

She marched me into a nearby bathroom, pushing me into the handicap stall and locking before tugging my shirt off over my head and watching my tail. It relaxed, fluffing up and winding away from my chest and dropping low to the floor. The cold tile tapped it. It jerked up and swayed like a cat’s tail, puffed up.

“Uncontrollable,” she said flatly. “Easier to hide.”

I didn’t understand what she meant. I mean, how is something uncontrollable easier to hide? Especially when it keeps flicking my nipples under my shirt and slapping me in the face while I sleep. But I let her take my tail. She ran her hand over it and it softened under her touch. It wound around my stomach tight.

“This may tickle,” she said as she pressed her warm hands to my bare chest, just below my bra. It did tickle. My tail melted into my skin, fur spreading out like ink and staining my skin. “It will last for a few hours,” she added.

“Thank you,” I said. I pulled on my shirt.

“You’re welcome.” And she smiled. And it was clean and good. I realized she wasn’t like the others, the ones who’d stolen my friends. The ones who’d killed me.

They were alive with hate.

She was alive with life.

And I was dead, numb.

I smiled back. You can’t hate a person for what a group of them have done.

“Because people are stupid,” my mom had said one day when I asked her why a small boy was dead because of something he didn’t do but people blamed him for regardless. “Look at terrorism. People hate all Muslims for what a patch of them have done. That is why the boy is dead. I don’t hate your father for what his ancestors did to mine. For what his people are doing to mine now. But people don’t see it like that. They hate everything and everyone because they believe they can. Anger does not become you. It eats you.”

She’d run her fingers through my hair and smiled. “You wouldn’t hate all chickens because of a few bad eggs.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [105] A language used to communicate with the deaf using your hands


	18. Chapter 18

Homesickness bloomed heavy in my chest and I pressed my nose to the window, hungry for the view as clouds shifted over and blocked it. I didn’t realize how much I missed my home, my city, my world.

Brokes was _mine._

I shouldn’t have had to leave.

 _Stupid genetics_ , I thought grumpily. _Making me leave my beautiful home, my brilliant city, and chucking me out into a world of stupid five percenters._

Around me other locals, natives of the city, breathed heavy sighs of relief as the pilot’s voice came over the intercom and addressed our soon landing time. They were just as happy as I was to be coming home. Who wouldn’t be? Brokes is _awesome!_

I rubbed my ring and let a whine erupt from my throat as the clouds shifted and the city came back. The little girl next to me chuckled and leaned over to check out the view with me. We both couldn’t wait to land.

When the plane touched the ground, the shuffling line of people annoyed me. I wanted to get off. I wanted to get off now and kiss the ground of the place I had missed so much.

 

**Seriously?**

 

Brokes is the best place on Earth! Are you kidding me? Of course, I was serious. In fact, I was so serious, I did kiss the ground. I faked tripping over my feet as I came down the stairs, the last bit of steps, and kissed the sweet, sweet asphalt of _home._

Jackson’s death, Kali’s disappearance. None of that mattered as much to me as I took in the feeling of home. I’d been gone for only a couple of weeks and I hated it, hated being gone. This was my place. Home is where your heart and everything I loved was here. My family, my friends, my apartment, my heart. Here. Brokes.

My city.

My Brokes.

           

**Uh huh. So what were you doing back in Brokes anyway?**

 

Honestly? I had no clue. I knew exactly two things. One, I wanted my parents. Two, I wanted Nick. My parents were in Brokes. Nick was over at all girls boarding school for the deaf a few cities away from Brokes, like I’ve said before, and would be coming home for their spring break in a few days. The three people I wanted would be in Brokes.

So I went to Brokes.

 

**Makes sense.**

 

Yep. I was kind of on autopilot though. The only time I exhibited any signs of life was when I kissed the ground and then I got up and moved through the airport lifelessly. For a moment, I considered catching a cab but my legs walked right out the front doors and pattered down the road. A bus was setting on the edge of the sidewalk, filling up with people. I heaved myself onto the bus, dropped in my exact change and settled to the back.

Trees blurred past. I wrung my ring, lost. My brain was aflutter with nothing. Everything was static. We hit the city and my tail tugged out from my skin, tightening around my stomach, alive and just as lifeless as I was feeling. I pushed the bell and pressed down the aisle, thanking the driver and wandering down and around blocks until my apartment building came into view.

It was night and as I jogged down the sidewalk, I remembered doing this, the same thing in December in the early morning, the sky as dark as it was now, thinking vaguely about how much I did not want to suffer through Jackson’s post-Christmas workout while I strolled through the ache in my legs.

Red eyes watching me as I stooped for my keys. Had that been Dylan? Grayson’s hot chocolate, my dad’s omelette and him telling me how much I was like my mom because I didn’t like onions like her. My mom’s hate for mornings as country music blared and us praying, thanking the gods for our lives and hoping for a good day, sharing breakfast. Jackson refusing to get up. Kali kicking the door down. Complaints, school work, talking about what we were going to do during the break.

Life had been so simple, so different.

So easy.

I nodded at Grayson who blinked blearily at me and handed me a cup of hot chocolate. I took it warmly before hopping into the elevator and riding it all the way up to my floor. The numbers blinked by. My heart pounded. I tapped the door to my apartment. My heart pounded faster.

The door opened.

My dad stared at me for a few seconds then took the hot chocolate out of my hands, put it on the counter beside him and yanked me into a bone crushing hug. Blinking back tears, I squeezed back just as hard.

“Alex,” he breathed into my hair. “Alex Scott Johnson, I have missed you so much, you horrible child.”

The door swung shut and I felt my mom come up around my back and squeezed me too, muttering into my shoulder, “You are not supposed to be here. I love you so much. They are going to kill you. I _missed_ you.”

“So much contradiction in that sentence, Mom,” I laughed.

She slapped my side. I breathed. My family, my home. Home. Home. Home. _Safe_.

I was _safe_.

After five minutes of pure hugging, my mom pulled back and tugged my dad away from me. She rubbed her face. “Alex, you shouldn’t be here.”

“I know. I jus-” I sighed. Tears welled up into my eyes and I couldn’t hold back the rasp to my voice as I continued. “Jackson’s dead. And Kali got stolen. And I just- I just wanted to come _home._ ”

My dad pressed his hands over my hair and tugged me back into a hug. “It’s okay, Al. It’s kay.”

My dad’s voice, so familiar in tone, his words easing me back into stability. I broke down and gripped his shirt. Tears dribbled down my face, staining his clothes wet. And he held me tight.

“I miss them,” I sobbed, releasing everything that had been curling dead in my chest for days. “I’m tired. It’s been weeks and I wanna stay here. I don’t wanna have to go. Can’t I just stay here?”

“Yes,” my dad said immediately.

My mom laughed and squeezed my hand. “Of course.”

But then Jackson’s voice rang out in my head. “If _you’re_ there, do you _honestly_ think your parents are just gonna give you up like that? Especially if you’re most likely _going to be killed_?” he had said. “They will _die_ for you. Do you want to risk that?”

No. No, I didn’t.

Look I wanted to stay home. I wanted to pretend like the past three or so months had been one giant blur and never happened. I wanted to stay home where I was safe. I wanted to sleep in my bed. I wanted my parents to hold me like they did when I was younger and smaller and I cried about things I didn’t understand.

But I couldn’t. Because I couldn’t risk them.

They were my family.

I didn’t want them to die.

So I pulled back and rubbed my face, tears drying on my face. “But I- I- I can’t. ‘Cause then you might die.”

“Funnily enough, Al, we _want_ to protect you,” my dad said and he sighed, taking my face in his hands. “You’re our child. I’d rather die than see you die. Haven’t you figured that out by now?”

But I shook my head. “But I can’t live with that. And I want-” I sighed. Everything hurt. Everything hurt so much. Emotional pain sucked. “I want Nick. And Kali. I don’t want you to die.”

“I really don’t care about dying,” my dad assured me. “If I did, I would still have breasts. And a uterus! And ovaries!”

“Surgery is a lot different than some god ramming _their weapon through you_.” I grabbed my shirt collar and tried to breathe again. “ _I’m not-_ ” I gasped and my mom gripped my wrist, pressing her thumb against my pulse soothingly. I relaxed. “I’m not gonna be the reason you guys die.”

“Alex.” But my dad didn’t say anything else to dissuade me, tugging me into his chest again. “I did not give you that self-sacrificing thing. That came from your mother.”

“Pfft,” my mom said, curling back to my back. “That comes from my mother. Or Carol. Carol gave up a kidney.” She sniffled. “That’s self-sacrificing. So stupid.”

“She gave up a kidney for you,” I muttered.

“Stupid,” she huffed, kissing the back of my head.

“I’m not even your biological kid.”

“Shut up, Alex.”

I shut up, letting them swarm me with warmth.

I was safe.

Safe.

I missed safe.

I missed them.

 

* * *

 

 

Two days later, they let me go. With a full belly and clean clothes, I had a backpack full of stuff, money and another, larger, fuller bag of dust, my mom’s own magic pulled out into physical form. A thermos of Grayson’s hot chocolate was tucked into a spare pocket. His cat watched me walk out the door and he saluted me as I left. I saluted back.

I didn’t really know what I was going to do, only that I had to get out of Brokes as soon as possible. It was dumb to come to a place where there were a huge group of people wanting to kill me. A huge group of magic, immortal people that I still worshipped because it’s so hard to give up what you know, especially when you _don’t want to_.

My tail fluttered under my shirt, under my jacket and people I knew smiled and nodded at me, unaware I wasn’t supposed to be here. I saw Katelynn, Nick’s little sister, her puffy hair bouncing in a breeze, dark skin bright under the sun, sitting on the top of a car, watching the clouds drift by. Her mother stood by their car, talking on the phone. Her shoulders sagged. She looked up. I looked away.

Just a nameless girl with bright blonde hair and light green tints streaking through it hiking up a hill to somewhere.

Her eyes dropped. She didn’t recognize me.

Katelynn stopped staring at clouds to watch me. She said nothing. She knew who I was.

I walked faster.

My mind was once again on autopilot and I accepted that, hoping it would drag me where I needed to go, where I wanted to go. Where I had to go.

It dragged me to the school.

I did not want to go there. Result? I had to go there. Standing awkwardly at the edge of the boundary line, where my mom had parked her bike, waiting for me, months before, half hidden behind trees, unseen, I wondered why I was there.

Dylan.

First thought, first word, first answer. He was there, trapped or dead. And Lena. She had Changed. Would they have locked her up too? Would they have killed her? I rolled my ring in my hand. I breathed.

 _Time to be the Big Bad Awesome_ , I thought. _Let’s get ready to die_.


	19. Chapter 19

It was insanely easy to get inside.

I mean, _honestly._ It was ridiculously easy. The alarms didn’t ring. No one seemed aware that a Demon had just entered. I stayed female, of course, keeping my head down and trudging by. I said hello to a few people I knew, my voice higher and unfamiliar. They smiled and said hello back, eyes searching my face, trying to remember who I was as I disappeared down the hallway.

Peter had shown me the dungeons on my tour. He had said that they hadn’t been really used in years, remaining out of possible necessity than real function. Demons hadn’t tried to break in since 1973. Demons hadn’t been held there since 1994.

Except now there were Demons, one who had broken in, one who had escaped and another who had chosen to reveal her true colours at the wrong moment.

I kept an eye out for Lena but didn’t catch sight of her by the time I had made it to the door that led down to the dungeons. I traipsed down the stairs. My skin prickled. There was guard waiting, two, in fact, and that inspired a bit of hope in me. I gripped my bag of dust and marched right past them, like I was supposed to be there.

It threw them off for a moment. The girl cocked her head. “Who are you?”

“Bagel.”

 

**Bagel? _Bagel?_ Why in _the world-_ _Bagel? Really?_**

 

It was the first thing that came to my head! It wasn’t like I was thinking, “Ah yes, what could possibly _ruin_ this situation for me?”

The girl blinked and turned to the kid beside her. The kid stood. Their necklace clinked proper pronouns as they leaned forward like they weren’t sure they heard me right. “Bagel?” they asked.

I nodded. “My mom had a lot of drugs and was very hungry,” I explained before briskly turning and marching down.

The prisons I passed by were empty. Empty of people and anything else. Something pulsed at the end. My skin curled at the feeling.

 _Magic_.

I heard the two follow behind me, the girl whispering something hissed and fast to the kid, and gripped my bag of dust nervously. Fingertips peeked out from bars as I grew closer and closer to the pulse. Then I swung around and chucked a handful of dust at the two behind me. Easily they slumped together to the floor. Unconscious. Asleep. Hopefully. I hadn’t really thought of anything when I threw the dust at them.

That probably wasn’t good.

Lena stared at me through the bars. She didn’t look too bad, just sick and tired. Rings formed under her reddening eyes. Large pale wings spread out from her back. She looked like an Angel. Not a Demon. Her eyes narrowed into a squint. “Alex?”

“Hi.” I unlocked the door. “How are you?”

“Fine.” Dylan stood up behind her. His black cloud-like hair was dusty. Like Lena, he looked ill and tired. He took in my appearance with her. Lena licked her dry, cracked lips and glanced up at my face. “You have real breasts.”

“Yeah.” The door swung open.

She stepped out and prodded one of my very real breasts. “I like it.”

“Thank you.”

Dylan smiled at me. “What are we doing?”

I went back on autopilot. “No clue.”

They followed me soundlessly, accepting it when I threw dust on them and muttered, “Invisible” without explanation. I drifted up and out and around and back in the school until I stopped outside the workshop. Ben was the only inhabitant. I pushed in.

Even as I stepped closer and closer to him, hovering right above his workbench, he didn’t look up, skin shimmering wet with sweat as he delicately placed a small screw into an even tinier hole. I waited until he finished screwing it into place before saying, “Hi, Ben.”

He blinked and glanced up at me. “Oh. Alex.” He cocked his head and smiled warmly. “Fish owes me three dollars now. Mary owes me ten. Peter was too smart to bet. Alice wasn’t there.”

I told him Kali was missing and I needed to find her. He lifted the contraption and set it off to the side then dusted his hands on his greased up shirt. “I have a car. It’s blue. Lena will show you.”

He disappeared out the door and a warm, invisible hand tugged on mine, guiding me out the workshop and out the school. Ben’s car was not a car. It was a van. A very blue van with dark swirling designs on it.

“It has no engine,” Lena’s voice said, disembodied beside me. “And it doesn’t need gas. Ben made it. Pulled it out of thin air.” She laughed. “Then he passed out for three days.”

“Wow.” I opened the door to the backseat and heard the thumps of two different footsteps before closing the door and rolling around to the passenger side. “I can’t drive. Who drives?”

“Ben,” Lena’s voice said again. “None of us can. His grandmother taught him when he was thirteen because she didn’t like driving to the store to pick up her medication.”

“I wish my grandmother was that cool,” I muttered.

The driver door opened and Ben hopped into the seat, shoving the key into the ignition. The car roared to life. “No, you don’t. She’s a-” He paused, trying to think of the right word. “Irritance.”

“Better than my grandmother,” Peter said. “All she does is give me looks and sigh a lot.”

“At least you have a grandmother,” Fish said dramatically. Alice laughed behind and pushed him, finishing with, “Ours is dead.”

“Mi abuela es loca[106],” Mary said, throwing herself out on Peter’s and Alice’s laps. “Where are we headed?”

I frowned. “I don’t know.”

Ben grinned and his face seemed oddly haunted, too alive for someone who always looked to be on the brink of death. He tapped his dashboard, tapped on a small screen blinking a dot in the center. “I know where to go.”

“Where?” I asked.

He smiled wider and pulled out of the parking lot. “Nowhere.”

 

* * *

 

 

I was bored. We’d been on the road for a few hours and I was so, so _bored_.

I’d recounted the story twice, Jackson’s death, Kali’s disappearance, once to them, once to myself. I glossed over the exact specifications of how Jackson died. I didn’t like thinking about it. About his eyes dying, turning blank as I thrust my blade within him.

Alice tapped her fingers against Mary’s back. Ben explained that he’d made the car to go where he wanted and what he wanted right now was to get Kali. The dot was where she was. The dot was quite literally in the middle of nowhere.

When we’d stopped for a pee/snack break, he pulled me aside. “My father would like you to know that he is trying to vouch for you. He told me in a dream.” I nodded. “It was a pleasant dream,” Ben added. “Fish and I were having sex. It’s very strange when your father appears when you’re having sex with your boyfriend. Very strange.” He ate a french fry. “And completely horrifying.”

I laughed. To my ears, I sounded dead. My autopilot wouldn’t come back on, now that I had no destination to stroll towards, now that my destination was being pulled to me. I felt dead again. I felt numb.

I wondered if they could tell.

For the most part, I stayed in the front seat, silent and musing. I felt destructive in my own skin. I wanted to die but I feared the pain of death. An irony. That’s what I was. The thing I feared was going to kill me. My brain was going to tear itself apart. I was tired of that.

When I finally wanted sleep, I migrated to the back and slept, curled into someone’s chest. I think it was Dylan’s but for all I know it could’ve been Fish or Alice, willing me to darkness with pulsing warm. The sound of thunder woke me up.

It wasn’t thunder.

We were alone on a highway, the sun drifting down for the moon to come up and replace it in the sky, and it wasn’t thunder.

There was nothing behind us and then there was. A flurry of Demons in their own car, no top, and firing at us. Bullets, arrows and everything hitting the van. Alice yelled something I couldn’t hear, too caught up in my own internal panic and the thundering sound of incoming death. I didn’t want to get taken. But if I did, I might be with Kali again. But they might kill me and I didn’t want to die. But I did. But I feared the pain death brought along.

The top of the van retracted and Alice stood with a purpose and strength that fifteen year olds were only supposed to dream of. Her fingers moved, blurred, as arrow after arrow fell from her hand. The car sped up. I stopped breathing. The earth rotated under our feet, the dead bursting alive. They tore into the other car. Peter said something. I heard Fish yell.

I looked up.

I shouldn’t have looked up.

He tore the living apart. Ripped their hearts out of their chests. They exploded across the road. And pain flared in my skin like bees, scratching in my throat, underneath my chest, hammering at my heart with its tiny needles.

“ _Fish!_ ” Peter yelled as I threw myself backwards, into the back of the driver’s seat, fingers scrambling. “ _We said no!_ ”

I didn’t want to die like that. Being torn up from the inside out, body mangled and exploded across a highway. Mary pitched up over the passenger’s seat, reaching for me. I spasmed, bursting into myself. Imaginary pain echoed in my skull. It scratched at my chest like the claws of a wolf dragging into my skin. I was being ripped to pieces from the inside out.

I was exploding.

I wanted my parents. I wanted Jackson. I wanted Kali.

I needed Nick.

Jackson’s phone was in my hands before I could even register its weight and Nick’s voice was sliding through the receiver. The top of the car closed. I breathed hard. They all watched me.

“Hey, Jack. What’s up?”

“It’s Alex,” I said. My voice pitched high and scared. I hustled further into the corner of the door and the driver’s seat.

“Alex.” Nick’s voice frowned. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?”

“I’m dying.” I was dying. There was no wound. “I’m dying,” I repeated desperately.

“You’re not dying, stupid. If you were, I doubt you’d be telling me this over the phone. Giving me your last words and final goodbye is more your style,” they teased. They paused. “Okay. Look, count with me. One lily lily, two lily lily, three lily lily, breathe.”

I breathed and counted, mumbling the words. “Four lily lily, five lily lily, six lily lily, breathe.”

We made it to fifty-two before I had finally calmed down some. Math and counting. Counting only worked with Nick though. Their voice was a soothing mantra that kept me in a bubble of safe. I pressed my head to my knees. Lena settled in front of me, not touching my skin but close enough that I could feel heat radiating off her.

 “What happened?” Nick questioned immediately.

“Oh, you know,” I said airily. “People exploding.”

“Literally, figuratively or movie-ly?”

“Kali would kill you if she knew you used a word that didn’t exist,” I mumbled. “Literally.”

They said nothing to that. “Speaking of Kali, I got an email from her a month ago, telling me we can no longer makeout on my couch because she’s finally found someone who’d have sex with her. Tell her I’m offended.”

I pressed my head further into my knees. “She’s not here. I’m looking for her.”

Nick tapped something, the sound echoing through the phone. “When you find her, tell her then.”

“I will.”

“Also I got early release tickets to some play this summer about a gay guy. I thought Jackson would like it. It has a ton of male nudity,” they said. My heart stopped. “You wanna go?”

“If I’m alive.” I tapped my foot. “Jackson wouldn’t be able to go though.”

“Huh.” They sounded indifferent but I heard a tinge of dread. “Katelynn said something about that. True or no?”

“True.”

“Fuck.”

I laughed in spite of all the misery swirling up inside me. Nick’s voice was too bubbly for swears. It always sounded odd. “Yeah,” I agreed. “Fuck.”

“So he’s _definitely_ dead, you _might_ die and Kali’s missing. Great. Guess I’ll go to that stupid play alone then.” There was beat of silence and I took in their breathing like it was my lifeline, listening to each breath curl into me like my own personal relaxant. “I love you.”

“I love you too. And Jackson says the same.” Lena gave me a look, not jealous, just confused and curious. “Kali didn’t say anything before she left but I figure she’d say the same.”

“Whatever,” they snapped. Their footsteps echoed loud over the phone. “Don’t die if you can. I’m going to go bother Mutant about it now. I hate waiting. If you die, I’m giving you a shitty eulogy, you ass, so you better not fucking die.”

“You do that.” I squeezed my thumb. “I’ll try not to.”

“Good.” Silence. “I love you, Al.”

“I know, Nick. I love you.” Silence. “Bye. And tell Katie the same.”

“Of course. Bye. Remember to count.”

“I will.” And then we hung up together, at the same time, as we always did.

 

**Why’d you tell them that?**

 

It’s a rule. Don’t lie about things that are too serious to be overlooked. I figured death was one of those things. Besides, Nick has been my friend longer than Jackson and Kali, longer than my family has been my family. I owed them this truth.

 

* * *

 

 

It was nighttime and I was curled up in the passenger’s seat. Everyone was snoring in the back. Ben was still driving, hyped on ten coffees from our last pee break. His eyes were alive with insanity and sleep deprivation and every so often he’d twitch.

Unnerved by this, I tapped his shoulder. “You should sleep.”

He rolled his eyes. “And you should tell me what’s bothering you but you’re not so I’m not.”

I shifted. “Nothing’s bothering me.”

“Sure.” His tone conveyed that he didn’t believe me. “And I don’t need sleep.

The silence thudded between us. The radio played something low and I reached to turn it up. It was so loud and so quiet and my heart was hammering taking over everything, consuming me dead.

 _One lily lily, two lily lily, three lily lily, breathe,_ I thought. _Four lily lily, five lily lily, six lily lily, breathe_.

And then I couldn’t breathe anymore.

“I killed Jackson.” The words expelled from me in a breath and they hurt. They stung and pinched and burned me. I tucked myself in and wished I was smaller, wished I was tiny, wished I was dead. “I killed my best friend.”

Ben looked at me once then continued to eye the road. “My grandfather killed his best friend too. He said he died when he did.” He took a breath. “He was a child soldier. I never thought much about them until he told me. He was being moved to a new group. They wanted him to prove his loyalty. They didn’t like his friend. They saw him weak, inferior. They told my grandfather to shoot him. My grandfather did.”

I dropped my eyes to my feet.

Ben continued regardless. “He said he stopped living that day. He said he didn’t realize it would hurt that much.” Ben turned at an exit and the van bustled down the road, quietly. Noise swarmed my head. “My grandmum made him go to therapy when he told us. He said it hurt more to keep it inside him.” He tapped the wheel. “Which I guess makes it good that you told someone.”

I shrugged. Numbness rolled over me. “It’s supposed to help,” I said, thinking vaguely of my time in therapy, my therapist asking me about pain, why I thought I feared it. “Talking. But-” I faltered. “Everything still feels dead.”

“You will live,” Ben assured me.

I leaned back and considered opening the door and letting myself fall out to die, crushed under the wheels of oncoming truck. I didn’t want to live. I wanted to be gone. Autopilot had been turned off completely now. I couldn’t make myself live anymore.

Ben squeezed my ankle. “You will live. Talk to me. Tell me about him. All I know is that he hates Norwegians and doesn’t like the colour white. And that he smells of lavenders. And that he was very attractive. Tell me more.”

So I did. Until the morning shone bright overhead through the windows.

I told him everything I could think of about Jackson, the way he hated mornings, the way he spent my entire childhood with him insisting I had to be gay. The way he got when he was passionate about something, his body tense and eyes alive with care. I told him about the way Jackson laughed when he found something funny and how he and Nick had an ongoing bet on who could make me laugh harder over anything. How he covered my eyes immediately at painful scenes. His stupid annual post-Christmas workout. His weird obsession with purple which I never understood but accepted regardless.

And I told him about Kali too. The way she was determined to kiss every cute girl she came across. How she disliked British people because they stole her country. About the time she punched out some tourist as he groped my ass while we were walking by. How she spent hours poring over my personal rule book because she wanted to make sure she understood everything, to make sure she could always stay firmly in my comfort zone, before she signed her friendship over.

Told him about Nick and how they protected me, even more than Kali and Jackson ever had. How they rolled their shoulders when they laughed and glowered at their reflection on days where gender was uncomfortable and nothing they wore felt right on them. How we’d been friends since we were three and I lived beside them when I was with Carlita and how I could never imagine a day where they weren’t my friend, could never imagine a day where I didn’t know them.

I told Ben everything.

Anything.

Whatever came to mind.

It didn’t ease the ache in my chest. It didn’t ease the pain. But it helped somewhat. Like reliving Jackson, reliving our friendship and the seven, eight years I’d known him, had forced me to come to terms with it. With his death.

Still didn’t change the fact that I killed him.

Still didn’t change the fact he was gone.

Ben listened well and asked questions and when the morning light pitched in through the windows, we stopped, voices raw, throats aching. He pulled over to the side and closed his eyes. A few seconds crept by before he opened them again, pulling back onto the road. He veered suddenly off it, driving through a blank field for twenty minutes before pulling to a stop in front of nothing. He hit the button that opened the top of the car and leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes again, letting the sun fall warm on his skin.

“We’re here,” he said. And then he fell asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [106] Spanish for “My grandmother is crazy”


	20. Chapter 20

Ben slept for five hours. In that five hours, we searched the field for something and found nothing.

“Check for life!” Mary yelled, some three hundred feet west of me.

Lena grabbed her face and groaned for the tenth time before glancing over at Mary with an irritated expression curling over her face. “I told you I _can’t!_ I can only find _the dead!_ ”

“Jackson’s dead!” My body gave a sad jerk. Mary yelled an apology that I waved off. I was tired of her apologies.

“ _AND I CAN’T SENSE ANY DEAD!_ ” Lena yelled again, for the tenth time, growing more annoyed.

Mary opened her mouth and a burst of flame shot over her head. She ducked and swore and gave Dylan a look. He smiled sweetly. I fell backwards into the grass and wondered if I could stay there. Stay there and die. Let the earth overcome my body and take everything I had. In some worlds, I came from the earth, my body built from dust, from clay, from dirt, and was breathed life into. I wanted to crumble back into nothingness. Let God take me back to dust. Let Him pull me back into the clouds.[107]

Another thought prickled at my mind. But was I even made like that? I was a Demon, not Human. Where did we come from? Why was it us with the capital and not the others? We were a species apart from everything then.

I stared at the sky. _Why? Why the fuck am I here?_

And then air broke open.

It split open and Ben woke up and yelled, his sleep over and done with. Lena toppled over out of fright and Alice yelled something in French that I could barely hear over the screaming of the air being pulled apart. I pushed up, the air sizzling on my skin, burning cold. A door slid into view, rippling like a mirage. Ben toppled out of the car and hit the ground hard. He shot up like a rabbit, dirt scuffed on his face.

“Hah ha!”

Everyone stared at him. Fish closed his eyes. “Sweetie, did you know this was going to happen?”

“Nope!” He sounded triumphant when he said it. I wondered if he really got any sleep at all or if he was just faking so he wouldn’t have to search with the rest of us. “Let’s go!” He marched forward and tried to open the door. It wouldn’t budge.

We swarmed around him and considered the door. It was a normal door, wooden and painted red. It didn’t look impossibly strong or particularly impossible to open. I mean, yeah, Ben was tiny and didn’t weigh much but he could lift a one hundred pound cement bag over his head with one hand so, you know. He should’ve been able to open some stupid, magical wooden door.

“Maybe it’s like King Arthur,” Peter said. His accent came out thick with last two words. “You have to be certain person to open it.”

Lena rolled her eyes. “Pete, I’ve been your friend for five years. You can tell me to open it because I’m Demon, you moron.”

He gave her an affronted look. “I was trying to be nice.”

She cuffed him upside the head before turning, pushing past Ben and pressing her palms to the handles of the door. The door glowed neatly and she pulled it open with ease. The entrance way shimmered another field, identical to ours. She shrugged and walked right in, looked back and forth before stepping back out and keeping the door pulled open. The rest of us flocked to the car and Ben drove right in. Lena stepped inside and pulled the door shut, walking a few steps before pulling herself into the car.

“Why do you think it appeared?” Alice wondered aloud.

“The Demons behind us,” Peter offered. “Perhaps this was the time they were supposed to come.”

“Yeah.” I could tell she didn’t believe that too much. None of us did. “Maybe.”

My skin crawled. In front us, at the end of the field of waving grass was a huge building, like a skyscraper, towering above us. It radiated a power, a pulsing power. One I was highly familiar with. It was the same that was coursing through my veins. I could feel it, feel the sameness of it.

Demons patrolled in front of it. Lena let out a hiss of nerves. Dylan mumbled something under his breath. It sounded like a prayer, like a plea. Ben slowed to a stop. He tapped the dashboard.

“We should get out now,” he said.

“I don’t wanna,” Alice said. “I think- I think I’ll be better here.”

She was pale. Fish squeezed her hand reassuringly. I stared at him. “I’ll sign it,” I said before the words even registered in my mind.

He blinked. “What?”

“The Contract,” I said. “I’ll do it. Now. Come on.”

His mouth made an ‘o’ but he nodded and reached around to the glove box, yanking out a blank piece of paper and a pen. “We’ll fix it up later,” he muttered, scribbling words. He drew a line. I signed my name without reading. He signed his underneath it.

Something tugged in my gut. I exhaled hard. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

 

* * *

 

 

Alice should never be allowed to fight. It was terrifying and I understood why she instead helped Ben get that stupid brace off me rather than fight the little girl with everyone else and why she didn’t really wanna fight now.

The way Mary explained it, through yells as she revolved her body around, directing wind, was that Greek gods and Roman gods were one in the same, like a split personality and that extended to their kids. All were born Greek. All could act Roman. Greeks were pretty cool, straightforward, generally calm. Romans were the scary ones, with murder in their eyes and death at every blow they gave.

Alice normally looked like sunshine. Now she looked like fire, all rage and anger and maniac laughter that made my skin crawl. Kali would’ve jumped her though. Her fingers blurred, arrows, springing off of them and every so often she’d take her bow and jam it into the throat of Demon. She was the only one killing anyone. Disease followed everywhere she steppe, Demons stumbling, overcome with cancerous tumors that spread across their bare skin and burst open. Some coughed up blood.

I was still pretty sure Kali would’ve jumped her.

Fish huddled in front of me as a dog, both of us watching the fight from behind the safety of a random bush.

Ben had made… something, plucked it out of thin air, and now it was firing… something. Whatever it was, it was working. Demons passed out or become slower or grew extra limbs wherever it hit them. The dead were rolling and tussling, not killing so much as smacking limbs like cats trying to play. Lena seemed pleased with this. Fire exploded and somewhere Peter was punching Demons and yelling instructions to Ben, who turned his… thing and fired wherever Peter told him to.

It was all very cool.

And it was all very real.

And that’s what made me flip out.

“I change my mind,” I muttered. “I can’t do this. Goodbye, good day, adios. Sorry but I’m coward with a capital C.”

Fish growled and snapped at my feet, tugging his massive head. The leash wound around my hand tugged with him and I let him guide me through to the doors, the two of us hidden with magic dust. The world was ending with a bang. T.S. Elliot would be disappointed.

We eased in and Fish pattered down an empty hall, his footsteps eerily silent. The silence pounded in my skull. I tried to swallow my fear, my growing panic. My tail swished behind me impatiently. Fish stopped and growled. I shushed him and peered around a doorway. Three people stood in the middle, an argument steaming between the three of them.

I pulled back and thought. “Turn Human.” Fish looked at me. “Seriously. I have an idea.”

Three seconds later, he was Human, hands held behind his back, my hands gripping his wrists as I marched him, trying to hold in my fear, trying to appear as if I belonged. One of the people glanced up at me. She was young. Why were they all young?

“Wha-”

“Prisoner,” I said stiffly. They all stared at me. “Caught him sneaking in.”

“Huh.” One of them, a tall male-appearing person, _tcch-ed_ his tongue to the roof of his mouth. “You see anyone else? Fat blonde idiot?”

Annoyance bristled in me and Fish’s fists tightened. “No,” I huffed. “Where you want ‘im?”

“Give him to Jerry. He likes tied up males,” the third person teased. Fish twitched. I pushed him through their group. I let him go and kept walking. He caught up with me after a few moments, blood on his knuckles and smeared across his face.

“Let’s kill Jerry,” he suggested, wiping the blood off his face and onto his sleeve.

“Later,” I said, trying to turn on my autopilot. It didn’t work. “Fuck.”

“I think that's what Jerry does,” Fish muttered. He squatted, inhaled then marched down a hallway, turned a corner and shifted down another hallway. I followed.

And stopped in front of the right room.

There they were. In a cage. On the far end of the room. Kali was curled up on her side, back to me. From the distance, I couldn’t tell if she was breathing. I couldn’t tell if she was just asleep, resting, or-

In front of her, Jackson sat hugging his knees. Scrapes and bruises littered his body and he wasn’t wearing any pants but I didn’t care. I didn’t care because he was live. He was _alive._ His chest moved in and out with every breath and he was _miraculously_ and _gloriously alive._

I broke out into a run, stumbling in front of the cage. The bars pulsed with magic. Jackson flinched as my shadow slid over him.

“Jack. Jackson,” I said, reaching through the bars, desperately. I needed to touch him. I needed to feel a pulse. I need to know that he was really and truly and one hundred percently alive. “It’s me.  It’s-”

“Alex!” he breathed, standing suddenly and gripping my hands. His pulse beat against my fingers. I gasped.

“Jack! You’re alive!” Happiness poured through me so heavily, I was on the verge of tears. "How- how are you? Are you okay? You're _alive?_ "

“Yeah. I know.” He closed his eyes and gripped my hand harder, pulsing racing. “I’m fine. Okay? Fine. I’m fine.”

I nodded. He wouldn’t lie. He was okay right now. He was fine. I looked down at Kali. Jackson blinked and pulled back, shaking her, muttering her name. She swatted him away. He said my name. Next thing I know, my body is being tugged into the bars and she was babbling away in Hindi. I could only recognize my name.

I cried.

I missed them. I missed them _so_ much. So _fucking_ much.

And then Fish yelled.

His body was caught, half in, half out between the space in the doorway. The wall from the warehouse came into mind. It let Demons in. Didn’t let them out. Fish was half Demon.

Fuck.

My pulse pounded. Blood roared in my ears and panic built up in my chest, filling me with cold hard dread. This whole building was surrounded with Demons. A wall wouldn’t be a smart idea. Which meant two things.

They knew I was here.

They were going to kill me.

Fish yelled and tried turning into a dog to escape but it didn’t work.

A voice, the body to it forming slowly as though the air was piecing it together, said, “Hello, Alex.” And the man opened his eyes.

And smiled.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
> [107] The Negroid Myths of Kenya say that God lowered the first pair of mankind from the clouds to the earth.


	21. Chapter 21

His smile creeped me out. It didn’t seem normal. It didn’t fit his face, stretching too wide. His eyes were red. Not red, like just the colour of his eyes, just the iris. Entirely red. _Completely._ Stubble was growing around his chin and up the sides of his face. His skin was pale, with inky black hair making it seem even paler. Dark horns slid up out of his head, standing straight up like cat ears. A tail, long and thin, scaly, swept out from behind. Something about his appearance seemed familiar but I couldn’t tell what. He swung a key in one hand, a sword whistling in the other.

I let my sword grow out long. “Who are you?”

He blinked and then placed his hand on his chest. “I’m offended. I thought you knew my name.” He swept his arm back and a power pulsed out of him, the same power that built up the building, the same power that rolled in me.

 _I thought you knew my name_.

Why would I know his name? I asked that. He laughed and it was loud and abnormal, chilling my bones.

“A whisper in the night, tickling your ear,” he said. He dragged his blade across the ground. Kali hissed and snarled but couldn’t do anything, trapped in a cage that blocked her power.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” I said.

He shrugged. “You’re smart. You’ll figure it out.”

And then he attacked.

I was forever on the defense, forever running away, and this time wasn’t any different. I dodged his lunge and curled back, stopping when I was at a distance. My sword felt weird in my hands. First time I’d have to use it. No one coming to my defense now. I breathed.

“Give me a clue,” I said.

He jerked and said immediately. “It starts with an A.”

 _An A. Wow. Good clue,_ I thought. Out loud, I said, “Something better than that.”

“I am a bedtime story. I frighten little children in their sleep,” he leered. Suddenly he was at my side, his sword whistling through the air as it descended upon me, straight for my head. I ran back.

“Did my mom tell me about you?” I asked.

Stupid thing to ask, I know but I wanted to stall him.  Stall him so I could come up with a good plan to get the key. Get the key, free my friends and end him without having to use my sword.

“Yes,” he hissed.

I frowned. Something about this seemed dumb. “Why do you keep answering my questions?”

He paused for a moment. Then said, “Law.”

And lunged again. He moved fast and caught me off guard. I defended like Lena taught me, arm twisting oddly. My arm squealed in agony. I tried to back off but he came at me, staying close as he lunged and thrusted and sliced at my skin. I defended trickily, ducking, dodging, jumping swings.

My fear pounded in my head. I breathed, counted lilies in my head, one, two, three, breathe. A cut grazed the edge of my hairline. I swore and evaded. He swung again.

Was it like Rumpelstiltskin? If I guessed his name, I won? So be it then.

A name that started with A. A bedtime story I was told that frightened little children. But that was the thing. I wasn’t told traditional bedtimes stories, or at least, not at bedtime and definitely not by my mom. She told me myths before I went to sleep. Legends of gods and magic. Demigods and monsters. And none of it really frightened me. If anything I was intrigued by them because they were my reality and I wanted to believe.

Bedtime stories were fake, I realized. And my myths were not. All of them were real.

Except one. But there was no proof to _that_ one, no physical evidence of their existence. I would know. I researched it. There was nothing.

“Law,” he had said. What did that mean? A bedtime story my mom told me. A myth. Continuously answering my questions because of _law._

And then I understood.

But that was impossible.

I faltered and that cost me my strike, not as powerful as it could’ve been. “Achill?”

He grinned, sword clanging easily against mine. He pushed away and bowed deeply, dramatically. Mockingly. “Why, of course. Who else but the great and powerful _Achill,_ ” he sneered.

“But you’re not…” I stopped. Everything was real. Kali was herself, a goddess. But she was believed in and it all came down to belief. I steadied myself, trying to maintain focus. “They didn’t exist.”

“Time and time, ever coursing through our skins,” he drawled, swinging his sword around. It whistled in the air. No. Not whistling. Screams. His sword of souls screaming like it did in my mom’s stories. “Trapped, trapped and trapped, we all are.”

He was being literal, I realized. He was trapped. “Where?” I asked.

He paused and stared at me, like he didn’t remember who I was, brows furrowing in confusion. His head tilted and it seemed he was listening to something, someone. He sighed and relaxed. “Unfortunately, dearest boy, flesh of my flesh, I can’t tell you. Someone else is running the show here and she’s not very happy I even let you figure it out.”

Ranj’s hiss of, “I don’t answer to you” came to mind. Another Warrior of the Gods? Not likely. Only one in existence at a time. That’s what the books said.

His sword screamed again. “Time to die.”

I ran.

 

* * *

 

 

In the stories my mom told me, the stories of the island of Boshnisha, Achill was a Demon and he was a terror on earth. But while he was a Demon, he was also a god and could not be killed or bested by mortal men. Among other things, he was the god of evil and darkness. His older brother, Poln, the god of light and goodness, bested him in battle and gouged out one of his eyes. And from that eye he pulled all the Hellish things away from the earth and brought them to the eye. But an eye cannot contain all the evils in the world for it is too small and so it radiates bad. The badness that radiates outwards from the eye was simple badness and the simple badness was the badness that people were enticed to do today.

I always wondered what could be worse than murder, worse than rape.

I never really wanted that question answered.

I also didn’t want to gouge out someone’s eye. And even if I could, how the _fuck_ was I supposed to get all the world’s evil into it? How was I supposed to do anything? I couldn’t even land a proper blow without it stinging up my arm and making me tired.

Achill laughed and it reverberated around the room. Temperature dropped. My blood slowed down and the world popped loud in my head. He threw himself at me again, sword aimed for my chest and I fled. He tripped me. Jackson yelled. I tried to think. My blood was swirling in my head.

He could not be bested by mortal men.

I shoved away from him and pattered a distance away. There was a gash in my arm, long and deep and thick and I was pretty sure I was dying for real this time. Nick would be so pissed.

He could not be bested by mortal men.

So what? Summon a god and tell them to gouge out his eye and summon all the world’s evil into it? Did any of them even know _how to do that?_ And then I’d die anyway! Geez. I had no plans! Nothing! Nada! Zilch!

 _Except he’s here_ , a voice whispered in the back of my mind. _He’s here._

I fled another swing of his blade, ducking underneath and rolling around to his backside. _But they’re trapped_ , I protested. _They’re trapped_.

 _Couldn’t hurt to try_ , the voice mused rationally. _We’re going to die so we might as well try a method of not dying, no matter how stupid and unconventional it is._

 _Valid point_ , I agreed.

I stumbled a few feet away from Achill while he gazed around the room, amused, like he couldn’t believe what a crap fighter I was. I fell to my knees, exhausted. With both hands, I gripped the handle of my sword and ducked my head like I was praying. And I thought over every story my mom had told me about Poln. Defeating Achill. Reigning in Tom’s chaos. Having to be trapped in the sky while his wife, Kempa, drowned the world to have her only child. Goodness. Purity. Light. Angels created in his form to counteract the Demons made in Achill’s.

Flesh of my flesh.

The door hadn’t opened because that’s when the Demons behind us were supposed to have come. No. That- that wasn’t it. It opened because he heard my question, heard me asking what I was, why was I here. It opened because he wanted to answer it.

It opened because he wanted to go home.

Trapped, trapped and trapped.

“Please,” I said. I couldn’t hear my voice over the blood roaring in my head. “Poln.”

For a moment nothing happened. Nothing happened and my body dropped, defeated, sagging depressed, ended. This was over. I was over.

And then I filled with warmth. It was hotter than when Kali possessed me and I decided that I was never going to let another sun god in my body because I was pretty sure they were just going to burn me from the inside out and the whole point of right now was to _not_ die.

 _Hello._ The voice was deep and had the texture of melted chocolate. Which I know doesn’t make much sense but it did. _How are you_?

 _I’m fine, thanks._ I leveled my gaze to Achill, who was now rubbing the bridge of his nose agitatedly. I rose, steady, sure. My sword grew longer, wider and hotter in my hands, made of flames and golden light.

“Brother!” I said and my voice ripped deep in my throat. “I’ve missed you.”

“It’s not brother anymore,” Achill said wearily. “It’s _bro_ now.”

“That’s…” Poln paused. “A strange phrasing.”

“Yes. People now are very odd,” Achill agreed.

The two, three, of us stood there awkwardly like none of us really knew what to do. I pointed out that Achill had two eyes and Poln made a noise of annoyance, muttering about how hard it was to gouge his eye out the last time. And then to pull all the world’s evil into it. It drained him of energy for days.

 _Well, at least he isn’t trying to eat anyone this time around,_ Poln said, sounding pleased by that random, obscure fact. _That was very annoying the last time._

I didn’t revel in his joy, instead retreating to the back of my mind and letting his soul prevail through. He moved with way more ease that I ever could. Achill growled and fought back harder. Poln moved easily, chuckling. Everywhere he stepped, I stepped, light bloomed, flowering over the floors, and it was _good._

The light coursed over Achill’s feet. He struggled to dodge it, overstep it, while still staying close enough to kill. It bloomed flowers, bright golden flowers. He swore in a foreign tongue as one flower grew up his leg, trapping him in place. He went to cut it off but his sword could not slice through. Light fluttered up his body more, pinning him in place. Poln drew closer and smiled. My sword shortened into a small knife and dragged up to Achill’s left eye.

I immediately shut out access to my vision. I’m not sure how but I’m thankful because no. That’s just- Ew. Nuh uh. Gross. My hands felt something wet and slimy, round as a ball, and I shuddered while Poln muttered something again in that foreign tongue. The eye disappeared and so did he.

I dropped, tired, exhausted, so out of energy. Quietly thanking everything that he had not really burned me up from the inside.

Achill snapped his fingers. Against my better judgement, I glanced at him but thankfully saw no wound. He’d put an eyepatch over it. All I saw was blood trickling out from under it. Didn’t make me feel that much better. I went back to staring at the ceiling.

“Well, I appear to be disappearing.”

Jackson’s voice rang out overhead. “ _WHAT?_ NO, no, no, no, no, _no!_ You stay here and get me the fuck out of this fucking cage so I can kick your _fucking ass!_ ”

Achill glanced at Jackson and shook his head, throwing the keys onto to my chest. He knelt next to me. “Poln takes a lot of out a person,” he mused. He _was_ disappearing. That wasn’t just a joke. His body was glitching out, becoming transparent randomly. “I’d take it easy for a few days.”

“Where are you trapped?” I asked, not expecting an answer, or, at the very least, not a straightforward one.

And I didn’t get a straightforward answer.

He smiled, and this time, it fit his face, seemed normal. Quietly, as he pressed his hand to my throat, revitalizing me, healing the gash on my arm and the other cuts and wounds that had blended together into one giant screaming pain, he sang softly, “Hail to Boshnisha, my island in the sun. Sing out in glory to the nation we’ve become. We’ve grown from heart to heart, and strength to strength, the privilege is mine to sing long live Boshnisha, because this island's mine.”

Sounded familiar, the tune. My mom singing it in the kitchen. But not Boshnisha. Something else.

“Tom built an island from Renner’s thoughts, for their people to live on, and out of jealousy, for how dare she not love them more than their slave, they molded it out of a volcano, to keep the people in fear of their wrath. To make sure they would forever praise them,” my mom had said. She had tapped my nose with her flour-covered hand and smirked. “I went to that island. Twice.”

“Bermuda is such a nice place,” I said vaguely, caught in a haze of memory.

Bermuda, Bermuda, my island in the sun, she sang sometimes, on sunny days, when the sky was clear and the world was tranquil. Such a peaceful little place, she had said.

Achill laughed and it sounded small as though he was already gone. “Trapped, trapped and trapped, we all are,” he repeated.

And then he disappeared. The world was silent, a quiet buzz in my ears. I rolled over on to my stomach and pushed up awkwardly, lightheaded and dazed. He’d filled me with energy but not enough to counteract everything that Poln had stolen from me. I stumbled to Kali and Jackson’s cage, woozy and dazed as I unlocked the door. Fish let out a yelp as the wall that had him caught disappeared and he fell to the floor, sprawling, all fur and four legs.

A voice emerged from nowhere, loud and echoing, androgynous in tone. _Hello. Please help us. We are trapped. We are dying. Hello. Please help us. We are trapped. We are dying._

The message repeated those words for several minutes, over and over and over again. Jackson frowned and gripped me tight, eyes frantic as he searched for the source of the voice. Kali’s stance drew protective. “What is that?” she hissed.

I closed my eyes and leaned into Jackson’s chest. “Tom, I think,” I said.

And then I passed out in Jackson’s arms. I figured I earned it. It’d been a hard month.


	22. Chapter 22

What happened afterwards is all a blur, mostly because I blacked out from panic. When I came to, in the van, Ben driving somewhere with a lot of corn, I told him to go back to Brokes. Everyone asked me why. I couldn’t give an answer. That didn’t mean I didn’t have one. I did. I was just afraid that if I said it out loud, I wouldn’t go through with it. And I had to go through with it.

It was necessary.

I walked through the portal to GodLand. I went up to the Castle of the Gods, something I’d never been in but knew extensively about. The gods, Heavenly gods anyway, lived in the castle, in their own sections. Underworld gods, lived in the Underworld, in their own kinda castle. No one really knew what it looked like because you couldn’t see it unless you were dead but I assumed it looked rather similar to the one in GodLand, which was bright and golden, stretching wide and tall.

I didn’t knock. I walked right in, past gods, past spirits, past angels, Kali and Jackson on my heels. I wondered if they knew what I was doing. I hoped I wasn’t going to die.

But this was necessary so I had to do it. Regardless of fear.

I went to the room where Jackson had his initiation into godhood. Kali summoned a small podium for me which I stood behind, fingers tapping my side nervously. I had tried out for student council when I was a senior in middle school, wanted to be the class president. I’d gotten three words in before I closed my eyes, turned around and walked off the stage, numbly telling the principal that I was withdrawing my name. People patted my back, apologetically, as I walked down the aisle to plop down in the vacant seat between Nick and Kali.

I couldn’t do that this time.

This was necessary.

So I forced myself to stay rooted to the ground, closed my eyes and counted. When I opened my eyes, the room was full. Full of gods. Some I could recognize, like the Egyptians. Others were a bit harder, choosing to remain in Human form like Kali. I wrung my wrists. Apollo gave me a small wave from the front row. I waved back. Jackson squeezed my hand soothingly and Kali leaned down to whisper in my ear, “Breathe. You will live.”

Heh. Ben and her were right.

I would live.

 

* * *

 

 

Hours later, I found myself in a courtyard, watching Jackson and Kali talk to a group of second gods. I was sitting on a bench. It was warm, the sun beating down from the sky. Flowers bloomed up the walls of the castle and spread over the grounds, brushing my feet in the breeze. Jackson laughed at something and I couldn’t help but grin.

He was alive.

Kali was alive.

I was alive.

Nick was probably going to kill all three of us but who cared because we were alive.

The gods had listened to what I had to say. They heard the voice too. That was the only reason I didn’t get blasted to death from where I stood. They didn’t understand. They wanted answers. I had them, not as clear and detailed as either one of us would’ve like, but I had them.

Gods cannot die unless stated in their myth and for only a few is it written down at the end of the world. The end of the world isn’t coming yet, it’s not here. They have a long, long way to go before then.

My mom only told me myths and legends when I was young. As it turned out, they were all true. Every single one of them.

Trapped on an island. How? I wasn’t sure. Last I checked, Bermuda was populated. It had to be. My mom went there on vacation and for her honeymoon. You live there. So how they were trapped exactly was something to be figured out. But regardless, they were dying.

The Boshnishians didn’t believe in the end of the world. Their gods were not supposed to die.

Would reality split open at their death? Would the world implode at the moment of such an impossible act? I didn’t know but I feared it, feared the repercussions of something that shouldn’t be happening.

I glanced up at the shadow that draped over me and gaped at the man with the fantastic voice.

Morgan fucking Freeman.

 

**Morgan Freeman?**

           

 _Morgan Freeman_. His voice is like candy. My dad and I love his voice. My mom doesn’t really get the appeal but you know, whatever. She’s a horrible lesbian [108].

Morgan Freeman smiled at me. I scooted over on my bench. Morgan Freeman shook his head and gestured for me to follow him. I did. We walked inside. Jackson watched us for a moment before turning back to his conversation. Morgan Freeman stopped and smiled at me.

“Alex, you have done us a great service.”

I stared at him.

Morgan Freeman was talking to me. Morgan Freeman knew my name. Now all I needed was Sebastian Stan and Anne Hathaway to show up and say my name and my brain would probably fizzle out and die of pleasure.

“Morgan Freeman knows my name,” I whispered in awe

Morgan Freeman laughed. “Ah yes, well, I am not Morgan Freeman. I merely enjoy his form. He played me quite well in those Almighty[109] movies though.”

Morgan Freeman was God.

My brain died.

Morgan. Freeman. Was. _God_.

That was even better.

“Anyway.” He waved His hand. “What was I saying? Oh, yes.” He clapped His hands together and smiled Morgan Freeman’s smile at me. “You have done us a great service. You have saved us from a great threat.”

I blinked and resisted the urge to ask if He had even listened to my speech because I may have blacked out but I definitely remember mentioning that there was another Warrior of the Gods and therefore a bigger threat and if He had been listening, He would’ve known that. Instead I shook my head and said, “I didn't save anything. Bigger threat out there.”

“Yes, but you made us _aware_ and that is savior enough.” He pulled out a glowing orb from His pocket. “This is a gift. A wish, if you will, from all of us. Ask for anything-” He glanced over at Jackson, not even trying to be discrete. “-and it will be given.”

I glanced at Jackson with him. He was so vulnerable. I didn’t want him to die again. I didn’t want him to die ever. I’m selfish like that. I glanced down at the orb, then at God, then at Jackson before once again staring at the orb.

I knew what I had to do.

What was right.

What was necessary.  

I rolled the orb in my palm. It glowed bright and I could feel all the god’s power pulsing through it, all their acceptance to whatever I would wish for. “Can I make my wish now?”

God smiled. “Of course.”

I didn’t pause. I didn’t consider my decision. I said it immediately. It was important. “I want Demons to be admitted back into the school. Back into our society.”

It was necessary.

He blinked, obviously not expecting that. His eyes pattered back over to Jackson who was laughing again, hair shining in the sun, and He frowned. “I thought-”

I shook my head, cutting Him off. “It’s necessary. It’s important.” I glanced up at him. He had drawn Himself up to full height. “Are You mad?” I asked patiently.

He paused. Then shook His head. “Pleasantly surprised.” He leaned over and tapped my orb. “So you wish it, so it shall be.”

 

* * *

 

 

Ben drove us home. Fish, Mary and Lena were passed out. Alice and Kali were snuggled up into each other, occasionally sharing lazy kisses together. I was slumped against Jackson, who ran his fingers through my hair.

“So, um,” he began, nervously fingering a knot in my hair, “did they give you anything by chance?”

He glanced over at Kali and I knew she told him that they had. They both expected what God had. But I still felt right in my decision. It was necessary.

“Yeah,” I said. “A wish. I already used it though.”

He swallowed. “Yeah? What’d you wish for?”

Everyone was watching me. They all thought they knew. I sighed. “I asked for Demons to be let back in.”

Jackson regressed against my back. His voice was hollow. “Oh. I- I thought that-” He went quiet.

Kali sent me a questioning look. I shook my head. Reaching over form Kali’s lap, Alice squeezed my ankle, then pointed at Fish who was snoring into Peter’s crotch. Peter did not look pleased with that at all but every so often he’d drop his hand and run his fingers through Fish’s hair, closing his eyes and breathing. Mary was sleeping on top of Lena who was curled up next to me. Dylan was in the passenger seat beside Ben.

Ben pulled into the parking lot and sagged against the steering wheel. “I’m sleeping for the rest of my life.”

Sleepily Fish muttered, “Good”, drawing himself up and stretching more like cat than a dog. Peter pushed him over and opened the door. I descended first, looking up at the building. I took a few steps forward then swirled around and at the top of my voice, I yelled, “LET ME TELL YOU THE STORY OF JACKSON HADAD! THE GREATEST GOD TO EVER LIVE!”

Belief and stories told, passed down from father to son, mother to daughter, non-binary parent to non-binary child. That is how you made a god. Built them out of belief. Out of care. That’s why I existed. They put everything they had into me and as long I existed, they would. I was their belief. I let them breathe. I knew what it meant to be a Warrior now.

Imagine an orb. Imagine that if that orb disappeared or was destroyed, the ocean wouldn’t exist. Or the sky. Or the earth. Or the gods. The reality of these things, these people, wouldn’t exist without that orb to hold it real. That’s what a Warrior is. A belief that keeps things real. Equivalent exchange, Edward Elric[110] would say. Warriors keep the world alive and real and in exchange they get to control what they keep real.

I was going to make Jackson real if it killed me.

Jackson ran his fingers through his hair, smiling. “That’s gonna take too long.”

“We’ll tell everyone at once,” I said and I felt alive, warm and thrumming.

I could tell everyone, scream it at them. The world was going to hear our story. The world was going to believe in my best friend. And he would never die again.

The next morning, I woke up and found your contact information written on a piece of paper taped to my computer. I asked around. No one knew who you were. After a few hours of debate, I emailed you, as you know, you agreed to listen and now I’ve told you the story.

I don’t particularly care if you don’t believe me but it’s important to me that this story gets out. I’m no good at writing. I’ve failed English twice and it’s a miracle I’ve even managed to make it to high school English because I just suck at telling stories.

 

**I know. I’ve had to ask you a thousand and one times to explain in broader detail.**

 

Yeah, would you, like, edit those parts out because... yeah.

 

**Of course. They take up pages and no one is going to read a book filled with me asking you to explain how the fuck something looked ten billion times.**

           

Heh heh. Right.

           

**So. What about this girl? This other Warrior of the Gods?**

 

Well, that’s a story for another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Footnotes:
> 
>  
> 
> [108] She is actually homoflexible, like Dylan, though she identifies as a lesbian because Charles, her husband, is the only man she finds herself attracted to
> 
> [109] This is referencing Bruce Almighty and Evan Almighty where Morgan Freeman played God
> 
> [110] The protagonist to Fullmetal Alchemist. The law of equivalent exchange is the most important and vital rule to alchemy and he references it various times throughout the show. He’s also one of Ben’s favourite characters


End file.
